Wedding registry

[MELSMICE]

Tacky people who never read an etiquette book and were raised by wolves? I'm not disputing they exist and are used but I've never seen such a thing in an invitation and I can't imagine the reaction among people I know were it to be. That's super tacky. You do not request gifts - gifts are an unbidden expression from the giver, not to be expected or requested. They're a lovely surprise when received. To send out registry information is to imply you expect people to be shelling out to give you stuff, which is rude.

As above, registry information, as any gift information, is only to be passed verbally when requested from someone in the know. Like someone asking your mother in law is appropriate.

As has been stated many times on the DIS, every area is different. I have never gotten a bridal shower invitation without a wedding registry card in it. I don't find it tacky at all. I actually find it very useful when choosing a gift.

 

[worm761]

Really? Uncalled for. I'm not asking for anything. I have no idea what I am supposed to do in this situation. I didn't know I needed to read an etiquette book for an island wedding. I just want to go away and get married and not worry about other people. This is why we are not having a reception. Because I don't want to deal with other peoples expectations. I have not done a registry and had no plans on making one until tonight when my MIL asked. People are asking what I want and I needed advice on what to do or say. I'm not sure if I register for a $50 toaster oven if I will look greedy. I guess if I make a registry I'm tacky and if I don't I'm lazy. I cant win.

I say do what YOU want. But thank you for bringing up the issue. We are getting married in June and not having the big wedding or inviting anyone. This is an issue I never even thought of. It just didn't occur to me that people would buy gifts for us getting married since we live together and aren't having a wedding. So for that, I thank you.

 

[MELSMICE]

Really? Uncalled for. I'm not asking for anything. I have no idea what I am supposed to do in this situation. I didn't know I needed to read an etiquette book for an island wedding. I just want to go away and get married and not worry about other people. This is why we are not having a reception. Because I don't want to deal with other peoples expectations. I have not done a registry and had no plans on making one until tonight when my MIL asked. People are asking what I want and I needed advice on what to do or say. I'm not sure if I register for a $50 toaster oven if I will look greedy. I guess if I make a registry I'm tacky and if I don't I'm lazy. I cant win.

I wouldn't stres over it.

You can always just register for linens and things like that if you feel you want to create one. You can always use kitchen & bath towels & also bed sheets. Otherwise, I would tell MIL & whoever else asks that there is really nothing you need but it is very thoughtful for them to ask.

And I agree that the comment about being tacky was uncalled for.

 

[DeaverTex]

One more vote for not doing a registry if you don't want one. Why register for a bunch of gifts that you don't want or need? Bless you for understanding that just because you're getting married, it's no reason to extort "gifts" from your family/friends/acquaintances.

I hope you have a wonderful wedding, a memorable cruise, and a long and happy life together!

 

[nathalee81]

How do I do this?
lol
We are getting married in February in the middle of our DCL cruise. We are not having any guests. My future mother-in-law just asked if we had a registry and said people have been asking if we had one.

I have some serious issues asking for things which is part of the reason we are going away to get married. We don't need anything and it feels wrong to ask for things we just want even if it is home stuff. Especially from people we don't even know. So what do I register for? Expensive stuff we want? Cheep stuff we could use? Do I just not bother?
I tried doing a registry a while back and gave up.

We just moved in together after living apart due to us both being in the military. There is very little we don't have. A few small appliances we want is all I can think of. And since we age getting married in the Virgin Islands we weren't planing on invitations. Do I just send out the registry info and look greedy?

Ok this is getting long. Any advice would be appreciated!

To me, it sounds like you wanted this type of wedding because it wouldn't stress you out. This registry, however, IS stressing you out. So, just don't do it.

I would just tell your future MIL-"We are not having a big wedding or reception because we don't care for it, and we do not want or expect gifts."
Is it just that you don't feel comfortable telling your future MIL that you feel this way?

 

[Mama Who]

Then what are the registry cards from places for? Like I said these have been included in invitations I have received. I have seen them at places like Bed, Bath and Beyond. I give up, I'm way to confused. If people ask what I want I'm telling them nothing. If they insist I'll say money.

They're for getting the store more money. The stores don't care about etiquette, but it sounds like you do, so skip the cards.

Registry for charities is a good idea if you really don't want anything.

 

[ColoradoDisneyFreaks]

Seeing how you feel about it, I'd skip the registry, and just let FMIL know that they can either donate to your favorite charity, or get you Target, Walmart, iTunes, HomeDepot, whatever gift cards to the place you want. However, don't be surprised if you still get gifts, there are plenty of folks (me included, I'd end up sending you one...) that just like sending a gift for a wedding even if they're not there.

As for the registry cards, if you do decide to register, they would normally be either for shower invitations, or to give you your FMIL to hand out to the friends who ask about it. I would honestly think it less tacky to get them in an invitation, than to have a request for "No gifts, cash only please". Etiquette is a constantly changing scenario. Years ago no one would ever have thought of sending an invitation to a party through e-mail, but look how popular E-Vites are now!

 

[cornflake]

Really? Uncalled for. I'm not asking for anything. I have no idea what I am supposed to do in this situation. I didn't know I needed to read an etiquette book for an island wedding. I just want to go away and get married and not worry about other people. This is why we are not having a reception. Because I don't want to deal with other peoples expectations. I have not done a registry and had no plans on making one until tonight when my MIL asked. People are asking what I want and I needed advice on what to do or say. I'm not sure if I register for a $50 toaster oven if I will look greedy. I guess if I make a registry I'm tacky and if I don't I'm lazy. I cant win.

Dude? Chill? I was not in any way saying you were tacky or anything else. That was in response to people who send cards with registry information in with their invitations, not people who create registries.

