Weddings from Hell

[horseshowmom]

You obviously haven't heard about Jeafl's MIL.

(who I assume is the mother of this bride Jeafl? )

I must have missed it. I've got to pay closer attention!

 

[Evil Genius]

The first one that comes to mind is my sister's wedding. We are at my folks house, getting portraits done and the phone rings. It's my sister's future MIL telling my sister that her son (the groom) will not be getting married today as he is not feeling well. Needless to say, sister loses it. She talks to groom and he says he MIGHT be able to make it through the ceremony. Okay, that's good. So off we go to the church, walk down the aisle, groom is standing, looking like a ghost. My sister makes it to the alter, groom looks at her and says, I hope your happy. (Niiiiicccccceeee) Half way through the 20 minute ceremony groom's father pulls out a wheelchair and helps the groom into it. Groom gets out of the wheelchair to walk back down the aisle and greet guests. He seems fine at the reception, eating, drinking alcohol, the whole nine yards. That is until he's suppose to dance with my sister, then he's too sick and he's afraid the spinning will make puke. Does it surprise anyone that they are divorced.


OR there's my first wedding. The ex is Jewish and I'm not. He insists that doesn't matter as his family doesn't go to Temple, etc. Okee Dokee. Well as we start to plan, he tells me that we have to find a church that either doesn't have a large crucifix or preferably one without it, as a cross will upset his mother. Not as easy as it sounds. We end up getting married at a very nice Methodist chapel with a crucifix on the altar. By the time the wedding day comes, I know that my future MIL does not like me and never will. She walks down the aisle, crying her eyes out, like she's at a funeral. It is August and 98 degrees out. There is no air conditioning in this 100 year old chapel so there I stand sweating 10 pounds off.Get through the ceremony, we turn around to be introduced and the MIL gets up and goes running down the aisle crying and out the church doors. No one moves. So we walk down the aisle and the first one to "congratulate" us is my FIL he hugs his son and says to him quite loudly. Congratulations don't &^*@ this up." Hugs me and proceeds to pull my headpiece and veil half way off my head in the process. The pictures from that wedding are priceless. They asked my parents to stand next to my ex and his parents to stand next to me. So there's my dad, my mom, the ex and me all with our arms around each other,smiling. Then there's a 4 inch gap, my MIL and my FIL. MIL glaring at the camera and FIL looking confused.

 

[speedydisteen]

the only wedding that comes to mind was my aunt's. bless my poor aunt! ok they wanted a july wedding. ok that wasn't too bad. so we had it in Virginia. it's nice. here is the big story.

it was the day of the wedding. the wedding was outside. now when you hear an outdoor wedding you think "aww how nice." not at this wedding! it is one of the hottest days in Virginia! it was like 104. anyway my family had wonderful jobs! my mom was the maid of honor, my dad was the best man, i was one of the bridesmaids, and my younger brother was the ring bearer. (he was like 8) anyway we had to get up EARLY! the wedding was at 10:00 and we had to drive for 3 ****** hours east to get to it! so we had to get up at like 5:00! because my hair had to be curled, i had to have my pretty pink strapless dress all neat and tidy, and my heels all nice. my brothers also had to have their tuxes. we had a small breakfast at 5:30. (remember small breakfast at 5:30) so we get out the door at 6:00. we start driving to the wedding site. we get there 3 hours later to find NO GROOM! he told us to be there an hour early and we did! but he wasn't there! finally a half hour later he arrives. now my aunt looked gorgeous! anyway he doesn't have his tux on and he doesn't have it! so my dad ends up driving to the nearby mall, gets a tux, and drives back. he had to change fast! so we all start walking down the aisle. that was fine. everything went well except during the entire ceremony the pastor keeps calling my future uncle jerry instead of harry. we all tried to contain our laughter. then we walk to the reception site. ok now it is around 10:30. i haven't eaten since 5:30, it was an extremely hot day, and when i haven't had a lot of water (which i didn't) something not very good happens. so i pass out! 10 seconds later i wake up with my head throbbing wondering "what the he** just happend and why does my head hurt so dang bad!" so the MIL is putting ice down my back trying to cool me off. then i was fine and went on with the rest of the wedding. well we finally eat lunch. it was actually very good! but the MIL threw a hissy fit in front of everyone because she didn't like carots and they were touching the lettuce! completely ocd! so then the MIL decides that she doesn't like my aunt and whispers over to her "you know i wish my son had married his ex-girlfriend" apparently she had had a LOT of cocktails! then she goes around telling everyone the exact same thing. so the wedding ends at 1:00. so the bride and groom went off on their honeymoon thus making them from a fimaly of 2, to a family of 6. (3 cousins are triplets and are 3 and 1 is 1.) they lived happily ever after! except for her and the MIL. that is a different story!

