Wedding shower overload :)

[rchristiansen]

I posted last week about a couple's wedding shower we attended and asked about the gifts and wondered if we needed to purchase one or two gifts (one for the shower and one for the wedding). After posting and checking other ideas, we decided to give a gift off the registry for the shower and a restaurant gift card for the actual wedding gift. Ok, I'm fine with that and have learned to accept the new tradition.

Well, NOW I got invited to a bachelorette party for the same person that costs $50 per person and each person is supposed to bring a lingerie gift.

I'm unable to attend that day, but isn't this a little much? A shower gift, a wedding gift AND another gift plus $50 to cover the cost of the party?

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Parties are going more and more overboard. Have you seen kids' parties? I guess I deprived my kids by playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey and having cake and ice cream.

And I forgot to answer your question. I do think it is overboard expecting all that of a guest.

 

[Mkrop]

I posted last week about a couple's wedding shower we attended and asked about the gifts and wondered if we needed to purchase one or two gifts (one for the shower and one for the wedding). After posting and checking other ideas, we decided to give a gift off the registry for the shower and a restaurant gift card for the actual wedding gift. Ok, I'm fine with that and have learned to accept the new tradition.

Well, NOW I got invited to a bachelorette party for the same person that costs $50 per person and each person is supposed to bring a lingerie gift.

I'm unable to attend that day, but isn't this a little much? A shower gift, a wedding gift AND another gift plus $50 to cover the cost of the party?

I am 41 and this is how it was when I got married minus the lingerie gift, but everyone did pay for the bachelorette party.

And cash is the normal wedding gift here.

But I have discovered from reading on the DIS that weddings and what is acceptable is VERY REGIONAL. What is done in the PA/NJ?NY area seems to be different then other areas of the country.

 

[Anne34]

I posted last week about a couple's wedding shower we attended and asked about the gifts and wondered if we needed to purchase one or two gifts (one for the shower and one for the wedding). After posting and checking other ideas, we decided to give a gift off the registry for the shower and a restaurant gift card for the actual wedding gift. Ok, I'm fine with that and have learned to accept the new tradition.

Well, NOW I got invited to a bachelorette party for the same person that costs $50 per person and each person is supposed to bring a lingerie gift.

I'm unable to attend that day, but isn't this a little much? A shower gift, a wedding gift AND another gift plus $50 to cover the cost of the party?

I grew up in Wisconsin too -- and we have always given to both wedding showers & the actual wedding. Never heard of anyone who went to both and didn't have a gift for both -- that would be tacky in our area. The bachelorette party is optional and it depends on how close you are to the bride if you want to attend. I agree that the $50 cover + lingerie is a lot, but if she is a good friend I'd do it. Again, it depends on your budget.

 

[luvmy3]

The norm here is to give a gift for the shower, usually something off the registry, and then give a cash gift for the wedding. It is also normal to pay for the bacholerette party, and its usually people who are close to the bride. I have never given a seperate gift for a bacholerette party.

 

[rchristiansen]

I grew up in Wisconsin too -- and we have always given to both wedding showers & the actual wedding. Never heard of anyone who went to both and didn't have a gift for both -- that would be tacky in our area. The bachelorette party is optional and it depends on how close you are to the bride if you want to attend. I agree that the $50 cover + lingerie is a lot, but if she is a good friend I'd do it. Again, it depends on your budget.

I originally was confused because it was a couple's shower. I never heard of a couple's wedding shower until recently. DH and I had a gift opening AFTER the wedding and I had a garden party shower with about 20 people where i got a few household items and lingerie. So I didn't know if the couple's shower was the equivalent to the gift opening "party". But I've learned now it's not.

I've been with girlfriends for bachelorette "evenings" where we pay for dinner or go to the movies, but never did it amount to $50 per person. I actually don't care for for the ones where a party bus/limo is required. Not really my idea of fun, so I guess it's a good thing I'm out of town that weekend.

 

[marie1203]

I agree with you! I hate the showers before the wedding. I didn't not have a wedding shower and my bachelorette party was my sister, mom and I going to the spa, getting our nails done and just relaxing. I think it is ridiculous to do all this events and expect so much. Growing up we moved a lot, because of my mom's work (internationally). Most places we lived do not have wedding showers. I never go to wedding showers because I really dislike the whole thing.

