What do you do about tantrums?

[Bete]

I'm sure this has happened to some, here. I know this can happen whether you have a disability or not.

I have a slightly more unusual situation in that I'm taking my 87 year old Alzheimer's mom to WDW. Anyway, we have practiced going out for the day here like going to the zoo. My mom had two outbursts as I call them there. In some ways we were lucky; because, not too many other people were around at those times and it only lasted for a couple of minutes each time.

I'm beginning to feel like I will get some dirty looks if this occurs and I don't know if I should explain to any strangers around that my mom has Alzheimer's and just apology about the outburst and explain to them what's going on. Also, I don't want anyone to think we are doing anything to her. I will try to diffuse the situation as fast as I can, if I can do it. In some ways I don't think it's anyone's business, but in another way I could be upsetting those around me with her outbursts, especially if we are waiting for a show, parade or fireworks.

Obviously, if this gets too bad, we would leave the park. I'm already prepared to find some quiet spots in the park for any meltdowns she may have while there.

I'm just curious if anyone feels like they need to explain anything to any strangers and have you done so on any of your trips. It really doesn't matter that it occurred with a child or not. I'm curious if you just ignore everyone else or do feel compelled to say something?

 

[lucigo]

I'm sure this has happened to some, here. I know this can happen whether you have a disability or not.

I have a slightly more unusual situation in that I'm taking my 87 year old Alzheimer's mom to WDW. Anyway, we have practiced going out for the day here like going to the zoo. My mom had two outbursts as I call them there. In some ways we were lucky; because, not too many other people were around at those times and it only lasted for a couple of minutes each time.

I'm beginning to feel like I will get some dirty looks if this occurs and I don't know if I should explain to any strangers around that my mom has Alzheimer's and just apology about the outburst and explain to them what's going on. Also, I don't want anyone to think we are doing anything to her. I will try to diffuse the situation as fast as I can, if I can do it. In some ways I don't think it's anyone's business, but in another way I could be upsetting those around me with her outbursts, especially if we are waiting for a show, parade or fireworks.

Obviously, if this gets too bad, we would leave the park. I'm already prepared to find some quiet spots in the park for any meltdowns she may have while there.

I'm just curious if anyone feels like they need to explain anything to any strangers and have you done so on any of your trips. It really doesn't matter that it occurred with a child or not. I'm curious if you just ignore everyone else or do feel compelled to say something.

In my experience (with an ASD child) if its "bad enough" that it warrants explaining then its pretty clear that this isn't a normal child and that we know what we are doing. I very rarely explain his condition to other people, although my DH I guess thinks its his duty to educate the world about autism and loves to tell other people about his condition (whether he is being good or not so good). Its a matter of personal preference whether you want to talk about her condition with other people, if you do thats great, if not, its none of their business.

 

[Mary976]

I think the thing people are most worried about is that something is wrong. Maybe you could say something like, "we're having a hard time, but she'll be fine" if anyone gives you a strange look? Maybe that way they'll know that it's not a medical emergency and no one is harming your mom. The good news about Disney is that there are lots of benches and quiet places to sit down, especially if it's a slower time of year. Plus cast members are very happy to help you if you're stuck in line or in a theater. If someone is unhappy, they are very accommodating in helping you find your way out.

Hope you have a great trip,
Mary

 

[livndisney]

Perhaps having a handful of cards (printed ahead of time) in your pocket to hand out that explains the condition could help? It leaves you free to "deal with matters at hand" but also lets others know further attention is not needed. (I.e they don't need to call Security who's arrival could trigger another meltdown and further unwanted attention). Sometimes people just want to "help" and don't realize helping isn't "helping".

 

[gritzel4]

We find that taking our ASD son to First Aid is a big help. It is really calming in there. Do not worry about others - it is easier to judge then to have empathy for others. Bless you and your family for taking care of your mom the best that you can.

 

[mechurchlady]

Be prepared for the worst but do not waste your time worry about other people. They will snarl, boo, hiss, grumble, make remarks, and/or stare but when they are done staring at your mom then they will eventually find someone else to have a hissy fit over. Gender, sexual orientation, autism, race, religion, warts, sunburn, deformities, mom with 15 kids, ripped nylons, hot pants, fat ladies in spandex, ECV users and gothic punks are among the many things that can send people snarling, grumbling, staring rude people.

Remember that you time with your mom is limited so enjoy every moment you can with her. Give up Dumbo and Pirates if it means your time with her. See what causes her meltdowns and try to lessen things. My mother cannot understand that her NEED or WANT has to wait or cannot be met. I use stealth for trips, lol. Tonight I must have repeated 10 times everything that Calvin was doing. She started to melt down and get angry but I waited and then explained calmly again. Calm seems to work on her and soft voice is easier for her to understand.

Watch her to see if she is uncomfortable, hot, cold, thirsty, low sugars, hungry, moody, being overwhelmed by crowds. She might not be able to tell you that she is overwhelmed, scared, or has needs like the bathroom, thirst or hunger. Meltdowns have a trigger and until you remove the person from that trigger then the meltdown will not go away. There are some nice quiet spots and try the Autism boards as they have great ideas on how to help someone who has mental limitations.

In your case the cards would be the easiest way to explain to people. The GAC would help also with some things. For dining you can ask the hostess for a special spot such as a quiet corner. On the card put your first name, that you mother has alzheirmer's and that you are sorry for any problems. I am not an author so you write what you feel is important. Also look into labels in her clothes in case of an emergency where the two of you get seperated.

 

[quasar4legs]

Hi there,
In all honesty I think most people will be sympathetic with your situation.
My father after a severe stroke, was left with severe brain damage and a changed personality. We were out one day when he had a "tantrum" and I was mortified about the whole situation. I was worried about the noise and the reactions of other people when out of the blue a total stranger gave me a hug and asked if I was OK.
I suddenly realised that I was OK and that everybody was coping with the situation.
Take your mum to disney and enjoy every moment of that time together, it is very precious and fleeting.

