What do you do as a SAHM? NOT a bashing thread!

[connorlevismom]

So I currently work full-time but have thought a lot more lately about staying home. I have a 5 year old going into Kindergarten this year and a baby due in October. I have worked since I was 16 years old and I have to admit, the thought of not working really scares me. I am afraid I would lose my identity somehow. Maybe I am over thinking it?

Anyway, I worked after my son was born because I just knew I would not make a good SAHM. Besides that, I really liked my job and I make good money. I hear all these moms talking about how they join moms clubs and do arts and crafts and stuff with their kids. This is just not me. I tried to join a moms club while on maternity leave because I was bored and I HATED it. All they did was gossip about the women who were not there! I am just not one of those people who enjoys getting on the floor and playing for hours with their kids. I always felt like I had so much else to get done. Laundry, cleaning.....that kind of stuff.

Anyway, I am really not enjoying my job anymore and while I do still get paid very well, I am starting to wonder if it is worth it to work. But I also don't know how to be a SAHM and I am scared! What do you guys do all day long that keeps you AND your children occupied? I have to admit I love the idea of having time to actually clean, cook and do laundry because now it just does not happen.

So can you give me an idea of what you do as a SAHM that keeps you happy and satisfied? Also, what do you hate about being a SAHM? I want to learn more about what people's thoughts are before I make a decision.

Hopefully this does not come across as rude or anything because that is NOT how I meant it to be. I just wanted to share my back-story as to why I am asking.

Kristine

 

[disykat]

For me, being a SAHM was always more about what I DIDN'T do, not what I did. We all do all the mom stuff, all the house stuff, etc. whether we work or not. What I didn't have to do was do everything all at once. It was about keeping a whole different speed on life.

Yes, there are some things that are boring at times about being a SAHM. Sometimes I had to come up with a plan to keep us occupied and productive. (Start a garden, a home improvement project, join an activity, whatever...) However, to me, that was so much better than being constantly on the go.

My kids are in school and I still work part time. I probably always will, unless financial reasons come up. DH's career takes lots of time and we simply aren't interested in juggling two full careers and family.

 

[TwoGirlsandDisney]

I have been a SAHM since my first daughter was born in 2004. I now have two little girls and my third due any day now.

It is hard. Somedays I feel like I just want to go out and get a job and be "someone" again. There are definitely times where I don't know who I am, or what I am supposed to be. I think all SAHMs feel like that at one point or another.

But then when I really think about going back to work, I start to cry. I would miss my kids too much. Deep down I love staying home, and being here for them. I don't want someone else raising my kids, even if I am not the perfect mother that they deserve. I love them, care for them, and I hope this time in their lives is reflected as they grow. That they will remember me being home when they get home from school.

Not everyday is filled with fun activities. I don't have a schedule, and I probably should. I am sure there are SAHMs that have activities planned and lots of fun going on. But I still have cleaning to do, and laundry, and meals to get on the table. We play, and I love to do crafts with them, but it doesn't happen every day. Those are special things. Now that the weather is warm, I would like to take them on little day trips, but again it doesn't happen every day.

I try to play with them as much as I can while doing my chores as well. Sometimes they even help. My house is never spotless, and sometimes we have take-out. Sometimes I even wonder if my husband is asking himself "what does she do all day", kids are time consuming. I run errands with them, which is not easy. Taking them out the carseats and into a store where they always want something. But we get through it.

Sometimes I just have a bad day, where I don't want to do anything. Those are the days where they might be in their PJs until 1:00, and the TV is their only friend. Of course I am there if they need me, and I feed them, but it is normal to have a bad day. Doesn't mean I don't love them. Mommy's need a break too. Once in a blue moon I will call my husband and tell him that when he comes home, I need a break. And he gets it. But once he gets home, I have no where to go. So I end up staying home anyway.

I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now, I love being home with my kids. Even though not everyday is perfect. Yes, the moments come where I think I could have done something with my degree, and where I would die for adult conversation. I don't have other SAHM friends, so it gets lonely. But the good days far out weigh the bad ones.

It is a hard decision, and one that you can only make for yourself. Good luck with the baby. If you want to ask me anything else please do. I would be happy to help.

