Wedding disaster

[cseca]

We suggested having the reception back home and both said NO. They want it following the wedding. There is no mother of the bride and FOB has not even asked about the plans after losing the battle to have it here. He wanted her to have it the gym of his mother's church in a questionable part of town because it was free. He thought they should use the wedding money for something more practicle. One option they gave us for the alcohol was drink tickets. It would be around $800 for 120 tickets. Open bar is $1800 for the first hour and $480 for the second. It is really hard planning this thing when you really have NO idea how many people will travel. Its a 5 hour drive for most and then a ferry ride to the island. We are getting ready to send the save the dates very soon.

In that case, I think you've thought out all the options and the B&G know exactly what they want. Just have a smaller wedding and it'll turn out great.

Regarding alcohol vs. non, think about what is more important to both families. To have more guests but no booze or to have less guests but with booze? Depends on what both familiies think is appropriate.
Although I have to say, I rarely hear wedding guests say "Where's the free drinks?" at a wedding (unless you're talking about college aged kids... ).

And as you mentioned, you don't know how many people will say yes to the RSVP. Maybe you'll end up with 60 people anyways. Then you'll be within budget and everything will be fine.

After all the hulaballoo is done, if you feel like you want to throw another party for the rest of the guests who couldn't make it/didn't make the final guest list you could always have a backyard bbq or something.

 

[hinodis]

Mackinac Island is only about an hour from where we live!!

What resort, if you don't mind me asking?? Mission Point?

Yes, Mission Point! Have you stayed there?

 

[Shleedogg]

I'm sorry! What a terrible (and stressful!!) situation they put you in. I would look into doing as a pp suggested and ask about a beer & wine only consumption bar. We did that at our wedding because a full open bar was way more than we could afford. We paid just for what people drank. We ended up paying about $500 for 120 people. Maybe 20 were kids, so 100 people. Generally people don't drink as much wine/beer as they do hard liquor/mixed drinks. My bff had a full open bar and groomsmen and other bridesmaids were doing shots. That adds up, quickly. Which is why they charge so much for an open bar.

I would definitely look for places to cut. Maybe cut out one of the hot apps, intermezzo? Ask them to give you an itemized list of prices and see what you can cut. I know with my caterer, we picked everything individually, there were packages. That way we could see exactly what we were paying for, what we could cut out, etc. There's A LOT of food for the rehearsal dinner. That would be a great place to cut down.

My guess is that the breakdown for rehearsal and wedding dinner is going to be in the ballpark of $75/pp? That of course to me, is too much. But I'm just guessing based on destination resort wedding and all that food. We paid $30/pp in 2006 and that included all rentals (linens, china, special chairs, etc.). Are you going to have to pay extra for those things? What about centerpieces?

Good luck! I hope it all works out. Weddings are stressful to plan without all this added hassle.

 

[csharpwv]

Having just celebrated out 4th Anniversary - as the memories of "the day" fade - the memories of what we committed to on that day become forever real each day. While weddings are stressful - marriages are even more-so.

So be sure they have a hand in working out the logistics of the whole process so that they can learn to work together. As a wedding is the biggest thing they will plan for quite some time! There is much to be learned in compromise, details, and negotiation.

 

[hinodis]

Everything is included except the centerpieces. It is a sit down dinner. The price is.......$130 per person including all taxes and 20% gratuity.

 

[wide awake]

Well, if the bride and groom want it at the resort...I would say this is how many guests we can have given our budget and the way we want to do this. Then cut the guest list. That said...a wedding is nothing when compared to the marriage. I'd do this w/ as small a group as necessary to fit the budget...don't budge on your bottom line...and then have a fabulous time. By the way...this resort would know...AFTER the ceremony... that no one from either side would ever be there again, and that you'd tell everyone your experience. How tacky. Trying to trap you into more money than you want to spend based on past experience and the fact that they know weddings get emotional. Do they know how many people read these threads ? I've made my own mental note.