 

[cornflake]

Seeing how you feel about it, I'd skip the registry, and just let FMIL know that they can either donate to your favorite charity, or get you Target, Walmart, iTunes, HomeDepot, whatever gift cards to the place you want. However, don't be surprised if you still get gifts, there are plenty of folks (me included, I'd end up sending you one...) that just like sending a gift for a wedding even if they're not there.

As for the registry cards, if you do decide to register, they would normally be either for shower invitations, or to give you your FMIL to hand out to the friends who ask about it. I would honestly think it less tacky to get them in an invitation, than to have a request for "No gifts, cash only please". Etiquette is a constantly changing scenario. Years ago no one would ever have thought of sending an invitation to a party through e-mail, but look how popular E-Vites are now!

Sending invitations through email may not be seen as widely acceptable, but it is just another form of communication. Printed, not engraved invitations used to be seen as less than, but forms of communication evolve.

Requesting gifts outright is forever tacky. As for the bolded above, I have no words for the unbelievable level of rude, tacky, uncouth that is. If I EVER saw anything like that, it'd be a sure thing that that person would be getting the most ridiculous, unreturnable little tchotchkey possible, if they got anything at all, because that's just the height of rude.

 

[TinkPirateMom]

According to wedding etiquette, it is seen as okay to send registry information in bridal shower invitations because typically the bridal shower is being hosted by the bridal party, not the bride/groom or their parents (although I know parents are now more involved with showers these days). It is not considered "proper" to have the registry information in the actual wedding invitation because that is coming from the bride and groom and/or their parents.

If you decide to do a registry despite no shower or reception then the appropriate thing to do would just be to tell anyone who asks especially your MIL so that it is spread by word of mouth. It would not be appropriate to send a mailing or email stating where you are registered.

 

[ColoradoDisneyFreaks]

Sending invitations through email may not be seen as widely acceptable, but it is just another form of communication. Printed, not engraved invitations used to be seen as less than, but forms of communication evolve.

Requesting gifts outright is forever tacky. As for the bolded above, I have no words for the unbelievable level of rude, tacky, uncouth that is. If I EVER saw anything like that, it'd be a sure thing that that person would be getting the most ridiculous, unreturnable little tchotchkey possible, if they got anything at all, because that's just the height of rude.

Tape a quarter to the RSVP card with your decline!!!

 

[cornflake]

Tape a quarter to the RSVP card with your decline!!!

Ok, that's an even better answer!

 

[onelilspark]

Weddings are fun, aren't they? There are so many etiquette rules that you have to step so carefully!

I wouldn't suggest a charity. If someone doesn't agree with a charity, it doesn't turn out great.

We just got married October 29. We had been living together already for 2 years at that point. So there wasn't a lot that we needed. We put on things like dishes (so we have one normal set versus 2 mismatched ones!) The silverware we had was mismatched too, handed down from my Grandmother, so that went on the registry as did new pots and pans. Everything we upgraded we have in a pile to donate so it doesn't go to waste.

It's important in your situation that you spread it by word of mouth. Those registry cards that you get are for the store to generate business, they're handy for shower invites, but you should not put them in a wedding invite. Just because others have done it doesn't mean it's proper etiquette.

There is always the option of not creating a registry. When someone asks your FMIL where you're registered, you can ask her to respond "there's not a lot they needed, so they decided not to register anywhere. However, they're saving for a new house." It's the best way to ask for money over gifts. You shouldn't be the one asking for it, but if someone is asking your FMIL about it, it's okay for her to respond that way.

 

[onelilspark]

Really? Uncalled for. I'm not asking for anything. I have no idea what I am supposed to do in this situation. I didn't know I needed to read an etiquette book for an island wedding. I just want to go away and get married and not worry about other people. This is why we are not having a reception. Because I don't want to deal with other peoples expectations. I have not done a registry and had no plans on making one until tonight when my MIL asked. People are asking what I want and I needed advice on what to do or say. I'm not sure if I register for a $50 toaster oven if I will look greedy. I guess if I make a registry I'm tacky and if I don't I'm lazy. I cant win.

To add to my post above, if you decide to register, make sure you have a range of prices. My rule of thumb when registering was if we wouldn't spend that kind of money on it, it wasn't going on the registry. So I would never spend $50 on a toaster, probably less than $20. BUT, the pots and pans that I loved was $400 for the set. So I registered for that. I cook a lot and love doing it, so having a good quality set of pots and pans was important to me and ours were in pretty bad shape, so after the wedding if no one had purchased it for us, we would have gone and purchased it ourselves.

For example, we didn't put china on the registry, just normal plates because I would never dream of spending $100+ per plate setting.

I think our plan worked out well because we wound up with some cheaper stuff, so under $20, and some more expensive stuff ($200) since some people will want to spend that much or will go in on gifts together.

That being said, we had a very traditional wedding with 180 people invited. I think you'd be okay to pick 20 things and put them on a registry.

By the way, we registered at Amazon. Amazon was awesome because they have a thank you list manager, people can send it directly to you...it was so easy. When searching for items, I also tried to place items on the registry that had super saver shipping.

 

[Nolcrest]

You do not need a registry. You sound like you have a very good head on your shoulders. Simply tell people you don't have a registry.

You are getting married the way in which you want too. Don't change your way for others.

If someone really wants to get you a gift they can figure out what to get you, don't let it become your problem.

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage.

 

[englishteacha]

Honestly? I just wouldn't do a registry. If the people pestering your future MIL about it are her friends, and not people you know (and I'm guessing they're people your fiance doesn't know well, either), then it's her problem! If she continues to bother you about a registry, tell her you aren't creating one, and if people really would like to give you a gift, you'd appreciate a gift card to Target or Walmart or something.