What are we doing wrong finance wise?

[melafive]

I'm kind of feeling a bit down about our finances today. My husband makes good money, I am a stay at home mom. We have three kids and own a house. Currently the only debts we have is our home and about $1800 on our credit card. It seems like we can never catch up. Why is it that some people seem to have so much? Are they just going deeper and deeper in debt? I feel like we can never do what we want or purchase what we want. I know I should feel blessed because we have a very loving family. Today, though, I just feel like venting I guess. Anyone else feel like this? Any great words of wisdom? I think I am going to go to a cash only system again and stick with it. I know that will help. I just get frustrated with wants and I know I shouldn't.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

Man I could have written this, DH makes good money, I am a SAHM, we have 3 kids...yada, yada, yet it seems all our friends aredoing so much better. I don't have any words of wisdom, but you are not alone.

 

[AKL_Megs]

I think the "others" are in debt... DEEP in debt.

We have these friends who make good money. They probably make only a little more than us, but they seem to have it all!

They had a HUGE wedding, bought a house, fixed it up right away. They eat out every night. They always have a fridge full of beer and wine when you come over. They have all the latest gadgets, and just bought a $1500 Apple computer AND a 46" LCD TV.

I was always like, "Man, how do they do it!"

We just found out that in the 1.5 years they have had their house, they have refinanced 2 times. The husband, we just found out, just got a second job making and delivering pizzas to pay off his debts.

So, to have all of these "things", they are suffering financially.

I'll keep my modest living.

 

[eliza61]

I'm kind of feeling a bit down about our finances today. My husband makes good money, I am a stay at home mom. We have three kids and own a house. Currently the only debts we have is our home and about $1800 on our credit card. It seems like we can never catch up. Why is it that some people seem to have so much? Are they just going deeper and deeper in debt? I feel like we can never do what we want or purchase what we want. I know I should feel blessed because we have a very loving family. Today, though, I just feel like venting I guess. Anyone else feel like this? Any great words of wisdom? I think I am going to go to a cash only system again and stick with it. I know that will help. I just get frustrated with wants and I know I shouldn't.

1. Yep, you're just in a "money" funk. I went to the supermarket today and brought 10 lousy things and spent 100 bucks. Money funks are not a clear indication of how well you're doing. It's emotional.

2. Some people do have more, some have less. They're not important. Never, ever use other people as a barometer, it will only make you feel worse.

3. You want to talk debt, try 2 sons in out of state colleges and 1 more who is going to college in a few years. So in 3 years I'll be forking over tuition for 3 kids. On the other hand, I'll finally be able to loose weight because my dh & I figure we'll be eating ramen noodles every day real soon.

4. Turn those frustrating wants into goals. I've been trying to go to France for some years now. Instead of wishing, I turned it into a goal. Now when I want a 7.00 ice cream sunday from coldstone I think Paris and get a $1.00 fudgecile from the freezer I'm the type that feels better doing some thing proactive. Sure it may take me 10 years but I love looking at the brochures.

5. "catch up" to what? Seriously. Is it some thing important like a emergency fund? or is it just a bit of the "I want to go back to disney world" blues. Some times when you actually write down what you need to do and start checking items off, you realize "hey the situation isn't so bad" after all.

and lastly,

The economy sucks, that's the reality every now and again we can allow ourselves time to whine about it. LOL

you're fine

 

[wdwfan16]

I'm kind of feeling a bit down about our finances today. My husband makes good money, I am a stay at home mom. We have three kids and own a house. Currently the only debts we have is our home and about $1800 on our credit card. It seems like we can never catch up. Why is it that some people seem to have so much? Are they just going deeper and deeper in debt? I feel like we can never do what we want or purchase what we want. I know I should feel blessed because we have a very loving family. Today, though, I just feel like venting I guess. Anyone else feel like this? Any great words of wisdom? I think I am going to go to a cash only system again and stick with it. I know that will help. I just get frustrated with wants and I know I shouldn't.

