Were you engaged before you got married?

[minkydog]

Maybe the question some people are trying to get at is whether there was a proposal?

I don't think there has to be a "proposal" or a question. Sometimes people just mutually decide to get married. That doesn't make them any less "engaged" between the time they decide to get married and when they actually do than someone who did a formal proposal.

I used to be disappointed that my DH never really proposed to me. We are both fairly pragmatic people and had been having on-going talks about getting married about a year or so before we actually got married. He picked out the ring and presented it to me on Christmas Day in front of his whole Big Fat Greek Family. Obviously I said yes, but I wished he had been a little more clever about it. Meh...I got over it.

We were officially engaged, with a ring and a date(which got changed, but that's another story) about 3-4 months, but we had already been together seriously for about 2 years so nobody was surprised.

 

[alexandria674]

I thought anytime between "let's get married" and the wedding is considered an engagement.

 

[lemondog]

I was engaged, but my best friend was not. In fact, one day she and a mutual friend of ours, who weren't really even dating, actually, decided to go to the court house and get married. She said she just "knew." They have 3 kids and have been married for 13 years. Go figure!

 

[smartestnumber5]

I don't really know what it means to be engaged. I guess I figure when two people both say they are engaged, then they are.

To me merely having decided to get married or planning it in the abstract sense seems too loose. GF and I are basically in that place, but have done no actual planning; we're waiting to see what state we are going to be moving to next year. We don't know what will happen then. Hopefully we'll get a state with good laws, in which case we'll almost certainly do it within the next two years. We won't need much planning--we'll just do justice of the peace, probably only invite immediate family and just have a nice dinner with them. Maybe we'll some type of family and friend bbq celebration a few weeks/months later depending on schedules. So supposing that's how it happens, I don't know at what point we will have became engaged. Maybe we are and we don't know it? Or maybe we only become engaged when we actually make concrete plans--so like a month or two before?

I have friends who are getting married in a month. They have been together for something like 7 or 8 years. At least 5 years ago when I met them, both of them seemed to have very clearly agreed that they were going to get married after they finished their graduate programs. But it was only a year and a half ago that there was a proposal and a ring and they announced "we're getting married" and started actively planning the wedding. I don't know what to say about when they got engaged. I certainly don't think a proposal and ring is needed. But they didn't call themselves engaged before the proposal and ring, so were they?

 

[Becky2005]

I don't think there needs to be a whole formal proposal to be considered engaged, but there does have to be something more than just talking about getting married. There has to be a decision or agreement that the marriage will take place.

I think that too or having a date set would be good.

My ex-boyfriend & I talked about marriage but I never considered myself engaged to him at any point. We dated for 6 years. It was just random "some day in the future" type stuff & obviously that didn't work out since I got engaged & married to someone else. Otherwise, I think there would be an awful lot of engaged people that don't even know they are engaged if it was just talking about the subject of a possible someday maybe we will get married.

However, I was engaged a little bit before I had an official ring...hmmm...long story for that one but it was different than just general someday wedding talk.

 

[Poohlovr]

I don't think just "talking about getting married" really constitutes being engaged. Think about how many teens would be "engaged" were that the case. I know that at age 16 my boyfriend "talked" about how things would be when we were married, but there was never a formal comittment to marry. I know a lot of teens did the same as us, and discussed marriage, but never made any plans to do it.

I do think that has to be an agreement, with a full understanding between two parties that they are going to marry, for there to be an engagement--whether it be 2 minutes or 2 years. I think both parties have to understand that there is an active plan to marry. Does that make nay sense?

I don't believe that a formal proposal or ring is necessary to constitute an engagement.

 

[OctMtnWoods]

OP, what does your boyfriend think? Does he think you 2 are engaged to be married? Or does he think he's just daydreaming outloud?

Lots of couple "talk" about getting married someday, but never actually make it to the engagement step, thus never getting married.

To me, just talking about it doesn't mean you are engaged. Having made a solid decision together or being asked & accepted means engaged to me. If a ring is involved, then I call it engaged when the ring is presented. Ring is optional though.


