We need DD, 10 to help pick HER stuff up...has anyone tried this?

[clh2]

DH and I are getting sick and tired of always picking up after our 10 year old DD. We aren't talking about her room specifically - she has starting leaving messes all over the house. THIS IS GETTING VERY OLD.

Our thought is to get a big garbage can - and if DH or I need to pick up after her - we are just going to take her "not-put-away things" and place them in a garbage can. So - if she needs to find shoes, books, goggles, sunglasses, stuffed animals etc - that she is going to need to find them in the garbage can. After a pre-determined amount of time - i.e. on the first Saturday of the month - anything left int he bin gets tossed. The down side for her - is if her bike helmet or any other "safety gear" gets tossed - she will lose that privilege - i.e. no bike helmet means no bike riding until she would save enough of her money to replace it, same with items she needs to for roller blading, scootering etc.

Has anyone tried this type of approach? Any suggestions for improvement?

We are just trying to reclaim our family living areas without any fighting, no nagging, although I am sure there will be tears at some point in time.

This "drop and leave it there mentality " has got to change. She just started doing this about a month ago.

 

[chelsea&austinsmom]

It must be something with 10 year olds. My dd is also 10 and we are having the same problem. I have no suggestions but I do like the trash can idea. Looking for suggestions also.

 

[faithinkarma]

Sounds like you are on the right track, but.........

If you simply move things to a garbage can where she can retrieve them, what's the down side for her? That she has to go to the can rather than just get them from her room or wherever?

Personally, I would go one step further. Once anything is in the can, it cannot be retrieved for a certain time period. If she has to go without some things for a while, it might make her put things away.

 

[PhotobearSam]

I like the time limit suggestion...Good job faithinkarma...I would not have thought of that.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well I did something similiar and then it dawned on me that I am still picking up their stuff!

So when she and other dd "drop" there stuff I call them in and make them pick it up and put it away. Or I throw it away and never tell them. But they know that if they leave their stuff around I will throw it away. That is why they pick up when I call them to the carpet.

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

I am not sure I like the idea of tossing the things out, especially if you know they will need to be replaced. How about having her earn or buy the things back? If any cash changes hands, it will be a great opportunity to put some money aside for her--though I would not let her know that you are saving the money for her.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I only toss things out that are tossable. Papers and things they won't even miss.

 

[faithinkarma]

I only toss things out that are tossable. Papers and things they won't even miss.

I don't mean to be disagreeable, but what's the down side for them if you are throwing away stuff they won't miss anyway? Sounds to me like incentive to leave my trash laying around cause Mom will get it.

But apparently this has worked for you, so I should not really say anything.

 

[Gupsmom]

My SIL puts things in a basket and her kids have to do a job in order to get each item back. I imagine that could be combined with the time limit idea. Obviously, if they're not willing to do a job within a week or 2, the item couldn't have been that important....might help declutter.

Jess

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by faithinkarma
I don't mean to be disagreeable, but what's the down side for them if you are throwing away stuff they won't miss anyway? Sounds to me like incentive to leave my trash laying around cause Mom will get it.

But apparently this has worked for you, so I should not really say anything.

It is a work in progress... Younger dd generates SO MUCH paper that I haven't got that one quite figured out. She would rather write or draw than watch TV.

We are in the process of decluttering and I have been tossing their stuff for awhile now. I hope to get to the day where things are simple and cherished more than they could care less about their things.

I am getting there! My garage sale is next SAT!

 

[Kirby]

I've always made my daughter (13) clean up after herself since she was 5 or 6 years old. I just tell her that no playing with friends, getting on the computer, etc. until its cleaned up. Sometimes she does it right away and sometimes it takes awhile depending on how much she wants to do what I've told her she can't do. There's no yelling or arguing involved. She knows that I mean what I say.

She still makes messes but they are usually confined to her bedroom. She has to clean her bedroom once a week and if it takes all weekend, so be it.

I even have her clean up after herself in the kitchen. Just like today, she left crumbs all over the counter that I had cleaned earlier. I told her she needed to come and clean up after herself and she did (eventually). Sometimes you just have to wait them out and I don't mind waiting.

 

[Disney Doll]

My mother used to toss stuff out and if I needed a new one, I had to buy it. If it was a safety or sports item, then I didn't participate in that sport until I could buy the necessary equipment.

Believe me, that got the message across pretty quick.

Methinks my mother would have been reported to DCF if she were raising children now!

 

[tjmw2727]

I started when my two dd's were about 4 and 6 with a "Sunday Box" and a set of guidelines that the girls helped us determine. Items in family areas that were not cleaned up by bedtime and had to be picked up by DH or I went in to the Sunday box. Yes, they didn't see them until Sunday (on Sunday it would be the next Sunday!). I still had to pick-up after them but only for a week or two and then only what they didn't care about - some stuff never even got retreived. I put that stuff in the pass down to younger cousins box.

Now they are a bit older at 7 and 9 and I do something similar to an above poster where they have to earn "sunday box" stuff back by doing something extra. (We still call it that even though it no longer has anything to do with Sunday.)

OTOH I do let them keep their rooms as they wish and try to give them some personal freedom - so it's only common areas that are subject to "Sunday Box" rules.

TJ

 

[goofy4tink]

Well, you guys must have been listening in on the conversation at my house last night!!! My 10 y/o dd has taken over most of the house with her stuff. I love the 'box' idea. She wants her room redone, more grown-up and I've told her 'sure, when you can keep it picked up.' She's doing better with that, but the piles of 'stuff' in the family room and on the kitchen counter is incredible. thanks for some great idea. I'm going to get a huge storage box and start today!!! And she'll have to earn her stuff back.

 

[shortbun]

LOL! After threatening to throw away DS's things, one morning
I quietly but obviously went around the house putting them
in a trash bag. He panicked, begged me not to throw his things
away. I agreed that this was his LAST CHANCE. I kept all the
things I had picked up for 2 weeks but made it my choice re
if I returned them. He has been good about picking up ever since.
This might not work for every child but I knew mine would take
me seriously as I rarely state a consequence and back out.
FYI, had I found it necessary to "throw away" his things, they
would have gone to charity, not in the trash.

 

[4greatboys]

I know how you feel. Haing 4 kids if I picked up all their stuff thats all I would ever be doing. My oldest ds 16 is the worst. He is really a slob. I have to tell him numerous times to pick up his stuff but Im NOT picking up his things. His room is usually messy--he is required to pick it up once a week (dirty clothes, any trash laying around) but I dont expect it to be spotless. He is also required to do chores every week.
One thing that helps is he cannot go with his friends if his what I have asked him to do is not done. He must pick up his things first then he can go.

 

[Boo'sMom]

I battle this constantly.....but a word to the "throw out"-ers....

*yes, I've told this story before*


Be careful what you throw out. My mother was a "throw out" mom, and she cleaned up my brother's baseball and basketball cards...throwing out a rookie Micheal Jordan card, and a Cal Ripken Jr. rookie baseball card.

 

[Serena]

When I'm tired and just don't want to deal with it, I have plan B. Plan A only works when I'm not tired.

When she wants to do something, or have someone come over, I have her to and pick up 10, 50, whatever of her things. I have her start in the rest of the house and her bedroom is last. She usually does it with no problem.

 

[faithinkarma]

Be careful what you throw out. My mother was a "throw out" mom, and she cleaned up my brother's baseball and basketball cards...throwing out a rookie Micheal Jordan card, and a Cal Ripken Jr. rookie baseball card.

OUCH reading that actually made me feel nauseous. That had to hurt big time ! And continue hurting.................................