 

[tomthebarncat]

Can you say "Gift Grab", it is not a party but a fund raiser.

 

[minniecarousel]

I'm OLD, and I always gave a shower gift & a wedding gift. Can't say that my crowd ever had a bachelorette party, but I'd chip in and give a gift. Of course, my personal budget would dictate how much I spent on everything.

There are no expectations around here for "covering your plate" (that just seems so tacky - "give a cash gift equivalent to how much the B&G pay for your sit-down reception meal" - how on erth does one determine that? ask?)

 

[krcit]

Around here it is standard to give a shower gift and a wedding gift. Bachelorette parties are usually for the close friends and family of the bride. I have never been asked to give a gift at the bachelorette party but you do pay for the party.

 

[woodkins]

I originally was confused because it was a couple's shower. I never heard of a couple's wedding shower until recently. DH and I had a gift opening AFTER the wedding and I had a garden party shower with about 20 people where i got a few household items and lingerie. So I didn't know if the couple's shower was the equivalent to the gift opening "party". But I've learned now it's not.

I've been with girlfriends for bachelorette "evenings" where we pay for dinner or go to the movies, but never did it amount to $50 per person. I actually don't care for for the ones where a party bus/limo is required. Not really my idea of fun, so I guess it's a good thing I'm out of town that weekend.

Normal here is a bridal shower, bachelorette party with bride's closest friends (everyone pays for themselves and chips in to cover the bride), and then wedding gift. Everyone gives Cash for the wedding, I have never in my life seen someone bring an actual gift to a wedding, only envelopes.

What is a gift opening party? What would be the point of the party after you are married? That is something I never heard of.

 

[Pakey]

Here it's standard to give a shower gift from the registry and cash wedding gift. Both of my daughters in law also had bachelorette parties.

 

[rchristiansen]

What is a gift opening party? What would be the point of the party after you are married? That is something I never heard of.

We ate left-over cake, had lunch and opened the gifts. It was our parents, the bridal party and then a few friends over at my parents house the day after the wedding. No one actually brought a gift to that event. Some gifts were shipped to my parents house prior to the wedding and many were brought to the reception.

Most wedding's (both my and DH's side) I have been a part of had some sort of get together the day after the wedding like that.

 

[rchristiansen]

I agree with you! I hate the showers before the wedding. I didn't not have a wedding shower and my bachelorette party was my sister, mom and I going to the spa, getting our nails done and just relaxing. I think it is ridiculous to do all this events and expect so much. .

I too have been getting grumpy about wedding showers. I will get flamed for this, but I'll say it anyway. I dunno, but it seems greedy to be showering the couple with towels, pots & pans, tools from Sears and a new bedding set when they have been living together for years and already share the mortgage. It just seems weird to me. Don't they have that stuff already?

DH and I had a 10 year anniversary party a couple years ago that was a blast - but we specifically noted on the invitation no gifts please. We're wondering now if we should have registered for gifts to replace the old stuff we have. (I'm kidding of course)

 

[mjkacmom]

I too have been getting grumpy about wedding showers. I will get flamed for this, but I'll say it anyway. I dunno, but it seems greedy to be showering the couple with towels, pots & pans, tools from Sears and a new bedding set when they have been living together for years and already share the mortgage. It just seems weird to me. Don't they have that stuff already?

DH and I had a 10 year anniversary party a couple years ago that was a blast - but we specifically noted on the invitation no gifts please. We're wondering now if we should have registered for gifts to replace the old stuff we have. (I'm kidding of course)

Bridal showers have been going on for over 100 years. Back in the day, the bride's parents used to give a dowery. The shower started when the family was too poor to provide one, and still continues today. Most couples I know didn't buy a home before getting married, and most of our friends didn't get married until their late 20's.

I wouldn't think to give a gift at a 10th anniversary party - I wouldn't even think to have a 10th anniversary party. Maybe 25th.

 

[Christine]

Where I am from a Bachelorette Party is normal; however, no gifts are given.

There can be various showers. Usually the big one is for family and friends. Sometimes a smaller one can be given by very close friends that is a "lingerie shower" and only a few people will be invited to that (usually the bride's "inner circle"). Sometimes a "work" shower might be thrown.

None of these are you obligated to attend or get a gift for. However, if you are special enough to be invited to a wedding you should always gift for that whether you go or not. Showers are definitely optional.