I'm trying to figure out if I should play into the massive guilt trip my mother has unloaded on me this past weekend or if if I can ignore it and move on. Give me your HONEST opinion, I'm not just saying that and then when someone does I'm going to get mad:
Okay here's the issue: My only sibling (a brother) got married on Saturday. My mother is strange when it comes to him, he is her baby and she and my Dad have always cuddled him. My oldest son was the ring bearer. My DH, me, DS(3) and DS(2) were invitied to the ceremony and reception afterwords. The events started at 3pm and went to 8pm. My family and I attended the ceremony, we chatted with the our extended family, we talked for a short time period to the bride and groom, we helped setup chairs and greeted guests. I felt like we did the things that were asked of us. The couple was to get married at 4 o'clock, didn't happen, they ran 45 minutes behind. My three year old did great as the ring bearer and was very patient, my two year is another story. He was thankfully quiet for the actual ceremony, but afterwards it was fit after fit. In his defense, he has a bit of social anxiety (can two year olds have that?) in loud, large groups.
Now, the reception was not a formal sitdown dinner affair. Just a greeting line of the new couple and their parents along with some light refreshments. There was nothing for the guests to do but eat and chat. It was inside in a senior citizen center (please dont ask) and not really what I would consider a reception hall. We left at 7pm, our boys were tired and there was nothing for them or us to really do but sit at a table and take up valuable space for people who were attending the reception. We made sure that we said our goodbyes and left to put the boys to bed.
I got a call yesterday from my mother who asked me how the wedding went (I think she was baiting me). I told her I thought it was very nice and that I was happy that things went so well. She and my Dad had just got back from picking up the bride and groom at their hotel to take them to the airport at 6am for their honeymoon flight(these are 28 year old adults). I told her I thought that was strange why didnt they get a taxi- I think this put her on the defense and it was honestly not intentional on my part. She went on to tell me that she was disappointed that we didnt stay to cleanup after the reception, she said that the bride's nephews that our close to my boys ages were there the whole time and they were perfectly behaved and why couldn't my boys have stayed. I told her that I honestly didnt feel like I missed out on anything, that we were there for the ceremony and part of the reception and that I would rather have left when the boys were half way decent than to push them past the point of good behavior and have them be the children that everyone points at and asks who's their mother. She told me that was a poor excuse and that my brother and new SIL were going to have a hard time forgiving us since we (DH and I) didnt make an effort to celebrate their special day.
Am I wrong, I felt like we did our part. We celebrated with the couple and we are thrilled for them, but I have my own little family to take care of and worry about too.
Okay here's the issue: My only sibling (a brother) got married on Saturday. My mother is strange when it comes to him, he is her baby and she and my Dad have always cuddled him. My oldest son was the ring bearer. My DH, me, DS(3) and DS(2) were invitied to the ceremony and reception afterwords. The events started at 3pm and went to 8pm. My family and I attended the ceremony, we chatted with the our extended family, we talked for a short time period to the bride and groom, we helped setup chairs and greeted guests. I felt like we did the things that were asked of us. The couple was to get married at 4 o'clock, didn't happen, they ran 45 minutes behind. My three year old did great as the ring bearer and was very patient, my two year is another story. He was thankfully quiet for the actual ceremony, but afterwards it was fit after fit. In his defense, he has a bit of social anxiety (can two year olds have that?) in loud, large groups.
Now, the reception was not a formal sitdown dinner affair. Just a greeting line of the new couple and their parents along with some light refreshments. There was nothing for the guests to do but eat and chat. It was inside in a senior citizen center (please dont ask) and not really what I would consider a reception hall. We left at 7pm, our boys were tired and there was nothing for them or us to really do but sit at a table and take up valuable space for people who were attending the reception. We made sure that we said our goodbyes and left to put the boys to bed.
I got a call yesterday from my mother who asked me how the wedding went (I think she was baiting me). I told her I thought it was very nice and that I was happy that things went so well. She and my Dad had just got back from picking up the bride and groom at their hotel to take them to the airport at 6am for their honeymoon flight(these are 28 year old adults). I told her I thought that was strange why didnt they get a taxi- I think this put her on the defense and it was honestly not intentional on my part. She went on to tell me that she was disappointed that we didnt stay to cleanup after the reception, she said that the bride's nephews that our close to my boys ages were there the whole time and they were perfectly behaved and why couldn't my boys have stayed. I told her that I honestly didnt feel like I missed out on anything, that we were there for the ceremony and part of the reception and that I would rather have left when the boys were half way decent than to push them past the point of good behavior and have them be the children that everyone points at and asks who's their mother. She told me that was a poor excuse and that my brother and new SIL were going to have a hard time forgiving us since we (DH and I) didnt make an effort to celebrate their special day.
Am I wrong, I felt like we did our part. We celebrated with the couple and we are thrilled for them, but I have my own little family to take care of and worry about too.
I don't think you did a thing wrong. You helped set up, you greeted guests. The wedding party were 45 minutes late and you still stayed until an hour before the end. You left to take care of your own children and their needs. That many boring hours is tough on any two year old. If, as your mother points out, your brother and new SIL will be hard pressed to forgive you, then they are very hard hearted people in my opinion.
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