What do most people do with a loved one's ashes?

[DisneyFan32WI]

My mom picked up my dad's ashes from the funeral home a few weeks ago.

The wooden box (urn) is just sitting at my mom's house on the floor next to the couch. What do most people do with a loved one's ashes? I don't like the thought of someone's ashes being in the house. I don't really have a good reason other than it makes me feel uncomfortable and overwhelmingly sad.
I know some people scatter the ashes at favorite places. My dad never specified what we should do with the ashes. I don't really want to bring it up to my mom because she is still having a very difficult time adjusting to her "new life" without my dad. The sudden death is still a shock to her.

I don't want her to feel sad all the time. I don't know if having his ashes there makes it worse for her. I don't even want to go near the box. I don't really handle death well, so I may be making more out of it.

I guess I'm just looking for opinions on what is normal.

 

[melissapealo]

My father passed away in May of 1995, and his urn is on a shelf in my mothers house. It should be up to your mother as to what she chooses to do. It may make you feel uncomfortable and may make her feel closer to him. I would never ask my mom to remove my dads ashes from her house. In many places it's illegal to scatter ashes. The plan for us is to bury my dads urn when my mom passes away, so they stay together.

 

[minkydog]

Everybody does things differently. I know of a woman who used to strap her DH into the front seat of her RV and toured the country like that. She would talk to him and tell him everything she was seeing and doing. After a few years, she put him on the shelf.

I don't know what you'd do. I would wait a while until your mom is in a little better frame of mind. She probably will need some time to adjust. Until that time, she can do whatever makes her feel comfortable, which may indeed make *you* feel uncomfortable. But i guess she gets to make that decision. After she gets over the initial shock, perhaps she will be ready to do whatever it is your father wanted.

 

[tiggersbombed2]

My mom is in a box in the attic. She seems happy enough there. Some people like an urn and the remembrance of them being in the living room or what have you. We like knowing she's still in the house, but she would have hated that urn thing. So she's got her own room.

Hugs to you all. It's an extremely personal thing. Ask her. Maybe now she could use a little break, but in reality, nothing keeps you from remembering they are gone, urn or not, she'll remember. Let her decide? It may make her feel better for a while, then maybe she'll move the urn or maybe she won't. Hugs again. It's not easy. Sometimes it just seems there is no easy answer.

 

[luvmy3]

Nobody in my family has ever been cremated but those who have been in dh's have been buried. When dh and I go we are going to be cremated and buried together.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

[FINFAN]

Sorry for your loss and the difficult time your mom is gong thru. I know some people who have divided up ashes, gving some to each family member, or scattering a portion and still burying a portion , my brother wishes to have his scattered in a coral reef in Sarasota..some keep them in an urn prominently placed at home. All personal preference. I have heard of diamond being made form them, some in vials worn as jewelry, poured into fireworks and shot off in a final celebration...really the possibilities are endless.

 

[MamaJessie]

My dad was cremated in 1991 and my mom always had his ashes until she died in March. My brother and I have made plans to scatter some but they fell through. I guess I don't really know what to do with them. My mom used to tell me she wanted a pillow sewn and for her and my dad to be mixed but err.. I can't bring myself to do it. A woman at my mom's service mentioned having little glass jars they used in her family so everyone could have some of the ashes...

Sorry I am no help, but I do understand it is hard to think about. Sorry for your loss.

 

[Ember]

I interred my mother as part of a living coral reef in the Gulf of Mexico, just off the coast of Sarasota. It was per her wishes, but I do love the thought her there.

 

[tiggersbombed2]

I interred my mother as part of a living coral reef in the Gulf of Mexico, just off the coast of Sarasota. It was per her wishes, but I do love the thought her there.

THAT is awesome! What a great idea! (pardon my smilies, apparently I'm addicted )

 

[Abbie]

I'm sorry for your loss!

My dad originally came to my house but my sister asked to have him at her house and that was fine with me. I didn't really want his ashes here, kinda creeped me out. I think he's on a shelf at her house, and I suspect some of him is in her many gardens! Gardening was a love they shared.

