What are your thoughts on asking for books in lieu of cards for a baby shower?

[CookieandOatmeal]

I like the idea, but some other people attending the shower complained that they spent more than they planned. Her mother also asked for diapers. So we all brought a board book, Pampers, and a gift from the registry. I was fine with it because I love my friend, but there were definitely some guests that thought it was a bit much.

I do not intend to do more than a registry and book request. If my MIL wants to do a diaper raffle, I will talk to her and ask her if people will think it is too much...I would.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I’ll be the naysayer. I don’t really care for this idea. Initially, I thought you meant you would ask for books-only gifts and I thought that was fine, but then I realized you’re asking for a gift and a book and that seems gift-grabby to me.

I forget to pick up a card half the time and a gift from me might very well just have my name on the gift bag tag, so this book would not be “in lieu” of a card. It would be an additional purchase in my case, one I was specifically told to make. Then you add the additional expectation that I should inscribe the inside cover with a meaningful message to the baby and... yeah, just let me buy you a gift without giving me a bunch of rules to follow.

ETA: I respect your desire to instill your child with a love of reading, but just know that there’s no guarantee no matter how many books you surround them with. My husband is an avid reader and passing that love onto his child was goal number 1 in his mind when we were talking about having children. My son is nearly 2 1/2 now, and he still has zero interest or attention span for having books read to him.

 

[disneychrista]

I am against dictating what people buy. But would have no issue with Save a Tree...no cards please.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

People usually make kind requests in this case. If someone opted to get a card or didn't even bring a card I know I wouldn't be put off by it, I think I would just hope I would get at least some books if I opted for this.

Personally when I did this for a baby shower I used label address stickers in a good spot and wrote my message on that just in case down the road the books were donated/given away/sold to make it easier to remove said message. And if that happened in the future maybe they would even keep the handwritten message we made and put it somewhere else though I wouldn't expect that.

One of the books my mom insists on bringing is Love You Forever to baby showers of those close to her. She presently has a copy waiting for me to give me when we have kids. I'll take that book with a handwritten message (which she intends to do) over a card anyday (even if it had a handwritten message in it) and I would do that even if it wasn't from my mom. That's just me though and I even keep all the cards I get. My husband doesn't care at all about keeping cards and the funny thing is he's the one who normally puts a nice message inside his cards--he'll be happy years down the road I think when we get to some big anniversary milestone and can read back all the years worth of anniversary card messages because I've opted to keep them

 

[HopperFan]

I like the idea, but some other people attending the shower complained that they spent more than they planned. Her mother also asked for diapers. So we all brought a board book, Pampers, and a gift from the registry. I was fine with it because I love my friend, but there were definitely some guests that thought it was a bit much.

I can understand why they would have felt it was too much. I've noticed a growing trend here to have multiple baby showers and invite many people that you might not even be that close with, aka friends of Mom, neighbors, in-laws you really don't know. I have been invited to three baby showers recently that I have never even had a conversation with the Mother-to-be ..... why? Two of them asked for books in lieu of cards on top of a baby gift.

If I am invited, not going, but have a relationship with the person I usually send a Barnes & Noble gift card because I do love books and would like to see a child exposed to books. I send it in a card ... BUT I bulk buy cool Hallmark cards so I usually spend less than a $1 each. I can also use these in person so I rarely ever spend more than $1 for a card.

But often in person if there is a registry I buy a gift to be opened and then attach a miniature card in envelope where I write a message, these are less than 10 cents each yet cute & personal. I know others who enjoy making custom cards. So the whole "card cost" theory is lost on me.

It sounds like most like this, and it's how things are happening ... personally I'd rather give a bigger gift card so they can purchase what they really want or buy a nicer gift from the registry. And I don't know, while I like registries or giving gift cards ... I don't like being told what to bring, especially when it's multiple things.

QUESTION: Do you folks consider the gift you gave at the shower your baby gift or do you give another gift when the baby is born?

 

[lifesavacation]

Most showers I go to ask for a book instead of a card. So, if it suits you go for it!

Although, expect duplicates of Good Night Moon.

I was thinking back to my last 4 showers and they all asked for books. I think it’s a pretty common request.

 

[realmomof3]

All of the baby showers I have been invited to the last 5 years have had this request. I always bring the book Love You Forever by Robert Munsch. I just believe every parent needs to have that book and read it to their child, if they can do so through tears.

 

[CookieandOatmeal]

I’ll be the naysayer. I don’t really care for this idea. Initially, I thought you meant you would ask for books-only gifts and I thought that was fine, but then I realized you’re asking for a gift and a book and that seems gift-grabby to me.

I forget to pick up a card half the time and a gift from me might very well just have my name on the gift bag tag, so this book would not be “in lieu” of a card. It would be an additional purchase in my case, one I was specifically told to make. Then you add the additional expectation that I should inscribe the inside cover with a meaningful message to the baby and... yeah, just let me buy you a gift without giving me a bunch of rules to follow.

