Was I wrong? Kinda long...

[dakcp2001]

Don't know as soon as someone mentions the words bridesmaid I run . Seriously yes the bride should pay why expect someone else to pay for an expensive dress that will not be wearable, to give the bride that wonderful bride shower? If you want all that jazz then it should come as part of the cost of the wedding. My sister wedding she brought the fabric, the pattern and we made the dress (which was cut up afterwards to make a little girl a dress because I hate cornflower blue)

Weddings bring out the crazy in people. The absolute worst. I dont know why but they make people crazy. I will never be in another wedding again, and for my own upcoming wedding we have decided not to have a bridal party because we want out friends to come have a good time instead of being all stressed out and paying a fortune just so the pictures can look uniform.

I have a closetful of ugly bridesmaid dresses that cant even be sold on ebay. Some people dont understand the financial strain they put on their friends and family and when you agree to be a bridesmaid, you are not given an idea of how much it will cost. I have been in weddings that cost about $500 each (more reasonable) and one (the last one that made me never want to do it again) that was almost 2k per bridesmaid. It just kept spiraling out of control, and once your halfway in its hard to get out. You never know what the end cost is going to be until it is too late. And some brides will never be satisfied.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I'm a man, and never had a proper wedding, so maybe I just don't get it, but why do bridesmaids buy their own dresses? What percentage of bridesmaids wear their dresses more than once? Can you rent them?

 

[Christine]

I'm a man, and never had a proper wedding, so maybe I just don't get it, but why do bridesmaids buy their own dresses? What percentage of bridesmaids where their dresses more than once? Can you rent them?

Dresses can now be rented but that wasn't always the case.

The groomsmen are also responsible for renting their attire.

 

[ols386]

If I were the OP, I wouldn't say anything more to the bridesmaid who hasn't ordered her dress yet. If she doesn't order the dress in a timely manner to receive it and have it altered in time for the wedding, then she's not in the wedding. The groomsman who would have been escorting her down the aisle, could always be an usher or serve in some other capacity for the wedding.

 

[WDSearcher]

I came here for advice not to be told how horrible I am for asking her if she needed to back out.

Thanks anyway, I will be keeping my mouth shut from now on

Just going OT for a second here ...

I HATE this type of response. "I came here for >whatever< and got something else so I'm never opening my mouth again."

Oh boo hoo. You came here with a question but somewhere along the line forgot that you were asking that question on a public forum with hundreds of people you don't know who only know as much of the story as you tell us. And then, when you get opinions or comments that deviate from precisely what you ask, you pick up your toys and go home, playing the victim.

What you asked and how you asked is akin to walking into a room of total strangers and asking them. If you wouldn't do that, then you probably shouldn't have asked here. You're going to get all types of opinions, some of which won't even relate to the original question. Read the ones you want and ignore the ones you don't like. Not difficult.

 

[dismom2]

Like I said, I have NEVER had the bride pay for my bridesmaid's dress. Is this a new practice?

I paid for everything for my wedding, including the bridesmaids dresses. I don't think that is/was the typical norm, but I did. Mine didn't have to pay for anything. I also let them help me choose dresses and the dresses were very modern--not your typical type--and were able to be worn over and over again. My bridesmaids had no stress and it was worth the extra expense on my part.
The only one who was a "zilla" was my MIL, but that's another story.

For the weddings I have been in, I had to pay for everything myself, but it wasn't too bad. Of course, the dresses were the kind nobody would ever wear again, but that's OK--I expected that.

 

[Arielle22]

I have been married 25 years. Due to a problem with the fabric, my bridesmaids dresses didn't come in until the day before the wedding!

The seamstresses worked all night long but one friend's dress split at a seam under the arm when going for the bouquet. I was worried but it never crossed my mind that my wedding would be ruined by a problem with dresses.

I also had an uneven number of bridesmaid versus groomsmen (or what we call ushers). I have 4 sisters plus 2 female cousins but only 3 brothers (and 1 brother in law). We also had 2 male friends and 2 female friends in the wedding. So one brother walked 2 bridesmaid down.

OP, if you would still like your friend in the wedding then wait until Jan and see if the dress is ordered. If not, explain that you cannot wait any longer but would like her at the wedding.

If you don't want her in the wedding then tell her now that you would love to have her at the wedding but due to not ordering the dress she can't be in the wedding.

 

[mhsjax]

Just going OT for a second here ...

I HATE this type of response. "I came here for >whatever< and got something else so I'm never opening my mouth again."