 

[Shleedogg]

Everything is included except the centerpieces. It is a sit down dinner. The price is.......$130 per person including all taxes and 20% gratuity.

OMG! I'm shocked. I can understand your . That's a price I'd expect to hear on Long Island, California, a big city; but not in Michigan. Wow.

So on top of that you still have flowers, pictures, officiant, band/dj, invitations, rings, attire. Are you paying or is your son and his fiance? I hope they're kicking in, that's a lot of money to expect you guys to pay for their wedding. We sat down w/ DH's parents (who have always volunteered to pay for part of each of their 8 kids weddings) and told them what we thought our total budget was and they offered us a certain amount to help. I'd be very up front about what you can/can't afford. You don't want to go into debt! Hope everything works out!

 

[hinodis]

OMG! I'm shocked. I can understand your . That's a price I'd expect to hear on Long Island, California, a big city; but not in Michigan. Wow.

So on top of that you still have flowers, pictures, officiant, band/dj, invitations, rings, attire. Are you paying or is your son and his fiance? I hope they're kicking in, that's a lot of money to expect you guys to pay for their wedding. We sat down w/ DH's parents (who have always volunteered to pay for part of each of their 8 kids weddings) and told them what we thought our total budget was and they offered us a certain amount to help. I'd be very up front about what you can/can't afford. You don't want to go into debt! Hope everything works out!

The father of the bride had the for thought to save since she was born for this. We are paying for the rehersal dinner. Her father has given her a large sum of money.

 

[hinodis]

OMG! I'm shocked. I can understand your . That's a price I'd expect to hear on Long Island, California, a big city; but not in Michigan. Wow.

So on top of that you still have flowers, pictures, officiant, band/dj, invitations, rings, attire. Are you paying or is your son and his fiance? I hope they're kicking in, that's a lot of money to expect you guys to pay for their wedding. We sat down w/ DH's parents (who have always volunteered to pay for part of each of their 8 kids weddings) and told them what we thought our total budget was and they offered us a certain amount to help. I'd be very up front about what you can/can't afford. You don't want to go into debt! Hope everything works out!

Oh, don't forget the horse and carriage! This is Mackinac Island after all and that is the main venue of transportation on the island

 

[Purseval]

We suggested having the reception back home and both said NO.

If they are both so insistent let them pay for it themselves.

 

[Leajess99]

What about finding somewhere in Mackinaw City for the reception?? Also if the family cannot afford staying at Mission Point maybe they can stay at a hotel in Mackinaw City. I know there are several and they are reasonably priced for the most part.

I'm sorry you guys ar egoing through all of this. I would make sure that the staff at Mission Point Resort knows that you will be sharing your experience with everyone you can.

 

[Hannathy]

Everything is included except the centerpieces. It is a sit down dinner. The price is.......$130 per person including all taxes and 20% gratuity.

My nephew just got married in Pittsburgh and his was $149 per person and that did not include the bar.

My other nephew was married about 10 yrs ago in Bucks county PA and his was $100 per person.

I don't think $130 is outrageous at all for Mackinac to be honest with you. Have you priced the same thing at other places like Disney or other large hotels? I don't think you will find they are out of the ball park.

I would just do a wine with dinner and no bar. I'm sure the hotel has a bar if someone really needs a drink that badly, or the drink coupons.

 

[Hannathy]

as far as the rooms I would include the rate at the hotel and a date to book it by in the invitation, I would also call some other hotels and get rates at them and include those also, have them hold a block in the wedding name until a certain date. This is what my nephews fiancee did. The hotel at the wedding was expensive so she also had a block held at 3 other hotels ranging from the Quality inn up to the expensive hotel. Then the guests coming in could decide on their own what their price point was. And book accordingly.

 

[Karlzmom]

The wedding is on Mackinac Island and the only other place that can come close to having the ambience this resort offers is way out of budget. This is what is making it so tough to walk away. This is the brides dream wedding we are talking about. I am still working on the negotiations with them. It has gotten really ugly over the last few days. I do think I have been a little too nice. It would be easier if I could find somewhere else on the island that was less expensive but I am struggling to find something comparable. Is it in poor taste to have a cash bar? Father of the bride is having at fit about the room rates. He actually started calling relatives and told them that it is going to be to expensive to go.

