Watching (aka babysitting) grandchildren: do you charge?

[sasywtch]

Op here, talked to my DD and she’s going to give me a small payment each week. I watch my GS at my house (most of the time sometimes at hers) hes with us a good chunk of the day. Lucky for me my DH works from home so he’ll help out. Big plus - I was a preschool teacher forever so no shortage of fun stuff!

 

[LuvOrlando]

Sensitive issue/topic for me - still after many years...

I was the only one of my four siblings who had children and lived in the same town with our widowed mom. When I became a single parent, my mom asked to watch my kids, and my siblings told her/me that wasn't ALLOWED, since it wouldn't be "fair". So I paid over 30% of my income for daycare for two preschoolers; they were in daycare 12 hours/day, with my retired mom lonely and two blocks away.

She even had to "ask permission" from my siblings to watch them one day/week during the summer - and those moments were some of my kids' happiest childhood memories (yes, I get the disfunction).

I found out later that she used to sneak over to their daycare (the ladies there were wonderful - and I am so grateful for that) and check my kids out whenever my sister was out of town because she so loved spending time with them. Fast forward to the two years before my mom died - she told me and my kids multiple times how much she resented being told that she couldn't watch her two in town grandkids because somehow it wouldn't be "fair" for her to have a closer relationship with them; it was our CHOICE to move back to our small town, because I so wanted my kids to grow up close to their grandma (my one set of grandparents were super special to me). Other people made different choices.

Even after that "prohibition" on time spent together, my kids saw their Nana every. single. day when mom was in Assisted Living and the siblings weren't gatekeeping and isolating her. The siblings? Stole her money (2), never paid rent (20 years (1) and never came to see her that last two years (all 3).

Sore subject for me. My mom loved being a grandma, and probably would have paid ME to spend time with my kids. As it was, they were able to spend enough precious hours with her, so that she is their most treasured human; my 16 year old son calls her "his angel" and the "most precious human ever alive". When my daughter graduated, she wrote several essays on the impact her Nana had on her life. I miss her every single day.

I hope someday I can be that special and impactful for my grandkids, whatever the scenario. I got married late and have traveled, worked, and done pretty much everything I wanted to accomplish. If I am blessed enough to have grandkids, I'll be there as much as I can be.

I'm really sorry your siblings did that to you, your kids and your mom, it was very unkind no matter what they tell themselves.

 

[sasywtch]

Op here, talked to my DD and she’s going to give me a small payment each week. I watch my GS at my house (most of the time sometimes at hers) hes with us a good chunk of the day. Lucky for me my DH works from home so he’ll help out. Big plus - I was a preschool teacher forever so no shortage of fun stuff!

I'm happy you worked something out. It sounded like you didn't have a lot of excess income so some "pocket change" would be welcome. I see nothing wrong with asking for that. As I get older, I realized there is a reason why you have kids at a younger age. As I mentioned before, my mom did not have outside friendships, her outings were to the local coffee shop to bs with the locals. Her watching my kids after my dad passed kept her busy. We did fixing ups around her house, took her on some vacations, etc. My dad owned a popular business that closed after he died, so she was not hurting for money. IF she was hurting for money, we would have paid her. Even if you didn't NEED the money but wanted a little to get nails done, a spa day etc, that's great.

 

[notatallmagic]

I'm really sorry your siblings did that to you, your kids and your mom, it was very unkind no matter what they tell themselves.

Thank you so much for your kind words. We actually ended up in court at the advice of hospital personnel, who told me I needed to apply for immediate emergency guardianship of my mom. I did, and spent the last year of my mom's life in court with my sisters. I was awarded full guardianship, and discovered that they had withheld medications for several years, likely causing or at least contributing to her premature death. She died three weeks later.

My kids and I have had to work really hard to move forward. Disney became our happy place in a sea of trouble. End of life and greed definitely bring out the worst in people.

 

[georgina]

I haven't read all 4 pages of the replies yet.

My kids are teenagers, so I'm not in the grandparent category right now. BUT...

When ODD was a year old, MIL moved from another state to here, and lived about a 15 min drive from us. She decided to quit working/retire. She offered to babysit full time, free of charge. That was awesome at first because it saved me about $800 a month on full time daycare at the time (ODD is 16 now).

Within that first month, she started to complain about how we weren't paying her. And I had to supply her with all of the baby bear...toys, a pack & play for the kid to nap in, food, diapers, wipes, everything. Bought a car seat for her to use for ODD, too. Also left an extra stroller at MIL's house so she could take ODD out on walks to a small park nearby.

MIL never took the kiddo outside. She stayed indoors all day. not even in the backyard. Never had social interaction with anybody else.

