Wedding Question/Family Drama

[hffmnheidi]

My brother and his girlfriend are getting married next summer. They already have two children who are going to be the flower girl and ring bearer. She'll be 4 and he'll 3. Okay, no problem. Think it's a cute idea for the kids to be in the wedding.

I offered to pay for the wedding photographer as my gift to them since I know money is really tight for them. Thought it would be a load off their mind. I was told by my future sister in law, "why would you spend the money when you aren't going to be in the wedding?" . I told her because I thought it would be a good gift for both of them and that I would make her a scrapbook of about 20 some photos from the scads that will be taken at the wedding that she could select so they would have a beautiful book of memories. It had nothing to do with being a wedding party member or not. It was going to be my gift, regardless.

My other brother and his wife are going to be in the wedding party and my fab sister in law asked the future to be sister in law on Easter Sunday why I wasn't in the wedding-she told my sister in law(in front of the entire family) it was because I was too fat and she didn't want fat people to be in her wedding and if I would loose another 80 lbs, I could be in the wedding. I lost 80 lbs when I was in the hospital, very sick for 3 months, so it wasn't because I was dieting. I currently weigh 182 lbs.

I am not going to diet to be in her wedding. She's just going to have to accept me as I am and at what weight I am at now. If I'm not in the wedding, not a big deal. I'll go and be a guest, enjoy myself, and leave when it's over.

I'm trying to avoid the drama with this situation and let it drop, but everyone in our family is making this a huge mess. My brother is pissed off and thinks leaving me out is wrong. The future in law's 2 sisters and 3 brothers are in the wedding party as well as my other brother, his wife, and their son. I am the only one on either side that is not being included in the wedding party.

So, should I speak up about things or just let it go?

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

Oh, Boy. I have no suggestion but you are being a very nice person. I think she is being insanely rude and would tell her as much, not because I'd want to be in the wedding (because I really don't think I'd want to at this point) but because that is just so nasty. Good luck to your brother, seems he's going to need it.

 

[Skatermom23]

My brother and his girlfriend are getting married next summer. They already have two children who are going to be the flower girl and ring bearer. She'll be 4 and he'll 3. Okay, no problem. Think it's a cute idea for the kids to be in the wedding.

I offered to pay for the wedding photographer as my gift to them since I know money is really tight for them. Thought it would be a load off their mind. I was told by my future sister in law, "why would you spend the money when you aren't going to be in the wedding?" . I told her because I thought it would be a good gift for both of them and that I would make her a scrapbook of about 20 some photos from the scads that will be taken at the wedding that she could select so they would have a beautiful book of memories. It had nothing to do with being a wedding party member or not. It was going to be my gift, regardless.

My other brother and his wife are going to be in the wedding party and my fab sister in law asked the future to be sister in law on Easter Sunday why I wasn't in the wedding-she told my sister in law(in front of the entire family) it was because I was too fat and she didn't want fat people to be in her wedding and if I would loose another 80 lbs, I could be in the wedding. I lost 80 lbs when I was in the hospital, very sick for 3 months, so it wasn't because I was dieting. I currently weigh 182 lbs.

I am not going to diet to be in her wedding. She's just going to have to accept me as I am and at what weight I am at now. If I'm not in the wedding, not a big deal. I'll go and be a guest, enjoy myself, and leave when it's over.

I'm trying to avoid the drama with this situation and let it drop, but everyone in our family is making this a huge mess. My brother is pissed off and thinks leaving me out is wrong. The future in law's 2 sisters and 3 brothers are in the wedding party as well as my other brother, his wife, and their son. I am the only one on either side that is not being included in the wedding party.

So, should I speak up about things or just let it go?

This just does not have a happy ending. It's great that you are trying not to turn this into a drama situation, but it will end in one sooner or later. Just do as your doing and be the better person.

 

[Hannathy]

I think your brother being pissed off about you being left out and her not caring he is -Is Not a very good sign for the health or longevity of this marriage!!!!

I think she is very rude and your brother has no backbone for letting her do this to HIS sister, unless he feels the same.

You have a wonderful attitude but be careful of getting walked on in life with people like this.

(the money you save not buying an ugly bridesmaid's dress will help buy the gift1)

 

[Motherofboys]

What I would really say to my future SIL in this situation, I can't type on the Dis.

You are being way nicer than I would be. Honestly, I would ask my brother if he was sure this was the kind of person he wants to marry. It says a lot to me that she would be this mean and petty about a wedding.

Is that the kind of mother he wants for his kids? Someone who would hurt his sister to have the "right" look for her wedding?

They already have two kids together? And one of them is girl? Good luck to that poor little thing!

And good luck to you, doesn't sound like it will be an easy relationship to continue going forward.