Yes, its tacky. You don't charge your guests in your home, nor should you charge your guests in any other setting. Offer what you can afford. I know there will be people who say "its ok" but then there are people who belch and don't say "excuse me"....doesn't make it right.

I feel badly for you. You sound like you are trying to do everything right and its sad that a special place is making it difficult.....best of luck......

 

[hinodis]

If they are both so insistent let them pay for it themselves.

This is my child's wedding. They know what the budget is and they have no problem sticking to their budget. She is definatley NOT a bridezilla, she is very sweet about the whole thing. I have no problem with them having it there or having it the way they want it. My problem was how the resort handled the whole thing.

 

[hinodis]

as far as the rooms I would include the rate at the hotel and a date to book it by in the invitation, I would also call some other hotels and get rates at them and include those also, have them hold a block in the wedding name until a certain date. This is what my nephews fiancee did. The hotel at the wedding was expensive so she also had a block held at 3 other hotels ranging from the Quality inn up to the expensive hotel. Then the guests coming in could decide on their own what their price point was. And book accordingly.

I alreeady did this and found a B&B nearby that has less expensive rooms. Mackinac City will not work because the people would have to leave the reception early to catch a ferry to the main land.

 

[LuLuO]

The father of the bride had the for thought to save since she was born for this. We are paying for the rehersal dinner. Her father has given her a large sum of money.

While I do think that it bad business that the woman at the venue quoted you one price and then the boss won't honor it, it sounds like the Bride and Groom don't really care. If the venue won't budge on the price and if the Bride and Groom don't feel the need to compromise, by looking for another venue or by having the reception at a different location, and if the Bride's father has given her the money to pay for the wedding, what is the issue? Is it just that guests will have to fork over another $50 to stay at the location? If that is the case, then offer a lesser expensive alternative for the guests.

Also, I agree that a cash bar is tacky. Either do as PP have suggested and have beer and wine, or make it a non-alcoholic event.

 

[LuLuO]

This is my child's wedding. They know what the budget is and they have no problem sticking to their budget. She is definatley NOT a bridezilla, she is very sweet about the whole thing. I have no problem with them having it there or having it the way they want it. My problem was how the resort handled the whole thing.

Certainly understandable, but the kids aren't really giving you any wiggle room to do anything. So while the way the resort has handled things has been totally wrong IMO, if the resort won't budge and honor the original (I'm guessing verbal?) pricing, I don't think there is much you can do if the kids are still insistent on having their ceremony and reception there.

ETA: Did you happen to get the original lesser expensive pricing in e-mails so that there is some kind of paper trail of your conversations with the resort's planner?

 

[hinodis]

Certainly understandable, but the kids aren't really giving you any wiggle room to do anything. So while the way the resort has handled things has been totally wrong IMO, if the resort won't budge and honor the original (I'm guessing verbal?) pricing, I don't think there is much you can do if the kids are still insistent on having their ceremony and reception there.

The kids wnat it on Mackinac Island. Finding somewhere comparable is no easy task. They are not happy with the way things were handled at the resort. I feel like my hands are tied. It is VERY difficult to transpot people around due to the cost. At the resort everything is right there.Those who have been there can understand. Mackinac Island is the most unique place I have ever been. Also very charming and beautiful.

 

[hinodis]

Certainly understandable, but the kids aren't really giving you any wiggle room to do anything. So while the way the resort has handled things has been totally wrong IMO, if the resort won't budge and honor the original (I'm guessing verbal?) pricing, I don't think there is much you can do if the kids are still insistent on having their ceremony and reception there.

ETA: Did you happen to get the original lesser expensive pricing in e-mails so that there is some kind of paper trail of your conversations with the resort's planner?

It was all verbal and when we went up there to sign a contract, it was all different.