What do you do when your friends don't include you anymore?

[Mermaid02]

My husband says I'm way over sensitive and maybe I am but my feelings are really hurt. I have a friend I met a few (3 or so) years ago. I would consider her a very good friend. Last year I met another woman through school (our kids were in the same grade) and I really liked her too. It was a while before I introduced the two of them but the three of us really got along well. Now it seems that they rarely include me in anything they do. They have girls close in age and my child is a boy. I feel terrible. I was just talking to one of them at school and the other called on her cell and started a conversation so I left after a couple of minutes.

I dont' think I've done anything... I don't think I've changed. I feel like I'm in high school all over again.

Thanks for the vent. Any advice is appreciated.

 

[Kallison]

Same thing happened to me. I just let it go and move on. I'm too old for that crap.

 

[Tarheel Tink]

They are apparently very jealous of your beautiful Weimaraner!

Seriously, I don't have any advice. It can be hurtful when this happens but I just shrug and move on. Best wishes (and hug that gorgeous Weim! I lost my last 3 Weims 18 months ago in an accident and your photo brought back memories! Dogs are a DISers best friend, forget them!).

 

[Cruisin]

I don't really have any advice for you.

That type of thing still hurts, it doesn't matter how old you get.

 

[aimee11621]

Make new friends!! :

 

[vettechick99]

That stinks! I have a 3-way, best-friendship...me, a girl and a guy. They live in the same town, so they hang out all the time (they work out together, dinners out, etc). Its tough being so far away.

Maybe you can invite them over? They may not realize that you aren't busy 24/7 and would like to get together.

 

[mbw12]

Ya know what.....I feel your pain. In my neighborhood, i was very good frineds with another woman. She has a girl, I have a boy. All was fine. In the last year, another family moved in with a girl and you guessed it......me and my son are getting excluded. it was really bothering me at first (and honestly...it still does) My husband said to just get over it.....my son doesn't really care anyway...since he just wants to have playdates with his friends that are boys but "I" was and still am hurt over this. They now seem to be the best of friends, and don't include me.
And yes, just like you.....I feel like I am back in high school with all of my insecurities, etc. I don't think that I have done anything....but who knows? On the outside, I act like I don't care, but on the inside it does. In fact, months ago....i asked the one if I had did something and she was like "No, absolutely not." So who knows?

 

[snoopy]

I got ostracized by a few moms in my neighborhood when I pulled my kids out of Catholic school. It really hurt me to my core. I still see them all the time, they basically ignore me. Good news is that I have met some other moms from my kids public school, and I never lack for friendship or companions. I suggest you cut your losses and look elsewhere for friends who value your company.

Mermaid.

 

[Gupsmom]

Before giving up, go pro-active. Next time you see them say "we need to get together." Follow up quickly with a phone call saying "let's pick a day."

Sometimes it's easy to accidentally fall out of the loop. Maybe they planned something last minute once and then they plan something while they were together etc etc....suddenly they're just not thinking about it.

Give it a shot.

Jess

 

[Pooh67_68]

I think the one you were talking to was rude to start a conversation with the other on the phone. She should have politely said I am talking with so and so, can I call you back.
Unfourtanly sometimes alduts are worse than kids.

 

[Kirby]

I'd just cut my losses, be friendly when you see them and move on.

It hurts but you did them a favor by introducing them to each other. Try to look at it as a good deed done.

 

[browneyes]

, Lorelei. The best thing is to decide if they're really the kind of close friends you want to have. If they are, talk to them about how you feel.

 

[Kimickey]

I agree with Browneyes. If they are friends like you say, then you should talk to them. They may not realize that they have isolated you. I would sit down and have a sister to sister chat with them. If they do not care or act as if you are being petty, then it may be time to find new friends.


Good Luck
Kim

 

[Lisa F]

I agree that you should probably talk to them about it before just writing them off. I may be naive but I believe that most people do not realize what they are doing most of the time. They are likely not purposefully excluding you and I'd give them a chance to fix it.

I also wouldn't approach them in an "attacking" way, ie "you never include me anymore." I would say "this may be silly, but I'm starting to feel like ...." and explain how you feel. If they are worth being friends with they will say "gee, we're sorry you're feeling that way, let's make things better."

