Helopoh
<font color=3300FF>Who me jump??<br><font color=FF
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2001
- Messages
- 525
I can't believe I am going to say this but I really need to feel like everything is going to be ok. In recent months I have gone through what seems like an endless amount of stress. First we have to move out of our house because of Heating issues(we rented) SO we move to a really tiny apt which ends up being on the verge of being condemmed. I can't believe that. So we started looking for another place. During this time DH and I are having some serious relationship issues but I tossed most of it up to everything else that is going on and figure once we move we will be fine. NOT In the last month or so DH has made it clear he wants to Seperate. Not Divorce just not live with us anymore. I was crushed to say the least. I just don't know where to turn. I am in shock I think. He has not moved out but made it clear that once I was on my feet he would be leaving. He claims he will be supporting Dorian with so much money a month but I don't want to count on anything til I see it. I am Angry and hurt and not sure what to do. Now I know we are married but also anytime I have had some or I decided it was time to split I had the option of just going and not seeing them again. I have to see DH everyday and I just can't deal with it. So of course I start looking for a reason. (another woman, or something I did) I don't understand him at all anymore. To make matters worse He has told my FIL who calls me and says whats going on there. (LIKE I KNOW) He knows more than I do. Our friends all seem to know but I didn't. Noone calls us anymore and his one really good friend who used to spend tons of time with us is never around or DH is going and hanging out at his house. DH has made new friends at his job and they invite him over constantly. He is never home for his Son at all. Poor Dorian has no idea how to react to his fathers recent dissapearances. I can see in his behavior that he knows something is wrong and DH decided to tell him that he would not be living with us for a while. He claims he is doing this because he has never lived by himself and wants to try it. He also says he wants to see if we can make it on our own should something happen to him. Needless to say most days I just don't know how to act. I am out of work and can't collect unemployment til July. It won't pay the bills. I am searching for a job and he has us moving in 2 weeks to another apt. I don't have any clue what to do. I don't want to stay in NY if he is going to leave. There is nothing here for me. I would move someplace warmer but I have no money saved. plus once we move I am stuck in another years lease. Someone please tell me what to do cause I just have no idea where to turn next. Sorry about the long post.
**UPDATED**
First I want to thank you for all the support. I finally broke down a wrote here because I really have noone else to tell this too that would have an unbias opinion and not give me the whole "work it out" speach. As far as the new apt is concerned it is bigger nicer 2 Bedrooms and 100.00 cheaper than where we are now. He has no place to go and is planning to move with us until he can afford to get his own place. Unfortunatly I know for a fact he has no other monies stashed away as one would expect he is not that organized. Most of my family is not so understanding and going to them to lean on is not really shall I say helpful. they are the buck up and get over it type. I am the odd egg where I need support to get through things and they are the we don't talk about our problems with eachother type so I get alot of we are the perfect family outside but so messed up its crazy in. I have applied for many jobs in my area but am being slightly picky about what I apply for since if it isn't paying what I know I need to make I won't make it on my own. I don't qualify for any assistance because I am covered under his medical and he is still in the house. He has to leave before I can do anything. I am really just scared right now. I hated living on my own when I did and I am not really ready to do it again especially since I had no idea I would ever have too. I just am feeling very lost and alone and sad for Dorian because even at 6 he knows and it isn't easy for him to understand..
Custody will never be an issue. We have no marital assets to fight over. Scary to say we have been very nice to eachother and have really sat down and worked most of it out. I don't want to envolve a lawyer just yet. I am willing to wait to see what happens next. He is not the type to leave me stuck it isn't in his nature and since I know he loves his son and will want to see him as much as possible I will not have a fight there. I won't go into detail but when it comes to Dorian he knows I hold all the cards. I hate to say that but I do. I feel so much better saying this here cause atleast I know someone is reading.
**UPDATED**
First I want to thank you for all the support. I finally broke down a wrote here because I really have noone else to tell this too that would have an unbias opinion and not give me the whole "work it out" speach. As far as the new apt is concerned it is bigger nicer 2 Bedrooms and 100.00 cheaper than where we are now. He has no place to go and is planning to move with us until he can afford to get his own place. Unfortunatly I know for a fact he has no other monies stashed away as one would expect he is not that organized. Most of my family is not so understanding and going to them to lean on is not really shall I say helpful. they are the buck up and get over it type. I am the odd egg where I need support to get through things and they are the we don't talk about our problems with eachother type so I get alot of we are the perfect family outside but so messed up its crazy in. I have applied for many jobs in my area but am being slightly picky about what I apply for since if it isn't paying what I know I need to make I won't make it on my own. I don't qualify for any assistance because I am covered under his medical and he is still in the house. He has to leave before I can do anything. I am really just scared right now. I hated living on my own when I did and I am not really ready to do it again especially since I had no idea I would ever have too. I just am feeling very lost and alone and sad for Dorian because even at 6 he knows and it isn't easy for him to understand..
Custody will never be an issue. We have no marital assets to fight over. Scary to say we have been very nice to eachother and have really sat down and worked most of it out. I don't want to envolve a lawyer just yet. I am willing to wait to see what happens next. He is not the type to leave me stuck it isn't in his nature and since I know he loves his son and will want to see him as much as possible I will not have a fight there. I won't go into detail but when it comes to Dorian he knows I hold all the cards. I hate to say that but I do. I feel so much better saying this here cause atleast I know someone is reading.
I would move into the new apartment since it is cheaper and conditions are better. Then you have some tough decision to make. Do NOT sit around and wait for things to work themselves out or for him to change. You need to take the lead and plan for you and Dorian's future. I do think that it is a good idea to contact a lawyer just to know what your options are. If you feel there is still a chance, talk to him about seeing a counselor either together or seperate. I know that some states have free programs for this.
