Watching (aka babysitting) grandchildren: do you charge?

[mrodgers]

I agree with the others. If a grandparents wants to give up a day or two a week to help out for free is fine. But, full time childcare is a chore and can take some of the joy out of just being a grandparent and enjoying the children. I can't believe anyone would expect a grandparent to take on those duties without some sort of compensation.

Tis why we struggled. We raised our own kids with one parent being home with them. It was a struggle but the love of money wasn't there to send our kids off to be raised by someone else and to not be a burden on our own parents who had to work anyways because they weren't old.

 

[soccerdad72]

My brother's MIL would watch their kids at least a couple days a week when his kids were little and they paid her like any other childcare provider. Granted, they got extra benefits from her childcare, as he would say she would end up doing their wash, start dinner, etc., so it was well worth the money. And, I assume, it was a ton cheaper than a full time daycare.

 

[BroadwayHermione5]

So when I was born, my grandfather had just retired and my grandma just lost her job (slight age difference) so my parents paid her every week for her health insurance (paid back my grandfather until she turned 65 as he had an excellent retirement plan that included insurance). They got everything else from diapers to extra clothes. Cheaper than daycare (and for reference my grandparents took me everywhere and I was one of like 10 kids in my kindergarten class who went to the library for activities and not daycare and we were just fine)

 

[Silvermist999]

In our area, I see grandparents that live in the same household, could be a cultural thing, and they are the ones who watch the children while the parents are at work, or off doing their own thing. We never asked our parents to watch our kids on a regular basis or even overnight, ever, mainly because of their age at the time, it wouldn’t be fair to them. I don’t believe anyone has to pay grandparents an hourly amount, but a lump sum amount to compensate them for their time and out of pocket expenses is not unreasonable.

 

[mjkacmom]

I agree with the others. If a grandparents wants to give up a day or two a week to help out for free is fine. But, full time childcare is a chore and can take some of the joy out of just being a grandparent and enjoying the children. I can't believe anyone would expect a grandparent to take on those duties without some sort of compensation.

My mom told me, before I had kids, she would never want to be a regular sitter, paid or unpaid, because she felt that would take away some of the enjoyment. I can’t imagine how many hours my (5) kids were with her, heck they all had bedrooms and clothes at her house! She drove tons of carpools, never missed a game or performance, was a dance mom taking granddaughters to dance competitions, even overseas, on her dime. She took them to mommy and me classes, appointments, shopping, pedicures. My dad was very involved as well, he was TKD dad. It worked out well for all of us. But yes, if a grandparent is a regular sitter, she should be paid something.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Sure you're saving them money but do you really want to look at it like that?

I don't see an issue with coming to an agreement on pay, the child is basically in an in-home daycare. However, when it comes to situations like these (with family watching the child(ren)) I think there's a lot more that's involved. Are there other things they do for you in lieu of money that show their gratification? Do you need the money financially? Do you need the money to feel appreciated? Do you need to scale back a day or so to give yourself a break?

I read an interesting blog/story/article that had the gist that this whole "raising a village" it doesn't exist any more because the village doesn't want to help or logistically can't and the pandemic has only made it so much worse (with some of it coming from pandemic-related society changes). I only bring that up because it's something a decent amount of posters bring up in various threads.

 

[The Mayor]

I retired so I could help with watching my grandchildren. We have 4 and they are such a blessing and the time I get to spend with them is priceless. I would never think are charging my children to watch them.

 

[luvsvacation]

Interesting question…I don’t have grandkids yet as my kids are 20 & 19 and in college currently. I am a career nanny though so that throws a different aspect into. My job is literally being paid to raise other people’s children. I was a nanny before I had kids, then I took several years off to be a stay at home mom, then went back to it when my kids were teenagers. I plan to continue to be a nanny for the rest of my career.

IF my kids have kids will I be a nanny for them? Will I do it for free? It would depend on many different things. Right now I need the money, although right now I mostly need it to put them through school, so I may not in the future. My kids also both plan to leave the Midwest and live elsewhere after graduating. Will I follow one of them eventually if they have kids? From being a nanny I know that being the full time caregiver also means disciplinarian, would I want to do that? But also I raise children in a fairly strict, while also free range way (I’ve been watching the new parent test show and I have very strong opinions on how children should be raised) so maybe I would want to to make sure my influence was in there

Too many variables to know right now…

 

[PrincesCJM]

My mom watched my oldest son 4-5 days a week for the first 3 years of his life, then 2 days a week until he started kindergarten. Youngest son she watched 4-5 days a week until he was 1, then 2-3 days a week until kindergarten. She drove both to and from preschool 2-3 times a week. Now, she puts both on the bus. Never paid - nor would she have accepted it if I had tried. I used to tell people that she was paid in "hugs, kisses, and poopie diapers". I'm very thankful for the time both boys got with her. She was widowed a few months before my oldest was born so he definitely kept her going.

