Wedding Budget/Etiquette questions?

[TheRatPack]

Okay....so checking the mail today and I get an invitation to a wedding for my cousin. We haven't spoken to each other in years....I'm kind of the black sheep .

Anyhow....I'm thinking as I open it....great, I'll put it on the calendar and start searching for a gift.

Well, it's postmarked the 20th and their wedding is the 30th....HUH? And they've only requested gift cards.

I'm hosting a baby shower that day, we've had it planned for a couple of months, so I won't be able to make it. But isn't it bad etiquette to send out invitations this late?

Should I try to budget a gift card for them at this late date.....I can't imagine a lot of people being able to make it if invited this late in the game....but then again maybe I was invited later so I couldn't come?

Oh and again, I'm kind of the black sheep and they never come to our events, never send congrats on babies or adoptions....etc. So not sure why they even invited me really.

 

[MOREMICKEYFORME]

I think its pretty inconsiderate for them to send out invitations this late in the game, but you are not sure if your invitation was sent this late for a reason...
If there is a return card, simply check the "I cannot attend" box and leave it at that. I wouldn't send a gift to someone who I haven't spoken to in years, nor would I send a gift to someone who hasn't acknowledged the important milestones in my life (birth of children and adoptions-like you mentioned above)

 

[micheleq]

Huh? Sounds fishy!

RSVP no and write a little congrats note on the response card. I would not send a gift. You said they don't do anything for your family, so I'd just reply, be polite, and move on.

 

[Bren's Mom]

I agree. Just send back the reply card with 'cannot attend' checked and leave it at that. A gift is not necessary in this case, imo. It sounds like perhaps you were on the 'B' list and that these tacky people (not surprisingly) didn't get enough yes RSVPs so they're sending to their backup list.

 

[TheRatPack]

Thanks everyone....I figured I was on some sort of B list. I can't imagine that they'd send invitations out this late to everyone. Why send me one at all though....especially with gift card suggestions included LOL

 

[Justsyd2]

I agree. I'd send a nice greeting card, with my regrets.

 

[paladin]

Why send me one at all though....especially with gift card suggestions included LOL

Well my first (very cynical) thought is they are fishing for gifts.

 

[xiola]

Oh man, it's incredibly tacky to request gift cards right on your wedding invite. That's something people are supposed to find out by word of mouth. I'd say you're not obligated at all. Rude people suck more than mean people.

 

[pianoronni37]

I do have to say, my DH and I sent out our wedding announcements kind of late.

We were unsure of the date due to my mom's chemo schedule, and she HAD to be there, so we had to send them out late.

We also did put the gift request right in the invitations - no one told us it was tacky to do until afterward, and I regret it wholly, but I really didn't know.

I would say that yes, they are probably being inconsiderate. However, sometimes things come up and they may not have been able to help the late sendout, and maybe they really don't know that including the request is tacky? I'm not defending them by any means, they sound rude in general (no offense, but they don't send you congrats?? come on!) but sometimes things just happen and people have to adjust...

Good luck, have fun at the baby shower!

 

[LuvMickey36]

...but then again maybe I was invited later so I couldn't come?

Oh and again, I'm kind of the black sheep and they never come to our events, never send congrats on babies or adoptions....etc. So not sure why they even invited me really.

You hit the nail on the head as far as your family attending. They only want gifts or gift "cards" in their case.

My BIL & his wife do the same thing. That is why when they got married last fall, I decided last minute to give them a greeting card. Not the card they were expecting, but hey, at least I acknowledged their day.

I say send a nice card (greeting ) & be done with it.

 

[Darcy03231]

Here's another vote for sending your regrets and a nice card wishing them well on their day.

 

[Pakey]

Etiquette says you only need to RSVP your regrets. It would be kindness on your part to send a card.

 

[shruley]

If you don't attend the wedding you don't need to feel like you need to give them a gift...that is perfectly fine etiquette! And they should be surprised you can't make it on such short notice. I wouldn't give it any more thought and worry!

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Okay....so checking the mail today and I get an invitation to a wedding for my cousin. We haven't spoken to each other in years....I'm kind of the black sheep .

Anyhow....I'm thinking as I open it....great, I'll put it on the calendar and start searching for a gift.

Well, it's postmarked the 20th and their wedding is the 30th....HUH? And they've only requested gift cards.

I'm hosting a baby shower that day, we've had it planned for a couple of months, so I won't be able to make it. But isn't it bad etiquette to send out invitations this late?

