Wedding Question/Family Drama

[shinysparklybubbles]

I agree that you should go to the wedding to support your brother, even if you don't support the marriage to that which. I can not believe she said that, talk about heartless.

I agree with everyone who says go get a fantastic dress, I vote for something in white!

 

[Sadie Chez]

Hmmm you could hire a really bad photographer, but make sure your brother looks good in every shot. Make a scapbook with really bad closeups of the bride or shots with the head cut off things like that, oh and make sure you have several pages with a really good picture of yourself blocking the view of the bride, you know because she said you were too big to be in the wedding. I'd make sure every picture of the bride had part of me in it blocking her face. I have way too much passive aggresive evil in me though. It sounds like your a really nice person, who even though was hurt will do the right thing and be the better person.

If you do decide to be just a little evil let us know, all us slightly overweight dis sisters would love to come up with suggestions.

 

[cm8]

Hmmm you could hire a really bad photographer, but make sure your brother looks good in every shot. Make a scapbook with really bad closeups of the bride or shots with the head cut off things like that, oh and make sure you have several pages with a really good picture of yourself blocking the view of the bride, you know because she said you were too big to be in the wedding. I'd make sure every picture of the bride had part of me in it blocking her face. I have way too much passive aggresive evil in me though. It sounds like your a really nice person, who even though was hurt will do the right thing and be the better person.

If you do decide to be just a little evil let us know, all us slightly overweight dis sisters would love to come up with suggestions.

 

[neatokimmo]

I would go to the wedding. I would buy a small present. And I would avoid her drama. She'll feed on anything, positive or negative - simply don't feed the *B*.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm very sorry that this person will now be a family member. I was very thin when I got married, but some of my bridesmaids were not. Therefore, I gave them total control in picking out their dresses, so they would fine ones they felt were flattering. They could wear their hair anyway they wanted. I picked my bridesmaids because they were important to me and my DH (my bf from HS, my bf from college, my sister, my SIL, and my niece).

 

[tommya60]

Hmmm, I think I would put a cap on those photography expenses. Obviously, you are the nicer person here, don't let her take advantage of you. Loud and clear to your brother and the futre SIL the photography is covered up to $XXXX amount. This is not a person who thinks of others, so she may not have any problem running up your bill.

Have a great time at the wedding>

 

[fakereadhed]

Pixie dust for your poor brother!

Just be glad you don't have to be part of that wedding party. She doesn't sound like a lot of fun, to put it mildly. Bridesmaids are not ceremony accessories. They are there to witness and support your commitment.

 

[gigi1313]

my $.02... not only would i not mention the offer for the photog again, but i would plan a disney vacation using that money and be out of town the weekend of the wedding...

we had "similar" drama last Christmas... so our response is that we'll be in florida (sadly, not wdw, but tampa) this Christmas... it's just easier...

 

[Maddle]

The way you told the story sounds like you were not present when she said that. If that were the case, why did someone feel the need to tell you what was said? UGH!!! Some things are better left unknown....

I think Rebecca hit the nail on the head - my real issue is with the family member who felt the need to repeat this to you! I think THAT person is the one who needs to grow up. Well, okay - the bride is pretty shallow, but a person repeats hurtful things is no prize either.

You are the better person. Try to rise above this. If it is your custom to give big gifts to your siblings, this is not the time to stop. Another PP suggeested putting a limit on the contract with the photographer....and that would have been smart even under the best of circumstances.

Go to the wedding, enjoy the party, wear a nice outfit, and don't engage the bride OR the family members who are trying to make this into a big deal. It's just not worth the heartache or long-term bad feelings.

Maddle

 

[princessmom29]

I think Rebecca hit the nail on the head - my real issue is with the family member who felt the need to repeat this to you! I think THAT person is the one who needs to grow up. Well, okay - the bride is pretty shallow, but a person repeats hurtful things is no prize either.

You are the better person. Try to rise above this. If it is your custom to give big gifts to your siblings, this is not the time to stop. Another PP suggeested putting a limit on the contract with the photographer....and that would have been smart even under the best of circumstances.

Go to the wedding, enjoy the party, wear a nice outfit, and don't engage the bride OR the family members who are trying to make this into a big deal. It's just not worth the heartache or long-term bad feelings.

Maddle

If my future SILsaid such a thing about me who I think I would want to know. This bride's feelings about her future SIL's weight will eventually come out. Better to know now. I would be terribly hurt is she said it in front of my Mom, sister ect and someone didn't tell me what was said. I had an aunt by marriage that actually told her children that they could not play with me because they might end up fat like me. I whish my mom had known what a shallow person she was BEFORE she married my uncle. I would have saced us all a lot of greif b/c I never would have been allowed around her to be hurt. I feel soory for the children of the bride, especially the girl.

 

[Gigi22]

This is further to Sadie Chez's post (and my apologies if I mangled her board name--my memory is good, but short) may I suggest you pay the photographer to get a really unflattering shot of Bridezilla stuffing her face? You know, mouth open, and going for another bite?

 

[Minnie]

No way on earth should you pay for the photographer

Remind yourself how lucky you are to NOT be included in this wedding.... bridezilla would be the nicest word that comes to mind.....

