wedding/shower invite question

[antmaril]

The way I understand it, you can be invited to a wedding without being invited to the shower, but you should not be invited to a shower if you are not invited to the wedding. I would decline.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It sounds like this is more than a shower? Its a shower and a party, right? I wouldn't be bothered in the least by it.

First off, I have never understood the whole "only those invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower" thing. A lot of people have very small weddings--family only or get married at a distant location, but have a lot of friends that would like to celebrate with and honor the bride at a shower. Same thing with the bachelorette party.

If you want to go and celebrate with her---go. If you don't, don't go. But there is certainly no sense in getting all bothered by it. And certainly no sense in calling anyone rude and uncaring (not you OP).

For older people who don't go to the "party stuff", I think that it matters to them that they are not invited to the "formal event", esp. if you are family.

To ask someone to travel out of state to "party" is just not something that is kind to do to an older relative, you know?

I cannot imagine my mother in her 70's being snubbed for the formal event and then sent an invite to her for a weekend extravaganza out of state. It just screams GIFT GRAB in that case which is rude to do imo. She would feel obligated to send a gift.

 

[luvsJack]

For older people who don't go to the "party stuff", I think that it matters to them that they are not invited to the "formal event", esp. if you are family.

To ask someone to travel out of state to "party" is just not something that is kind to do to an older relative, you know?

I cannot imagine my mother in her 70's being snubbed for the formal event and then sent an invite to her for a weekend extravaganza out of state. It just screams GIFT GRAB in that case which is rude to do imo. She would feel obligated to send a gift.

Well we would need to know what kind of party we are talking about here. A real "bacherlorette" type of party or a more formal affair. Since the more hard core type of party usually doesn't include invites to the older crowd or many times more than the attendants, maybe its not that kind of party.

Since its a weekend thing, maybe there are other events that aren't just for the partying crowd that the bride thought her aunt would enjoy and could spend time with her sibling/bride's parents. I have known brides that had teas, luncheons and breakfasts over the weekend before the wedding and many relatives and friends or even business associates of the parents were invited. And, no, all the events did not require a gift or even expect one.

I think some details are needed before it is deemed that the bride is being rude. But if it did come down to just a gift grab then yes, I agree, somewhat rude.

 

[momof1princess]

OP, I agree with your relative. I'd be annoyed too. I'm in the same situation-got an invite to a bridal shower for a guy who grew up in the church I work at and attend. I couldn't go, but sent a nice gift to him and his future wife off the registry, and received prompt thank-you note. Was not invited to the wedding, which is a week from Saturday. In this case, it's not a matter of money; both families are VERY well-off, and the wedding is a huge bash. It's just plain tacky.

 

[LiveYourLife]

Tut-tut...tacky, tacky, tacky. Bless that poor child's heart (((clutches pearls)))!

OP, I would politely decline.