Wedding Gifts - tacky?

[mommasita]

I married into a HUGE Italian family, and they all do this.

I have no such list in my possession, but I know for fact they do. I just don't understand how you would adjust as the times go on. I mean I got married 14 years ago, and cost has certainly risen on weddings..

 

[Abbie]

She even kept lists of who she sent Holiday cards to and who she received them from. If she sent cards out to someone and they didn't return cards for 2 years in a year, they were CROSSED OFF her list to send the following year.

Not to get totally OT, but why is this so awful? I do the same thing with Christmas cards, keep track of who we receive from and if it's been a couple of years I figure it's time to drop them from my list. Too expensive to do otherwise!

As far as keeping track of monetary gifts, I think I do still have a list of what my daughters received for graduation gifts. It was originally to keep track for thank you purposes but I know I've referred to it every so often when a friend's or neighbor's child graduated so I can give a similar amount. Never thought of it as tacky but more just not wanting to offend anyone. As far as your MIL, though, I agree with the majority that it's none of her business and you should suggest to her that she just give what she's comfortable giving.

 

[luvsJack]

Actually, I am thinking it may not be such a bad idea to make my mom "a list". Maybe not what others gave to someone but what she had given. She has grandchildren from their 30's to 10 years old; and great grandchildren from a soon to be born to 18. So she has folks reaching all kinds of different milestones in life. If she had a list she could easily make sure that she gave the same to each graduate , each new baby, each wedding shower, etc. Many times she asks me what she gave and I usually have no clue. Hopefully no one else notices either, but she is always concerned about being fair and not making someone feel left out.

 

[mjkacmom]

Not to get totally OT, but why is this so awful? I do the same thing with Christmas cards, keep track of who we receive from and if it's been a couple of years I figure it's time to drop them from my list. Too expensive to do otherwise!

As far as keeping track of monetary gifts, I think I do still have a list of what my daughters received for graduation gifts. It was originally to keep track for thank you purposes but I know I've referred to it every so often when a friend's or neighbor's child graduated so I can give a similar amount. Never thought of it as tacky but more just not wanting to offend anyone. As far as your MIL, though, I agree with the majority that it's none of her business and you should suggest to her that she just give what she's comfortable giving.

Christmas lists should be modified. If several years go by, and I realize I haven't received a card from a family, and then realize we haven't spoken in years, they're off the list. It seems like I'm always adding to the list. I think this is totally normal. I don't keep a gift list, but I do have a mental list, because I would hate to give someone less than they gave me.

 

[luvsJack]

Christmas lists should be modified. If several years go by, and I realize I haven't received a card from a family, and then realize we haven't spoken in years, they're off the list. It seems like I'm always adding to the list. I think this is totally normal. I don't keep a gift list, but I do have a mental list, because I would hate to give someone less than they gave me.

I would have thought that this (bolded part) was the reason for the list; not to make sure others gave as much as I did.

But, in our lives we all just give what we can afford and do not do a lot of cash gifts anyway. I mean I have a sibling that can afford to give a much bigger cash gift or more expensive gift than I can. I don't worry myself to "keep up"; I just give a gift to her children and grandchildren that I think is special for that person. Which is why I like gifts much more that giving cash.

 

[PaulaSue]

I would just say I lost the list and forget about it. It is very tacky, IMO You give what you want to give.

 

[CookieDiva]

Just found out that DD's MIL requested such a "list" from her after their wedding last year.

I will say that at first blush, I considered the idea rude, but after reading this whole thread, it kind of makes sense to me now.

And to tell the truth, I just asked DD what she received from her BIL's fiance's parents to give me some guidance on how much to give at her BIL's wedding at the end of this month. I know what I was already planning, but I don't want to give LESS that DD and DSIL got at their wedding.

 

[Forevryoung]

It's definitely a regional thing- we aren't Italian but Jewish

My mom has(d) the list from mine and my sister's Bat Mitzvahs and she's started a list for what she has given to their friend's kids for weddings. We are passed the Bar Mitzvah stage except for cousins and close family friends so it doesn't matter so much. When I get married, I expect that a list will be created and used as a guideline.

I've never thought it was strange, we gift large amounts for weddings ("cover your plate" plus some) and we don't have cash bars. But that's Long Island for ya, where everything costs an arm and a leg.