Was I Rude? Inspired by WDWorld2003's Hawaii thread

[NMAmy]

Reading WDWorld2003's thread about letting her dd go to Hawaii with a friend's family, I was really shocked to see comments about the friend's family being rude by not paying for her dd to go.

I invited a friend of dd to come with us to WDW in February. Usually, when we take a friend along on local trips, I pay for everything, but a WDW trip is a little pricey. I am paying for the hotel and all her meals. She is paying for her airfare and for her park tickets and souvenir money. Her family didn't seem offended by this arrangment--I went to high school with her dad so I've known him for awhile. They seemed quite tickled that we offered to take her along with us and they even offered to send money for her meals but since we'll be eating at table service restaurants once a day, I wanted to pay.

So was I rude in not paying everything for dd's friend?

 

[Sandy V.]

I certainly don't think you were rude. Everyone's circumstances are different and I personally think your offer was very generous. Not everyone can afford to pay "full freight" for a guest. Your DD's friends family was very happy with your offer and took you up on it, so that's all that matters. Have a great time at WDW!!!!

 

[mickeyboat]

Reading WDWorld2003's thread about letting her dd go to Hawaii with a friend's family, I was really shocked to see comments about the friend's family being rude by not paying for her dd to go.

I invited a friend of dd to come with us to WDW in February. Usually, when we take a friend along on local trips, I pay for everything, but a WDW trip is a little pricey. I am paying for the hotel and all her meals. She is paying for her airfare and for her park tickets and souvenir money. Her family didn't seem offended by this arrangment--I went to high school with her dad so I've known him for awhile. They seemed quite tickled that we offered to take her along with us and they even offered to send money for her meals but since we'll be eating at table service restaurants once a day, I wanted to pay.

So was I rude in not paying everything for dd's friend?

No, I don't think you were rude. I am sure the family was apreciative of your offer, and would not have accepted if they were offended by your (generous) terms.

I can't imagine someone complaining that you were offering to give their child a wonderful experience but refused to cover all the cost.

I think any type of arrangement which is clear and acceptable to both parties is a good one. If one of the parties does not agree, they can decline.

Denae

 

[MoniqueU]

Personally I would not be offended. I would look at it as a great oppurtunity for my daughter and would have no problem paying a share of the high costs.

 

[binny]

Nope not rude at all.... I think this is how most of the real world operates.

 

[skiwee1]

well I was the one that commented on the other thread about another poster's situation. I said that the poster's friends were rude to invite their child to go somewhere and then expect the child to pay. I just think is a lack of class to make a guest pay anything. They are no longer your guest but simply a travel companion. I think it is one thing to initially join with someone else and agree to go somewhere together. That is where both parties pay. To invite someone to do something and then ask for money just boggles the mind. Edited to add that I looked back at that thread and you had not even commented about asking anyone to pay anything.

 

[Maleficent13]

I didn't read the other thread, but from what you posted here, I don't see any rudeness at all. Your DD and her friend are going to have a blast. I got to take a friend with me at that age and it was so much fun!

 

[mickeyboat]

well I was the one that commented on the other thread about another poster's situation. I said that the poster's friends were rude to invite their child to go somewhere and then expect the child to pay. I just think is a lack of class to make a guest pay anything. They are no longer your guest but simply a travel companion. I think it is one thing to initially join with someone else and agree to go somewhere together. That is where both parties pay. To invite someone to do something and then ask for money just boggles the mind.

I understand your point, but I think in this situation the "guest" was invited more as a travel companion. If the understanding is clear at the beginning, there is nothing wrong with it.

Denae

 

[disneynutt1225]

I've said this before in a thread on the budget boards so pardon me for being repetitive. I don't think it's rude at all to ask a parent for money to bring their child on vacation with you - provided it's addressed when first talking about bringing said child on vacation. When I was "the friend" being asked to come along, my parents paid for my airfare, souvies, and park tickets (since hotel stay was already taken care of). My parents also brought a couple of my friends on trips - and they were required to pay for those same things.

I have also asked adult friends to come along with us. We are DVC members and my best friend has a now 4 year old daughter. They came to WDW with us in 2004 - we paid their hotel (DVC 2 bedroom that we all shared) and they covered theme park tickets, airfare, their own food (we occasionally bought each other food that trip but we weren't together 24/7), and souvies. I don't think that was unreasonable.

 

[skiwee1]

I understand your point, but I think in this situation the "guest" was invited more as a travel companion. If the understanding is clear at the beginning, there is nothing wrong with it.

Denae

In that situation the child was not even able to come up with that kind of money nor old enough to make that decision for herself. The parents were pretty much told to come up with $1000 so that this other family could kindly take their child on a trip. It makes it sound like that family is doing them a favor by giving them such a nice trip. In reality the parents now have to come up with $1000 just so their child can be a guest. I've never heard of such a thing. To me, travel companions are adults that both have means of paying. They decide together to go on a trip and then split the costs. Inviting someone makes them your guest and therefore your responsibility. I can see the idea of an expensive trip being a little much but that should be taken into account before extending the invitation in the first place. I just think it is extremely rude to say Hey come with us and by the way you will need your own transportation and food.

 

[aprincessmom]

I don't think you were rude and had you made that offer to my DD I would have considered it and paid if DD wanted to go without being offended that you weren't paying for everything. Not everyone can afford to spring for another person to come along on vacation.

Everyone is brought up differently. I was brought up that if you invite someone as a guest to something, no matter the cost, it's your responsibility to pay for the guest. When I take DD's friends, I do pay the full cost. We have typically only done day trips or overnights. We are going skiing in a few weeks and this will be the first long trip (more than 3 days) where DD has invited a friend. I will be footing the bill for the entire trip including rentals, lift tickets, etc. I told her parents that I give DD about $30 to spend as she wishes and will do the same for their DD. If she wants to spend more, they need to provide that. Otherwise, she is our guest and the trip is on us. But that is the expectation I set with them. I have no doubt had I invited her and told them that I'd pick up just the hotel and meals they would have been fine with that, too.