Oh boo hoo. You came here with a question but somewhere along the line forgot that you were asking that question on a public forum with hundreds of people you don't know who only know as much of the story as you tell us. And then, when you get opinions or comments that deviate from precisely what you ask, you pick up your toys and go home, playing the victim.

What you asked and how you asked is akin to walking into a room of total strangers and asking them. If you wouldn't do that, then you probably shouldn't have asked here. You're going to get all types of opinions, some of which won't even relate to the original question. Read the ones you want and ignore the ones you don't like. Not difficult.

Yeah but you have to admit, people here can be and are very ugly. KInd of like the OP that wanted a fun way to tell her family she was pregnant, all of the sudden people are saying don't do it, you could miscarry. NICE. My friends actually laugh at me for being on here, I won't go into why because well it would get my in trouble, but I choose to torture myself.

 

[Disney Doll]

Ok, putting my flame suit on.

After being a bridesmaid one time too many, I have learned to politely decline immediately when asked. The wedding is the biggest thing in YOUR life right now, that is not the case for your bridal party, your friends, your neighbors and your cubemates. If money is tight, it can be expensive and she may have other priorities. You yourself have said you cant afford the dress for her right now, so you should be able to understand the money issue that she is having. If you really want her in your wedding you will work it out. It might be embarrasing for her to have to tell you this, that is prob why she didnt fess up. It is the holidays and money is tight. Dont let a dress ruin your friendship/relationship with this person. Dont sweat the small stuff.

And you are smart to do that so that you don't put some poor bride into this position of wanting her friend to be in her wedding, planning along as if the freind is going to be in the wedding and then having the friend say, too late in the process, that "oops, she can't afford it and so won't be in the wedding".

I see it as pretty simple. If you (he unoversal you) say you are going to be in a wedding, do what the bride asks, within reason. Wanting to have your bridesmaids fitted with plenty of time for alterations, mistakes, corrections etc. is not bridezilla-like behavior. If you do not think you can do the bridesmaid thing, then be truthful up front. It is best for everyone that way.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I've always paid for my own dress.



So one of the groomsmen doesn't have to walk down the aisle alone? Or cut out entirely?

What is wrong with having a groomsman walk down the aisle alone? Or having two of them escort one bridesmaid? Or having one escort the flower girl? And if someone would "cut out entirely" because of that --then they were not close enough of a friend to be in your wedding anyway.

If I were the OP, I wouldn't say anything more to the bridesmaid who hasn't ordered her dress yet. If she doesn't order the dress in a timely manner to receive it and have it altered in time for the wedding, then she's not in the wedding. The groomsman who would have been escorting her down the aisle, could always be an usher or serve in some other capacity for the wedding.

This is what I suggested way back when. Either the girl will step and do things or she won't. Nagging is not going to help. If she steps up--great--maybe there is more to the friendship than the OP realizes. If not, no biggie--make some last minute adjustments to how people will enter into the ceremony (this is what the rehearsal is for) and all is good.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I am fascinated by the suggestions that the OP "replace" this bridemaid with someone else? Who in their right mind would want to step in when they clearly didn't make the first cut.

What is wrong with having a groomsman walk down the aisle alone? Or having two of them escort one bridesmaid? Or having one escort the flower girl? And if someone would "cut out entirely" because of that --then they were not close enough of a friend to be in your wedding anyway.

Like I said, it would hurt my OCD. It seems uneven to me... I've never seen it done before. I just figured that you had the same number of guys and girls. Really not a huge deal.

I assumed that if the original bridesmaid dropped out, she would have to be replaced.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Like I said, it would hurt my OCD. It seems uneven to me... I've never seen it done before. I just figured that you had the same number of guys and girls. Really not a huge deal.

I assumed that if the original bridesmaid dropped out, she would have to be replaced.

So it is okay to ask someone to be a second string bridesmaid--which it seems would be obvious at this late stage in the game (an anyone close enough to be asked would be close enough to have known about earlier planning), but not okay to have uneven numbers? While I have some control issues, I don't have OCD so maybe I am just not getting it and maybe if you have a serous disorder all of your friends would be understanding of this--too me it just seems downright insulting to ask someone to fill in after choice #1 ducked out (or was kicked out) just to make things look even.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

So it is okay to ask someone to be a second string bridesmaid--which it seems would be obvious at this late stage in the game (an anyone close enough to be asked would be close enough to have known about earlier planning), but not okay to have uneven numbers? While I have some control issues, I don't have OCD so maybe I am just not getting it and maybe if you have a serous disorder all of your friends would be understanding of this--too me it just seems downright insulting to ask someone to fill in after choice #1 ducked out (or was kicked out) just to make things look even.

