Weddings from Hell

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

And just on the other end of the spectrum of sweltering hot weddings, freezing cold ones aren't a walk in the park either.

Another wedding I went to was just last December, on the coldest day of the year! It was a Friday evening and the forcast was calling for 8 degrees, about -10 degrees with the wind chill and a possible snow storm. Oh and trust me it was windy!! The wedding and reception were definitely not from hell. They were beautiful and went off without a hitch.

After the ceremony and after the receiving line, all guests were to go outside and wait for the bride and groom to exit the church so the photographer can take pictures of them with the guests on the sidelines. Well, it was windy as heck and I was in a dress, a wool cape, and open toed shoes as were half the guests. We were only supposed to be out there for a minute but instead we stood outside for about 20 minutes waiting! I was FROZEN! The bride and her bridesmaids were in strapless gowns and not one had a jacket. The guests were supposed to light sparklers (instead of throwing rice) but it was so windy and cold only about 5 got theirs lit. Finally we could get into our cars and head to the reception hall. Thank goodness because my feet were seriously numb.

Even with the heat blasting on my feet and the 40 minute drive to the hall, my feet were still frozen when I arrived. The cocktail hour was very nice. One half of it was in a 4 seasons sorta room. It was moer than warm enough in there, no problem. Well except for the fact that only minutes before we arrived they dragged in extra tables and chairs from the outside. And they were metal!! Now I had frozen feet and a frozen butt! The rest of the wedding was beautiful and warm thank goodness.

 

[BuckNaked]

My wedding day, let's see...

Showed up early to get my nails done, and the girl had quit the night before.

Finally got them finished by the back-up nail girl, was behind schedule, and got stopped for speeding on the way to the base where the wedding was to be held.

Arrived to find the bridesmaids dressing, but also to discover that the pantyhose sizes sold in the BX didn't mesh very well with conventional store sizes.

Ran across the street to the BX in my shorts and T-shirt to buy more pantyhose (I was the only one with an ID card) as my family arrived at the church. They thought I had changed my mind and was running away, and chased me down, yelling all the way.

Made a series of snarky comments about my about-to-be MIL, unaware that the videographer was taping the whole thing (I was putting on MIL's pearl necklace). As we were getting a copy of the raw tape to watch that evening with the family, this meant rewinding the tape, and re-enacting the pearl necklace sequence to make it suitable for family viewing.

Got into the church vestibule, started to walk down the aisle, and the waist strings on the antique crenoline I was wearing broke, which meant it was falling out from under the dress. A quick trip to a small corner of the vestibule, dress over the head and a couple of staples later, I finally made it down the aisle.

Other than that, it was the perfect wedding!!

 

[JunieJay]

Made a series of snarky comments about my about-to-be MIL, unaware that the videographer was taping the whole thing (I was putting on MIL's pearl necklace). As we were getting a copy of the raw tape to watch that evening with the family, this meant rewinding the tape, and re-enacting the pearl necklace sequence to make it suitable for family viewing.

(imo, she deserved to hear it, considering what she said to you on your wedding day re: the meanest thing our inlaws ever said to us thread )

 

[BuckNaked]

(imo, she deserved to hear it, considering what she said to you on your wedding day re: the meanest thing our inlaws ever said to us thread )

Probably true, but peace in the family and all that.

She just had a pretty big cancer scare this last week, and just found out yesterday that she's OK, so she swore to us last night that she's turning over a new leaf with her new lease on life.

Time will tell, but she'd better live a long damed time to make up for the misery she's caused me over the last 19 years.

 

[nuke]

My cousin married a girl from a pretty wealthy family. She has a lovely bridal shower in at the country club. Imagine my surprise when a stripper walks in and starts his show in the middle of the salad course! I took my younger cousin by the hand and we went to watch the guys tee off from the first hole. Yes there were children there as well as all the old aunts and grandmas. I found out after the fact that the father of bride arranged for the stripper. How weird is that!

 

[horseshowmom]

My cousin married a girl from a pretty wealthy family. She has a lovely bridal shower in at the country club. Imagine my surprise when a stripper walks in and starts his show in the middle of the salad course! I took my younger cousin by the hand and we went to watch the guys tee off from the first hole. Yes there were children there as well as all the old aunts and grandmas. I found out after the fact that the father of bride arranged for the stripper. How weird is that!

Pretty weird!

 

[JunieJay]

My cousin married a girl from a pretty wealthy family. She has a lovely bridal shower in at the country club. Imagine my surprise when a stripper walks in and starts his show in the middle of the salad course! I took my younger cousin by the hand and we went to watch the guys tee off from the first hole. Yes there were children there as well as all the old aunts and grandmas. I found out after the fact that the father of bride arranged for the stripper. How weird is that!

Beyond weird.

 

[liamsaunt]

Some of these stories are unbelievable! You have me laughing though.

Let's see: first wedding I ever attended, about age seven or so, when it came time for the bride and groom to feed each other cake, the groom smashed the cake into the bride's face, all over, wrecking her makeup, getting frosting on her veil, etc. Really tacky. Her repsonse was no better: she got mad and punched him in the face!

Then, when it was time for the bride to throw the bouquet, she encouraged all of the kids to come up to the front so she could throw the bouquet to us. I caught the flowers, which I was really excited about until they told me that the man who caught the garter was going to stick it on my leg! I said no way to that, so I contributed to the bad wedding by throwing a fit in front of everyone. Garter ceremony was cancelled.

Their marriage lasted about three years.

When DH and I got married, there was no garter toss.

