My brother and his girlfriend are getting married next summer. They already have two children who are going to be the flower girl and ring bearer. She'll be 4 and he'll 3. Okay, no problem. Think it's a cute idea for the kids to be in the wedding. I offered to pay for the wedding photographer as my gift to them since I know money is really tight for them. Thought it would be a load off their mind. I was told by my future sister in law, "why would you spend the money when you aren't going to be in the wedding?" . I told her because I thought it would be a good gift for both of them and that I would make her a scrapbook of about 20 some photos from the scads that will be taken at the wedding that she could select so they would have a beautiful book of memories. It had nothing to do with being a wedding party member or not. It was going to be my gift, regardless. My other brother and his wife are going to be in the wedding party and my fab sister in law asked the future to be sister in law on Easter Sunday why I wasn't in the wedding-she told my sister in law(in front of the entire family) it was because I was too fat and she didn't want fat people to be in her wedding and if I would loose another 80 lbs, I could be in the wedding. I lost 80 lbs when I was in the hospital, very sick for 3 months, so it wasn't because I was dieting. I currently weigh 182 lbs. I am not going to diet to be in her wedding. She's just going to have to accept me as I am and at what weight I am at now. If I'm not in the wedding, not a big deal. I'll go and be a guest, enjoy myself, and leave when it's over. I'm trying to avoid the drama with this situation and let it drop, but everyone in our family is making this a huge mess. My brother is pissed off and thinks leaving me out is wrong. The future in law's 2 sisters and 3 brothers are in the wedding party as well as my other brother, his wife, and their son. I am the only one on either side that is not being included in the wedding party. So, should I speak up about things or just let it go?