Wedding Gifts

[Dana49]

My wife and I recently attended a wedding and were taken aback at the cash gifts the couple received. Please let me know what you folks feel is a fair amount to spend for a wedding gift. I won't mention the exact amounts, but a high percentage were in the three figure area. Is this normal, or are we just losing touch with the times?

 

[caitycaity]

i think this is really a regional thing. here, if you are giving money, three figures plus is the norm.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Probably losing touch, LOL. Wedding attendance can be costly. Did they announce all the gifts and dollar amounts of the monetary gifts?

 

[JerseyJanice]

Originally posted by Dan Murphy
Probably losing touch, LOL. Did they announce all the gifts and dollar amounts of the monetary gifts?

I was wondering the same thing, Dan.

Telling guests how much money was received is not exactly good form.

I hope you found out how much from talking with other guests.

 

[GEM]

We got lots of cash gifts at our wedding (thank goodness), but the only people we got three figure gifts from were people we were really close to - my grandmother, a few aunts and uncles, etc. Most people gave us around $50 if they gave cash. Of course, we didn't share the amount with anyone, so nobody else would have known. Most people just put the money in a card and left it on the gift table. I was glad a lot of people gave cash. We didn't need any more stuff! We were so short on space as it was.

 

[vickyBaby]

Originally posted by caitycaity
i think this is really a regional thing. here, if you are giving money, three figures plus is the norm.

Totally agree with you Caity about the regional thing and the dollar amount.

 

[Dana49]

We heard guests comparing gifts that were given today, to when they were married. Thankfully, we gifted accordingly, but it was by pure luck that it occurred that way.

 

[Dan Murphy]

And try and stop back often, Dana49, here on the Community Board. Nice to see you.

 

[ryanpatricksmom]

I agree, it's absolutely a regional thing.

It took me years to get over the whole idea of giving cash at all!
We never gave cash gifts here for the longest time, but it's changed now. When I first met DH (12 years ago) and we attended weddings in his home state (NJ) I would ask, "What do you want to buy them for a gift?" Naturally he looked at me like I was crazy for even contemplating anything other than cash, and I looked at cash as crass. It's all in what you're used to.

These days, since so many marriages take place after homes have already been set up, I think that cash is acceptable, and probably preferred, in every region.

I would think that 3 figures is probably pretty standard in alot of areas.

 

[JerseyJanice]

Around here, the norm is to give a gift at the bridal shower, then cash at the wedding.

Some years back, some co-workers and I went to the wedding of another co-worker deep in the heart of Pennsylvania.

We all had envelopes and were shocked to see all the big wrapped presents piled onto the gift table. We even felt a bit self-conscious about it.

So it is a regional thing.

 

[Disneydenise]

I think it is a family thing too. I was at a wedding last week and I was surprised to see all the gifts. It has been a cash only thing here for the last 20 years. We are 3 figure givers but I spoke with my brother and I think we need to up our first figure. When we got married we needed everything because we didn't live together I think that couples are starting out setting up house first now. The weddings are very huge here my neighbor is from the south and she is shocked at what the weddings are like in NJ. I don't have anything to compare it to so I thought everyone spent a fortune on a wedding. They do spend alot more in NY than in Jersey and it is more in North Jersey than it is in South. Weird.

 

[Dana49]

Thanks everybody! If we get another wedding invitation, at least we won't be in sticker shock. Thanks again.

 

[missyb]

We where always told that you should give enough to cover at least your meal.

 

[ZPT1022]

I just got married in September and we had both cash gifts and regular gifts (from a registry). I think a lot of it depends on who is giving the gift. My mom bought our airfare to FL for the honeymoon. I have a friend in grad school who gave us $20. Ryan has an elderly uncle and aunt who are *very* well-off and they gave us $500. We had some people who felt that giving cash is tacky, for them we registered at a few different places- Filene's, Williams-Sonoma and Target, with items in all different price ranges. We found that we did get more cash than anything, it was nice for us, we were able to have some extra splurges on our honeymoon that we couldn't have afforded otherwise and we also did some home improvements and we put the rest in savings. I also heard the "rule" that your gift should cover the amount of your dinner, but I think most people do what they feel comfortable with. We were just happy that the people who are important to us were able to come and celebrate with us.

 

[EROS]

Just interested......... how did you find out the amounts that were given??? Usually, they're in sealed envelopes. Did the bride and groom decide to share the $$$ amount of their bounty with you?????.......very gauche

 

[GEM]

I just wanted to add that we did get lots of gifts, too, besides the cash. We also got a lot of gift certificates. We had a table set up for gifts at the reception and it was pretty much piled high. We aslo got a few things sent to us in advance, but not many. At the reception it was a pretty good mix of traditional gifts and cards with cash or checks in them. We were registered at Penney's and some people who bought us gifts bought things off the registry, but most didn't. Like I said, most of the cash gifts were around $50. We did get a few really large amounts, but only from very close relatives.

 

[kdibattista]

we always give $100 UNLESS it's not the first marriage - then we give a regular gift.

 

[ead79]

From my experience here in the South, it's more common to get the couple a gift than to give them cash. I think many years ago it was considered "tacky" by the etiquette authorities to give cash gifts for a wedding. Now you see it some, but still mostly gifts from a registry.

 

[mtemm]

What I always thought was "normal" was to give everyday items for the shower, and formal items for the wedding. That is what my mom taught me, anyway. Well, that all changed when I moved east. For all of our friends here, and ourselves when we got married, people got pretty much EVERYTHING off their registry for their showers...showers here are huge, too. Mine had only 35 people and is talked about as being small. I come from an area where 15 people is more normal! Here I've been to showers that had 100+ people at them.

Weddings are usually cash/checks. I got all of my china, crystal, most of my silver, as well as all of my everyday stuff...towles, flatware, pots/pans, etc. for my shower. For the wedding 90% gave cash...almost all in the 3 figures.

I have NEVER heard people announce how much they received...I've never seen anyone open anything at a wedding. As for gifts, they are mostly sent ahead of time so no hauling from the reception.

 

[Travlin Gal]

I am older and all my friends are married but I belong to a group where we draw names for Christimas and I have given gift certificates in the past and the person who I drew this year requested a gift certificate, she gave a choice of several stores. I am glad it sure makes life easier.