Should I try to budget a gift card for them at this late date.....I can't imagine a lot of people being able to make it if invited this late in the game....but then again maybe I was invited later so I couldn't come?

Oh and again, I'm kind of the black sheep and they never come to our events, never send congrats on babies or adoptions....etc. So not sure why they even invited me really.

I wouldn't bother.

I bet you were on the "B" list-like, they sent out a bunch of invites earlier, waited to see who said yes or no, then invited a few more to fill in the empty spots. I've been a "B" lister a few times in my life, and it was very clear to me that the inviters considered me a second class citizen and just wanted a gift out of me.

So now I know, last minute invite=B List=No Thanks!

 

[shoney]

I agree. Just send back the reply card with 'cannot attend' checked and leave it at that. A gift is not necessary in this case, imo. It sounds like perhaps you were on the 'B' list and that these tacky people (not surprisingly) didn't get enough yes RSVPs so they're sending to their backup list.

That is exactly what I was thinking. Reply "no" and move along.... Enjoy the shower!

 

[PaulaSue]

Okay....so checking the mail today and I get an invitation to a wedding for my cousin. We haven't spoken to each other in years....I'm kind of the black sheep .

Anyhow....I'm thinking as I open it....great, I'll put it on the calendar and start searching for a gift.

Well, it's postmarked the 20th and their wedding is the 30th....HUH? And they've only requested gift cards.

I'm hosting a baby shower that day, we've had it planned for a couple of months, so I won't be able to make it. But isn't it bad etiquette to send out invitations this late?

Should I try to budget a gift card for them at this late date.....I can't imagine a lot of people being able to make it if invited this late in the game....but then again maybe I was invited later so I couldn't come?

Oh and again, I'm kind of the black sheep and they never come to our events, never send congrats on babies or adoptions....etc. So not sure why they even invited me really.

I think she invited you just to get the gift. Must be on the 3rd round of invities or something.

I would not send anything or go but maybe a card.

 

[horseshowmom]

I agree with the others. I wouldn't worry about being at the wedding or sending a gift. If there's a RSVP card (which I kind of doubt at this late date), just check no, and write a nice congratulations on the back.

We have a wedding coming up. The people who couldn't come (the invitations went out about two months before the wedding) have just sent the card back with a nice note on the back. That's certainly sufficient.

 

[RobinFabulous]

Okay I'm being the voice of reason. My sister graduates tomorrow, and we love our great aunts, but don't get to keep in really close contact. I sent out her announcements a month ago, but couldn't find a couple of older relatives addresses (they've moved, weren't in the phone book, Google produced nothing, my Dad wouldn't give them to me because he isn't speaking to me) I ran into an old friend of my mother's the other day who happened to know where my aunt moved and gave me her address. I knew it was late, but sent one anyway, not to get a gift, but because I'm proud of her and want them to know.

Do I expect a gift? No. Would I love for them to come or even write a note congratulating her? YES!

If they don't acknowlede your special occasions, be the BIGGER person, sent a regrets, then write a note wish her many years of happiness. You do not owe anyone a gift.

 

[englishteacha]

I'm on the other end...I got a wedding invitation yesterday for a wedding in September, with the RSVP due June 15. That seems ridiculously early to me. As for your situation, I'd RSVP no and add a note. One of my good college friends couldn't attend our wedding, and sent a really nice note which meant a lot to me. I'd just say "Congrats!" on the RSVP if it were me in your shoes, though!

 

[horseshowmom]

I wouldn't bother.

I bet you were on the "B" list-like, they sent out a bunch of invites earlier, waited to see who said yes or no, then invited a few more to fill in the empty spots. I've been a "B" lister a few times in my life, and it was very clear to me that the inviters considered me a second class citizen and just wanted a gift out of me.

So now I know, last minute invite=B List=No Thanks!

While I see what you're saying, it's might not necessarily be the case. I know that in the case of our DD there were several people that we really wanted to invite when there were others that we felt like we had to invite (like family members that we never see ). We were actually hoping for some of them to decline , so there would be room to invite the others (due to a limit of about 100 people). We did have some decline immediately so it worked out well (believe me, a gift was not in the equation).

I'm on the other end...I got a wedding invitation yesterday for a wedding in September, with the RSVP due June 15. That seems ridiculously early to me. As for your situation, I'd RSVP no and add a note. One of my good college friends couldn't attend our wedding, and sent a really nice note which meant a lot to me. I'd just say "Congrats!" on the RSVP if it were me in your shoes, though!

DD's RSVP date was a month before her wedding. It sounds like they were hoping to send out 2 or 3 more rounds of invitations!