First "good money" is very subjective. If one makes $25K they would say $50K is good money. If you make $50K and live in NJ you are hurting but in the mid west many would think it is good money.

What % of your DH's gross is your mortgage/insurance/taxes? Do you eat out often? Is he putting away in a 401K? They might be forfeiting their future for the present.

They maybe in debt but don't be so sure. They might have inherited money, make more money than you think, have rich relatives who buy them stuff or just went bankrupt and kept the house and personal belongings.

$1800 on a CC seems like a small amount but it still cost lots each month in interest. I would get that paid off ASAP and then reevaluate your position.

 

[disneychrista]

First thing is to stop worry about the keeping up with the Jone's. Focus on you and your family. Take a good look at your finanaces and really figure out where you money is going. Are things you can cut? What are you financial goals? What can you do to achieve those goals?

 

[mrsklamc]

Are you comparing yourself to two income families? Families who don't take vacations?...

You never DO know how anyone else is doing financially, but it helps me to feel like I am doing the best I can- We have a plan for our finances and know where they are going.

People are passionate about different budget gurus. I would suggest finding one that works for you.

 

[MacFam4]

I agree with the above posters...people are in debt!!! We make a decent living and do buy some things that we want, but I think all in all we're fairly frugal. We still go out and have fun, but we don't have EVERYTHING we want. We have what we need. Make since?

Example: We usually stay at Pop Century when we go to Disney, but would I like to stay at AKL? Sure I would! But we're the family that doesn't spend much time in our room, so why pay for it. I'm just happy to be at Disney

 

[melafive]

Honestly we really are not in debt. We do have our $1800 credit card but that pretty much gets paid off monthly. We just depend on it does that make sense? We are saving for our future 401k wise. We are pretty frugal too. I am in no way high maintenance. Sometimes it is just hard to live in our neighborhood where people seem to "have it all". I don't mean to sound like I am complaining. I know we are lucky. I was just feeling really down. Catch up wise, I was just referring to saving for wants and not depending on our credit card.

 

[Planogirl]

There do seem to be people who buy a lot of things and take trips and have new cars and so on. I wonder about them too.

We always seem to have too much to pay for. Something breaks and then someone gets sick and then DS needs something for school...it just goes on and on. I wouldn't say that some are lucky but if one more thing breaks around here I'm going to wonder!

 

[bumbershoot]

Do you know where your money is going? Write it ALL out for a month or two. Save all receipts and go through them. Write down what you're spending from the receipts, if that might help (seeing it and writing it can help "push" it into your brain, so to speak).

The CC...so every month you are spending 1800 that you don't have *this* month, and pay it with *next* month's paycheck? Sounds like you might want to work towards eliminating that need and just going with cash. If that expenditure is on necessary items (say, you pay power, etc with the card), it might take some time to slowly change it over to current cash, but it's worth doing.

Because having the money to go and pay something in cash, even if the expenditures are the same, make you feel a lot more wealthy than needing to wait until next month to pay it!

But really, figuring out where your money is going is the first step. Then the next will be telling your money where to go in the future, before it shows up in your bank account.

 

[FLmomof2]

I wonder about our neighbors all the time. They have 1 income and have everything. Biggest house in the neighborhood, expensive cars/trucks, vacations every other month, movies, out to eat, expensive clothing (and several other big ticket things). I just can't figure it out how they do it.

My husband made very good money for SC but we were living pay check to check. Now he is laid off and BOY was it a wake up call. Once he finds a job, I am going to manage our money differently and make sure we are putting money into our savings. I'm trying to worry less about how others are doing it, and just focusing on how we can do it differently.

Its hard not to wonder why others have so much more or do so much stuff...sometimes my husband has to put me in check and remind me that we have a wonderful family and thats what matter...(not that I don't thank god for that everyday )

 

[Derby4me]

I think a lot of it has to do with our society. We live in a country where we have more then we could EVER need, yet we want more. Not trying to play the starving kids in Africa card, but I honestly have that in the back of my head as I place my meatloaf in the oven. How fortunate we are to have wonderful families, the ability to stay at home with our babes and still are able to provide for all of their NEEDS. We are truly blessed!

