Weirdest Kids Birthday Party ever!

[sunnyday123]

How exactly is this weird? That they got along for the sake of their child despite their differences? Should the Father drop off the face of the earth and never come around anymore because of the divorce? Should the kids be forced to pick between the parents, and have to have two separate parties because people can't be civil?? I think your neice and her soon to be ex handled the situation wonderfully, they put aside their differences and were there for their child. Too bad others couldn't do that.

 

[cheermom1]

WOW I can't imagine who the kids must of felt. You know they knew there was tension in that house! If the OP could feel it the kids could too!

I think that the mom should have had a party and the dad could have his own. They are not together any more so why do anything together.

I am a step mom and I can tell you the one and only time we had a party and all were there it was not good. As I said the kids felt that tension and it was probably not as fun for them if one or the other was not there. Too much for the kids.

Edited to add: my dh and his ex do not try to one up each otehr they just have a party for their kids at their own homes.

 

[Scurvy]

I think it's great that they were able to put aside their differences and both be there for their child's party. I do think it was inappropriate for the new boyfriend to be there when the divorce isn't even final. I would have found that to be pretty tacky, but otherwise it's wonderful that they managed to put their child first and behave like reasonable adults in the face of an unpleasant situation.

 

[cheermom1]

How are they putting their differences aside when there is nothing but tension the whole time and the mom had to have a couple of drinks to get through the party? Not my idea of fun or fun for the kids.

 

[allison443]

How are they putting their differences aside when there is nothing but tension the whole time and the mom had to have a couple of drinks to get through the party? Not my idea of fun or fun for the kids.

From the OP it sounds like the stress was caused by the boyfriend being there. She said the dad was videotaping the cake part and it was awkward to have the boyfriend right there. Maybe if the boyfriend wasn't there it wouldn't have been as stressful. (also she said the divorce was very recent, so the boyfriend hasn't been in the picture that long according to the OP)

 

[allison443]

WOW I can't imagine who the kids must of felt. You know they knew there was tension in that house! If the OP could feel it the kids could too!

I think that the mom should have had a party and the dad could have his own. They are not together any more so why do anything together. I am a step mom and I can tell you the one and only time we had a party and all were there it was not good. As I said the kids felt that tension and it was probably not as fun for them if one or the other was not there. Too much for the kids.

Edited to add: my dh and his ex do not try to one up each otehr they just have a party for their kids at their own homes.

Why do anything together? How about because they have a child together and will be parenting him together for the foreseeable future?

 

[Scurvy]

How are they putting their differences aside when there is nothing but tension the whole time and the mom had to have a couple of drinks to get through the party? Not my idea of fun or fun for the kids.

They obviously found a way to coexist peacefully for the sake of their child. I think that's admirable of them. It's more than most people do. The OP picked up on tension, but that easily could be because she is aware of their situation. The kids might not have noticed, and since the woman wasn't drunk I really doubt the kids picked up on her drinking. To them, everything might have seemed fairly normal.

Maybe she didn't have to have a couple of drinks. She might have just wanted them. Lots of other people do, whether they are in the middle of a divorce or not. There have been plenty of threads on here about people who routinely offer alcohlic beverages at kids' parties. As a non-drinker, the OP assumed the drinks were because of the situation, but since lots of people indulge in alcohol at parties (for kids or adults) that isn't necessarily the case.

 

[MariDisney]

snipped

I think that the mom should have had a party and the dad could have his own. They are not together any more so why do anything together.

I am a step mom and I can tell you the one and only time we had a party and all were there it was not good. As I said the kids felt that tension and it was probably not as fun for them if one or the other was not there. Too much for the kids.

Edited to add: my dh and his ex do not try to one up each otehr they just have a party for their kids at their own homes.

I'm also divorced. Our DD gets one party. There might be cake with a some family that couldn't make the party or something, but as for a full blown party there's only 1. We do all kinds of things together related to her: attend school events, dance recitals, orchestra performances, etc. My "new" DH comes as well. We decided long ago that we needed to get along fo DD's sake. She didn't split in half just because her parents did.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

How are they putting their differences aside when there is nothing but tension the whole time and the mom had to have a couple of drinks to get through the party? Not my idea of fun or fun for the kids.

They are putting their difference aside by making an effort! It is only natural for tension to be there, especially in the beginning. If they continue to make the effort then as times goes on they will both be able to be there for their children - TOGETHER - as a family with little to no tension at all.

 

[cheermom1]

Really you really think that the kids didn't pick up on the tension? But having a kid together does not mean you HAVE to do things together! As far as the BF that was the moms call sounds like she wanted him there so he was there. Nothing you can do about that. I can tell you right now that one time my dh and his ex tried to do just what this couple tried to do and it didn't work just like in this case it didn't work.

Mainly b/c the kids DID see and feel all the tension and it was no fun for the kids or the parents. My ex BF did the same one time and after that it was separate parties for him and my dh. If you are taking the kids feelings and putting them first then yes you will take into account how all the tension makes them feel and don't do it.

No this is not a way to co parent if it causing that much tension.

 

[krcit]

They obviously found a way to coexist peacefully for the sake of their child. I think that's admirable of them. It's more than most people do. The OP picked up on tension, but that easily could be because she is aware of their situation. The kids might not have noticed, and since the woman wasn't drunk I really doubt the kids picked up on her drinking. To them, everything might have seemed fairly normal.