Several of my boyfriends and I talked about marriage. Only 2 actually proposed marriage. I said yes to both. Not at the same time. Only made it to the alter with 1 of them.

Not all engagements result in marriage.

 

[ead79]

Yes, I was engaged before I got married (for a way too LONG 22 months, but that's a whole other story, LOL!).

For me personally, I didn't consider myself engaged until DH proposed and gave me an engagement ring. I don't think that a ring necessarily has to be given in order to be engaged, but I suppose I do think that engagement entails more than just agreeing that one day you'll get married. That seems too vague to me for some reason.

 

[Nik's Mom]

We were engaged, but there was no formal proposal like I hear from other people. DH bought me a promise ring while we were dating and one day he said "let's get married" and I said "ok". 15 months later, we had a wedding. I then called my promise ring and engagement ring. We were both struggling college students, so it was hard enough to save for a wedding and honeymoon. A big fancy engagement ring just wasn't in the cards.

Ok, not a very romantic story, but we are still happily married 13 years and counting!

 

[disykat]

People keep saying "talking about getting married doesn't make you engaged" as if they are disagreeing with something someone actually said. No one has said that!

As many of us have repeatedly pointed out, it's when you DECIDE to, or COMMIT to getting married that you become engaged. That is very different than just talking about the possibility of marriage some day.

If, for some of you, it's was the ring, or the party, or moment of the formal proposal that made you engaged, great. That doesn't mean people can't get engaged without those things.

 

[Shyvioletisme]

we were for almost a year and half before we got married, though neither of us felt like we had to, DH just wanted to be cute and get me a ring and ask...
we already talked about marriage starting maybe 2 months after we met, though it was a few years before we were "officially" engaged.

 

[BigMama]

4 years here !

 

[mickeyboat]

We started talking about getting married when I was 14. I didn't consider myself engaged until he asked and I accepted. He happened to have the ring when he asked. (I was 19). We were engaged for a little over 2 years before we were married.

Denae

 

[sbell111]

Person A: Wanna get married?
Person B: OK.

Congrats, you're engaged.

 

[Scurvy]

I was engaged for a few months before getting married. We didn't want a large wedding so didn't need much time to plan, so we had a fairly short engagement period.

My opinion on engagements - When the two of you both agree that you are going to get married, then you are engaged. Usually that means one person asks and the other says yes. No ring is required, though it is more common to have one. I think you really have to have a date in mind, though - just talking about someday getting married really isn't the same thing as actually being engaged.

The most important thing is that both people have to consider themselves engaged to each other - otherwise it's just wishful thinking on the part of one or the other.

 

[jimmalru80]

Engaged then married.

 

[OctMtnWoods]

People keep saying "talking about getting married doesn't make you engaged" as if they are disagreeing with something someone actually said. No one has said that!

You might want to go back & read the 3rd line of the original post. I believe that's where people are getting the "talking about it" part. At least that's where I got it.

I refer to my previous answer. If the boyfriend is considering himself engaged too, then they are engaged. If he's not, then he's just talking or daydreaming out loud. Or he could even be just answering a question the op asks like "when you get married, where would you like it to be?". His answer of "I would like to be married at WDW" doesn't necessarily mean THEY are engaged. It just means, that someday, when he gets married to someone, that's where he wants it.

We need more info from the OP. What does your boyfriend think?

 

[Handbag Lady]

Yes, I was engaged with a ring and a two-year wait.

 

[disykat]

You might want to go back & read the 3rd line of the original post. I believe that's where people are getting the "talking about it" part. At least that's where I got it.

I didn't get the impression the OP considers herself engaged. They're just talking about - so no big decision.

 

[Disney Doll]

From the time 2 people agree to marry until the time they marry is what I consider the engagement period. It is often marked by the presentation of a ring, but that is not a requirement.

If he asks you and you say yes, you're engaged.

If you both discuss it equally and decide that on May 4, 2010 you will marry, then you're engaged.

if yo get a ring out of either deal, all the better!