What could I have done differently?

[AprilShowers]

I can't believe this is happening!! DD(13) invited her whole volleyball team over for a little party and bonfire tonight. The inviting was done yesterday via text message. ( I read the text msg. and know what it said)

They are all here (11 of them) and out by the fire. An hour ago or so DD came in and said that some girls think they are spending the night and she is confused. I tried to get more info from her, but she said "I walked up to the table and some of them were talking about forgetting pj's and others were like we're spending the night?"

DD said "I just didn't say anything and then I came inside to see what you wanted me to do."

I told her that there must be some misunderstanding and I didn't want 11 girls overnight tonight. Then I re-thought that. I'm thinking if they think they're invited overnight and then I uninvite them, that's rude. So I told DD that if they think they're spending the night then don't tell them otherwise.

I'm hoping that some parents still pick up at 11. But DD said some called parents to ask if they could stay. NOT ONE PARENT HAS CALLED ME OR ASKED TO SPEAK WITH ME ON THE PHONE!!

What the heck??
What should I have done? Please enlighten me wise members of the Dis.

 

[Jestocost]

The only thing I can think of would have been to clearly include a time that the party would end in the original invitation. That should have made the point that the event would end at an established time and that a sleepover was not in the cards.

No clue why no parents have called you. I know we (well, my DW at least) would have called if our DD was on your DD's volleyball team and we thought she was spending the night.

 

[Serena]

How about, "Hey everyone, make sure all your parents will be here at 11:00. I've got to get up early in the morning." I don't like how that sounds, but something like that.

 

[java]

Are you sure you saw ALL the TEXTs? Maybe a little miscommunication took place.

Sounds like you are about to have a HUGE impromptu sleep over.

Oh and the should have dones- perhaps send invitations? or you send the texts out and ask for RSVP's from parents.

 

[AprilShowers]

The only thing I can think of would have been to clearly include a time that the party would end in the original invitation. That should have made the point that the event would end at an established time and that a sleepover was not in the cards.

No clue why no parents have called you. I know we (well, my DW at least) would have called if our DD was on your DD's volleyball team and we thought she was spending the night.

The text was very clear, and had a start time and an end time. Some even called/texted DD to check again on times and our address. (we moved recently).

 

[AprilShowers]

OMG!! It's getting worse! They were running around outside in the dark and one of them ran hard into a brick landscape wall. (about shin height) She's bleeding and bruised and sore. I doctored her up, made some pigs in blankets and sent them down to the basement.

Just a few minutes ago three of them were picked up by one of the dads. So I guess it's getting a little better too! Three down, 8 to go!!

 

[Stacerita]

I can't believe none of the parents called. A cousin of DD13 is staying with us this weekend. Her and DD text all week long. I kept asking if the other parents were informed. They said yes. But I still made sure I called to be clear on when I was picking her up, and when I was dropping her back off. Didn't want any issues.

 

[minkydog]

uh. no Tell your DD that you'll take the fall on this one. She doesn't have to be the bad guy. You do. I would have no problem with saying "Ya'll call your folks, we have to get up early tomorrow." Have them come in the house and watch a show or movie, something quiet. Don't even entertain the idea that they can run around willy-nilly, getting themselves all worked up this late at night.

And if they don't call the parents, consider rounding them up and driving them home. Seriously.

 

[MoniqueU]

I wouldn't mind having 11 girls over misunderstanding or not. I also do not drive and my daughter does most of her communication by text. Most of these girls are from water polo if not all of them, I don't ask to speak to the parents when my mom drops her off she walks up to the door and says hi. When other peoples kids from her team spend the night some parents come to the door and some just drop off. No big deal to me.

 

[Jillpie]

uh. no Tell your DD that you'll take the fall on this one. She doesn't have to be the bad guy. You do. I would have no problem with saying "Ya'll call your folks, we have to get up early tomorrow." Have them come in the house and watch a show or movie, something quiet. Don't even entertain the idea that they can run around willy-nilly, getting themselves all worked up this late at night.

And if they don't call the parents, consider rounding them up and driving them home. Seriously.

In complete agreement. I would have NO problem setting these girls straight and telling them there was a big misunderstanding, and you all have to call for a ride. Personally, I detest sleepovers, I've done them and those days are over. I don't sleep half the night anyway, and neither do the kids.

Well, hows it going? Are they gone yet?

 

[chell]

If I didn't have any big plans early tomorrow I'd say what the heck and let them stay. If they brought PJ's surely the parents were okay with them staying the night.

 

[Tink888]

If it was me and I didn't have plans in the morning, I'd just let the remaining girls sleep over. No sense worrying about what you should have differently, you're here now KWIM?

I'm kind of surprised too that none of the parents called to talk to you beforehand, especially at that age.

Good luck. Hope you're able to get a little sleep tonight.