 

[LSUmiss]

I guess I am in the minority. I could never even imagine asking my kids to pay me. It just isn’t something that would ever occur to me to do especially for family. Not saying it is wrong to do so, just that I would never take money from them for watching my own grandchild. If I didn’t want to do it regularly, I would be upfront about that. But if I did do it, it would be to help them out and save money in the process.

That’s my thing. I’m not a grandparent, but I can’t imagine asking my child for money for any reason (even though he’s still a child now). If I felt like I was being taken advantage of, I might say no to watching them in certain situations but not if it were to go to work.

 

[LSUmiss]

In our area, I see grandparents that live in the same household, could be a cultural thing, and they are the ones who watch the children while the parents are at work, or off doing their own thing. We never asked our parents to watch our kids on a regular basis or even overnight, ever, mainly because of their age at the time, it wouldn’t be fair to them. I don’t believe anyone has to pay grandparents an hourly amount, but a lump sum amount to compensate them for their time and out of pocket expenses is not unreasonable.

Mil lives with us now due to her health issues. I have at least 2 other friends who have a parent or 2 living with them.

 

[PezRuth]

Tis why we struggled. We raised our own kids with one parent being home with them. It was a struggle but the love of money wasn't there to send our kids off to be raised by someone else and to not be a burden on our own parents who had to work anyways because they weren't old.

Completely hear what you are saying but I will always comment on the one piece here. Sending your kids to daycare is not having them raised by someone else. The parents are still raising them but they the kids have additional influences in their life.

 

[disneychrista]

Granny daycare where you can’t make other plans or do anything else because you are being relied on to provide care i can see being paid.

Spending a fun day with grandma while mom & dad have a date would not be paid IMO.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Completely hear what you are saying but I will always comment on the one piece here. Sending your kids to daycare is not having them raised by someone else. The parents are still raising them but they the kids have additional influences in their life.

Plus I laugh at the "love of money" part as if that's a big reason. It's tone deaf and at odds with reality.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

I quit working full time in 2011 to babysit our first granddaughter. Our second granddaughter arrived 2 1/2 years later and the 3rd 20 months later. I was watching them 50 hours a week. I never asked to be paid. They offered but I refused. They did buy me my first smartphone and added me to their family plan which they paid for though.

 

[PezRuth]

Plus I laugh at the "love of money" part as if that's a big reason. It's tone deaf and at odds with reality.

Yeah. In our case (and most dual working families cases) it is not a 'love of money' but rather two incomes are necessary. And yes we like to have a bit extra so we can do things like vacations. Also it is very important to me that my daughters see that I worked very hard for my education and my career. They have gained so much by being in good daycares with other influences. I just hate comments like that about daycare.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Comments about daycares raising children are just so insensitive and just wrong.

I completely agree.

 

[mrodgers]

Obviously those who utilized daycare would have a difference of opinion on daycare...

Can hate me all you want over my opinion, it's not going to change.

 

[Darcy03231]

I have an infant grandson, but am still working a full time job so the issue is moot. Both parents work and he goes to daycare 3.5 days a week. I have babysat on a couple of weekend nights so they can go out (as has his other set of grandparents). I also have a lot of PTO so have volunteered to sit for a day when he couldn't go to daycare because he was running a fever or DH (who is retired) would babysit, as DD just started a new job. So far we haven't had to do that yet.

 

[goofyernmost]

Personally, I'd rather get reimbursed for the money I spent raising their parents. I don't have to guide and pay for every time something happens, I don't buy the food, I don't have to pay for their education, etc. so I am free to enjoy my grandkids. There are three of them just to the left of this. As you can see they are all old enough to not need a "watching". They youngest, not in the picture, is 11 years old the other three are 23, 21 and 20 respectively. However I did watch them on occasion when they were little and it never crossed my mind that I should get paid to do that. They are my family, not as direct as their parents, but still family.