Hugs Trish

 

[Bete]

Be prepared for the worst but do not waste your time worry about other people. They will snarl, boo, hiss, grumble, make remarks, and/or stare but when they are done staring at your mom then they will eventually find someone else to have a hissy fit over. Gender, sexual orientation, autism, race, religion, warts, sunburn, deformities, mom with 15 kids, ripped nylons, hot pants, fat ladies in spandex, ECV users and gothic punks are among the many things that can send people snarling, grumbling, staring rude people.

Remember that you time with your mom is limited so enjoy every moment you can with her. Give up Dumbo and Pirates if it means your time with her. See what causes her meltdowns and try to lessen things. My mother cannot understand that her NEED or WANT has to wait or cannot be met. I use stealth for trips, lol. Tonight I must have repeated 10 times everything that Calvin was doing. She started to melt down and get angry but I waited and then explained calmly again. Calm seems to work on her and soft voice is easier for her to understand.

Watch her to see if she is uncomfortable, hot, cold, thirsty, low sugars, hungry, moody, being overwhelmed by crowds. She might not be able to tell you that she is overwhelmed, scared, or has needs like the bathroom, thirst or hunger. Meltdowns have a trigger and until you remove the person from that trigger then the meltdown will not go away. There are some nice quiet spots and try the Autism boards as they have great ideas on how to help someone who has mental limitations.

In your case the cards would be the easiest way to explain to people. The GAC would help also with some things. For dining you can ask the hostess for a special spot such as a quiet corner. On the card put your first name, that you mother has alzheirmer's and that you are sorry for any problems. I am not an author so you write what you feel is important. Also look into labels in her clothes in case of an emergency where the two of you get seperated.

Thanks for all the thoughts. I will act upon most of them.

 

[Bete]

Perhaps having a handful of cards (printed ahead of time) in your pocket to hand out that explains the condition could help? It leaves you free to "deal with matters at hand" but also lets others know further attention is not needed. (I.e they don't need to call Security who's arrival could trigger another meltdown and further unwanted attention). Sometimes people just want to "help" and don't realize helping isn't "helping".

especially since my hubby is along. He can give the cards out and then I can be free to totally help my mom. I love these boards. I would have not thought of doing this, but it's a very good idea. Thanks.

 

[Earstou]

When my ds would have his tantrums, I was always too busy dealing with him to do anything about onlookers!
On our last trip, the woman in line ahead of us at Jungle Cruise told us her dad had Alzheimer's. He wasn't having a tantrum, but he kept trying to talk to us, and we couldn't understand him. Once we knew he wanted us to look at his hat, we commented on it, but he wasn't able to engage in a conversation.
Then he kept trying to sit on the ropes, so she worried he could fall and be hurt, or fall on someone else and hurt them. Everyone around understood something was wrong, and were very nice about it. I think with the elderly, people are much more understanding. The daughter was more upset than anyone else was!

 

[Bete]

My mom has a hard time even talking to stangers; she won't be friendly. If something is bothering her, she will have an outburst. This can be triggered by anything. If it gets too bad, (she can even swear) I will seek out help by a Disney cast member and get her out of a line, etc.

It's been a long time wish for us to do this trip as a family. I don't expect each day will be ideal. I have practiced with shorter outings like going to a zoo back home. I would never attempt this trip; unless, I thought there would be more good times than bad.

I will have my mom in a transport wheelchair; so, I don't have to worry about her falling. We are going to take the whole trip slow and easy. If it gets too bad we even have some caretaker agencies lined up to assist us.

I've already made out some cards to explain my mom's condition. Hopefully, I won't have to hand them out.

 

[perla75]

Perhaps having a handful of cards (printed ahead of time) in your pocket to hand out that explains the condition could help? It leaves you free to "deal with matters at hand" but also lets others know further attention is not needed. (I.e they don't need to call Security who's arrival could trigger another meltdown and further unwanted attention). Sometimes people just want to "help" and don't realize helping isn't "helping".

I just wanted to add that I have worked with several families who use these cards & they have REALLY helped with eliminating the "staring crowd", the "helpers", & also some unnecessary calls to DSS lol....

Here is an example of some:

This one is from Ebay, BTW-http://cgi.ebay.com/Public-Autism-Awareness-Cards-Pack-of-50-cards_W0QQitemZ230292099151QQcmdZViewItem?hash=item230292099151&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=72%3A1420|66%3A2|65%3A12|39%3A1|240%3A1318#ebayphotohosting

 

[ilovemickeymost]

I want to give you a big hug. I know taking care of an ailing parent can be so taxing. My Gram is in the beginning stages (forgetting & crying when you hurt her feelings). When I deal w/ Gram, I just go into whatever reality she's in at the time & play along. I don't try & correct her if she's thinks she's 16, etc. I know change can increase behavior & trigger outbursts. So, I'd take it really slow at the parks. And if she's getting aggitated, take her some place quiet (even before she has a out burst). I love Tom Sawyer's Island @ MK b/c its so quiet. If she does have one, just handle it the way you normally would. Don't worry about the other guests around you. Its just like if you had a 2 yo throw a temper tantrum. And if anyone makes a comment, use humor. When my son throws a fit in public & someone says he's tired, etc. I say "Oh this is nothing, yesterday he burnt down the house. LOL" It normally shuts people up pretty quick. If someone is near by & looks concerned, you can mention what's going on. Just remember your mom can hear you & would you like it if it were you & she was telling complete strangers what was wrong w/ you. Here's to a fantastic trip & your mom having a magical experience.