Weird Question

[ClaraOswald]

So I just want some opinions.

My son is 11 years old and autistic. He is minimally verbal so he can't really tell us why certain things bother him.

He has never really liked to sit down while eating. So at home, we've always just let him stand. Over the years, we've tried many different kinds of seating options for him. Somewhere along the way, we realized he doesn't like to sit in chairs with a back on him. He's more willing to sit on a stool or a bench.

On vacations, I'm always super stressed since we need to eat in restaurants. We just got back from several days in South Dakota and in most places, it wasn't a big issue. They would seat us on the edges of places where him standing didn't bother anyone. Once or twice, it wasn't great though.

And before anyone suggests we force him to sit in a chair...........don't. It can't be forced. We also can't have him skipping meals because he's underweight. So mealtimes cannot be a battle for us.

At home, we really don't care if he stands. It hurts nothing.

But I'm trying to decide if this is a stupid idea for restaurants.....

Would it be ridiculous to bring one of those collapsible stools for him to sit on (if he's willing) at a restaurant?
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DCK5CRH...8LC5QSK1B&ref_=list_c_wl_lv_ov_lig_dp_it&th=1

We do NOT go to fancy restaurants at home or on vacations. Just family type places (think Denny's or fast food places.)

Is this a dumb idea? Would we get MORE looks with the stool than to just have him standing? I'm concerned as he gets older, and taller.

 

[theMoreDisneytheBetter]

In the parks your son could almost certainly stand at any quick serve restaurant - especially anything outdoors. Inside tends to more chaotic.

I don’t know if more formal restaurants would be willing to swap out your chair.

 

[ClaraOswald]

Sorry, I guess I should have clarified....I'm not talking about bringing the stool to Disney parks. (I don't think those stools are technically allowed, actually.)

So maybe this wasn't the right section of the Disability forum?

He stand at WDW and Disneyland quick service places and it's never been an issue.

I just wanted opinions of other people in the disability community about if it's crazy to consider bringing a stool like the one linked into a place like a Denny's or McDonald's when we're on road trips?

 

[lanejudy]

My only concern would be the height and would it be too short for a restaurant table. My kitchen chairs are fine at the kitchen table, but slightly low when we need extra chairs in to the dining room table. Stools like that tend to be a little low.

How does the school handle it? While I know schools can be flexible, there must be times he needs to sit. Or does he have an OT who can work on it with him?

I hope this doesn’t come across wrong — sometimes in trying to accommodate or just avoid the stress, we as parents tend to make an issue a bigger problem by not enforcing some societal norms. We accept the quirks and just allow it, maybe in the interest of keeping peace, not creating stress, or simply too tired to cope with it. But at some point in life it becomes a larger issue to be accommodated in public. I say this because I’ve come to realize we allowed DD to not use proper utensils at the dinner table, largely to have “happy” family dinner time and also to encourage caloric intake. I now have a 20-yr-old who struggles to cut meat and uses a spoon more than a fork. The spoon isn’t as odd in public as the knife/cutting skills. She did have years of PT and use of eating utensils was one of the focus skills, but we were probably too lenient at home.

Good luck in finding the right balance of accommodating.

 

[ClaraOswald]

In the classroom, they have many seating options, including wobble stools, which he prefers. At lunch, the tables have bench seating.

Right now, our main focus at mealtime is just getting him to actually eat and do it within a normal time frame. Those are the 2 battles we are currently choosing. Things like seating and proper utensil use aren't top priority just yet. If we push too hard, he wont eat. And he's almost 12 years old and he's just finally inching toward 70 pounds.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Right now, our main focus at mealtime is just getting him to actually eat

Things like seating and proper utensil use aren't top priority just yet. If we push too hard, he wont eat.

With all due respect if eating is this paramount to him at this time my advice would be to simply not eat out period.

If your sole focus is getting him food that has to be the focus. It means the experience the rest of your family has with dining will have to be adjusted either splitting up and some good to the restaurant and someone stays back with your son making sure he has food but if you're really at this stage I wouldn't be asking about bringing a stool or not, you just need to get food where the seating is of no concern, basically grab and eat at the hotel when on vacation or find fast food places where people are intended to be in and out quickly because by doing so you know your son is getting the food he needs rather than worrying about looks from other patrons, whether a stool would or wouldn't be allowed, etc.

I know that sounds quite black and white but that's my advice given your high focus on getting him to eat at all costs. It sounds quite dire according to your comments.

Otherwise if you're not inclined to agree with that assessment (and I'm only going off your comments here) I agree with another poster in the long run regarding habits.

As for the stool I don't know that anyone could answer that question because it would be up to each and every specific establishment if that would be allowed so what so and so says isn't going to matter here. Call up the location (but know the answer could change based on the employee) or if actually there ask management at that time.

 

[ClaraOswald]

Well, we don't ever eat out at home. On vacations, it is necessary. On our one this past week, for example, getting food and going back to the cabin for every meal wasn't an option.

 

[ClaraOswald]

Thanks for the responses. I guess it was a dumb idea afterall.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Would it be ridiculous to bring one of those collapsible stools for him to sit on (if he's willing) at a restaurant?
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DCK5CRH...8LC5QSK1B&ref_=list_c_wl_lv_ov_lig_dp_it&th=1

We do NOT go to fancy restaurants at home or on vacations. Just family type places (think Denny's or fast food places.)

Is this a dumb idea? Would we get MORE looks with the stool than to just have him standing? I'm concerned as he gets older, and taller.

I don't think it's ridiculous at all. Someone might notice if they happen to look over as you're setting it up, but once he's sitting on it, I don't think anyone will pay any attention to it.

