We don't hit our kids. . .how to handle Aunt who disagrees.

[Keli]

Really, you need to sit down with your sister and talk about how you feel about spanking, that you don't allow others to spank your children and get an assurance from her that it won't ever happen again. Then if she was still willing to take your dd's with her and your dd's were willing to go I would allow her to take them to the amusement park. I would have a totally different attitude if it seemed your sister was being anything but upfront on this issue. It really appears that she had no idea how you felt on this issue and apparently felt you were going to agree with her stance on it.

I know how blessed my dd has been by her relationships with her aunts and uncles and there is no way I would do something that would permantly hinder that relationship without having a serious discussion and giving everyone a second chance. Family is just too important and I know how loved Ashli has felt at different events to look out at the audience and see all her aunts, uncles, and cousins cheering her on. You need to make the effort to save something this important.

 

[bumcat]

Ask yourself this question:
Would you let a total stranger spank them? probably not. It shouldn't be any different just because she's their aunt. Being an aunt does not give her that right!
My sister was like that - spanked her kids constantly. She kept my kids once and once was enough!

Go back and reread Hillbeans first sentence - that says it all.

 

[momof2inPA]

I spank my own kids, but I would never spank my sisters' kids. Does your sister not have children of her own? Is she young and just thinks she should discipline kids the way she was disciplined? Perhaps she doesn't understand that spanking others' children is taboo. I would sit her down and explain it. If she does not agree, don't let the kids be around her by themselves.

 

[Robinrs]

I'm surprised that your sister does not know how to handle this situation. My sisters and I are all on the same page about this because it has been discussed numerous times.

Then again, I've been an aunt for almost 40 years, a mother for 11. I've never had a reason to spank my nieces and nephews, always left it up to their parents. As for mine, if they feel the need they have permission to punish my son, but his relationship with my sisters is just about the same as it is with ME. We are ALL his Moms! The situation has only come up once when my sister, the one closest in age to me, had to pop him once for something when he was much younger. I know her and if it happened she did it out of love and restraint and it has never affected their relationship because he totally loves and respects her.

If your kids are in fear of your sister I suspect there is more to this than just an Auntie who spanked them. A serious conversation is way past due.

God bless,

Robinrs

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am just appalled!!!

I think that whether to spank - or not to spank is clouding the issue here. Your sister took it upon herself to physically spank/hit your child/ren while you were present right on your own property!!! HUGE red flags!!!!

Even if spanking were considered warranted or appropriate, she had ABSOLUTELY NO REASON and ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT to do any such thing while you were available without clearing the situation with you as the parent!!!

Then, when you came out, as the childrens mother, and rescued your children, she still had the determination and anger to argue the point!!! HUGE red flags!!!

NOBODY has the right to hit another persons child... period. My son has a letter posted on file at his school that he is not to be spanked... Even if I did believe in spanking (which I think is only appropriate, by the parent, for very young children when absolutely necessary) I would NEVER dream of spanking anyone elses child. ESPECIALLY right in their presence!!!!

There are definately some heavy issues going on with your sister. After all the times that she has spent with you and your kids, she should have a good idea on how these type of things work. It is very obvious that she knows that you do not hit/spank your children. She is WAY out of place to even dream that she can actively impose HER views... And, as unfortunate as it is, I would be very hesitant to allow her to spend any amount of time alone with my children (like a trip to an amusement park....)

Perhaps you could go along on the trip and see how the day goes with everyone?

 

[Tuffcookie]

It sounds like your sister does not have any children of her own. Did you two grow up in a household where spanking occurred? I would discuss this issue in private with your sister and let her know the ground rules from here on in. I disagree with some of the posters here who thought hitting her back would serve her right. Hitting never solves anything.

TC

 

[shortbun]

I agree with Serena, either she agrees to abide by your wishes
or they go with her nowhere. I love my sister but if she laid
a hand on my child without my permission, we'd have a huge
row. That your sister still wanted to spank your 4yo after you
objected scares me and IMHO, it should scare you. Don't let
them go with her, they are counting on you to protect them.
Violence has no place in discipline.

 

[TINKTWINS]

If that was my situation, she would never see my kids again, period.

 

[Ragmop]

I can't believe she wanted to spank the little one-after YOU took her out of the car!

No way would she be alone with my kids.

 

[peg2001]

Wow. I appreciate all the replies. I must admit that I was expecting some "You are overreacting, a few spanks never hurt anyone" replies.

You've seemed to nail the situation on the head. My sister is 10 years older than I am and does not have any kids. My children ADORE her and she spoils them rotten (gifts, activities, junk food). She has kept them routinely, one day a couple times a month, since birth. Only once before, to my knowledge, has she spanked and I remember talking to her then that time outs work very effectively for my children. Fortunately, my children are old enough to tell me now if this was a recurring thing.

I freely admit to my share of the blame. I've never flat out told her NOT to hit. I definitely need to do that and make sure that she agrees.

Growing up, my sister and I had an angry authoritarian father who freely smacked, swatted, spanked, and used belts on us. This is the main reason I've decided to raise my children without physical discipline. To this day, I feel a lot of resentment against my father. I do not want my children to carry that with them.

Again, I appreciate all the advice and points of view. It really helps.

Peggy

 

[clh2]

Not to beat a dead horse...your sister was definitely out of line.

On the other hand...would your daughters even want to go to the amusement park with their Aunt? I would doubt it.

 

[GrandmaT]

I would have been sorely tempted to slap the taste right out of her mouth, but then again, it only would have shown your children that you too hit when you're angry.. So - by not "getting into it" right then and there, you did the right thing..

However, I would talk to her privately and tell her in no uncertain terms she is NEVER to hit your children again - for ANY reason.. Period..

I would be reluctant to let the children go to the amusement park with her, but that's a call that only you can make..

Whatever you decide, I hope it works out well for all involved..
--------------------------


GrandmaT aka C.Ann

 

[Kermit]

I feel for you. I'm afraid that I'll be posting something very similar in a few years because my sister and I don't see eye to eye on discipline. I don't want to do something that would cause a big problem in our family, but raising my children the way I want them to be raised is more important. I think that I would have a heart to heart discussion with her and feel her out to see if she'll respect your wishes. If not, you'll probably choose to keep your kids from being alone with her, but maybe you can do it in a way that she doesn't realize it.

 

[niks81]

On the other hand...would your daughters even want to go to the amusement park with their Aunt? I would doubt it.

That's what I was wondering too....especially since the younger one was so frightened.