Well, I need some advice....kid related

[mudnuri]

A peace offering was just delivered.

DBF called and asked if we were home, which we were, said he'd be here in a few minutes.

DD9 answered the door and he walked in handed her a bag, cookie cutters, frosting, sprinkles, sugar cookie dough stuff....

He bent down to her height and said- "i'm sorry I wasnt in the mood to do the tree with you last night, but if you would cut out these cookies with your sister, while I go home and take a shower, I'll come back and decorate them with you, to make it up to you"

She said- "i thought you didnt like christmas?"

he said- "im trying to change my way but I need your help"

She smiled, and out the door he went.

He called on his way down the stairs, and said he hoped I wasnt upset, but he wanted to make it up to her, and this was how he thought he could....they are in the oven now, and will be decorated later.

So guess he's "sucking it up" huh?

The girls are all giddy, DD9 especially....I think she has a crush LOL
All this and I never told her why he doesnt like christmas

Brandy

 

[mudnuri]

C.Ann, that is a really nice answer. There are such odd expectations of men sometimes.

Mudnuri (what on earth does mud nuri mean?) good luck. It seems the advice given to just give a nice basic explanation to your daughter is very sound. She must be a special gal to want to invite him in the first place. And he sounds special too, for her to want to invite him.

LOL mud in your eye

She thinks the world of him....and obviously he her too

Brandy

 

[C.Ann]

A peace offering was just delivered.

DBF called and asked if we were home, which we were, said he'd be here in a few minutes.

DD9 answered the door and he walked in handed her a bag, cookie cutters, frosting, sprinkles, sugar cookie dough stuff....

He bent down to her height and said- "i'm sorry I wasnt in the mood to do the tree with you last night, but if you would cut out these cookies with your sister, while I go home and take a shower, I'll come back and decorate them with you, to make it up to you"

She said- "i thought you didnt like christmas?"

he said- "im trying to change my way but I need your help"

She smiled, and out the door he went.

He called on his way down the stairs, and said he hoped I wasnt upset, but he wanted to make it up to her, and this was how he thought he could....they are in the oven now, and will be decorated later.

So guess he's "sucking it up" huh?

The girls are all giddy, DD9 especially....I think she has a crush LOL
All this and I never told her why he doesnt like christmas

Brandy

-------------------------------

That's GREAT news!! I had a feeling he might "come around" sooner than you thought (and certainly YEARS before some other people thought - LOL).. It's being around kids in general at Christmas that helps - even when missing your own..

Sounds like it's going to be a super holiday season around your house.. I'm so happy for you..

 

[Nancy]

-------------------------

I agree.. And although my feelings may be jaded because I saw my own DH go through this himself many years ago, I wonder how many hugs and doses of pixie dust would be floating around here if it were a "mom" that was feeling this way..

Maybe "dad's" feelings just don't count..

I'm with you. Why should he have to suck it up and grow up? I think not wanting to celebrate a day that he equates with some very sad memories is not a big problem. If I was dating him I would not even have told my daughter that he doesn't "do" Christmas. I would have said, he doesn't celebrate Christmas the same way we do. Honestly, my DH doesn't celebrate holidays or birthdays the same way I and the kids do, we like to do the big deal, he doesn't...it's just another day to him.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

A peace offering was just delivered.

DBF called and asked if we were home, which we were, said he'd be here in a few minutes.

DD9 answered the door and he walked in handed her a bag, cookie cutters, frosting, sprinkles, sugar cookie dough stuff....

He bent down to her height and said- "i'm sorry I wasnt in the mood to do the tree with you last night, but if you would cut out these cookies with your sister, while I go home and take a shower, I'll come back and decorate them with you, to make it up to you"

She said- "i thought you didnt like christmas?"

he said- "im trying to change my way but I need your help"

She smiled, and out the door he went.

He called on his way down the stairs, and said he hoped I wasnt upset, but he wanted to make it up to her, and this was how he thought he could....they are in the oven now, and will be decorated later.