There is a reason he's uncomfortable with anything touching his back while he's eating, even if he doesn't have the words to describe it yet. Maybe someday he'll be able to explain it in more detail, and maybe then you'll be able to work on less obvious strategies to mitigate whatever the issue is, but for now, I think the stool would be a fair solution to try.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Well, we don't ever eat out at home. On vacations, it is necessary. On our one this past week, for example, getting food and going back to the cabin for every meal wasn't an option.

On vacations it's not necessary for sit down places generally speaking for anyone. That may be what you want because your family would ideally like to do that and I'm sure many families would like to do (which goes back to the PP's point about long-term habits). It's looking for what establishments are quick eating, it's going to a grocery store and getting food and weather permitting letting him eat by the side of the car if you have to, IDK, a myriad of other things you could do.

I know that's not the advice you'd want someone to say but you present it like the only thing that matters is desperately getting your son food because he's underweight and you've only just gotten him at a certain point, you say you're super stressed about restaurants. From that viewpoint the details of asking about a stool and wondering if a sit down place would allow it come off 180 to that because at the end of the day you've got to get your son food and the sure fire way to do that is to not worry about whether a sit down food place would or wouldn't allow you a collapsible stool, it's going to places/getting food for him where that's not even a concern (at the moment that is).

Since you mention he can do a backless stool or bench you can google search for restaurants around where you're going to be and look at photos to see if any of their seating is like that, most often I find bar/restaurants are the place you often find backless stools the most (though they are high stools often) but seating can change from what photos are on google. Otherwise you're going to have to call and ask every time for each of the places. I could tell you that this Denny's location by my house lets outside food in but then someone else chimes in and says nope not allowed at the one by me, you get the picture.

 

[Cloudy]

Thanks for the responses. I guess it was a dumb idea afterall.

I think it's a brilliant idea. I have twin boys, one typical, one non verbal autistic. When they were young we used to bring one clip on high chair to restaurants because many restaurants we went to only had one high chair not two. Not one place gave us any trouble. All were accommodating. I can't imagine a restaurant would care, especially not the ones you are talking about. I would think it would be better and less awkward than to have him standing along a wall I honestly don't see how it would be any different than allowing someone to sit in their own wheelchair.

You may also consider a folding camp stool (bag chair) like this:

https://www.amazon.com/Wind-Tour-Portable-Lightweight-Gardening/dp/B0C6N21CWZ/ref=sr_1_8?crid=1MBNA1FAS0003&qid=1751073067&sprefix=folding+bag+stool,aps,93&sr=8-8&th=1

 

[ClaraOswald]

I don't think it's ridiculous at all. Someone might notice if they happen to look over as you're setting it up, but once he's sitting on it, I don't think anyone will pay any attention to it.

There is a reason he's uncomfortable with anything touching his back while he's eating, even if he doesn't have the words to describe it yet. Maybe someday he'll be able to explain it in more detail, and maybe then you'll be able to work on less obvious strategies to mitigate whatever the issue is, but for now, I think the stool would be a fair solution to try.

That's exactly it. I'm sure some people are the types of parents who are okay with forcing their child into things they have a sensory issue with. But I'm just not that type of parent. Probably because I, myself, hav sensory issues. It would be torturous if people made me endure those things just to fit some societal norm. That's why I was thinking something like a stool would be a good compromise/accommodation. But it looks like most here don't think it's reasonable. Which means the general public would probably agree with them.

Just like the general public would also rather kids like my son just stay home. Or eat in a parking lot.

 

[theMoreDisneytheBetter]

That's exactly it. I'm sure some people are the types of parents who are okay with forcing their child into things they have a sensory issue with. But I'm just not that type of parent. Probably because I, myself, hav sensory issues. It would be torturous if people made me endure those things just to fit some societal norm. That's why I was thinking something like a stool would be a good compromise/accommodation. But it looks like most here don't think it's reasonable. Which means the general public would probably agree with them.

Just like the general public would also rather kids like my son just stay home. Or eat in a parking lot.

I was with you until the end. You can be whatever kind of parent you want to (within the bounds of the law) and it isn’t anyone’s place to judge your decisions. Now, whether or not a restaurant will permit you to swap out a stool is up to the restaurant’s management, not a random message board. There may be reasons why it is/is not permitted that we just don’t know about. Same with whether he would be permitted to stand up at a restaurant. At McDonald’s no one would care but if waiters are walking around with heavy trays they probably want butts in seats for safety reasons.

But to say that the general public would rather your kid stay home or eat in the parking lot when the posters here are just trying to help feels quite unfair. The suggestion to eat elsewhere was for your son’s benefit - to make sure that he eats in a way that is comfortable to him - not for other diners.

 

[JennyWren]

I think the stool is a brilliant idea and I think most places would accommodate, but I would ask at the restaurant before being seated. I have a mostly non-verbal autistic 25 year old son who suffers from seizures, so we have seating issues as well and most restaurants are more than willing to us. That being said, the general public is more of a crap shoot these days when it comes to understanding.
On a side note, in regards to getting him to eat in a timely manner, I find when he has a preferred item to end his meal with he generally eats quicker...but each neurodivergent child is different so what works for some doesn't for others.

 

[CarolynFH]

I think that stool or something like it is a good idea. As PP said, restaurants accommodate wheelchairs and high chairs. I don’t see why they wouldn’t accommodate another type of alternative seating.

But it looks like most here don't think it's reasonable. Which means the general public would probably agree with them.

I’m a member of the general public, and I disagree with this statement.