 

[arminnie]

How drunk do you have to be to sit naked, quiet and uncomplaining in a closet for an entire marriage ceremony?

Passed out kind of drunk???

 

[RUDisney]

Worst wedding I was ever at was for a coworker.

She "accidently" got pregnant to speed along the marriage process. So, she had a sip of champagne from her toasting flute and set it down. The groom's "usherette," who was his "best girl friend" picked up the bride's glass and drank from it the rest of the night, while dancing and hanging all over the groom.

So, my bosses' wife goes into the ladies room and the usherette comes in and announces to one of her friends that she didn't "care if he's married. If I want to **** him, I'm going to **** him."

The groom had 2 other kids, both 11, from 2 different women. They were 3 months apart. His DS's mother wouldn't let him come. There was no custody agreement since he didn't want to be bothered with the boy anyway. But, his DD was there. On the way there, the DD's mother, a stripper, was in a car accident. His DD was already with him. She couldn't make it to the wedding, so he and his new wife would have to keep the DD overnight.

So, FF 4 years. He decides he doesn't like being married anymore, even though he got 1 date night per week with his best girl friend. He kicks out his wife and their DD. When he learned that she was going to play hard ball about child support, he quit his job. She finally married again and her new DH adopted her DD so she doesn't have to put up with ex's antics any more.

 

[RUDisney]

How drunk do you have to be to sit naked, quiet and uncomplaining in a closet for an entire marriage ceremony?

What happens when you wake up and realize that you're naked, in a closet, without your clothes being near?

 

[Maleficent13]

I just have this hysterical visual of this poor nekkid woman sitting awake in a dark closet, so drunk it doesn't even occur to her to try to leave.

 

[agnes!]

I just have this hysterical visual of this poor nekkid woman sitting awake in a dark closet being grateful someone put her there .

agnes!

 

[LisaL]

Worst wedding I was ever at was for a coworker.

She "accidently" got pregnant to speed along the marriage process. So, she had a sip of champagne from her toasting flute and set it down. The groom's "usherette," who was his "best girl friend" picked up the bride's glass and drank from it the rest of the night, while dancing and hanging all over the groom.

So, my bosses' wife goes into the ladies room and the usherette comes in and announces to one of her friends that she didn't "care if he's married. If I want to **** him, I'm going to **** him."

The groom had 2 other kids, both 11, from 2 different women. They were 3 months apart. His DS's mother wouldn't let him come. There was no custody agreement since he didn't want to be bothered with the boy anyway. But, his DD was there. On the way there, the DD's mother, a stripper, was in a car accident. His DD was already with him. She couldn't make it to the wedding, so he and his new wife would have to keep the DD overnight.

So, FF 4 years. He decides he doesn't like being married anymore, even though he got 1 date night per week with his best girl friend. He kicks out his wife and their DD. When he learned that she was going to play hard ball about child support, he quit his job. She finally married again and her new DH adopted her DD so she doesn't have to put up with ex's antics any more.

Wow! I'm glad it worked out for her, but it's a good reminder - be careful what you 'accidently' wish for...

 

[arminnie]

What happens when you wake up and realize that you're naked, in a closet, without your clothes being near?

I would still be there as I would never show my face again.

Supposing that she did sober up in that closet - do you think she would want to come out in the middle of the wedding?

Drunk or sober - that closet would be my new home.

 

[thptrek]

About the nekkid lady in the closet, nobody came looking for her?

 

[JunieJay]

I Drunk or sober - that closet would be my new home.

 

[shirleyb]

Oh, I've got another one!

My mom went to a wedding once where the bride and groom rode from the church to the reception on, get this, a manure spreader!!! They were a farming couple, but come on, a manure spreader???? I can see a tractor, or a hay wagon....

 

[Pkaroch]

Mine wasn't so much the wedding from h*ll, I just wanted to divorce that particular branch of the family....

My cousin was getting married for the second time, and he called me and asked me to be a bridesmaid. I had NEVER met his bride before, and in fact he ditched my best friend to move in with her. So already I'm wondering what kind of woman she is that she is ok with an out-of-state cousin she's never met being a bridesmaid. Did she not have any friends? (No, by the way, the other bridesmaids were his sister and her two brothers' wives.) She picked a spaghetti strap lilac dress (yuck), that I had to order sight-unseen since I was out of state, and it arrived in a since 28. Which would have been fine if I wasn't a size 16. So $150 in alterations later, it sort of fits, but ends up looking nothing like the other dresses because, well, it was just hopeless.

The day of the wedding, my cousin (the bridesmaid) is drinking at 9 in the morning. The limo is late, and when it does get there the bride insists upon the driver taking an out of the way route so we can drive past the groom's first wife's house and honk the horn. After the ceremony and the receiving line, the guests have gone to the reception and the limo is MIA. So the bride sits on a cooler they brought to the church and proceeds to swill Blackhaus from the bottle, on the front lawn of the church, in her wedding gown, in front of the town's acting chief of police. At the reception, my bridesmaid cousin first threw herself at the (married) groomsmen, declaring I could have the one she did not pick. How generous. Then she went to the bathroom and threw up all over herself and the bathroom and had to be carried out. I was never so happy to board a plane bound for Raleigh in my entire life. The funny thing is, my parents expected me to make a scene and embarass them because they knew I was so not thrilled at having to go to begin with. I came out smelling like a rose!

 

[nuke]

I just remembered another funny one. My BIL's wedding a couple of years ago. One of the female guests had a little too much to drink and was giving lap dances to unsuspecting men. She would just come up to them and start doing her thing. Her mother was also there but didn't want to interupt her 3 hours of an open bar to take the girl home.