 

[AntePrincess]

If your gut feeling about how much money they are making is correct, then they're probably in debt. Either way, it has no impact on you if they have a condo on the moon or live in squalor. I know it's hard not to compare, but once learned, it does reduce the frequency of money funks. If you're making a living, and living in the States, than chances are you live better than kings and queens did a century or two ago. Think about it: Queen Victoria peed in a chamber pot and couldn't have fresh apples in spring, but she could certainly afford a pound of cheddar on her table and a cup of sweet red wine. Chances are, you can go get a pound of aged cheddar and a bottle of sweet red wine right now without batting an eye, in fact those sweet wines are no longer in vogue and tend to be cheaper these days. I do this sometimes when I'm feeling down: I go to the grocer and put together a meal of what once would have been luxuries: wine, cheese, white bread, bit of beef (lobster used to be considered trash food, only for the poor, my how times change!), tea, chocolate and so on. It makes me think very differently about the fact that I don't, won't, or can't eat out that often.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I think a lot of it has to do with our society. We live in a country where we have more then we could EVER need, yet we want more. Not trying to play the starving kids in Africa card, but I honestly have that in the back of my head as I place my meatloaf in the oven. How fortunate we are to have wonderful families, the ability to stay at home with our babes and still are able to provide for all of their NEEDS. We are truly blessed!

That is so true, I wouldn't trade that for all the "stuff" in the world. Like I said earlier, I do often wonder how, but at the end of the day I have an amazingly wonderful husband, great kids and a life I wouldn't trade for anything.

 

[m&m's mom]

A lot of times the answer to "Why do they have more than me?" is simply that 2nd income.
We have always structured our finances so that we can live on one income. DH's owns his own business and it is not always reliable month-to-month-pay-the-bills reliable. So, my income (or his since we make similar amts) is for savings, investments, big ticket items around the house, vacations etc.
We live very well BUT if we only had one income all the wonderful extras would most likely not be there.

 

[gillenkl]

I think people are in tons of debt. Last week I was talking to my friend who said "all 3 of daughters had their homes put up for sheriff sale last week - all 3 in one week". I was mortified. Then she proceeds to tell they are all back in homes renting mini mcmansions. What? It's just financial insanity out in the world.

I'm a stay at home mom and sometimes the "grass is greener" financially elsewhere - or it appears to be. But is it? We never really know what goes on behind closed doors.

I think people are debt up to their wazoo!

 

[sallysue66]

I'm in banking and I see peoples financial statements all the time. You would not believe the people who seem to "have it all" but really don't. What they do have is a boat load of credit card debt for stuff they buy to fill the void in their self esteems...of course some are full of themselves but have no clue how to handle money. Be proud of yourself for only having debt you can handle each month and working on your retirement fund.

 

[dizney4us]

I'm kind of feeling a bit down about our finances today. My husband makes good money, I am a stay at home mom. We have three kids and own a house. Currently the only debts we have is our home and about $1800 on our credit card. It seems like we can never catch up. Why is it that some people seem to have so much? Are they just going deeper and deeper in debt? I feel like we can never do what we want or purchase what we want. I know I should feel blessed because we have a very loving family. Today, though, I just feel like venting I guess. Anyone else feel like this? Any great words of wisdom? I think I am going to go to a cash only system again and stick with it. I know that will help. I just get frustrated with wants and I know I shouldn't.

See if you can rent the movie God Bless The Child with Mare Winningham. That movie will make you thankful for every little thing you've got! It always did the trick for me, especially when I would feel bad that I had to work while raising my daughters...DH and I both had to work full time just to make ends meet. Saw that movie one day and I had such grattitude for everything including my job. Try it!

 

[melafive]

Thank you. You guys made some wonderful points and I feel a lot better now. Vent is 100% over!