On top of that, MIL complained that she wanted to go away on vacation. This meant that DH or I would also need to then take time off of work...PTO which we literally did not have. Then MIL said that whenever ODD got sick or even a cold, she wouldn't babysit. So we had to take time off of work for that, too...stuff we'd had to do anyway when the kid was in regular daycare.

Then she demanded to be paid what we were paying the daycare before. I went along with it for another month and then told DH that I was calling the daycare to try to get ODD's old spot back. It took 5 more months for a spot to open back up.

It was hell.

Never again.

For years afterwards, MIL would whine and offer to babysit for us so we could go to the movies or something every Saturday. We did that 2 times, and then within a couple of days of that occurring, my MIL demanded that my DH take HER out to dinner and a movie. So I said, "No thanks."

DH & I didn't have any adults-only dates from then on unless it was during the couple of times a year that my sister would fly in from the UK.

If I had to do it all over again, I would have never agreed to all of that. It was a disaster.

If you are going to agree to babysit your grandchildren and if you expect or want to be paid, then negotiate that up front BEFORE THE BABYSITTING BEGINS! Know that the grandkid(s)' parents will be relying on you to not flake out, to not just change your mind on a whim because you've decided that you all of a sudden want to spend 3 weeks on a holiday.

If you want a foot loose and fancy free lifestyle, then DON'T BABYSIT YOUR GRANDCHILDREN where the parents have to rely on you for regular childcare so they can work.

If the discussion of the parents paying you NEVER came up before you started the babysitting, then you SHOULD expect some frustration and resentment on the parents' part.

If at any time, you decide that you need to change the timing or frequency of the babysitting, know that finding reliable childcare is hard for parents and it might take them awhile to find a suitable replacement.

If you're not ok with any of this, then ONE SHOULD NOT AGREE TO BABYSIT!

WOW! A cautionary tale for sure. The fact that we travel and simply don't want to commit to 5 days a week at our age is why we don't do that. Grandson is in a nanny share with another little boy a few months older, so he is getting some time with another child. Nanny is great and takes them to the park, they went to a farm, a dinosaur exhibit nearby, etc. We are here for occasional and short-notice help.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

Obviously those who utilized daycare would have a difference of opinion on daycare...

Can hate me all you want over my opinion, it's not going to change.

You've always struck me as a fairly bitter and angry individual resigned to his "lot in life". I certainly don't hate you and often feel sorry for how you feel about your life past, present, and future. Perhaps it may have benefitted your children to be around a happy and upbeat day care provider since you frequently comment about the burden their care still places on you even though they are adults.

 

[karen4546]

I WOULD NEVER EVER ASK FOR MONEY FOR SPENDING TIME WITH MY GRANDCHILDRE.

Three of my grandchildren are with me 4 nights/days a week due their parents’ work schedules. I have had my “grand dogs” fo 6 months while my youngest is having house built.

No, I wouldn’t ask or expect money from my children.

 

[TLSnell1981]

I never considered charging to babysit any of my grandchildren...under any circumstance.

 

[mousefan73]

I’ve been watching my darling GS daily. I thought about it, a decided to ask my DD for a small amount weekly. I just thought about how busy my GS is and it’s not always easy. So I thought a couple of bucks (so granny can get her me time) wouldn’t be terrible. After all I’m saving them a TON!

My SIL watched our kids for a few years 2 days a week. We paid her. But grandparents are different. I think every situation is unique and every family ticks differently.


I mean if grandparents financially are well off to begin with and just have the time and are enjoying every moment with their grandkids even though it’s work? Money might not play a role. Or Some grandparents could use a little bit of extra cash themselves ( especially if there’s any type of a cost involved). Or maybe it’s a family that doesn’t deal with cash but instead gifting. For example in my case I could see my mom not wanting to take money but she wouldn’t say no to let’s say us inviting her on a family cruise with is for two weeks as a thank you.

Or saying hey if you watch my kid all week I’ll foot the groceries bill and of course Put what you need in the cart and will cover that too. Or maybe filling up her tank of gas

Or maybe it’s a family that is Cash base and has no issue with that. Heck depending on the situation there also might be tax benefits for having said grandparents officially registered and writing off their help. Here in Germany where we live we were able to write off on our taxes what we paid my sister-in-law.

To answer OP‘s initial question I definitely do believe there should be some type of recognition. Whether that’s cash, gifts or barter.

 

[leebee]

Sorry... original post was kind-of off-topic as we live in the same house as DD, SIL, and his 6yo so we share in the raising of the child. No money changes hands as were are all working but live together. SIL is in charge of organizing child transport and care, we talk about rules and such, and we all "chip in" with our time as our schedules permit. It works for us, and no advantage is taken or expectations assumed. Hopefully this will continue for as long as we all live together.