 

[RMulieri]

i am going to get flamed...I hear ya...After my 5 yr old was born ( she is my only) I tried the sahm thing...it didn't last.I went back to work part time 2 night shifts /week ( I am a nurse).It wasn't so much the loss of identity thing, it was I was truly alone at home.All the Moms here are SAHM, and while I do applaud the ability to do that, I was always ostracized b/c I didn't belong to certain Mommy groups, or go to the same church as the others.I am also not a very artsy/crafty, every-second-for-my child person.i have come to accept that I don't belong in either group working or SAHM..it is a very lonely feeling .I wish you luck

 

[npmommie]

For us we are busy because we homeschool too. so pretty much everyday of the week we have an activity to go to, whether it is a field trip or sports activity. for the days we don't have anything planned we just do fun stuff here at home, play, swim, etc.
my cleaning and laundry will always be there.........LOL.......

 

[npmommie]

i am going to get flamed...I hear ya...After my 5 yr old was born ( she is my only) I tried the sahm thing...it didn't last.I went back to work part time 2 night shifts /week ( I am a nurse).It wasn't so much the loss of identity thing, it was I was truly alone at home.All the Moms here are SAHM, and while I do applaud the ability to do that, I was always ostracized b/c I didn't belong to certain Mommy groups, or go to the same church as the others.I am also not a very artsy/crafty, every-second-for-my child person.i have come to accept that I don't belong in either group working or SAHM..it is a very lonely feeling .I wish you luck

I am a nurse too, and I do still do per diem work, nothing regular, dh works crazy hours, so I do it around his schedule, so only a couple times a month for me. but its extra $$$ which is nice

 

[spare+a_pair]

I have been a SAHM and a WM, and BOTH have thier advantages, so I settled for a combo of the two

I guess I have the best of both worlds now. I currently work 20 hours a week and my while DS1 is a school and twin DS's are at MDO. I will tell you that I volunteer A LOT. This helps the "working" part of me still feel like I am accomplishing something. I volunteer at my church, DS1 school (via PTO), in Cub Scouts, in my Mothers of Multiples club, for 4-H, and in our community. We are always on the go. I can not be a SAHM who stays home it's just not in my personality.

I have been in playgroups and moms groups, and they were fine, but I owuld rather volunteer. Everything that I volunteer in is VERY kid friendly, so the twins can always come along too.

 

[El&Asmom]

I have been a SAHM since my first daughter was born in 2004. I now have two little girls and my third due any day now.

It is hard. Somedays I feel like I just want to go out and get a job and be "someone" again. There are definitely times where I don't know who I am, or what I am supposed to be. I think all SAHMs feel like that at one point or another.

But then when I really think about going back to work, I start to cry. I would miss my kids too much. Deep down I love staying home, and being here for them. I don't want someone else raising my kids, even if I am not the perfect mother that they deserve. I love them, care for them, and I hope this time in their lives is reflected as they grow. That they will remember me being home when they get home from school.

Not everyday is filled with fun activities. I don't have a schedule, and I probably should. I am sure there are SAHMs that have activities planned and lots of fun going on. But I still have cleaning to do, and laundry, and meals to get on the table. We play, and I love to do crafts with them, but it doesn't happen every day. Those are special things. Now that the weather is warm, I would like to take them on little day trips, but again it doesn't happen every day.

I try to play with them as much as I can while doing my chores as well. Sometimes they even help. My house is never spotless, and sometimes we have take-out. Sometimes I even wonder if my husband is asking himself "what does she do all day", kids are time consuming. I run errands with them, which is not easy. Taking them out the carseats and into a store where they always want something. But we get through it.

Sometimes I just have a bad day, where I don't want to do anything. Those are the days where they might be in their PJs until 1:00, and the TV is their only friend. Of course I am there if they need me, and I feed them, but it is normal to have a bad day. Doesn't mean I don't love them. Mommy's need a break too. Once in a blue moon I will call my husband and tell him that when he comes home, I need a break. And he gets it. But once he gets home, I have no where to go. So I end up staying home anyway.

I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now, I love being home with my kids. Even though not everyday is perfect. Yes, the moments come where I think I could have done something with my degree, and where I would die for adult conversation. I don't have other SAHM friends, so it gets lonely. But the good days far out weigh the bad ones.

It is a hard decision, and one that you can only make for yourself. Good luck with the baby. If you want to ask me anything else please do. I would be happy to help.