So guess he's "sucking it up" huh?

The girls are all giddy, DD9 especially....I think she has a crush LOL
All this and I never told her why he doesnt like christmas

Brandy

Okay, so I lied. I had to come back to say, oh my gosh how sweet is that??!!??!!

 

[mudnuri]

Okay, so I lied. I had to come back to say, oh my gosh how sweet is that??!!??!!

I am sitting here as they are sitting at the table, with their cookies, getting all the decorating stuff ready, and I can't believe he did it. Even I wouldnt have thought of that

they're totally ready for him to get back here to decorate.....just makes my heart

Brandy

 

[ilovepcot]

Oh, this guy's the SWEETEST! Very touching what he did and made my old eyes tear up.

 

[marybet]

I am sitting here as they are sitting at the table, with their cookies, getting all the decorating stuff ready, and I can't believe he did it. Even I wouldnt have thought of that

they're totally ready for him to get back here to decorate.....just makes my heart

Brandy

I think that is great. Shows he is a grown-up and does understand your DD's feelings. I wish you all the best and am so glad it is all working out.

 

[mudnuri]

They're done decorating, and now are playing power puff monopoly....I am here doing "homework" LOL...while they play...

too boot, I got a d'n'd "Great one cream/sugar" when he got here....what a way to my heart!

DD9 made one thats a square and she took a tooth pick and wrote "THANKS" in it, then DD8 made one that says "CHRIS"...They frosted the outside edges, like a frame, then they put them together and showed him...I will tell ya he admited, his heart melted on that one.

I think he's going to enjoy christmas this year...

Brandy

 

[horseshowmom]

Oh, this guy's the SWEETEST! Very touching what he did and made my old eyes tear up.

Yep, me too. Bless his heart, he sounds like a really good guy (and creative too - I wouldn't have thought of that either). We'll add him to our prayers tonight...

 

[SillyMe]

Brandy, that's great...for your girls and for him. He's probably feeling so overwhelmed with the situation himself. Here are 2 little girls who he can share the holidays with, but they are not his children, whom he misses. That's definitely a step in the right direction. I'm sure he probably thought about how they would feel and is making an effort to make their Christmas and their relationship a good one.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

How very touching! Maybe too early to tell, but you might just have a keeper there...

Children can be wonderful therapy, can't they (yeah, I know, they can also send a person into therapy )?

 

[disneymom3]

A peace offering was just delivered.

DBF called and asked if we were home, which we were, said he'd be here in a few minutes.

DD9 answered the door and he walked in handed her a bag, cookie cutters, frosting, sprinkles, sugar cookie dough stuff....

He bent down to her height and said- "i'm sorry I wasnt in the mood to do the tree with you last night, but if you would cut out these cookies with your sister, while I go home and take a shower, I'll come back and decorate them with you, to make it up to you"

She said- "i thought you didnt like christmas?"

he said- "im trying to change my way but I need your help"

She smiled, and out the door he went.

He called on his way down the stairs, and said he hoped I wasnt upset, but he wanted to make it up to her, and this was how he thought he could....they are in the oven now, and will be decorated later.

So guess he's "sucking it up" huh?

The girls are all giddy, DD9 especially....I think she has a crush LOL
All this and I never told her why he doesnt like christmas

Brandy

Oh man! I have tears in my eyes! What a neat guy! From what I have read, you are handling this relationship beautifully. I think DBF is really trying and I know when my brother had to split Christmas with his X we all had a hard time letting Dniece go. I couldn't imagine not spending Christmas without my kids. Hugs to all of you this season.

 

[sha_lyn]

I think I would tell the BF to put the feelings of a nine year old ahead of his old hatreds. He is an adult and he could make the effort. Does not celebrating the holidays make him feel better? Does he just enjoy wallowing in self pity? I doubt if his wife left him because it was Christmas, he needs to seperate the act from the day. This is JMHO but he needs to grow up and start thinking about others needs not just his own.