 

[swea_pea1]

Mine has got to be my BIL's wedding. Geesh, what a nightmare!

First, my MIL and I have never been what you'd call "friendly". We are civil to one another, but that's about it. She made a disaster out of my wedding (refused to even bring a camera because she wanted no documentation) and so with her other son, she decided to make it wonderful.

When they got engaged, I decided I'd throw the bride a shower. My MIL made that a living hell...she wanted a nice shower, not like the one I had - those were her exact words. Anyway, it was clear that I was not going to please MIL with a nice little shower in a restaurant, so I bagged it and told her she could do it. She refused and said that the bride's friends were giving her one anyway and she'd just attend that one. OK, that was fine with me.

So fast forward to the shower. Strangest thing I'd ever seen. There was no food - but we did have a box of wine which came in mighty handy for me. Halfway into the shower, a man walks in and asks where he can set up. I looked at MIL and asked her what he was setting up. She had no idea either but we were both hoping it was the food - even though that would have been strange, we'd have at least gotten fed a little.

We were wrong. He was setting up a display of sex toys!!! In the middle of a bridal shower, we were having a demonstration of what can only be described as NC-17 rated items, at best. I don't think I can adequately explain the horror of having to pass around various sexual devices with my MIL sitting next to me. The worst part, to me anyway, was that the bride was sponsoring the "party" so all the proceeds of what we bought were credited to her! So, not only was I into this shower for $100 or so, but the bride was going to profit if I happened to buy a marital aid. Did I mention my MIL was sitting right next to me????? How does one descreetly pick out some mechanical device to get her husband hot in the bedroom with his mother right there?

I went from worst to first in one night in my MIL's eyes.

Next was the rehearsal dinner, held on a Friday night during Lent. DH's family, and me, are all Catholic but there was no meatless choice offered. DH and I ate the salad and bread, but that was pretty much it. When the waitress laid a bill on our table, I couldn't believe it. I just pulled out my credit card to get it over with but should have waited because my FIL came to all our family's tables and picked them up. Oh well, another $100 shot.

So on to the wedding. Like so many others on this thread, we were told to get to the church way ahead of time - like 90 minutes from what I can recall. No bride, no groom. Just us. The wedding finally started about 1/2 hour late and it went ok. MIL, for continuity's sake maybe, wanted no pictures of our family. DH was the best man, DD was the flower girl, and DS was the ring bearer, and there were exactly 0 professional pictures taken. OOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKK! That was another $300 down the drain.

On to the reception where MIL talked incessantly about how she wanted to pay for this, and she wanted to pay for that, and the bride's mother - the witch! - wouldn't accept it. MIL was unbelievably offended and told everybody she could about it. But I was her favorite sounding board, probably because she hadn't offered to pay one red cent when I was marrying her other son. She continued on all night, telling everybody all night long how she would have done it better had she been given the opportunity to pay and constantly dogging the bride's mother. She refused to dance with my BIL for the mother-son dance because she said her toe hurt

Between the shower, the wedding attire, the hotel, and the wedding gift, I spent over $1000 on that wedding. I never got a thank you note or a picture of the wedding party and they split up about 9 months after the wedding.

The worst part is that I know he'll meet another woman and I'll have to go through the whole thing all over again!

 

[JunieJay]

OMG, there have been some funny, funny stories on this thread, but sweat pea, you get the prize honey. I am seriously reading - OMG I am imagining me sitting with my MIL at a sex toy party and I am horrified!

