wedding/shower invite question

[lovin'fl]

Have a relative getting married in another state. We were told we wouldn't be invited to the wedding as they are trying to keep it small (we= me and another family member). We just got invites to bridal shower/bachelorette party WEEKEND. First, other family member is a tad irritated that we'd get invited to that but not the wedding...is she wrong? Second, it's an entire weekend extravaganza and I think that's a bit much. Third, the invites are plain letters typed up on plain paper...also odd.

It doesn't bother me, really. I just will RSVP that I can't make it to any of the functions that weekend. Might go to the bridal shower (maybe). But it's really bugging my other family member.

 

[nicolita3]

I think its rude to invite someone to the shower and not the wedding, it makes it like a gift grab.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Extremely tacky to be invited to a shower and not the actual wedding.

You are good enough to be hit up for a gift - but not good enough to be invited to the wedding.

I would send a gracious hand written note that I would be unable to attend.

 

[MrsDuck]

Have a relative getting married in another state. We were told we wouldn't be invited to the wedding as they are trying to keep it small (we= me and another family member). We just got invites to bridal shower/bachelorette party WEEKEND. First, other family member is a tad irritated that we'd get invited to that but not the wedding...is she wrong? Second, it's an entire weekend extravaganza and I think that's a bit much. Third, the invites are plain letters typed up on plain paper...also odd.

It doesn't bother me, really. I just will RSVP that I can't make it to any of the functions that weekend. Might go to the bridal shower (maybe). But it's really bugging my other family member.

The "rule" is that you don't invite someone to the shower that isn't invited to the wedding.

Personally, I'd RSVP no to all events unless you'd like to attend!

 

[Nancy]

I think its rude to invite someone to the shower and not the wedding, it makes it like a gift grab.

this is exactly what I was going to say.

 

[cluvsdisney]

No, you're mother is not wrong to be offended by being invited to the Pre-Wedding Party Extravaganza and not the wedding.

If the couple have a lot of out friends & family from out of town, I can see having everything on one weekend, so I really think that's practical. The bachelorette party might have been planned based on the brides requests so I can't fault the bride's sister for giving everyone a warning.

I do think separate invitations should have been issued for each event. They don't need to be fancy or elaborate, but they are two completely different events.

 

[lilkimmyk]

Did they change their mind about not inviting you family to wedding? Maybe they have changed their mind about a small wedding. If they did not, however, I wouldn't attend any of the pre-wedding events. I wouldn't ask someone to share in all the excitement (and purchase a gift) leading up to the big day and then tell them they couldn't be there on the most special one. That's the finale! I understand why your mom would be hurt. I have seen small weddings where guest lists include aunts and uncles of the bride/groom then not extended further to their children, but not left out completely. That is, of course, just my experience and opinion on your situation.

 

[Hannathy]

If you want a small wedding then you want a small wedding and that includes all the events!!

Very tacky and rude.

And it would have to be an extremely small wedding to not even include your aunts and uncles and in that case you don't get all the trappings -big showers, etc. ( and that's fine if you just want a couple people there) I don't blame your Mom for being very upset, one of her siblings raised a very rude and uncaring child.

 

[scrapquitler]

Have a relative getting married in another state. We were told we wouldn't be invited to the wedding as they are trying to keep it small (we= me and another family member). We just got invites to bridal shower/bachelorette party WEEKEND. First, other family member is a tad irritated that we'd get invited to that but not the wedding...is she wrong? Second, it's an entire weekend extravaganza and I think that's a bit much. Third, the invites are plain letters typed up on plain paper...also odd.

It doesn't bother me, really. I just will RSVP that I can't make it to any of the functions that weekend. Might go to the bridal shower (maybe). But it's really bugging my other family member.

I don't see the point of people getting irritated about being invited or not being invited, or about what the invitation looks like, or what kind of celebrations and events the bride and groom choose to have. The bottom line is that it is an invitation, not a mandate. Go if you want to go, don't go if you don't want to go. And let the rest all slide off and don't take things so personally.

 

[Laura66]

If you want a small wedding then you want a small wedding and that includes all the events!!

Very tacky and rude.

And it would have to be an extremely small wedding to not even include your aunts and uncles and in that case you don't get all the trappings -big showers, etc. ( and that's fine if you just want a couple people there) I don't blame your Mom for being very upset, one of her siblings raised a very rude and uncaring child.