 

[Patty3]

A similar thing happened to me. I moved into a neighborhood where all the houses were just being built. I really clicked with this one woman and we became best of friends. We did everything together. After 6 months, she became friends with another woman and I was totally left out. I asked her if I had done something and she just no, but that this other person was very nice and I should get to know her. I believe these two woman know what they are doing and would prefer just the two of them. You are right it is like high school and I know some people that can only have one special friend. Consider it their loss and move on. I would still be friendly when I saw them but I would not make any moves to get together. You have already been snubbed why go back for more.

 

[AmazingGrace]

At my last base, I started getting chummy with a neighbor in base housing. I'll call her Minnie. Our kids were roughly the same ages, we were both SAHMs. We would walk to school together, hang out at the park with our kids, etc. Then this other lady moved in. I'll call her Daisy. Well, Daisy and i hit it off immediately. Our kids were totally the same age. She was a christian like me, we just had a lot in common. Well, Minnie and daisy also hit it off. So, it should have been the three of us skipping through base housing together, right? WRONG!!!! Minnie and Daisy became SUCH good friends that their little mutual admiration society had no room for anyone else, including me!!!! Not that they disliked me or anything. On the contrary, I was always on good terms with these women, they just had no interest in being friends with me, or anyone else for that matter.

It really hurt. I had that left out feeling throughout the whole school year. These women had the attitude of"well, we're best friends, so we're just great, don't you wish you were us??so don't anyone DARE butt in!!!"

It was terrible. But I soon figured out that if they were going to be that exclusive, like kids, then I probably wanted nothing to do with it. It's immature.

 

[Planogirl]

I agree that you might to talk to one or both of them. Then if that doesn't seem to solve anything, it might be wise to move on.

It has happened to me in real life and also on the 'net strangely enough. It really bothered me for way too long until I had sense enough to move on.

Good luck.

 

[RitaZ.]

I just let it go and move on. I'm too old for that crap.

ITA

I had a similar problem with a neighbor. We became really good friends and our girls got along and played well together. Another neighbor, I have posted about this nasty wench before, wanted to manipulate the friendship and monopolize the "friend's" attention. So, the "friend" started doing things such as what you described, and I decided that I wasn't going to chase her to be my friend. I'm too old for that.

Fast forward to yesterday... My kids were outside playing and the former "friend" invites DD to play at her house with her girls and she was sooo friendly. I wasn't sure what to make of it... Then she went on to tell me that it has been soooo long since the kids got together to play and that we MUST get together soon. I was thinking... What the heck???? Is she alright? After the way that she has treated me, avoiding us, keep her distance... I don't get her sudden turnaround. Whatever!

I will continue to be polite and friendly, but I have no expectations and certainly won't chase after her to be my friend.

I bet men don't have these problems...

 

[Mermaid02]

Thanks everybody- you made me feel better. I guess I'll just do my thing and let the chips fall where they may. I really like both of these women and would like to stay close friends, but I'm not going to push myself on them. I think a lot of it has to do with them having girls. The girls never want to play with my son anymore.... and he isn't the easiest kid to have around so I kind of understand that. Still makes me sad though.

 

[LisaZoe]

Please, before you write off these friendships, consider talking to one or both of these women. Perhaps you can take the initiative to plan an outing that does not include the kids since that could be part of the reason they haven't been inviting you. Go do something very "girly". That might show them that you don't expect all get togethers to include the kids.

I don't want to sound like I'm putting down my own gender but I sometimes wonder if it's not almost normal for women to only have one really close friend at a time. I have many women I think of as friends but am really only close to one. I'm working on developing some of the other friendships into something closer but it's so hard because it's such a fine balancing act to have other close friends and at the same time not hurt my best friend in the process. It may not always be possible to include my best friend in some outings but I know when she later hears of what we did that she feels excluded - even when she was out of town. I know that she realizes it isn't rational but I can still see it hurts.

It's funny, and I know this is different, but I was watching my DD and 2 other girls one afternoon this week. I noticed that the other 2 girls were obviously (and intentionally) excluding my DD. I even heard one say to my DD that the other girl was her friend. When I tried to explain that they could all be friends, it was almost as if the words I used were in a different language. The same girl who said my DD wasn't her friend on Tuesday was so excited to see my DD when I dropped her off today to spend the night.