This sounds a lot like me except I work two days a week. One is a night shift on Thursday so I'm with the kids all day before work. I sleep a few hours on Fri when my mom is watching the girls. The other is Sunday when dh is home.
We don't have a lot of planned activities. I try to get out at least one or two days to do something fun but not too expensive. The arboretum, childrens museum, the zoo. But I haven't done too many crafty things with them lately.
We definitely have our bad days where I feel like they would have been better off with someone that would have spent more time with them. I need a break too, so sometimes I'm "hiding" on the computer for a few minutes at a time. It's especially tough in the winter when we are cooped up all day. Now that it's warmer out, we spend more time outside and trying to get to the park when it's not raining which hasn't been too often this year.

I am glad that I'm the one watching them grow up. I couldn't handle dropping them off at daycare when they are 6 weeks old at 8a and picking them up at 5. I'm not bashing at all. I just couldn't do it. I am also very fortunate to have a job with ER hours so that I can still make good money, get out of the house, and be home with my kids all at the same time.

 

[scootch]

I went from being a critical care nurse to a SAHM. I never have time to do anything though.... really.... we are busy just from morning till evening. There are mom groups when your kids are young, some you will fit in, others you won't. Being your one is going to school, that is when I found more of my social fit. I volunteer at my kids school and we spend a ton of time with my kids classmates families. My girls are growing so fast, no amount of money is worth what I have gotten to experience with them in these past years. Life can be very short, 2 years ago we lost my beautiful neice to cancer..... so unfortunately I know that all too well. I just enjoy every day of my life... and if you get bored, there is always disboards to peek at.

 

[DISNEYNV]

My kids are 5 and 1 and I stay at home with them, but I also work outside the home two nights a week. That is the time I look forward to most... Never thought I would say that work is my ME time but it is. The rest of the week I have the kids by myself. My DH works long hours so that I can juggle my two night schedule and that is hard not having any help the other three or four nights a week. Being a SAHM is very challenging and can be lonely at times as other posters have agreed, but thinking about working fulltime and not seeing my kids sounds worse to me. Personally if you can find an outlet for yourself a few nights a week and you have a supportive husband it can be a happy medium! I love just going to the gym for an hour when time allows My house is never spotless either or all the laundry done. I do not make gourmet meals five nights a week either! Be realitsic about the SAHM expectations. Kids are very time consuming, you never get to watch what you want on TV, and it's all about the meals, the snacks, the naps, the have to errands, and getting them ready for bed... Not to mention the doctor appts and Dentist appts, gymnastic classes, trips to the playground, friends houses, and cleaning up messes in between! We don't get a scheduled break and the day is pretty unpredictable. Husbands don't understand why we are so beat at the end of the day! Why? I don't get it! It's not for everyone, buri worked full time until I had my son and it was even harder to do everything. Being home is not easier persay but if you want to stay in your PJs till 1pm it's up to you! I think of hsving to get up snd get ready for a day job and get the kids ready for daycare and school and make it to work ontime and cringe in horror!!! I hope
you make the decision that is best for you

 

[WantToGoNow]

In December I became a SAHM after working for 25 years. It did take some adjustment to being home and at times I do feel lonely for adult interaction. My children are 8 and 5 and I babysit an 18 mo. old and some days her 9 y/o sister. I don't do many planned activities as the baby sleeps most of the afternoon. We will go to parks, water play areas, movies, library, etc. this summer. Most of the time, they just play - the bigger ones are usually outside riding bikes, playing with their friends, etc. The little one trashes the house.

Now that I'm home, I realize what I've missed with my children. I never got to enjoy the childhood of my dd25 as I worked her entire life. My little ones spent their early years in daycare centers. My oldest dd was working at the daycare my kids were attending when they were little. My little one was literally sick all the time (hospitalized 1 week after starting daycare at 7 weeks old). My oldest dd came to me and asked if I would consider taking them out and letting her keep them (she was attending college at night). I agreed and I immediately saw the difference in my children's behavior and health. Back in December, she got a full time job and I had to face the decision of putting them back in childcare (which I really did not want to do) or staying home. I choose to stay home - I really feel that was the best decision for my kids. Both of my little ones have chronic medical conditions (ds8 is allergic to latex, milk and egg, has asthma, reflux and migraines and is now being tested for diabetes or thyroid issues; dd5 has allergies (seasonal and dust mites) and a bleeding disorder) and I just felt they would be safer home with me or atleast if something did happen, I could be there for them.

My dd will be attending Kindergarten this fall - and I will be here to see her get off the bus in the afternoon - I missed that will the others. I will be able to go to school functions, volunteer for field trips, be available if one of them is sick - all of the things that I couldn't do when I was working.

Is my house any cleaner than was before - definitely not - there are toys everywhere.

