"Were You Trying?"

[SDFgirl]

DH and I are pregnant for the first time, and have been announcing the baby to friends and family.

I can't tell you how many people asked us, "Were you trying for this baby?"

It doesn't really bother me, because in fact we WERE trying. But if the pregnancy was an unplanned thing...it might be a sensitive issue.

I don't think I'd ever ask someone that...it just seems too personal. Am I just too touchy or do you think is it kinda rude/nosey?

 

[java]

Yes I HATE that ? I used to say "well were practicing does that count?" Here's another one
"Was he planned?" Um why is that your business and by the way yes he was planned by God! I heard that several times when I was pregnant with number 4-
CONGRATULATIONS!

 

[mickeyboat]

I am of the camp that people don't mean to seem rude, and don't really think they are asking a truly personal question when they ask things like that. They are really just trying to make conversation.

A lot of people think differently than I do.

Congrats, again!

Denae

 

[lalijack]

OMG that is so rude!

If people are rude enough to ask, you should look them straight in the eye and say "Why do you ask?" and nothing more. Unbelievable!

 

[krcit]

I think it's rude and nosey but I don't think most people are trying to be rude when they ask, if that makes sense? I got pg very quickly after I got married and you wouldn't believe some of the doozys people came out with! One girl actually said "You'll regret this" I said 'The only thing I regret is choosing to share my exciting news with you" That shut her up!!


Congrats!!!!!!

 

[Fan2CSkr]

When I was pregnant there were some people that just felt they had rights to asking personal questions, touching my tummy and sharing old wives tales, some scared the crap out of me! After a while I got good at shocking replies If they have the nerve to ask have some fun with them when you answer.

 

[lindakmonty]

First, congrats on your first pregnancy. The first time I had a miscarriage that is exactly what the Dr. asked me..."were you trying"... no you fool, I'm sobbing for no reason at all People can be very rude and nosey. You're not being too touchy at all!

 

[fabshelly]

"Oh, is that what you call it in front of the kids?"

 

[gradtchr]

We didn't tell anybody that we were trying or give any indication that a baby was in the books until we got the +. I am so beyond thankful that I only heard that question from two people.

I did get one person who asked if I was trying to compete with someone that we both know who also announced they were pregnant. Ummmm no because I never asked her if she was trying. Some people are just nosey.

 

[SDFgirl]

"Oh, is that what you call it in front of the kids?"

 

[freckles and boo]

First of all, Congratulations! It is best to develop a sense of humor about this because as your pregnancy progresses you will be asked all sorts of questions that may seem to cross the line. There will be unsolicited advice, people who want to touch your belly, comments about whether you have gained too much weight or not enough, comments about whether you are carrying high or low, etc. etc. The worst part for me was the labor and delivery when every OB med student wanted to feel what five centimeters dilated felt like personally! Your very private event will become public no matter how you feel about it. You could spend your energy being defensive and trying to teach people lessons or you can just roll with it and be happy that in a few months they will offer advice and ask nosy questions about the baby instead of your belly.

 

[mickeyboat]

First of all, Congratulations! It is best to develop a sense of humor about this because as your pregnancy progresses you will be asked all sorts of questions that may seem to cross the line. There will be unsolicited advice, people who want to touch your belly, comments about whether you have gained too much weight or not enough, comments about whether you are carrying high or low, etc. etc. The worst part for me was the labor and delivery when every OB med student wanted to feel what five inches dialated felt like personally! Your very private event will become public no matter how you feel about it. You could spend your energy being defensive and trying to teach people lessons or you can just roll with it and be happy that in a few months they will offer advice and ask nosy questions about the baby instead of your belly.

OMG! That is the best thing I have read on the DIS all day!

Denae

 

[SDFgirl]

First of all, Congratulations! It is best to develop a sense of humor about this because as your pregnancy progresses you will be asked all sorts of questions that may seem to cross the line. There will be unsolicited advice, people who want to touch your belly, comments about whether you have gained too much weight or not enough, comments about whether you are carrying high or low, etc. etc. The worst part for me was the labor and delivery when every OB med student wanted to feel what five inches dialated felt like personally! Your very private event will become public no matter how you feel about it. You could spend your energy being defensive and trying to teach people lessons or you can just roll with it and be happy that in a few months they will offer advice and ask nosy questions about the baby instead of your belly.

Thanks. Like I said, it hasn't offended me, but I am kinda shocked that people would ask.

And I know what you mean - my principal at school (I teach) indicated the other day that I was putting on weight too fast! In the next breath she proceeded to tell me that everyone was going to offer advice and not to listen!

 

[freckles and boo]

OMG! That is the best thing I have read on the DIS all day!

Denae

Aw shucks. Just trying to help.

 

[missypie]

Congrats, and I totally agree with the posts above. I venture to say that this will not be the rudest or most invasive question you are asked during the pregnancy. I predict that when you're near your due date, someone will even ask if you are dialated at all. It's amazing...every detail of a pregnancy becomes everybody's business.

I think that is actually why some ladies love to be pregnant...they enjoy all the extra attention. I am not an attention seeking person, so I just wanted to be left alone (and not touched by strangers!)

Wait until baby #3....people will ask if you've ever heard of birth control.

 

[mla2177]

We didn't tell anybody that we were trying or give any indication that a baby was in the books until we got the +. I am so beyond thankful that I only heard that question from two people.

I did get one person who asked if I was trying to compete with someone that we both know who also announced they were pregnant. Ummmm no because I never asked her if she was trying. Some people are just nosey.

That is what happened to me!!!!! My hubby and I didn't tell anyone on his side we were trying, after 8 months of trying my very competive SIL announced she was trying. I still never said anything because I didn't want the pressure of being asked all the time, felt it was private and was worried about conceiving because of prior complications. She gets prego two months later and then a month and a half later I get preganant. Now everyone thinks I "coppied" off her since I got pregnant a month and half later and never told anyone I was trying!!!!! The bad part is, I got Preeclampsia and delivered my son 3 days before her. She does nothing but compare the two kids. If I had it to do all over again, I would have waited after she got prego a lot longer. We are currently trying now, and this time I announced it with a bullhorn!!!!!!!!!! Of course, now the same SIL is trying too!!!! Surprise surprise!!! We'll see what happens!!!!

Anyway, Congrats to the Op!

 

[apirateslifeforme]

Knowing me, and that I can't keep my trap shut, I probably would say, "Yeah, we were trying - wanna see the video?"

 

[luvwinnie]

I can empathize from the "other side"...I have no kids and get asked "Will you be having any soon?" Amazing what people think they have the right to know!

 

[goofygirl]

I agree that it's rude to ask that.

Likewise I think its tacky when couples announce that they are trying. I really don't need to know that they are "doing it" like rabbits and trying to conceive. That's TMI. I really don't need to know what you and your mate are doing, in any case.

I also don't care to hear about all the sordid details of childbirth. TMI.

 

[lalijack]

Oops! Forgot to include my congratulations in my earlier post! Enjoy your pregnancy!