This!

 

[Scornelius]

How much time is there between the weekend and the wedding? Have invitations for the wedding already gone out? Just to play devil's advocate, showers and bachlorette parties are usually planned by people other than the bride, and maybe they don't know you're not invited to the actual wedding? That happened to me. My step mom planned a party for us and invited people she assumed would be at the wedding. It was pretty awkward.

 

[lovin'fl]

Would it change everyone's opinion if we were told that, while we would not be invited to the wedding, we would be invited to a party later in the year (where the bride lives...wedding is also where she lives)? Would that make it not tacky or rude to be invited to the shower?

 

[lovin'fl]

I don't see the point of people getting irritated about being invited or not being invited, or about what the invitation looks like, or what kind of celebrations and events the bride and groom choose to have. The bottom line is that it is an invitation, not a mandate. Go if you want to go, don't go if you don't want to go. And let the rest all slide off and don't take things so personally.

Yes, that is how I feel.

 

[lovin'fl]

How much time is there between the weekend and the wedding? Have invitations for the wedding already gone out? Just to play devil's advocate, showers and bachlorette parties are usually planned by people other than the bride, and maybe they don't know you're not invited to the actual wedding? That happened to me. My step mom planned a party for us and invited people she assumed would be at the wedding. It was pretty awkward.

Don't know the wedding date but it is this summer. The bridal shower host does know the situation.

 

[Hannathy]

Would it change everyone's opinion if we were told that, while we would not be invited to the wedding, we would be invited to a party later in the year (where the bride lives...wedding is also where she lives)? Would that make it not tacky or rude to be invited to the shower?

If they are having a reception then those invitations should have gone out before the shower invites or at least a save the date card.

 

[marthachick]

Would it change everyone's opinion if we were told that, while we would not be invited to the wedding, we would be invited to a party later in the year (where the bride lives...wedding is also where she lives)? Would that make it not tacky or rude to be invited to the shower?

Is this another event that you will be expected to bring a gift? If so, I think I would be busy for all of the dates. And yes, I think it's tacky.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Have a relative getting married in another state. We were told we wouldn't be invited to the wedding as they are trying to keep it small (we= me and another family member). We just got invites to bridal shower/bachelorette party WEEKEND. First, other family member is a tad irritated that we'd get invited to that but not the wedding...is she wrong? Second, it's an entire weekend extravaganza and I think that's a bit much. Third, the invites are plain letters typed up on plain paper...also odd.

It doesn't bother me, really. I just will RSVP that I can't make it to any of the functions that weekend. Might go to the bridal shower (maybe). But it's really bugging my other family member.

It is a rude thing to do frankly so I can't say I do not blame your other family member for being irked. Your soon to be bride needs some couth for Pete's sake.

However an invitation is not a demand and you are free to RSVP you will not be able to attend the weekend extravaganza.

As far as the "party later" that absolutely has no bearing on me regarding the weekend party faux pas. In other words, big whoop, lol.

 

[Disney Doll]

If the wedding was in another area and was going need to be kept small, but then the couple was going to be back in their hometown and have the big bash, then I'd probably understand keeping the out of town thing small and having the big bash with everyone.

But the wedding and then the big bash are both in the same town, which is not a town that you live in, let's just say they'd be celebrating their wedding without me.

 

[luvsJack]

It sounds like this is more than a shower? Its a shower and a party, right? I wouldn't be bothered in the least by it.

First off, I have never understood the whole "only those invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower" thing. A lot of people have very small weddings--family only or get married at a distant location, but have a lot of friends that would like to celebrate with and honor the bride at a shower. Same thing with the bachelorette party.

If you want to go and celebrate with her---go. If you don't, don't go. But there is certainly no sense in getting all bothered by it. And certainly no sense in calling anyone rude and uncaring (not you OP).

 

[Nancyg56]

I don't see the point of people getting irritated about being invited or not being invited, or about what the invitation looks like, or what kind of celebrations and events the bride and groom choose to have. The bottom line is that it is an invitation, not a mandate. Go if you want to go, don't go if you don't want to go. And let the rest all slide off and don't take things so personally.

This is how I look at these invitations. I do not get my bloomers in a bunch over much, so I go if I want to go, decline if I do not want to go. For me, it is as simple as that.