When my parents moved from their home of 45 years, my sister and her husband dismantled the huge steel flagpole my dad had put up years before and moved it to their house. We are planning on purchasing a boulder that has an opening in it to put the container of ashes in, and placing that at the base of the flagpole. There's a plaque that goes on it and room for Mom too when she's "ready". Looks very nice in pictures, and it's portable if she ever moves.

 

[cassiez76]

my dad is sitting in the urn (it's a nice little gold box) on top of the dresser in their bedroom.

my dad didn't want to be buried with his parents (not cremated) and had the vault closed. i'm not sure how closed up it is since it sat for a month an a half in salt water during katrina. but i guess i'll inherit him when it comes time.

and it really doesn't bother me. i go talk to him every so often and it works better than if i had to go to a cemetary.

 

[clh2]

When DH's mom passed, she was cremated, and the ashes were at my FIL's house. (Never my MIL - she passed away before we met.)

When my FIL passed away, he was also cremated, and at the request of all the children, the ashes were mixed (the funeral home director did the) and then the ashes were interred at the town's cemetary in a section specifically for this purpose.

Personally - I would not ever keep ashes in my house. I just don't want to be an "ashkeeper'. Not even my dog when the time came for him. I just don't want to be responsible for something like that.

 

[tiggersbombed2]

When I'm gone, cremate me and toss my ashes into the wind. I do NOT want to be mixed with anyone...other than maybe my dog. He's the best.

 

[postage stamp]

I have my mom's ashes in her urn on my desk. Her's doesn't look like an urn, just a wooden box. We decorate it for holidays, my kids talk to her, my husband thinks we're all crazy but it's just our way of keeping her "around" I guess.

 

[SandrA9810]

I interred my mother as part of a living coral reef in the Gulf of Mexico, just off the coast of Sarasota. It was per her wishes, but I do love the thought her there.

I remember your topic from about a year ago. The pictures were wonderful.

My grandfather's ashes were put into the everglades. We were planning on the whole scattering idea, but in Florida, the body has to be burned inside a coffin. Since there was a viewing before hand, a much nicer coffin was selected to be burned. Talk about heavy ashes in the end.
Well my grandmother had the bag in her hand, and upon the preacher's Amen, plop into the water the whole bag went. Thinking about it now is really funny, and we all kinda got the giggles as we heard the whole thing go into the water.

Afterwards, when the house got sold. I wound up with the wooden box for a few years. Kari was kinda creeped out by it, and I eventually gave it to my sister. Some where along the line I think my grandmother mentioned wanting to turn it into a planter.

 

[DizBelle]

I have 4 cats on my mantle.

When I go, I want to be compressed into a gemstone.

 

[lulubelle]

I am sorry for your loss.

DH's ashes are scattered in the Pacific Ocean. We had services as sea. But I did have the funeral home put some ashes in an enclosed mini urn. It's about three inches tall and is painted a beautiful blue with seagulls on it. I keep it on the kitchen counter. I pick it up and kiss it and talk to him almost daily. I don't find it freaky at all, it brings me comfort actually. Your mom has to do what eases her grieving. I know how hard it is.

 

[Ember]

THAT is awesome! What a great idea! (pardon my smilies, apparently I'm addicted )

Thanks. I intend to have my ashes placed there as well. This is her reef. I love all the life it's supporting, and it makes me feel peaceful to think of there.

 

[fhtpdw20]

When the time comes, the first to go will be kept until the other spouse expires. Then we will be scattered together. Now that said, when DS was around 9-10 yrs old, he got soooooo mad over something he stated he was going to take my ashes, make me into concrete so he could walk all over me. We have a good laugh over that statement now. So sorry for your loss.

 

[Ember]

When the time comes, the first to go will be kept until the other spouse expires. Then we will be scattered together. Now that said, when DS was around 9-10 yrs old, he got soooooo mad over something he stated he was going to take my ashes, make me into concrete so he could walk all over me. We have a good laugh over that statement now. So sorry for your loss.

My DH made a bad joke once about dying and I threatened to cremate him and use him for cat litter if he did.

OP, whatever brings you and your mom comfort is exactly the right thing to do. There really are no wrong answers.