Apparently you know absolutely nothing about loss and depression. He needs to heal, not grow up.

As for the OP's update...... how wonderful. sounds as if he is really getting into the spirt of the holidays. Perhaps having your family in his life is what he needed to help heal the pain he is going through.

 

[Kim in TN]

A peace offering was just delivered.

DBF called and asked if we were home, which we were, said he'd be here in a few minutes.

DD9 answered the door and he walked in handed her a bag, cookie cutters, frosting, sprinkles, sugar cookie dough stuff....

He bent down to her height and said- "i'm sorry I wasnt in the mood to do the tree with you last night, but if you would cut out these cookies with your sister, while I go home and take a shower, I'll come back and decorate them with you, to make it up to you"

She said- "i thought you didnt like christmas?"

he said- "im trying to change my way but I need your help"

She smiled, and out the door he went.

He called on his way down the stairs, and said he hoped I wasnt upset, but he wanted to make it up to her, and this was how he thought he could....they are in the oven now, and will be decorated later.

So guess he's "sucking it up" huh?

The girls are all giddy, DD9 especially....I think she has a crush LOL
All this and I never told her why he doesnt like christmas

Brandy

I'll have to say that made my heart skip a beat and bring a tear to my eye!
What a great guy!!

 

[marybet]

Apparently you know absolutely nothing about loss and depression. He needs to heal, not grow up.

As for the OP's update...... how wonderful. sounds as if he is really getting into the spirt of the holidays. Perhaps having your family in his life is what he needed to help heal the pain he is going through.

That's a bit harsh. Did you not read my other replies? I know about loss and depression but I don't believe depression was ever mentioned. My point was that maybe it was time for him to move on. I think reading the OP's updates that he may be doing just that.

 

[sha_lyn]

Do you seriously believe the guy wouldn't be depressed over the fact that his ex wife walked out on him and took his children on Christmas day?

I believe you need to re read your own post
You didn't say he needed to move on. You said he needed to grow up.
It wasn't until you were called on your harshness that you started back peddling.

 

[marybet]

Do you seriously believe the guy wouldn't be depressed over the fact that his ex wife walked out on him and took his children on Christmas day?

I believe you need to re read your own post
You didn't say he needed to move on. You said he needed to grow up.
It wasn't until you were called on your harshness that you started back peddling.

The OP says he wouldn't help with the tree, than later she says he helped with the tree. No back peddling, from the first post I did not think he was making any effort from her next post it sounded like he was. Everyone gets depressed now and again, I took your post to mean a clinical depression and I don't believe the OP ever said he suffered from that.

I don't even know why I am replying to this, again. I was just trying to give another point of view. If you think because I said I was glad the BF was making an effort is back peddling than maybe you don't know what back peddling means. Grow up, move on, sounds like he is doing both.

 

[mudnuri]

The OP says he wouldn't help with the tree, than later she says he helped with the tree. No back peddling, from the first post I did not think he was making any effort from her next post it sounded like he was. Everyone gets depressed now and again, I took your post to mean a clinical depression and I don't believe the OP ever said he suffered from that.

I don't even know why I am replying to this, again. I was just trying to give another point of view. If you think because I said I was glad the BF was making an effort is back peddling than maybe you don't know what back peddling means. Grow up, move on, sounds like he is doing both.

He put the tree up with us last week, but when was asked to help decorate it Monday night, he didnt...no back peddling on the tree...

Brandy

 

[marybet]

He put the tree up with us last week, but when was asked to help decorate it Monday night, he didnt...no back peddling on the tree...

Brandy

Glad you straighten that out, because I was a bit confused about the tree. I think you might agree that the BF is doing what I suggested. He is doing something for your daughters that is good for them and difficult for him. I hope he continues to make new memories at Christmas, it may never be his favorite time of year but it will get easier every year.