We can't handle the truth!!

[eliza61]

I've noticed this on many forums not just here and I'm probably just as guilty as anyone. (10 lashes with a wet pixie wand for me) but....


When we post a question are we looking for an honest answer or just some one to validate our "side" of things?

Many times I've notice we'll post a dilemma (some thing that definitely has more than one answer) and when the majority of posters don't agree with us, we label that person as "negative" or "bashing". Now some things probably sound a lot ruder than the person intended (it's very hard to convey emotions) so some times the authors meaning may get lost but do we really want opinions and a variety of looking at the issue or do we want our justification?

I mean, you're on a public forum with 10's of 1000's of members, could you honestly post a question and then get mad at the responses that are different than yours?

 

[wdwfan16]

You can tell very quickly by how the OP reacts to the other posters.

 

[cheermom1]

It has nothing to do with disagreeing as it does with HOW it is said...I know for me that I have no problem with someone disagreeing with me as a matter of fact I had my eyes opened about a few things..however it is the way it is said that makes all the difference..and yes there are people who just wants to bash for their own satisfaction and you can tell those people ...also if you do say something in a way that is not meant the way you intended you should clarify..that has happened to me as well and the other people clarified it for me and I understood ...of course you will have the people who just want you to on their side no matter what but you can still say your opinion in a tactful manner and leave it at that instead of arguing your side b/c that IS what they asked for JUST an opinion not for you to argue your side...

 

[PolyndianPrincessJes]

It has nothing to do with disagreeing as it does with HOW it is said...I know for me that I have no problem with someone disagreeing with me as a matter of fact I had my eyes opened about a few things..however it is the way it is said that makes all the difference..and yes there are people who just wants to bash for their own satisfaction and you can tell those people ...also if you do say something in a way that is not meant the way you intended you should clarify..that has happened to me as well and the other people clarified it for me and I understood ...of course you will have the people who just want you to on their side no matter what but you can still say your opinion in a tactful manner and leave it at that instead of arguing your side b/c that IS what they asked for JUST an opinion not for you to argue your side...

No, you're totally wrong here. Hello!!!

Just kidding, I totally agree with this. Some people (everywhere, not just on the DIS) just love to prove others wrong, rain on parades, etc., etc., etc. Other people will actually post thoughtful, insightful responses contrary to the OP's thoughts, but those can be few and far between.

That being said, I think a lot of people (and I've done it, too) just want to validate their actions/feelings and get offended when someone doesn't. On the other hand, there are times when I've really been stuck and needed some impartial thoughts. Of course, things are often split, so it really just gives me more to debate over and over with myself.

 

[bettymae1121]

If you have to ask "does this outfit make me look fat", you better be prepared for the possiblity that someone will say "yes".

Then there are those that disagree for the sake of disagreeing. I got into it on a message board once with someone that agreed 100% with my opinion, but kept telling me how wrong I was!?!? Very weird....

 

[nmmom95]

No, you're totally wrong here. Hello!!!

Just kidding, I totally agree with this. Some people (everywhere, not just on the DIS) just love to prove others wrong, rain on parades, etc., etc., etc. Other people will actually post thoughtful, insightful responses contrary to the OP's thoughts, but those can be few and far between.

That being said, I think a lot of people (and I've done it, too) just want to validate their actions/feelings and get offended when someone doesn't. On the other hand, there are times when I've really been stuck and needed some impartial thoughts. Of course, things are often split, so it really just gives me more to debate over and over with myself.

My sister is like that, so I know to keep my opinions to myself if I want to avoid a fight. (Notice I said if) The problem is, you can't identify these people on a message board until it's too late.

 

[clovergirl5]

I've noticed this on many forums not just here and I'm probably just as guilty as anyone. (10 lashes with a wet pixie wand for me) but....


When we post a question are we looking for an honest answer or just some one to validate our "side" of things?

Many times I've notice we'll post a dilemma (some thing that definitely has more than one answer) and when the majority of posters don't agree with us, we label that person as "negative" or "bashing". Now some things probably sound a lot ruder than the person intended (it's very hard to convey emotions) so some times the authors meaning may get lost but do we really want opinions and a variety of looking at the issue or do we want our justification?

I mean, you're on a public forum with 10's of 1000's of members, could you honestly post a question and then get mad at the responses that are different than yours?

It has nothing to do with disagreeing as it does with HOW it is said...I know for me that I have no problem with someone disagreeing with me as a matter of fact I had my eyes opened about a few things..however it is the way it is said that makes all the difference..and yes there are people who just wants to bash for their own satisfaction and you can tell those people ...also if you do say something in a way that is not meant the way you intended you should clarify..that has happened to me as well and the other people clarified it for me and I understood ...of course you will have the people who just want you to on their side no matter what but you can still say your opinion in a tactful manner and leave it at that instead of arguing your side b/c that IS what they asked for JUST an opinion not for you to argue your side...

I agree with this. Good explanation!

 

[PolyndianPrincessJes]

My sister is like that, so I know to keep my opinions to myself if I want to avoid a fight. (Notice I said if) The problem is, you can't identify these people on a message board until it's too late.

At least you can use the ignore button. That doesn't work out so well in real life. I've tried.

 

[bumbershoot]

I mean, you're on a public forum with 10's of 1000's of members, could you honestly post a question and then get mad at the responses that are different than yours?

Being someone that sometimes has a problem phrasing things as nicely as, perhaps, I should do, I know that HOW you say things means a lot.


But one of the reasons I almost never *ask* a question around here is b/c I'm afraid.

Though the one time I can remember posting a question on the CB was one of the three times that I have personally noticed Every Single Reply was with one voice. And it was NOT in agreement with me, let me tell you!

But after the first few "your husband is right, this situation is NOT OK" responses came in I sat up and started paying attention, and decided that I must have been wrong. And thank goodness, b/c it had to do with my little son and his older, and inappropriately-behaving (from a rough life), female cousin...I'm glad I paid attention, otherwise who knows what my bad instincts (in that situation) might have caused!?!

So I like to think that if I were to ask another question 'round here, I would be brave enough to really hear the responses.

But I can understand why sometimes it's hard to hear the response over the tone.

 

[mickeyboat]

I don't tend to take criticism well, so I don't ask for opinions. I do ask for help, though, and many kind DISers have responded with wonderful advice.

 

[C.Ann]

As others have said, it's not a matter of wanting "only" our own opinion to be validated - it's how the differing opinion is presented.. If presented in a logical, well-thought out manner, it can be very helpful.. I think most people (myself included) will give those types of differing opinions some real thought and consideration when determining if they apply to our situation or not..

If it's the "opinions" of people who just pop in to throw out nasty, snide remarks simply because they're bored - or it's their twisted idea of having "fun" - that's an entirely different issue and quite frankly, useless.. Typically it's the same people over and over.. Once you recognize the pattern, that's when the ignore feature comes in handy - less junk to sift through..

I think the majority of us here can "handle the truth" just fine - when presented in an intelligent manner.. When it turns into a free-for-all, it becomes pointless and not really worth wasting ones time on..

Of course, that's just "my opinion"..