 

[leagirl12]

I just don't understand parents who just drop their kids off somewhere without speaking to another parent. My dd has a few friends that this has occurred with. I just don't get it.....my dd isn't going anywhere without me talking to the other Mom so I know exactly what the plans are. Especially not spending the night.

 

[AprilShowers]

Well, I think I have things figured out. NONE of the girls brought PJ's. The invitation was CRYSTAL clear. I know who the culprit is, and she invites herself over ALL THE TIME.
I think she just told DD she was spending the night, DD didn't know what to say, and a couple others joined in. They called their parents and asked permission.

Most of the girls were picked up when they were supposed to. Three of them decided they were staying. I promise you DD did NOT invite them. She came to me later, almost in tears saying "I don't want them to stay, I'm sooooo tired!" They had volleyball yesterday at 7:00a.m.

So, three of them stayed, were loud and obnoxious, made a HUGE mess in the backyard, living room, kitchen, and I haven't been to the basement yet. I'm ticked off, and DD is going to hear about it when they leave. Oh yeah, it's 10:00 a.m. and they're STILL here!!!

We have major plans today, and that's why I wasn't on board with the sleepover anyway. Usually I don't care about sleepovers. maybe that's why the parents agreed so readily.

Only one girl asked me this a.m. what time to be picked up. I told her by 10:00 as we have plans. The other two heard this. As of now, I don't think either have called their parents. As soon as I'm done here, I'm going to tell them to call, or I'm giving them a ride home.

 

[AprilShowers]

OMG!! I'm sorry but I need to vent here. My head is going to explode!!!

One of the girls who went home last night wore DD's bathing suit while they were playing in the hose. She wore it home!!! I asked DD why she needed to borrow a suit, and this is the answer I got.

"Well her mom wouldn't let her wear her own suit because it came from American Eagle and cost $50, so she had to wear one of mine".

SERIOUSLY!!! You're ok with trashing my DD's suit, but yours is too good? (the suits weren't trashed, but she must have thought it would be!)

I told DD to call her RIGHT NOW, we're going to pick up that suit.

It probably seems small to you guys, but all of this adds up and has me soooooo ticked off I can't see straight. This group of girls aren't bad kids, but some of the most spoiled, rude children I have ever met.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OMG!!!!

If I had seen this when you first posted yesteday, I could have clued you in a lot quicker!!! The FIRST thing thru my mind was, they girls are having too much fun, and are trying 'force' a sleepover on you!!!

Your daughter was quick enough to come to you immediately, so

The suit is probably fine...
I wouldn't let it be that big of an issue unless it was an expensive suit and got trashed... Aren't girlfriends like this all into borrowing that 'nice sweater' and other personal items...

Just let your daughter know, under no uncertain terms, that she is NOT go give out her nice clothing or anything else of value... That, if anything is lost or ruined, you will NOT be replacing it... Then, sit back and wait for the first item to not come back, or be damaged... that'll cement the lesson for her.

Cheers!

 

[AprilShowers]

OMG!!!!

The suit is probably fine...
I wouldn't let it be that big of an issue unless it was an expensive suit and got trashed... Aren't girlfriends like this all into borrowing that 'nice sweater' and other personal items...

Just let your daughter know, under no uncertain terms, that she is NOT go give out her nice clothing or anything else of value... That, if anything is lost or ruined, you will NOT be replacing it... Then, sit back and wait for the first item to not come back, or be damaged... that'll cement the lesson for her.

Cheers!

You know, I totally agree with you, and it seems we loan clothes out alot. MOST of them come back.
The thing that ticks me off is the REASON she had to borrow a suit. Cause hers was too good!! What and DD's is a piece of crap??? Makes NO sense.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yeah....

Like, can I have your piece-of-crap.... (where is a snooty nose-in-the-air smiley!!!!) Ohhhhh, here it is!

Does sound like life is kept interesting around your place!

 

[ksjayhawks]

I think you should have nipped the sleepover "in the bud" (as they used to say) when it was first mentioned.

You should have gone out there and told the girls that you were sorry if there was a misunderstanding, but since you have plans for the next day and need to be up early, there can not be a sleepover tonight. So, if any of you need to call your parents to arrange a pickup time, go do it now. Tell your parents to be here by xxx p.m.

 

[shortbun]

I can't believe none of the parents called. A cousin of DD13 is staying with us this weekend. Her and DD text all week long. I kept asking if the other parents were informed. They said yes. But I still made sure I called to be clear on when I was picking her up, and when I was dropping her back off. Didn't want any issues.

My son is 14 and his friends just show up and assume they can spend the night. This year I've had to disappoint a couple of them. Their parents just assume too. I NEVER assume. I always make some kind of call to the other parent in case there's been confusion or my DS needs some kind of activity gear. There are a lot of parents out there who are just willing to let their still very young children call the shots. I think they are setting themselves up for some possible trouble but since I'm not, I guess I shouldn't worry about it.

I hope your slumber party went well, op. LOL! This crowd will get more specific information in the future, eh?