Like I said, it's not a huge deal. It didn't occur to me that it might be insulting (especially considering how many people have said they hate being bridesmaids). I know where I stand in my friends' and family's lives. I would never expect to be the first person asked for the majority of them.

Carry on.

 

[dakcp2001]

So it is okay to ask someone to be a second string bridesmaid--which it seems would be obvious at this late stage in the game (an anyone close enough to be asked would be close enough to have known about earlier planning), but not okay to have uneven numbers? While I have some control issues, I don't have OCD so maybe I am just not getting it and maybe if you have a serous disorder all of your friends would be understanding of this--too me it just seems downright insulting to ask someone to fill in after choice #1 ducked out (or was kicked out) just to make things look even.

There is no polite way to ask a second string bridesmaid. Anyone would be a fool to agree to do that. How insulting.

 

[tinkerbellandeyor]

So it is okay to ask someone to be a second string bridesmaid--which it seems would be obvious at this late stage in the game (an anyone close enough to be asked would be close enough to have known about earlier planning), but not okay to have uneven numbers? While I have some control issues, I don't have OCD so maybe I am just not getting it and maybe if you have a serous disorder all of your friends would be understanding of this--too me it just seems downright insulting to ask someone to fill in after choice #1 ducked out (or was kicked out) just to make things look even.

I would not ask someone to fill in for one of my bridesmaids it just seems wrong. If God forbid my bridesmaids drops out then I wont have any it is not a big deal to me

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I guess I just have a different relationship with my friends. If one of them came to me and said "X had to drop out and I was wondering if you'd be interested" it would never occur to me to be insulted. My yes or no wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that I wasn't the original person asked.

 

[ohiomom28]

If this was any other situation, people would be saying that when you make a commitment, it's your responsibility to honor that commitment. I'm surprised that more people aren't saying that. Not that anybody's wrong, but I'm just surprised.

If the friend didn't want to do it, wasn't going to have the money, etc then she should have said no. Since she didn't, she should go buy the dress and do what she promised to do.

Of course the wedding is more important to the bride than to the bridesmaids. But once you make that commitment, it should be your priority to honor it.

Looks like that's not gonna happen, so I suggest telling the friend that she will not be in the wedding, find someone else, and look forward to your great day!

I haven't read past this post yet, but Thank you.

This is exactly how I feel about it.

As far as the one-sided friend thing, this has just been since I asked her to be a BM. Before she got mad about the birthday party, things weren't like that. We talked everyday, lived on the same street, went on vacation together, etc. We went 6 months not talking and I broke the silence around June and we were fine. I don't know what the deal is. So, its not like things were like this before I asked her.

It's already done and over with, she is not going to be in the wedding. I have someone that says she will replace her but I don't know if I want to. MY DF wants the bridal party even and this girl is actually one of his friends.

I know that my wedding will not be perfect, but it will be things that are out of my control. This is definitely in my control right now, that's why I am taking care of it now, and not 6 weeks before the wedding when its too late.

I've not had a great past with relationships and this man that I am marrying is my Prince Charming. He loves me AND my son as if he were his own. I am far from a bridezilla, I would just like as perfect of a wedding as we can have.

I'm sorry if I got upset. Thanks for all your advice.

 

[okeydokey]

I haven't read past this post yet, but Thank you.

This is exactly how I feel about it.

As far as the one-sided friend thing, this has just been since I asked her to be a BM. Before she got mad about the birthday party, things weren't like that. We talked everyday, lived on the same street, went on vacation together, etc. We went 6 months not talking and I broke the silence around June and we were fine. I don't know what the deal is. So, its not like things were like this before I asked her.

It's already done and over with, she is not going to be in the wedding. I have someone that says she will replace her but I don't know if I want to. MY DF wants the bridal party even and this girl is actually one of his friends.

I know that my wedding will not be perfect, but it will be things that are out of my control. This is definitely in my control right now, that's why I am taking care of it now, and not 6 weeks before the wedding when its too late.

I've not had a great past with relationships and this man that I am marrying is my Prince Charming. He loves me AND my son as if he were his own. I am far from a bridezilla, I would just like as perfect of a wedding as we can have.

I'm sorry if I got upset. Thanks for all your advice.

I'm sure your wedding will be lovely. Enjoy it!

 

[ohiomom28]

I'm sure your wedding will be lovely. Enjoy it!

Thank you!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I purchased my bridesmaids dresses to avoid any ordering drama. That and their jewelry was their thank you gift from me for being in my wedding.

We did the same.