Were you engaged before you got married?

[Aisling]

I got engaged with a ring and date in November, and we married 9 months later. It would have been sooner, but I had to plan a big wedding and needed time.

 

[kimmar067]

...yup.

 

[fussymonkey]

The entire thing has nothing to do with the Ring that just a commercialised item.

The Engaged part dates back to when they Had talks (engaged in conversation) about brides when the brides had no say in it what so ever.

So I think if you are seriously talking about it ring or not your still Engaged in the Act of getting married.

Gah!!!! I'm sorry, I can't let it go- my inner history and lit buff is convulsing in horror. The word "engaged" in the 19th century was used to indicate that a person had committed to an activity. E.g. "Miss Elizabeth Bennett is engaged to attend the theatre with Mr. Darcy on Tuesday" or "Mr. Willougby had engaged to meet Marriane in the park, but perdictably, he did not show up at the appointed hour". "Engaged to be married" had exactly the same meaning then as today. It did not refer to engaging in conversation.

Even in those days, women had "say" in whether or not to accept a proposal. from the 1753 on, with the passing of the Marriage Act, women could no longer be forced into marriage- both parties had to express consent. Of course there are many ways of manipulating a woman into complying with her parents wishes, but the idea that "engaged" meant "engaged in conversation" is fiction. In those days the more common term was "bethrothed" and the act of agreeing upon terms of marraige was referred to as agreeing upon settlement.

OP- If your DBF has not proposed to you, you are not engaged. Before my now DH and I were engaged, we knew that the time was coming, DH was saving for a ring, we'd even tentatively set a date and reserved a hall (mind you I knew that the ring was imminent), but we were not 'engaged'. Once he proposed, we were engaged. The ring is not the deciding factor, the proposal is.

 

[Piecey]

technically, I guess I wasn't officially engaged...

We talked about getting married a lot, knew we were going to, but I didn't have a ring, he hadn't asked, etc.

We had a trip planned to Vegas the second week of May and around my birthday in April he said "Let's just do it while we're there."

I loved the idea. That weekend I got to pick out my ring and less than a month later we were married.

 

[bumbershoot]

SO I was talking to some of my friends and they have said that you do not have to be "engaged" to get married....

So my question for is... were you engaged before you got married

Just so you know I do not have a "ring" but DBF talks about wanting to get married in WDW...

If either one of the couple can tell a group of people "we're engaged" or "we're planning to be married", without it causing a fight, then you're likely engaged to be married.

Of course, trying to convince snooty bridal salon women of it without a ring might be difficult! There was a period of time there when I didn't have a ring from hubby, and was wearing my grandmother's sapphire and pave diamond engagement ring (now people are wearing colored stones, but for some reason in '01 no one was) while trying to convince hubby I did NOT WANT a ring other than that, and some of the bridal shop ladies treated me very poorly, questioning if I was engaged or not, b/c I didn't have a big rock on my finger.

We knew we were engaged, but I had no symbol (which has never meant anything to me other than "I have $xK sitting on my finger, especially since I designed it, all he did was pay for it), and some were tweaky about it.

technically, I guess I wasn't officially engaged...
...around my birthday in April he said "Let's just do it while we're there."

I loved the idea. That weekend I got to pick out my ring and less than a month later we were married.

So there, for a few weeks, you were engaged!

My official proposal was in a parking lot...."so, you wanna get married?"

 

[Mrsduck101]

I say this with sarcasm, so please don’t take offense… but you aren't engaged until you have a ring, and a date set... Or at least that's what I've always been told!

I've been proposed to and have a ring, but no date set. I am definitely engaged