Wedding guest lists

[golfgal]

I have never heard of this either. Our original guest list was about 210 people, we planned on about 200 but figured it would be less then that, no big deal, we paid by the plate. The invites kept coming in with yes's on them, we served 200 people. . The A list, B list thing sounds rude to me but maybe not in some areas. I would just make sure your B list is people from areas where a B list was acceptable .

 

[ec1014]

Oh I agree it is tacky. But it is common enough.

Basically many brides want to pay the bare minimum so they have to balance their invite list vs the contract. Average is only 10% of people will say no (assuming you are not being crazy and inviting a ton of out of state family).

But too many brides invite to the contract minium, then get declines and are "stuck" so they expand to the b list.

Again tacky, but happens a ton

 

[Disney Doll]

The thing to do is send out the A Listers invites early enough so that the B Listers don't realize they are on the B List.

 

[SandraVB79]

One way or another, everyone kind of has a "B" list...either consciously or subconsciously..the problem lies in not taking any added steps to insure "b's" don't become insulted. If a b&g take the time, they can figure out ways so that "b's" won't find out.

MTE

 

[bballmom56]

The thing to do is send out the A Listers invites early enough so that the B Listers don't realize they are on the B List.

Yes, but the problem there is when you invite the daughters in a family first, then 3-4 weeks later, but still well within the RSVP time, the mom and dad (and my DD, my DH and I) get an invitation, you can kind of figure out what happened. At first, it didn't bother me, but it would have involved travel and at least one overnight. Then we all got invited to another event the same day, so we all declined the wedding!

 

[Mermaid02]

Now when I had my wedding.....18 years ago....we had a guest list. One decent sized guest list with about 180 people on it. We knew that the restaurant held 175 - so that's what we went with.

Fast forward to today. In the last two months, my husband and I have been invited to two weddings where we have clearly been on guest list number two or three. We weren't part of the first mailing of invites, but when some negative RSVP's start rolling in they can then go to list two or three and start inviting them. I mean it's kind of insulting when you get an invite with an RSVP date of less than a week or one that has already passed.

Is this normal practice now-a-days ? Did I miss something in the etiquette book ?

It's not a big deal, but it just struck me odd...."Well, you weren't good enought for the first round of invites, but since Mr. & Mrs. So & So can't make it perhaps you'd like to come?"

Things that make you go "Mmmmm"....

How could YOU not make anyone's first list?? Don't they know how pretty you are (and your friends too for that matter! )
I wouldn't go and I wouldn't send a gift- I know that shocks you............

 

[luv2nascar]

I know someone who got invited to a wedding shower. She went with other friends and gave a very nice gift. She never got an invitation to the wedding. I assume she was on a B list and they didn't get enough nos. That is beyond tacky - no apology or anything from the bride.

 

[mjkacmom]

It's pretty common around here. I didn't have one, but I can see having one. My MIL insisted on inviting about 20 of her friends, who we never met. We had a limited number of people we could invite, do to the venue. I ended up not inviting some people that I really wanted there, because of this. Not one of her friends came. They ended up RSVPing late (which is considered very tacky here if you are not coming, preventing the use of the B list), so I wouldn't have been able to use a B list anyway (I'm okay with a B list, as long as the invitations go out weeks before the wedding).

 

[shirleyb]

Along these lines, I'm assuming if you get a save the date card, you are A list. If you don't does that make you B or C list?

Back when I got married (20 yrs ago), I had never heard of save the date cards. I know last year, FIL got one for a wedding that BIL and us never got. When the wedding invites came out, we found we were definitely C listers, since we got the invite about a week after the RSVP was due. We did go to the wedding, because it was DH's cousin, and to top it all off, they ran out of food at the reception!

 

[ericamanda01]

We got married 4 years ago and there was no B list. Perhaps because we had a small wedding a B list wasn't needed, but that has to be the tackiest thing I have ever heard of. It's right up there with the cash is a good gift insert with the invitation. I swear it's as if people aren't getting married to be together anymore, they are just trying to out do each other in lavish weddings and bring in the biggest amount of gifts from it!

 

[SeaShelley]

How could YOU not make anyone's first list?? Don't they know how pretty you are (and your friends too for that matter! )
I wouldn't go and I wouldn't send a gift- I know that shocks you............

I know...right !!??!! You forgot to add how much fun I am at parties...and the two of us together....well forget about it !!

We are not going to this wedding (didn't attend the other one either), but I am going to send a gift....something from my B or C gift list ! Certainly not something from my A list of gifts !!!

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Extremely tacky.

 

[Abbie]

I've only read about half the thread so don't know if this has been mentioned. We're planning a wedding now. For us, the idea of having a "b" list has nothing at all to do with room minimums or "gift grabs". It has everything to do with cost. Both families are very large and take up a big portion of the 150 or so we can afford to have. That leaves very little space for our friends, the groom's parents' friends, and the bride and groom's friends. We're in the early planning stages but we know there will probably be people we'd love to have but might not have room for unless someone else can't come. But it's an absolute MUST that no one ever knows they weren't on the "a" list! I wouldn't dream of insulting someone like that. It's just a fact that, just like that birthday party in 1st grade when you'd like to invite the whole class, the bottom line is everyone has a limit on what they can afford to do.

 

[SeaShelley]

I've only read about half the thread so don't know if this has been mentioned. We're planning a wedding now. For us, the idea of having a "b" list has nothing at all to do with room minimums or "gift grabs". It has everything to do with cost. Both families are very large and take up a big portion of the 150 or so we can afford to have. That leaves very little space for our friends, the groom's parents' friends, and the bride and groom's friends. We're in the early planning stages but we know there will probably be people we'd love to have but might not have room for unless someone else can't come. But it's an absolute MUST that no one ever knows they weren't on the "a" list! I wouldn't dream of insulting someone like that. It's just a fact that, just like that birthday party in 1st grade when you'd like to invite the whole class, the bottom line is everyone has a limit on what they can afford to do.

Abbie, I completely understand what you're saying and remember what it was like having to decide where to cut our guest list that started at well over 250 people -we come from big families too ! No fun.....especially when you want everyone to share in your special day. But, unless your budget allows for it, you just can't invite them all.

My gripe originated (I'm the OP) when the last two wedding invites we received were obviously sent after some negative RSVPs had come back to the couple. One invite gave us less than a week to RSVP and the other had an RSVP date that had already passed.

From a guest's point of view, I still think it's rude to send out an invite that makes it blatantly obvious that I was not on the original guest list.

Best of luck with all of your wedding planning !!