 

[LisaL]

Mine has got to be my BIL's wedding. Geesh, what a nightmare!

First, my MIL and I have never been what you'd call "friendly". We are civil to one another, but that's about it. She made a disaster out of my wedding (refused to even bring a camera because she wanted no documentation) and so with her other son, she decided to make it wonderful.

...

So fast forward to the shower. Strangest thing I'd ever seen.

...

In the middle of a bridal shower, we were having a demonstration of what can only be described as NC-17 rated items, at best. ... Did I mention my MIL was sitting right next to me?????

...

I went from worst to first in one night in my MIL's eyes.

 

[Tracey1974]

Marital aids!! Is that what they are calling them these days?

OMG- I am soooo right now! What great stories!!

 

[joshsmom]

No marital aids in my story--but CLOSE!!

My favorite cousin whom I grew up one block away from, who is 9 months older than me and whom I spent all my grade school years with in the same classroom, met the GIRL OF HIS DREAMS--at a nightclub. She was the coatcheck girl and she was FABULOUS--according to him. A very classy type, just working in the coat room to make some extra cash for college. They dated all of 2 months and then set the wedding date 3 months later. We were both in our early 20's at the time.

One mishap after another--all having to do with money. My Aunt ended up hosting the shower for her because she *said* the swanky restaurant she had chosen had double-booked and couldn't accomodate her. So 3 days or so before the actual event, it is switched to my Aunt's home. Shower was for about 40-50 people and I honestly DON'T remember her family being there (I'm sure they were though). My Aunt and her family are VERY strict Methodists, and this is only important because my Aunt's very elderly mother and elderly aunts were there. All of a sudden there is a knock on the door. Before any of us could even GUESS what was going to happen, this police officer comes in and sets up his boombox. You guessed it, he started STRIPPING right there in the living room!!! Please be reminded, this WAS the Bridal Shower and NOT the Bachelorette party. I believe the Bride and her friends just smashed the two together to save money. My Aunt's mother DARN NEAR passed out!!! I took her outside with my own very strict Catholic mother to get them some air. Needless to say, it was HORRIBLE!!!

Even stranger is that soon after the wedding, the Bride was arrested for stealing things out of the coats (or the coats themselves). Guess she got to meet her police officer after all!!!!

 

[ZPT1022]

Did I mention my MIL was sitting right next to me????? How does one descreetly pick out some mechanical device to get her husband hot in the bedroom with his mother right there?

Not only that, who has one of those parties with their mother in law there? At least you were in the same position as her by being unwittingly dropped into the situation but your ex SIL **CHOSE** to have a party where her MIL could watch her pick out sex toys to use with her son.

 

[fan_of_small_world]

I went from worst to first in one night in my MIL's eyes.

 

[scrump]

These threads are always fun.

Mine is DH's cousin (but they are close, so more like BIL). We flew to Atlanta for his wedding. As soon as we got off the plane, we were told that we have to help set up for the outdoor wedding. Turns out they were too cheap to hire people to work the wedding, so we had to help set up a tent, tables and settings for 80 people, and part of a bounce house for the kiddies. I didn't even have time to shower after all that work, and frankly I didn't get a crap at that point.

 

[ilovejack02]

Well, it may not have been SO bad if:

1) The outfit that my ex MIL wore did not have her breasts hanging out so much in the front. She announced to anyone and everyone that was listening that she was the town *****, and then giggling about it. Nice.

2) The outfit that my ex FIL wore did not include a crown, since he kept proclaiming that he was the king of the party and deserved to do everything first.

3) I was the only one dressed in wedding attire. The pictures were hideous because I was in a normal wedding gown, my ex was in his gay prince outfit. It was awful. I was so angry with myself for letting him talk me into it, that I didn't let anyone see the pictures for a long time.

There WAS a video. I had forgotten that I had it, and I caught my now husband watching it one day, laughing his head off. I nearly killed him I sliced and diced that tape and burned it.

No joke i would have paid good money to see those pics and video lol!

 

[Caradana]

Man

Mine was totally boring compared to this!!! Haaaaaaaaa.

