We are having a debate

[sha_lyn]

Sometimes we mothers think that the children are "ours" and forget that the fathers do have a right to contribute in the decision we make in regards to the children.

ITA

Unless he is an alcoholic that shouldn't be drinking at all, I feel he didn't do anything wrong.

 

[disneychrista]

Originally posted by tw1nsmom
Sometimes we mothers think that the children are "ours" and forget that the fathers do have a right to contribute in the decision we make in regards to the children.

Does that include putting the child in a potentially harmfull situation. While one or two drink may be okay "legeally" IMO that one or two drinks can still impair judgement, which can include driving.

 

[tw1nsmom]

If we list having one drink as putting our children "in harms way", then we also have to list all the other things we do that can be potentially harmful. If you don't agree with having one drink and driving (for the average size man, while eating a meal), then that must mean that you've never driven your children anywhere when you've been sleep deprived, feeling under the weather, taken a mild over the counter cold medication, had back pain that could slow your reflexes. You also have never glanced back to check on your children, tried to get a tissue out of your purse, drank coffee while driving, or talked to your passengers. All of which have been shown to put drivers at a greater risk for accidents. I wasn't saying that driving after having one drink was the best choice, but it is probably no worse than most of those that I listed. More to the point, what I was really trying to say is that we have to think of our husbands as partners who have an equal say in the discussion about raising our children. Rather than vilify the OP's DH maybe we should encourage (again) the OP to have a calm, give and take discussion with her husband, and to realize that he most likely tries to put the best interests of his children first as well. Sometimes we mothers act as though fathers are the only ones who make poor judgement calls and we are the only ones who know how to raise our children.

 

[S. C.]

While i don't feel that 1 drink would affect an adults driving, I do think we have to be careful about sending our children the message that it is ok to drink and drive.

 

[momof2inPA]

My husband and I agree not to drink anything before or use the cell phone while we are driving the kids. We do make an exception if we will not be driving for several hours (like when we're at Epcot), then we'll have one or two drinks.

 

[preshi]

Thanks everyone for your opinions. You were all right about one thing, I needed to calm down. I had just got home and smelled alchohal on his breath which is what set me off, plus I am VERY hormonal right now I think what got to me was if he had been pulled over and the cop surely would have smelled his breath, then what? I wasn't in aplace where I could have been reached. I just wish he would have had better judgement and I feel that since him and 4 yr old DS were out at dinner alone he could have skipped the sake.

I told DH I was posting this here we both wanted to see honest opinions. Thanks

 

[tlgoblue]

Originally posted by preshi
I feel that since him and 4 yr old DS were out at dinner alone he could have skipped the sake.

LOL! Picturing MY DH alone, in a restaurant with either of my kids at 4 without a drink would be positively frightening! Believe me, the drink was medicinal!
Glad you guys can work this one out.

Keep the Faith!
Tracy

 

[always quiet]

In my opinion, having one drink, then getting behind the wheel is one drink too many. Same with certain cold meds (and they even put warnings on the boxes!!)....after "what if" happens, it's too late. Just because a glass of alcohol doesn't have a warning label on the side doesn't mean it won't impair judgement, even slightly.

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

Originally posted by S. C.
While i don't feel that 1 drink would affect an adults driving, I do think we have to be careful about sending our children the message that it is ok to drink and drive.

This is probably the best point made in this whole argument. It's kind of hard to tell a 21 year old (or younger) not to drive under the influence if mom or dad does it. Kids tend have a hard time with limits and bounderies. While a father may consider it ok to have a drink and then drive, the child who see's dad having a drink and driving probably isn't counting the number of drinks...all he or she is seeing is that dad does it, so it must be ok.

That aside, I wouldn't allow myself or my child to be driven by anybody who has had a drink. I would be infuriated with anybody who drove my child around under such circumstances. I know too many people who DO get intoxicated from a single drink. All I have to drink is a wine cooler and I'm feeling it. I want any person who is driving my child to be in perfect driving condition...that means no alcohol or drugs, plenty of sleep, and totally alert.

I should add that I have been slammed into by other drivers no fewer than six times in my life, four of them were bad crashes and three of them totalled the cars I were in. Some of those drivers were drunk, others were just vacant. I will pay for those people's lack of awareness for the rest of my life. It's certainly possible that my past experience and the pain I deal with daily from those accidents make me more likely to protest any kind of alcohol use in any car I happen to be in.

 

[disneychrista]

Originally posted by tlgoblue
LOL! Picturing MY DH alone, in a restaurant with either of my kids at 4 without a drink would be positively frightening! Believe me, the drink was medicinal!

Now that is sad.

 

[Planogirl]

Originally posted by disneychrista
Now that is sad.

It sounded like she was just joking. And it made me smile.

 

[WilmaBud]

It made me giggle, too. Obviously, she was joking.

To add my opinion, 1 drink is not going to impair a full grown man in any way. I think it's unreasonable to expect an adult never to have 1 drink with dinner just because a child will be in the car. If your husband would've been stopped and administered a breathylyzer (sp?), he surely would've passed having had just 1 drink.

I choose not to drink anything when I'm driving because I know I'm a lightweight, but I wouldn't impose the same set of rules on my husband. He's perfectly capable of handling 1 drink. Now, if he had a problem with alcohol, that would be another story.

 

[Kallison]

I think if you don't wish for him to drink and drive with your son in the car then he should respect that. Surely he can forego the alcohol for that short period of time. I personally get looped at communion, so one drink would impair me.

 

[C.Ann]

I have ZERO tolerance when it comes to people drinking and driving.. I don't care if they've had one or ten..

Don't drink and drive - period..

 

[DocRafiki]

Originally posted by momof2inPA
My husband and I agree not to drink anything before or use the cell phone while we are driving the kids.

Are you saying that you won't do these things while the kids are in the car, but you will if they're not?

 

[chell]

I fall onto the side that one drink is one too-many to drive. Better to be safe than sorry in my book.

 

[sha_lyn]

I think if you don't wish for him to drink and drive with your son in the car then he should respect that.

What about her respecting his decisions as a parent. Just because a mother gives birth to a child , it doen't mean she sets the rules for the husband/father to obey. Respect is a 2 way street. If his having one drink is causing big problems they need to comunicate about what is really behind the emotional reaction to him having 1 drink.