Maybe she didn't have to have a couple of drinks. She might have just wanted them. Lots of other people do, whether they are in the middle of a divorce or not. There have been plenty of threads on here about people who routinely offer alcohlic beverages at kids' parties. As a non-drinker, the OP assumed the drinks were because of the situation, but since lots of people indulge in alcohol at parties (for kids or adults) that isn't necessarily the case.

To say that the parents should never do anything together ever again is silly to me. They have a child together. If they can put their differences aside for the sake of the child then more power to them. My nephew joined the military and there was recently a going away party for him. His dad shouldn't be there? Nonsense. My other nephews made their 1st Communions and my brother, his girlfriend, his ex(the boys mom) and her boyfriend were all at the party. There was mo tension because since day 1 of the break-up they have put their children first. I find it wonderful and if I ever find myself in the same situation, I will try very much to take a lesson from them.

 

[Scurvy]

They are putting their difference aside by making an effort! It is only natural for tension to be there, especially in the beginning. If they continue to make the effort then as times goes on they will both be able to be there for their children - TOGETHER - as a family with little to no tension at all.

Good point. I can't imagine that would be especially fun - or easy - for the parents the first time they do something like this. I'm sure it's a huge adjustment, and the first few times probably won't be exactly what they were aiming for. But kudos to them for trying for the sake of their child.

 

[cheermom1]

They are putting their difference aside by making an effort! It is only natural for tension to be there, especially in the beginning. If they continue to make the effort then as times goes on they will both be able to be there for their children - TOGETHER - as a family with little to no tension at all.

They are NOT a family anymore! And to keep up the idea of them being a family is putting false hope in the kids.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

To say that the parents should never do anything together ever again is silly to me. They have a child together. If they can put their differences aside for the sake of the child then more power to them. My nephew joined the military and there was recently a going away party for him. His dad shouldn't be there? Nonsense. My other nephews made their 1st Communions and my brother, his girlfriend, his ex(the boys mom) and her boyfriend were all at the party. There was mo tension because since day 1 of the break-up they have put their children first. I find it wonderful and if I ever find myself in the same situation, I will try very much to take a lesson from them.

I agree. They may not be husband and wife but they are still parents TOGETHER. I applaude all adults that put forth the effort to learn to get past this phase of discomfort and tension for the good of the family as a whole.

People that refuse to put their difference aside for the sake of their children just disgust me. Your feelings come last - the kids come first!

 

[rie'smom]

Really you really think that the kids didn't pick up on the tension? But having a kid together does not mean you HAVE to do things together! As far as the BF that was the moms call sounds like she wanted him there so he was there. Nothing you can do about that. I can tell you right now that one time my dh and his ex tried to do just what this couple tried to do and it didn't work just like in this case it didn't work.

Mainly b/c the kids DID see and feel all the tension and it was no fun for the kids or the parents. My ex BF did the same one time and after that it was separate parties for him and my dh. If you are taking the kids feelings and putting them first then yes you will take into account how all the tension makes them feel and don't do it.

No this is not a way to co parent if it causing that much tension.

They are NOT a family anymore! And to keep up the idea of them being a family is putting false hope in the kids.

Being a caring parent means having to suck it up for your children's sake. Some adults can handle this. The child saw both his dad and his mom's boyfriend at the party. Kids are not stupid. I've seen this many times. The kids appreciate having both parents at their parties. When they're grown and have some maturity, it means even more to them. This was a big step and likely won't be as difficult next time.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

They are NOT a family anymore! And to keep up the idea of them being a family is putting false hope in the kids.

That is sad. They are a family. They will always be a family. They are just not husband and wife.

 

[allison443]

They are NOT a family anymore! And to keep up the idea of them being a family is putting false hope in the kids.

Before you said that there was too much tension for the parents to be at a party together, and the tension wasn't good for the kids. Now you're saying the kids will think the parents are getting back together? Even with all the tension that you said the kids will pick up on? Sounds like a lot of rationalizations here...

 

[allison443]

I agree. They may not be husband and wife but they are still parents TOGETHER. I applaude all adults that put forth the effort to learn to get past this phase of discomfort and tension for the good of the family as a whole.

People that refuse to put their difference aside for the sake of their children just disgust me. Your feelings come last - the kids come first!

I agree!

 

[Scurvy]

They are NOT a family anymore! And to keep up the idea of them being a family is putting false hope in the kids.

Of course they are. Both parents are still the child's family. The parents may not be each other's family any longer, but they are always going to be their child's family. Just because they aren't the same kind of family they used to be doesn't mean they aren't a family at all.

 

[cheermom1]

That is sad. They are a family. They will always be a family. They are just not husband and wife.

They are faking it so how is that good for the kids? NO they are NOT a family. The kid has a family but they are not family anymore. The kid is family to the dad and his family and he is family to his mom and her family. They are SEPARATED. The kid will get false hope that they are getting back together.

The BF was invited by the mom and he did nothing wrong. Sure he might have not be been there but you don't know if the mom insisted on him being there. She might have wanted him there for a reason.

I am not a fan of putting the kids in a place that there is a lot of tension this is not good for them and as I said before if the op could feel it the kids could too. I will not be able convenience that the kids didn't feel what op felt. It was in the air!