My horror show wedding came in July '05 - the fifth time I was a bridesmaid in '05. Temp: 98. Dress: Pink satin and taffeta, $180. Shoes: Dyed to match, because Pepto Pink shoes are on everyone's must-have list: $60. Makeup: $50. Hair: $80. Earrings: $20. Bachelorette party I couldn't attend but couldn't bear to leave my best friend (another bridesmaid and the unfortunate hostess) in the lurch: $150. Shower contribution: $200. Hotel: $200. Bridesmaids lunch: $40. Mani/Pedi: $45. Total: $1,025 or thereabouts. Feeling of sweat running down the back of my taffeta-stuck legs as I tried not to pass out in the ovenlike church = priceless.

I wish I had a pic of my best friend, another bridesmaid, holding the Mother of the Bride's elbow and moving the steamer she was holding up and down in the vague vicinity of the dress. The MOB had Xanaxed that morning and was essentially semiconscious for the ceremony. She perked up to do her reading, by Khalil Gibram: "Be close to your husband, but not too close. Let the winds of time pass between you. Share your bread, but don't share all of it. Keep some of your bread for yourself." Can you tell that the bride's parents were going through a divorce??? I was mentally cataloguing the great pirate civilizations of Western History to keep myself from bursting my Pepto-pink corset ties with laughter. "Hernando DeSoto ..."

 

[JanDave]

Jan

 

[thptrek]

Speaking of hot weddings, my best friend was married in the summer in Morgantown WV. It was one of the hottest days of the year and the little chapel had no A/C, it was an oven. Myself and the other groomsmen were in a back room hanging out before the wedding and all of us had just about sweated through our tuxes. Someone found a fan and there we were in front of the fan with our jackets and shirts off trying to cool down and also dry out our clothes.

We did manage to get redressed by the time the wedding started. Dressed but still sweating and wet.

 

[Jeafl]

You obviously haven't heard about Jeafl's MIL.

(who I assume is the mother of this bride Jeafl? )

Sadly, it is all true, and yes Judi, she is the daughter of my MIL. I am going to see if I can dig up some pictures to post.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

Sadly, it is all true, and yes Judi, she is the daughter of my MIL. I am going to see if I can dig up some pictures to post.

Well, I didn't want to rudely demand pictures , but I'm dying to see them! PICTURES! PICTURES! Surely there is a photo of the bear in the Hawaiian shirt??

 

[Pigeon]

I wasn't actually at this wedding, but it's a good story...

A friend of mine used to be the event manager at one of the Newport mansions, in which they booked extremely expensive weddings. The basic layout had the guests sitting in a room with a grand spiral staircase. The bride was to make her grand entrance by marching down the staircase with the wedding party.

For this wedding, the guests were assembled listening to a prelude of classical music, played by a string quartet. Suddenly, down the staircase came, not the flower girl, not the bridesmaid, not the maid of honor... but at totally naked woman unrelated to the wedding. My friend, always one to think on her feet, observed that the woman was pretty drunk/drugged, and she threw a tablecloth over the woman and hustled her into a closet until the wedding was over. Bet the bride never mailed that woman a thank you note!

 

[JunieJay]

I wasn't actually at this wedding, but it's a good story...

A friend of mine used to be the event manager at one of the Newport mansions, in which they booked extremely expensive weddings. The basic layout had the guests sitting in a room with a grand spiral staircase. The bride was to make her grand entrance by marching down the staircase with the wedding party.

For this wedding, the guests were assembled listening to a prelude of classical music, played by a string quartet. Suddenly, down the staircase came, not the flower girl, not the bridesmaid, not the maid of honor... but at totally naked woman unrelated to the wedding. My friend, always one to think on her feet, observed that the woman was pretty drunk/drugged, and she threw a tablecloth over the woman and hustled her into a closet until the wedding was over. Bet the bride never mailed that woman a thank you note!

I gotta stop reading this at work, I'm losing control of myself reading some of these. Snorting is not a good cube etiquette.

 

[Maleficent13]

How drunk do you have to be to sit naked, quiet and uncomplaining in a closet for an entire marriage ceremony?