Seriously I wouldn't step back I'd run the other direction from this train wreck.... you do not want be involved in any way.... Just think of the problems if the photgrapher you paid for wasn't to her satisfaction

Attend to support your brother and then be ready to be there for him during the divorce

 

[laliwalden]

I would not be paying for the photographer.

I would still attend the wedding in a great dress that, Hey, what do you know, the bridesmaids dresses are the same as mine!!

Okay, I wouldnt really do that, but I might talk to my brother about it.

 

[It's A Small World]

Frankly, these days, I'm thrilled when I'm not asked to be part of the wedding party. Too much $$$!

 

[swkmom]

My youngest brother got married last summer and between our family and his new wife's I was the only sibling not in the wedding. I am the only overweight sibling even though no one said anything as cruel as the OP's future sister in law, I always had a feeling my weight was the reason.

My mother was a little upset that I was not asked to be in the wedding but I told my mom it was probably because the new sister in law is 10 years younger than me. I don't think anyone knows not being in the wedding bothered me, even my hubby, I told him I was glad we didn't have to pay for bridesmaid dress.

If I were in the OP's situation, with a very rude future sister in law I would still attend the wedding for my brother but after that I think my contact with his wife would be very limited. As for the photographer, I would find out if my brother still wanted me to pay for it.

 

[starrzone]

...my fab sister in law asked the future to be sister in law on Easter Sunday why I wasn't in the wedding-she told my sister in law(in front of the entire family) it was because I was too fat and she didn't want fat people to be in her wedding and if I would loose another 80 lbs, I could be in the wedding....

I am not going to diet to be in her wedding. She's just going to have to accept me as I am and at what weight I am at now. If I'm not in the wedding, not a big deal. I'll go and be a guest, enjoy myself, and leave when it's over.

I went through this a couple months ago, but it was my mother who made the weight comments. My cousin is getting married, and my mother said "Maybe if you lose some weight, H will ask you to be in her wedding". That hurt a LOT. I KNOW I've gained a lot of weight; this time 4 years ago, I had lost 40 lbs and was feeling great. I'm now up about 70-80 lbs and am working at getting to a place where I can lose it, but there is a lot going on in my personal life that is preventing this. However, my mother is constantly making comments about my weight, and when she doesn't, I know she's looking at me and thinking about it. I just keep my mouth shut, and when she makes a comment, I literally walk away. I don't deserve hearing comments like tha, and neither do you, no matter HOW well-intentioned they might be.

And you know what? My cousin DIDN'T ask me to be in her wedding. Frankly, I'm relieved. I hate weddings and would honetly have had to think about accepting if she DID ask me. But a little part of me wonders if it IS because of my weight, as my mother alluded to, even though I know my cousin well and while she likes her nice house, clothes, etc., we are close and I don't think she would ever stoop to not having me in the wedding because of my size. My motto is "Appearance can change. Character can not". to you in dealing with all this.

 

[GoofyGolferGirl]

I have not read all the posts but your brother is not going to have a very happy life being married to someone so nasty. I would tell her since she was so concerned about your weight you were going to take the money you WOULD have spent on her wedding pictures and go to a spa, if I purchased her a gift it would be a big book of manners!

 

[ShannonMB]

I'm very sorry that this person will now be a family member. I was very thin when I got married, but some of my bridesmaids were not. Therefore, I gave them total control in picking out their dresses, so they would fine ones they felt were flattering. They could wear their hair anyway they wanted. I picked my bridesmaids because they were important to me and my DH (my bf from HS, my bf from college, my sister, my SIL, and my niece).

Awww, I always thought it should be about who's important to you, too! Who knew you're supposed to pick who will look best in the (probably) ghastly bridesmaid dress?

I personally would be glad that someone told me what this witch had to say about me before I went all in and spent a bunch of money celebrating her and her special day. My sister and I are very close, and I would expect her to tell me something like this. Maybe hurt feelings could be spared, but we tell each other EVERYTHING.

 

[EMom]

Heaven help your brother. That is one serious shrew he is marrying.

Would I go ahead and pay for the photographer? Oh hell to the no! I'd tell that weight obesessed wench to kiss my ample butt. At best, she'd get a few disposable cameras, and I'd make her pay for developing.

I'd dead serious, BTW.

 

[arihillfarm]

I have not read all the posts but your brother is not going to have a very happy life being married to someone so nasty. I would tell her since she was so concerned about your weight you were going to take the money you WOULD have spent on her wedding pictures and go to a spa, if I purchased her a gift it would be a big book of manners!

I would also include a copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People". Sounds like she could use it. I agree with the others that the OP should drop the offer of the photographer and scrapbook as a gift and simply go to the wedding and enjoy herself. Maybe she can plan something special with just her brother as a wedding gift, such as a special night out to dinner with him. The future SIL is a loser and no way would I want to be around her at any time nor would I allow my children to be around her. I don't fault people for having thoughts and opinions that I don't agree with, but to be so blatantly rude and open with the OP's family about such a sensitive and hurtful subject puts her into a special class of losers.

-Astrid