What do you say to kids friend wants to go somewhere $$

[disneydreamersx4]

DD-9 is having a sleepover and her friend, a very sweet girl, just asked me if they can go ice skating tomorrow. I said it's not going to work out for tomorrow maybe another time. Both of the girls said "Oh please, can we go"? I decided to tell the truth and said to my DD "We'll have to wait til daddy gets paid so it has to be another time". DD's friend said we can ask my mom but I said oh no, that's not a good idea.

Maybe I should have just left it at it won't work out this week

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I tell my children it is not in the budget. We are pretty open (on their level) about what is and is not in the budget. With consistency, they do begin to grasp that concept.

My oldest 2 are 10 and 8 and it works very well.

I can't promise that they don't beg at times though.

It always hurts the first time you say no. But one thing that helps, is letting them know it won't work now--but if we plan ahead, we can save money to do that activity another time.

 

[delmar411]

I think you were right to be honest. That way both girls understand it's not a matter of not wanting them to go (or you just being mean! LOL) but a matter of fact, there is no money to go. I'm sure the girls can find something free to do tomorrow.

 

[njmom47]

My kids have always been used to us not having a lot of extra money.

Case in point: When my dds were little and the younger one asked if I could buy her something and the older one said "Oh, (name) you KNOW Mommy never has any money!" I was shocked and a bit embarrassed in the store.
I don't think there's anything wrong with what you said. Kids should learn about finances/budgets/wants vs needs.

 

[NancyDee]

When my son was about 6 he asked if we were poor I said no.
He said, so we are rich. I said no.
He couldn't grasp it - we had to be rich or poor.
I told him we are rich on Thursdays but poor again by tuesdays! LOL
He is now 12 and knows we live on a Budget. So somtimes I have to say no.

 

[lady_bug_888]

I think it's important and VERY appropriate to be honest with your children regarding money. Children learn about money management through the actions of their parents.

In our household we are on a very strict budget due to some debts that arose beyond our control. We are trying to live debt free and we have explained certain things to DS 7. He knows I only go grocery shopping once/week for produce and bread and once/month for meat and pantry items. DS knows not to ask for anything in the store but he can ask when I am making my grocery list if he wants something specific like bagels (his favourite!). DS also has an allowance which allows him to buy any extras. We don't really do a lot as a family that costs money and DS knows that it is because we are saving for Disney World, summer camps and other bigger things.

We had a similar situation as the OP here at our house this weekend. A local junior hockey team (we're Canadian...big thing here!) came to DS's school and gave out autographs and free tickets to their game. DS pleaded to go but of course the free ticket was just for the child...not an adult. DS is too young to go by himself so I told him that we wouldn't be able to go because we couldn't afford it because we're saving for Disney World. It's not just the cost of the ticket but also the $7 in gas it costs to go back and forth to town (we live in the boonies!). He offered to pay for the ticket with his allowance and I told him I'd think about it, but then he decided to put his allowance in the Disney World jar and I let him play an extra 30 min. of video games instead.

I'm trying to teach him to make smart financial decisions and think about the things he really wants.

Being honest with your kids about money is the only way they will ever learn.

 

[disneydreamersx4]

I agree with all of you that we tell our kids that we are on a budget and they know mommy says NO most of time when they ask to spend money LOL That's just the way it is, we're on a tight budget.

But I just wonder if I should have gotten so personal about our finances with the friend. Oh well, at least they stopped asking

 

[Carina]

My son ( probably about age 7 at the time) used to try and give me money, he kept hearing me say we could not do ______ or buy _______ because we had no money or it cost too much ( usually the latter). He was honestly very worried that we had 'no money'.

Finally I had to explain to him, that we had money, but we needed our money for other things so we "didn't have money for _______"

It took awhile for him to stop worrying and even now ( age 11) he offers to pay for his school feild trips and such.

I really had to get into the habit of saying we don't have money for ______ today. Or we are not going to get that because we are saving our money for something else. ( usually a trip)

 

[disneymarie]

Maybe because I am an oldie at 56, but when I went on a sleepover, i would never be so forward to request the family take me some place I knew would require not only their funds, but going to am off site even to where the parents should have a choice. I would not be happy if my 15 yr old came home and said oh. by the way.......I asked Mrs. B if she would take us ice skating and we went, rented skates, bought lunch...

Now though when I was young here in the mountains as a teen as opposed to rural Phla I found out going skating meant going through a box of hand me down skates and hitting the pond out the back.

 

[aubriee]

When my son was about 6 he asked if we were poor I said no.
He said, so we are rich. I said no.
He couldn't grasp it - we had to be rich or poor.
I told him we are rich on Thursdays but poor again by tuesdays! LOL
He is now 12 and knows we live on a Budget. So somtimes I have to say no.

They're gown now with kids of their own, but when my boys were little they had a hard time grasping finances. I remember when my eldest son was about 4 y/o and his baby brother had just been born, we were in the store looking at some baby stuff. He wanted something and I told him we couldn't afford it right now. He rather loudly said, "Yes you can, you have lots of checks". When I explained you had to have money in the bank to write a check, he pointed at his baby brother and said, "then take him back and get your money back, he's too expensive, and he's useless, and I'd rather have a truck".