 

[DISNEYNV]

This sounds a lot like me except I work two days a week. One is a night shift on Thursday so I'm with the kids all day before work. I sleep a few hours on Fri when my mom is watching the girls. The other is Sunday when dh is home.
We don't have a lot of planned activities. I try to get out at least one or two days to do something fun but not too expensive. The arboretum, childrens museum, the zoo. But I haven't done too many crafty things with them lately.
We definitely have our bad days where I feel like they would have been better off with someone that would have spent more time with them. I need a break too, so sometimes I'm "hiding" on the computer for a few minutes at a time. It's especially tough in the winter when we are cooped up all day. Now that it's warmer out, we spend more time outside and trying to get to the park when it's not raining which hasn't been too often this year.

I am glad that I'm the one watching them grow up. I couldn't handle dropping them off at daycare when they are 6 weeks old at 8a and picking them up at
5. I'm not bashing at all. I just couldn't do it. I am also very fortunate to
have a job with ER hours so that I can still make good money, get out of the
house, and be home with my kids all at the same time.

Yes, this pretty much sums it up for me too

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I have been a SAHM for almost 15 years, my kids are all in school all day now and we have chosen for me to reamin at home.

When the kids were young there were certianly days that I felt lonely, but the joy of never missing a moment with my kids far outweighed those days. We would travel to different parks, and they'd play and I'd chat with the moms there, we would meet my friends with kids places so the kids could play and the moms could talk. I joined moms clubs in the beginning, but found I'd rather meet with who I wanted when I wanted. Some of our best days were spending the whole day in our jammies baking cookies and playing games.

Now that they kids are gone all day I get the errands run, the chores done, and out evenings are free to just be a family. Also I get to go on all the class field trips, go have lunch with the kids at school whenever they want me to, volunteer at the school, run their Girl Scout troops. There is still so much to keep me busy during the day.

You may find it works for you, you may not, but if you aren't loving your job it seems like a great time to try it out. If you hate it, then you can find a new job, one you like more, but if you love it you'll know and never look back with regret and wonder.

 

[taitai]

Well, I left a very high-powered and well compensated (sigh) job as a senior executive in a health care company to be a SAHM. There are absolutely days that I wish I was back in the corporate world where people actually listen to what I say and do what I ask!!! There are pangs of jealousy when I see friends from business school written up in magazines and newspapers for being top working women and leading their companies.

However, this really is the best situation for my family and I do enjoy my life a great deal. It is a certainty that my husband's career would not be as successful as it is if I still worked. My staying home gives him a great deal of latitude in terms of what he can do. So, you know, good for him.

What do I do all day? Well, I am very involved in my community. I chair the annual benefit for a local theater company and I sit on the Board of the PTO. I volunteer in my kid's classrooms. I work out every day. I also do a great deal of shlepping my kids around. As I am available pretty much all the time, they are able to play an obscene number of sports and to take all sorts of extra-curricular classes. We have rental property and I manage that for our family. We also have several other business investments and I spend about 20 hours a week working on those.

The days are surprisingly full.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

I became a SAHM 10 years ago when I was pregnant for my third child, I can't believe it's really been that long! I've been thinking about going back to work when my youngest starts kindergarten in the fall, but I keep going back to who's going to take care of them? I spend a great deal of time at doctor and dentist appts, school functions and just running errands. I also have made it my "job" to save our family money and that takes time as well. I comparison shop, clip coupons, and generally do things for myself rather than hiring someone (such as housekeeping, mowing).

I am also not a sit at home doing crafts and playing with the kids type person. I like to be busy and social so DS and I make alot of trips to the park and visit with the neighbors. Thankfully he's also very athletic so we go on alot of bike rides and play basketball. He helps me with chores and yardwork and really does everything I do. We also like to go to story hour at the library, I like to read so we make alot of trips there. Because we have 5 kids I spend alot of evenings at their activities so during the day I plan for that and try to do things to make the evenings easier like cooking dinner, packing lunches, and laying out clothes for the next day. I am looking forward to spending more time volunteering at my kids' schools next year, I wasn't able to do that much this year because my 5yo is spirited and can be difficult.

I tend to get bored very easily so that has been the hardest part for me, I HATE not being busy, but sometimes housework gets too mundane for me so I kind of get into a funk and start questioning my purpose and think I NEED a job, but then a busy week of various functions will remind me that I have plenty to do.