And someone who weighs 182 lbs does NOT need to lose 80 pounds!

 

[LuLuO]

Rude doesn't even begin to describe her behavior in my opinoin. Nasty is a better word. You are being a saint. I would tell her off and I would rescind the offer for the photographer. Is that petty? Maybe, but a shallow person like her doesn't deserve your generosity.

Echoing PP: Good luck to your brother.

 

[krcit]

Oh, Boy. I have no suggestion but you are being a very nice person. I think she is being insanely rude and would tell her as much, not because I'd want to be in the wedding (because I really don't think I'd want to at this point) but because that is just so nasty. Good luck to your brother, seems he's going to need it.

 

[dzorn]

You are a better person than I if you are able to let it go. I would let your brother know your feelings are hurt to be the only one not inculded in the wedding party if they are.

Of course I would also be tempted to tell him how sorry I was he was wedding someone so shallow and rude, but tell him you will overlook it for his sake. I do tend to sick my foot in my mouth. I would also let future SIL know beauty is in the eye of the beholder and she's not looking to good right now.

Good Luck and I think the photographer idea was beautiful. You are much more caring than she deserves.

Denise in MI

 

[dzorn]

And someone who weighs 182 lbs does NOT need to lose 80 pounds!

Speaking from someone who skipped Weight Watchers this week

If you are happy with your weight it is no ones business.

Denise in MI

 

[mrsklamc]

If you don't care about being in the wedding I would let it go. You are a very kind person.

I would rescind the offer to pay for the photographer though. Both because she doesn't deserve it, and because it would look very bad if you end up having to to go to court regarding the other situation you posted about.

 

[hereyago]

[QUOTE=hffmnheidi;36189651i

I wasn't in the wedding-she told my sister in law(in front of the entire family) it was because I was too fat and she didn't want fat people to be in her wedding and if I would loose another 80 lbs, I could be in the wedding.

I would buy as a wedding gift: duct tape for her and a pair of blanks for your brother.

 

[mrsklamc]

It IS amazing how petty people can be about size. My maid of honor is pooh sized and I couldn't believe how many people told me how kind it was of me to still let her be in my wedding!

 

[aduck126]

that chick is incredibly rude and bratty. I would not let this go, there is no reason for her to be like that. i would not even go to the wedding.

 

[ShannonMB]

that chick is incredibly rude and bratty. I would not let this go, there is no reason for her to be like that. i would not even go to the wedding.

I'm sorry, but I have to agree with this. I honestly don't think I could even bring myself to go, my feelings would be SO hurt and THAT would make me angry. I don't think I would necessarily "speak up" about it, I just really would not be able to be anything more than civil to this person at family functions in the future, even. If she or your brother ask why you aren't attending, you could say, "Well, I wouldn't want to spoil any of the wedding photos -- which, by the way, I will not be purchasing after all."

You are a much bigger person than I am, I will admit. But no way in the WORLD would I be spending even $1 on a wedding gift for someone that petty, shallow, and ballsy!!! And I'm glad that your brother is at least angry about her attitude. Good luck to him, he certainly seems to have picked a winner to be his life partner and mother of his children. What do your parents say about all this?

 

[Mic]

I would recind the offer to pay for ANYTHING, and use that money to buy a beautiful dress for the wedding. Your future sister-in-law is obviously not too smart...the number one way to look good is to stand next to someone bigger than you!

 

[CC12005]

Go ahead and pay for the photographer and attend the wedding to show support for your brother. The rest of the family will probably straighten her out with chilly receptions. You do not need to make an effort to be friends with her. Only civil when called for. Hopefully, eventually she will mature enough to realize how wrong she is and how beautiful you are.

P.S. Wear something smashing to the wedding

 

[Buckeye Princess]

My husband was left out of his sister's wedding. (No other siblings were.) They have a great relationship and to this day we don't know or understand why. We just figured they had a good reason and decided to not worry about it and let it pass. I know we could've asked, but didn't. (But it still bothers me occasionally.)

 

[SunnieRN]

Wow, just WOW! It totally amazes me how rude, crude and socially unacceptable some people are. I hope and pray that her children or your brother never have to bear the brunt of her judgmental behaviors.

I commend you for being the person you are. I would pay for the photographer if it is NOT a financial hardship on you. As for a photo album, I may would not be able to do something that personal and heartfelt.

 

[lauramae76]

Your future sister in law DOES NOT have a HEART. If it was me I would not pay for the photos, buy you a nice dress & have a nice time @ the wedding. Size is just on the outside not on the inside.

 

[cmrules]

You are a better person than that sorry excuse for a bride. She is blessed to have such a good example of how to be a good person and SIL.