What do you consider a "family heirloom"?

[maslex]

Would you consider a gift that is recently bought a family heirloom or do you consider it an item that has been in the family for some time and has already been passed down through a couple generations?

My mother in law and I have had this discussion a few times and we don't agree (apparently) LOL

She bought each of my boys and my husband & I an Amish quilt. VERY THOUGHTFUL gift. Love it!!! This was a few years ago (but the topic is still being talked about). I'm calling it a gift because on the recent trip to PA, she bought these quilts and gave them to us when she got home. She's saying it's a family heirloom. I told her that if she already had the quilts from a couple generations ago and they had been passed down, then it would be considered an heirloom. Then I explained that once my boys had children of their own and they decide to pass the quilts down to them, they it's starts the tradition of passing them down to the next generation and would then be an heirloom.

Thoughts?

 

[Kooks and Bay Bay]

I wonder if she is confusing you and maybe she means it will become a family heirloom for your future generations?

Because yeah if my parents bought me say very expensive pair of earrings a couple years ago from a local fine jeweler that's just a gift and maybe if I pass it down to my niece later on in life and she passes it down to her son's wife etc then that becomes an heirloom.
Where as if they gave me a pair of expensive earrings that they had from my dad's grandma then THAT is an heirloom already.

 

[maslex]

I wonder if she is confusing you and maybe she means it will become a family heirloom for your future generations?

Because yeah if my parents bought me say very expensive pair of earrings a couple years ago from a local fine jeweler that's just a gift and maybe if I pass it down to my niece later on in life and she passes it down to her son's wife etc then that becomes an heirloom.
Where as if they gave me a pair of expensive earrings that they had from my dad's grandma then THAT is an heirloom already.

Exactly.........it's not as if these quilts were her mother's or grandmother's. She bought them and then gifted them to us and our boys. THEN, once they are passed down to the next generation, they become an heirloom.

 

[Marrila]

I'd let her think what she wants. I don't think it would occur to me to correct a MIL about something like this.
Different strokes I guess.

 

[Schneewittchen37]

MIL is confused, but correcting her is not a hill I'd be willing to die on, etc.

Anyway, it sounds like those quilts are "heirloom quality". My house is full of actual heirlooms, furniture, dishes, silver, etc. from great grandparents or grandparents. But I've actually bought what I consider "heirloom quality" oak furniture from Amish folks in Lancaster County as well. I've told my daughter "when I die you and your brother can argue about who gets to keep it".

 

[easyas123]

I'd let her think what she wants. I don't think it would occur to me to correct a MIL about something like this.
Different strokes I guess.

Yeah, I agree. She purchased & gifted them to your family to treasure & enjoy. She meant it as a well intentioned gift, I'd graciously accept it in the manner it was given and move on without the unneeded correction over the definition of heirloom.

 

[HopperFan]

They are not heirlooms. They won't be until your boys are grandparents. Could it be she has nothing that would be heirlooms to hand down so she's trying to create them? I'd just stop having the conversation and let your boys do with them as they wish, but tell them Grandma thinks they are very special so please take care of them.

 

[maslex]

Yeah, I agree. She purchased & gifted them to your family to treasure & enjoy. She meant it as a well intentioned gift, I'd graciously accept it in the manner it was given and move on without the unneeded correction over the definition of heirloom.

Oh the quilts are very graciously accepted. We appreciate them very much. When I mentioned in my original post that this topic is still talked about, it's not that her and I are still having a discussion back/forth about whether or not it's an heirloom or not. I explained my view on it when she first brought it up. It's her that will bring it up.......example, we had company a couple of different times where she would bring it up and she'd explain how she bought the quilts and she passed them down to her us & her grandchildren as an HEIRLOOM, as she looks at me with big huge eyes & tilting her head down, like a grandmother would look up over her eyeglasses LOL (as if to say, yes I said it.......it's an heirloom). I have since not said another word to her about it. I just let her believe what she wants. There's no changing her mind. And I'm fine with that. I was just curious what other people thought, that's all

 

[dizneegirl]

I mean, an heirloom has to be brought into the family sometime...