Something that does help me separate myself from JUST being a mom is that after bedtime I'm "off". I take off my shoes and sit down, I will not do any housework or pack any lunches or anything else like that after that.

And I do want to add that I did not join any mom's groups, either.

 

[EthansMom]

What I do: cook (mostly from scratch), clean (umm, not very well 'cause it just isn't my thing), wash laundry and dishes, grocery shopping, purchase household and family items (clothing, for instance), handle all of our finances including bills and investments, plan and book our vacations, run the kids to/from their sports, help the kids with their homework, volunteer at the kids' school, help fundraise for our local library, book Drs. appointments for the whole family, take the kids to/from summer camp or activities, and take care of the kids when they're sick (2 kids with asthma, they collectively missed over 14 days of school due to illness this year)....

So far (after 7.5 years), I really haven't gotten lonely. I do have a few hobbies that I enjoy when I have time. I keep pretty busy, though, just managing the day-to-day goings on of our family.

I have to say... My hat is off to Moms who work! I honestly have no idea how I would get half my stuff done if I worked FT outside the home. I think women who can strike that balance right are amazing.

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

I had to stop working when my 3rd child was born. It was just not cost effective to continue to work with 3 in daycare. That was 7 years ago and I have no regrets. Sure there are days when I miss getting dressed and heading out to the office, but I am never not busy. NOT DRESSED, yes, NOT BUSY, no. My staying home has afforded my kids to be involved in activities, clubs and sports that they never could have been had I been working. Unfortunately, my DH and I have no family members that we could have counted on inasfar as getting the kids to and fro their after school "stuff". Both of our parents are/were much older than the average grandparent. Both of the dads passed in the past 2 years well into their 80s.
Now my mom and my MIL are in assisited living facilities at opposite ends of the state.

My typical day is getting the 3 kids to school, going to visit my mom, cleaning the house, laundry, and after school the fun starts......... scouts, dance, soccer, baseball, basketball (depending on the season) ccd, guitar lessons, art class. I could go on and on.

So that is how I spend my day and if I had reliable child care that could be responsible to drive the kids, I would go back to work in a heartbeat, cause boy I am tired

 

[aliceindisneyland]

I was always a hard worker, but really I'm like the guy on Office Space who would just do "nothing!" if I could. So I'm a SAHM both because I love to be around my kids full time and because I hate to work!
I have way more "me" time or whatever people call it than anyone who works--I've gotten us completely out of debt, written quite a bit, read a LOT, and developed every whim and fancy that strikes me.
SAHM really is the best job--and not as hard as people say--whether you work outside the home or not, moms have to cook, clean, and raise their kids--isn't it easier to get it all done when you don't have a paid job?

 

[Lstar311]

I have been a stay at home mom now for 2 years. I have to say that I truly truly love it! I was a teacher before and had an awful time trying to make my decision to stay at home because I had loved my job. It finally came down to the fact that for me I wanted to be the one raising my child 24/7.

As for what I do all day, that varies. I have my son in music and gymboree classes. This is really for my sanity, to get out of the house and to see other adults. I am also in a playgroup and a moms group. The moms group I am off and on with, some days I find I fit in more than other days. I run errands, make dinner, laundry, go to the park, have playdates with other moms. My situation is a little different than some other moms though, because my Dh is off one or two days during the week and works weekends. If I were to work we would not have any family days.

 

[DISNEYFOS]

I don't want someone else raising my kids, even if I am not the perfect mother that they deserve. I love them, care for them, and I hope this time in their lives is reflected as they grow. That they will remember me being home when they get home from school.

I don't have anything to add to the OP question...and I'm really glad that this thread has remained so positive and supportive. I know these threads can sometimes go badly and its only in the interest of awareness to all that I make this comment as I don't think it was intentional but I see it a lot: I'm afraid I find this comment above slightly offensive. Just because someone is working, I don't believe you can say "someone else" is raising their kids or is not there for them.

I work full time (albeit a flexible schedule of 4 work days and I telecommute from home). My husband I work our schedules so we only require a babysitter to be here (while I'm working) for about 5 hours a day for 4 days a week. I am there every day to drop my daughter off at pre-K and pick her up. I'm there when she's sick and for school show and tells, plays, art shows. I volunteer on her schools board of directors. I put my youngest down for her naps, and I take breaks to play with her during the day...even though she has a great time playing with her babysitter.

I just wanted to throw that out there and I know my situation might be somewhat unique but not totally...working moms are "there for" our kids too and do the majority of the "raising".
k off the soapbox