If someone opts to bring a card or no card/gift, I'm obviously not going to be upset at them. It is a request not a demand so I don't necessary feel like I'm telling people they must go buy me a book or no food for you at the baby shower! It's just a request that they consider giving a book in place of a card and that book could be used too.

People usually make kind requests in this case. If someone opted to get a card or didn't even bring a card I know I wouldn't be put off by it, I think I would just hope I would get at least some books if I opted for this.

I won't be put off by it either if they chose not to give me a card, a book, or a gift but I do have the registry for people to have options instead of being gifted random items that I may or may not want/need. The showers that I have been to that did this, they ended up with quite a few books. I think having teachers in the family (I'm a teacher also) make this idea more accepted or well-liked.

 

[realmomof3]

Slightly O/T, but has anyone noticed a trend that woman are having baby showers for each baby these days? When did that start? A baby shower is meant to help the new mom and dad set up and have the necessities for a baby. Unless 10 years or more have passed, there should be no need for a baby shower after each kid.

 

[CookieandOatmeal]

I think because I used to work at a public library as a youngster and frequent the library often, I'm aware that there are great children's books that are in mint condition that have been donated to the library that they put up for sale for around $0.25-$1.00. To me, that is equivalent to what I usually spend on a card. I understand not everyone is aware if this.

 

[MrsPete]

Several random thoughts:

- I've not only seen this request, I've seen this exact wording ... at probably 50% of the showers to which I've been invited in the last couple years! This sentiment has been echoed multiple times already, but I dislike buying cards (and I rarely, rarely do it), but I like the idea of giving books, which last much longer.

- I am FINE with gently used books ... unless they're toddler board books, which are often chewed.

- I have been to BOOKS ONLY showers ... might be a teacher thing, but when it's a co-worker whom I don't know well, books are inexpensive and easy. If invited to a books only shower, I'd choose a nicer book, a hardcover, or a set ... whereas, if you're talking about a book-instead-of-card, I'd go with something along the lines of a small board book or a Little Golden Book.

- It seems these days EVERYONE knows whether the baby will be a boy or a girl, and gender-neutral clothing has pretty much disappeared ... so what I'm seeing at showers lately is LOTS of gender-specific clothing that may only work for a single child. I'm not into that. I prefer to give things that'll last longer -- and my "go to" is toddler dishes. Expectant mothers don't seem to think about needing them, but they'll appreciate them later.

- I'll end by telling you a secret: my kids are adults, but I'm not yet a grandmother ... I'm expecting a few more years before that happens. One of the things I see myself doing for my future grandchild (as I said, I'm a teacher) is encouraging a love of reading from a young age. I've already decided that my shower gift to my future grandchildren will be a small bookcase and a membership to Grandma's Book Club, which will deliver one new book every month (maybe on the date of their birth each month?) until high school graduation. Sometimes it may be used books, and at some point we'll probably transition to a Kindle, but that's my secret plan.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

- It seems these days EVERYONE knows whether the baby will be a boy or a girl, and gender-neutral clothing has pretty much disappeared ... so what I'm seeing at showers lately is LOTS of gender-specific clothing that may only work for a single child. I'm not into that. I prefer to give things that'll last longer --

My best friend didn't want to know the gender so they did gender neutral but in terms of clothing gender neutral still typically means boys section when you're buying.

Yellow and green and grays are often used from what I've seen for gender neutral and I think they can totally work for both IMO. However, when I went searching for my best friend none of her clothing items were in the girls section. All of them were in the boys. Only one that wasn't was "I love you to the moon and back" outfit which was in both but anything with animals-boys section. Made for a fun looking around Buy Buy Baby lol. I think gender neutral can for some people still operate on a stereotype--no reason why a girl can't wear a onsie with animals on it (like the ever popular llama lol) rather than something frilly and pink in color

When I bought stuff though I went for a variety--some clothes, a sign language book for babies, toy clips for strollers and carriers, animal themed pacifier, etc.

 

[CookieandOatmeal]

I'll end by telling you a secret: my kids are adults, but I'm not yet a grandmother ... I'm expecting a few more years before that happens. One of the things I see myself doing for my future grandchild (as I said, I'm a teacher) is encouraging a love of reading from a young age. I've already decided that my shower gift to my future grandchildren will be a small bookcase and a membership to Grandma's Book Club, which will deliver one new book every month (maybe on the date of their birth each month?) until high school graduation. Sometimes it may be used books, and at some point we'll probably transition to a Kindle, but that's my secret plan.

I love your idea of a membership to Grandma's Book Club! I do think that encouraging a love for reading starts at a young age and can't wait to bring my child to the library to pick out books or to attend events, etc. My parents bought my brother and I to the library often when we were young and both of us LOVE to read. I actually kept all my childhood books (The Little Critter, Berenstain Bears, etc.) at my parents' house and will be moving them to mine once my LO is here. I'm so excited to share my childhood favorites with him!