 

[tvguy]

heirloom​

[ air-loom ]

Phonetic (Standard)IPA

noun​

1. a family possession handed down from generation to generation.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

This is similar to my recent issue/post with my SIL giving our nephew his birthday gifts when they arrive rather than on his birthday. I can feel my feelings. And it's just a quirk I have. I don't need or want to express them because the relationship is more important. And I know I'm probably in the minority on the topic (my frustration). For the record, yeah this isn't a hill I would not only not die on, I wouldn't care about. But everyone has certain things that just matter to them for some reason. You can't help your feelings.

 

[lovesmurfs]

How about "heirloom quality?"

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I mean, an heirloom has to be brought into the family sometime...

My thoughts exactly!

 

[Simba's Mom]

heirloom​

[ air-loom ]

Phonetic (Standard)IPA

noun​

1. a family possession handed down from generation to generation.

Unfortunately I don’t have any family heirlooms. Before my mother died (Dad had died already), she made it clear that I was to inherit nothing (except money). However, when Dad died, she was about to throw away his dog tags from being in the service and let me have them. So my only family heirlooms my Dad’s dog tags.

 

[tvguy]

Unfortunately I don’t have any family heirlooms. Before my mother died (Dad had died already), she made it clear that I was to inherit nothing (except money). However, when Dad died, she was about to throw away his dog tags from being in the service and let me have them. So my only family heirlooms my Dad’s dog tags.

Closest thing I have to an heirloom is my wedding ring. It was my Grandfathers. He passed away before my dad got married, and he wore it. He passed away before I got married, so I got it. My Grandfather wore it for about 15 years, my dad almost 17 years. I've been wearing it almost 43 years. My son got married 9 years ago, so he had to get his own ring since I was still around, LOL. I have three Granddaughters so not sure if it will get passed on after I am gone.
We did inherit my parents Living room furniture, it is in our living room now and is about 75 years old. And we inherited my MILs furniture, which is out Family room furniture and is about 70 years old. My Grandparents on both sides were immigrates who came with nothing, so nothing from their parents or before.

 

[QueenIsabella]

The quilts are not heirlooms. Maybe someday they will be--I think that's what your MIL is hoping. Enjoy the quilts now, and pass them down, as MIL intends.

We have a few heirlooms in our house. A glass fish paperweight of my dad's--I treasure it, it's one of the few things that survived my childhood. My husband's maternal grandfather was an upholsterer--we have several chairs that he made, along with a couch he made as a wedding gift for my FIL. We will get each chair and the couch re-covered, and give one to each child when they move out (one already left, but didn't have room for the chair--we'll get it re-done and get it to her, once she buys a house).

We also have a dining room set and family room stuff that we got when MIL went into assisted living. I don't consider those items to be heirlooms, but it's solid stuff that we use every day. I also have a set of Murano glass that I bought on a trip to Italy--the kids already fight over who gets it when I'm gone, so it will likely be an heirloom one day, too.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Her intent is probably that she is starting a family heirloom with the expectation these probably expensive quilts will be dragged through many generations to come, from her giving it to the boys is is already three generations in so she is cutting through a lot of steps to get to the guilt of getting rid of them.

 

[lynxstch]

I consider it to be something that's passed down through the generations. I have my great grandmothers mother of pearl cannister set that went from her to my grandmother, to my mother, then to me. It will go to my oldest granddaughter when she gets married next year.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

My immediate thought is she intended for the quilts to function as an heirloom for the family when she gave them to your sons, yourself and your husband. Whether it is presently physically an heirloom by the definition of having been passed down through more than one generation IMO is irrelevant.

If she is bringing it up in casual conversation and around others in this instance I would say she saw how you considered the quilts merely gifts when her intent was thinking about how it would stay in the family for years to come. In this instance I would not have gone over "heirloom or not" talk to begin with. Instead I would have nodded and known that the decision to pass it down ultimately lies with you and your husband with respects to your quilts and your sons with respects to their quilts.

 

[_19disnA]

I would not consider something recently purchased as a gift an 'heirloom'. It really relates to something that has been in your family for a long time. However, I don't see that you and your in law have to agree on the exact definition, it isn't a matter of who is right or wrong. Just thank her for the gift and put it in a chest somewhere.