 

[ToddyLu]

At age 11 my Dad let me start balancing the check book. I knew exactly when the funds came in, how much and where they went. I knew it wasn't something I could discuss with my friends or Dad wouldn't let me continue to do it. I used to go grocery shopping with him and he ALWAYS stuck to his list. So from the get go I knew to ask for important things a couple weeks in advance at least. My brother mowed grass and I babysat for extra money. I am sure giving the honest answer was the best approach as the truth almost always is IMO.

 

[mjbaby]

My response to those kinds of of things is usually along the lines of "you're already getting a special treat with the sleepover/play date/movie/lunch out/whatever. And now you want to go skating!? You silly girls...if we have too many special things today we might not be able to go next time." Said with a fun, loving approach the message is well received. If they're really disappointed then something else fun (in the context of the already-planned sleepover) can be done. Popcorn and a movie? Making cupcakes?

I have no issue discussing budgetary matters with my children, but would refrain in the presence of others. Anything more than "it's not in the plan for today" is TMI, in my opinion.

 

[sunnyday123]

Maybe because I am an oldie at 56, but when I went on a sleepover, i would never be so forward to request the family take me some place I knew would require not only their funds, but going to am off site even to where the parents should have a choice. I would not be happy if my 15 yr old came home and said oh. by the way.......I asked Mrs. B if she would take us ice skating and we went, rented skates, bought lunch...

Now though when I was young here in the mountains as a teen as opposed to rural Phla I found out going skating meant going through a box of hand me down skates and hitting the pond out the back.

Unfortunately, they do expect it now. Anytime DD goes somewhere for a sleepover or whatnot, she goes with $20 and a warning that I better not find out they "asked" to go somewhere. If she does go somewhere, unless the parents say it's their treat, I expect her to pay. She went to b-fast with her music teacher after a rehearsal for a competitioin, and she paid half. I was very proud of her.

However, last night I was elected to drive her and a friend to the Justin Beiber movie. And then the mall. They planned this while I was working, and I don't mind being the taxi, but being an atm is too much. I'm mentally punching myself for sounding like my Mom, but kids today expect to be entertained. At least most of the do.

 

[clh2]

It always surprises me how much indoor ice skating costs - especially if you need to rent skates too.

Now- in my neck of the woods, if you scrounge around, there are coupons to be had at least for a BOGO on the skating costs. Maybe at a future time, this is something you could do as a special treat - obviously with planning.

If you have an Entertainment book - check there for coupons!

 

[NYCDiane]

I remember when my daughter was little and still believed in Santa. Right before Christmas, a classmate of hers said there's no such thing as Santa. My daughter came home questioning the reality of Santa. Well, on Christmas morning, after opening all her gifts, she said "now I KNOW there's really a Santa. You could NEVER afford all this because you have no money!"

She's 12 now and understands the concept of money for needs/wants, knows we have to save up for special outings, and knows about coupons, budgeting, etc.

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

I would not have discussed family finances in front of my child's friend.

 

[shortbun]

I think it's right to be honest with your kids about things that are not in the budget. I've watched my BIL buy his kids he can not afford for two years and it's painfull to watch. Those kids don't 'get' that their dad has been out of work for over two years.

I think saying a skating trip is not in the budget this week is an ok thing to say to another child too. I wouldn't discuss my grocery budget with her but saying 'no' because entertainment isn't a financially responsible expense is fine. It's entertainment, after all. Kids don't need to think that they can have it all just because of impulse.

 

[Gigi22]

How about, "If you are bored, we can call your parents, and I can take you home now."

 

[momof1princess]

OP, i likely would've said the same thing you did. as gas prices climb higher and higher, our budget is getting tighter every week. i had to lay it all out for DD13 the other day, because she kept insisting that she COULD be in the HS marching band AND take ballet lessons. i told her no, she COULDN'T, because we cannot afford both. band uniforms plus shoes are $200.00+, that doesn't include gas and admission to football games, as well as gas, admission and food at band competitions. granted, the band doesn't do much once football season is over, so she'd be at loose ends, but ballet lessons are $50.00 per month, then there's $100.00+ for a recital costume, money for class picnics, recital fees, recital DVD ($25.00+), sitter for recital ($40.00 to $60.00, and even the older girls, like DD, must have a sitter backstage). it never seems to end.
i finally just had to call a halt to it and tell her that, unless she can earn the money for her uniform and recital costume this summer, she's going to have to choose one activity or the other, she can't do both. DH is working 60 to 84 hours per week and i've been looking for a job for over 6 months now; we can't do everything.

 

[tmarquez]

How about, "If you are bored, we can call your parents, and I can take you home now."

I like this response. It was rude of the child to ask, and I don't think you needed to provide her with any reason at all. If it were JUST your own DD asking, I might have given a reason.