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I think cards are a waste of money. I always buy one anyway & love the idea of buying a book instead. I would definitely do that. That said, I think there needs to be a way to make non-card givers feel like they don't need to bring either. My showers were many years ago, but many people didn't give cards. They shouldn't feel like the have to. Simply being gracious at the time won't make them feel any better about not being able to bring what was expected. In short, I like the idea, but I think the wording in the invitation needs to be changed. It really sounds like a book is expected. Given enough time I'm sure many of us could come up with something that sounded more like a suggestion than a request. As far as books & diapers go, if I received an invitation that strongly suggested I bring a book, diapers & a gift of my choosing (most likely from the registry), I'd be passing on that invitation. That's requesting three gifts per person. If I were the one hosting a shower, I'd never consider doing that.

 

[elphaba91]

I haven’t seen it (although my friends haven’t quite hit the baby-making stage yet) but I like it. We sent books when my cousin’s daughter was born in December (they live overseas), as well as books for his then stepson (now son!). I did go to a baby shower where they asked everyone to bring a bit of fabric to be made into a quilt, but I don’t even know if the mother ended up finishing it. We gave that baby some Disney books as well as the corresponding DVDs for his first birthday.

 

[ronandannette]

...QUESTION: Do you folks consider the gift you gave at the shower your baby gift or do you give another gift when the baby is born?

Yes, I consider it my gift. If I've attended a shower, I will not give something else once the baby is born although customarily here showers are held after the arrival. If there hasn't been a shower or I've not been invited, I'll make sure my gift gets to the family at some point.

Slightly O/T, but has anyone noticed a trend that woman are having baby showers for each baby these days? When did that start? A baby shower is meant to help the new mom and dad set up and have the necessities for a baby. Unless 10 years or more have passed, there should be no need for a baby shower after each kid.

It's not uncommon here nor is it seen as a breech of etiquette. A shower is a celebration of new baby by people who love the family. What's the problem? Do you ever give a baby gift to friends or family members when #2, #3 or whatever arrives? Instead would you just think "I gave them something for their first; they can just re-use that."?

 

[McKelly]

I was thinking back to my last 4 showers and they all asked for books. I think it’s a pretty common request.

This - all of the baby showers I have been to in the last few years have done this. I don't have a problem with it.

 

[Ladyandthepuppies]

Now that I’m a mom and my friends are all having kids, I go to baby showers regularly and I’ve seen the “books-in-lieu-of-cards” request often. To be honest, the first time I saw it I was annoyed by it. Personally, I think it’s tacky to dictate gifts (be it books, diapers, “wishing wells” etc.) Also, I can’t stand expensive greeting cards so I usually buy them in bulk for 50¢. Having to go out and buy a book instead is an added expense and effort for me.

Although I don’t love the request, I can say that it’s very common and definitely considered socially acceptable if that’s what you’re wondering... although if there’s anyone who hasn’t encountered the books in lieu of cards request, they may have a negative reaction like I did the first time I heard about it.

For our book collection, I went to the used book sale at our library a few times and bought dozens of books for my kids at $1 or less. And that way, I could make sure I didn’t end up with multiples of the same book all inscribed to my kid - that seems more wasteful than a card since the inscription means you can’t return it and probably won’t donate it.

 

[ronandannette]

Would someone please enlighten me about a “diaper raffle”? I’ve never heard the term before this thread.

 

[aprilgail]

My friend’s mother did this for her baby shower. “In lieu of a greeting card, we would appreciate it if you would give the baby a copy of your favorite children’s book. Please write a personal note to the baby.”

As a Pre-K teacher, I had a really hard time narrowing it down. Once I narrowed it down to Eric Carle, my favorite illustrator, it was easier to choose the book.

I always give books as gifts at baby showers, so I had to shop from the baby registry for the gift.

I like the idea, but some other people attending the shower complained that they spent more than they planned. Her mother also asked for diapers. So we all brought a board book, Pampers, and a gift from the registry. I was fine with it because I love my friend, but there were definitely some guests that thought it was a bit much.

That is asking way to much- if I am giving a nice book and diapers then consider that your gift.

I’ll be the naysayer. I don’t really care for this idea. Initially, I thought you meant you would ask for books-only gifts and I thought that was fine, but then I realized you’re asking for a gift and a book and that seems gift-grabby to me.

I forget to pick up a card half the time and a gift from me might very well just have my name on the gift bag tag, so this book would not be “in lieu” of a card. .

Same- I use one of those tags attached to the gift bag so I never buy cards anyway!

.

QUESTION: Do you folks consider the gift you gave at the shower your baby gift or do you give another gift when the baby is born?

When I go to see the baby for the first time I bring a small gift them too- usually an outfit of clothing.

Slightly O/T, but has anyone noticed a trend that woman are having baby showers for each baby these days? When did that start? A baby shower is meant to help the new mom and dad set up and have the necessities for a baby. Unless 10 years or more have passed, there should be no need for a baby shower after each kid.

If I am invited to a second child shower I typically have "plans for that day"- one shower per mom is my "rule", you don't get to get showered with gifts just because you have more kids!