I have an advantage -- I have an only child so it's easier for me to pick up another traveler cost-wise. I think it would be hard for larger families -- if you have three kids and they each want to bring a friend it could get really expensive really fast!

 

[NMAmy]

well I was the one that commented on the other thread about another poster's situation. I said that the poster's friends were rude to invite their child to go somewhere and then expect the child to pay. I just think is a lack of class to make a guest pay anything. They are no longer your guest but simply a travel companion. I think it is one thing to initially join with someone else and agree to go somewhere together. That is where both parties pay. To invite someone to do something and then ask for money just boggles the mind. Edited to add that I looked back at that thread and you had not even commented about asking anyone to pay anything.

I didn't want to hijack that thread to talk about my own situation so I started my own. The OP of the original thread asked if I would let my 15 yo dd fly and change planes alone--I reported that I would and I have.

I wasn't trying to pick on you--I was just surprised that some people would find it rude to invite someone but have them cover some of their own expenses and I was curious if it was a more prevalent attitude than I realized. I personally wouldn't be offended if someone asked dd along on a trip and she would have to pay some or all of her own expenses. In our area, it's more often done this way. As we all realize from reading the DIS boards or living in different parts of the country ourselves--certain things are more accepted in some areas than in others. I wasn't trying to slam you at all.

As I said in my original post, I've known this girl's dad for more than 20 years--I'm sure if he was offended by this, he'd have said something. The whole thing came up when we were looking at my Disney scrapbooks and dd's friend was saying how much she'd love to go. Since I was throwing together a trip quickly, I talked with her dad who said he was fine with the arrangements and the girl really wanted to come along--we're tickled to have her, as well, she's a lot of fun. She's been saving her own money and her mom is thrilled to watch her save so industriously.

 

[Planogirl]

I don't necessarily agree.

If a friend of our son wanted him to go somewhere with him and the family approached me in the right way, I would NEVER expect them to pay for the trip. All they would have to say is that "we would sure like to take **** along but can't afford to pay for the whole thing" and I can't see how that would be offensive at all.

 

[CathrynRose]

So was I rude in not paying everything for dd's friend?

I dont feel you were being rude - at all!!! I wouldnt feel comfortable SENDING my child without paying for something for them - Im sure most parents would feel the same.

Ill tell you whats rude - my soon-to-be SIL asking my fiance yesterday for $1 (ONE DOLLAR!) from when he used her phone to call 411, after she "looked over the bill". But thats another thread <ahem>

One dolla' - one dolla'..... I wouldnt have even been able to ask. And I wouldnt have been very kind when I told her where to shove it, if I was my fiance.

 

[skiwee1]

I
Everyone is brought up differently. I was brought up that if you invite someone as a guest to something, no matter the cost, it's your responsibility to pay for the guest. When I take DD's friends, I do pay the full cost. We have typically only done day trips or overnights. We are going skiing in a few weeks and this will be the first long trip (more than 3 days) where DD has invited a friend. I will be footing the bill from for the entire trip including rentals, lift tickets, etc. I told her parents that I give DD about $30 to spend as she wishes and will do the same for their DD. If she wants to spend more, they need to provide that. Otherwise, she is our guest and the trip is on us. But that is the expectation I set with them. I have no doubt had I invited her and told them that I'd pick up just the hotel and meals they would have been fine with that, too.

I have an advantage -- I have an only child so it's easier for me to pick up another traveler cost-wise. I think it would be hard for larger families -- if you have three kids and they each want to bring a friend it could get really expensive really fast!

We do this every year with a ski trip. We have 3 kids but only two are old enough to bring friends. We pay everything including getting each kid and their friend their own rooms. Ski vacations are much higher then my WDW trips! We also pay for everything even giving money for the arcades. Each kid and friend also each get a charging room key to purchase their food with. I don't want them becoming seperated and the friends starving to death til they find my kids! So while I agree that everyone is brought up differently I don't think it is ever acceptable to charge your guest one red cent. To do so no longer makes them your guest.

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

I may be in the minority here, but I would NEVER let my child go on vacation with another family without paying DS's fair share. Nor would I invite someone and pay for everything.

I think the OP made the perfect compromise. Getting there and getting into the parks is the guest's responsibility. Food, room, transportation are provided by the host.

How can anyone consider giving a kid a chance to go to WDW rude??!?!?!?!?

 

[skiwee1]

I may be in the minority here, but I would NEVER let my child go on vacation with another family without paying DS's fair share. Nor would I invite someone and pay for everything.

I think the OP made the perfect compromise. Getting there and getting into the parks is the guest's responsibility. Food, room, transportation are provided by the host.

How can anyone consider giving a kid a chance to go to WDW rude??!?!?!?!?

While we always try to pay for our child when invited we are always turned down. The parents of the kids we take are the same way. We wouldn't think if inviting someone without paying for everything. Do you invite guests for dinner and then charge them if they chose the steak over the chicken? Might be different costs involved but the same principle.

 

[budbeerlady]

When I went to Florida with friends familys in high school (did it 3x) my parents paid for my meals and tickets and any costs I incurred. We drove down each time and all shared a big hotel room, so that family "covered" my hotel cost and gas as that was the same regardless if I went or not. If in the upcoming school years DD wants to bring a friend I would tell the parents airfare, tickets and extra would be $x. I dont think that is unreasonable and being in high school I used my job money to pay for extras I wanted.

 

[SC Minnie]

We have had a friend come along with DD one several trips one to WDW. One that trip we drove but the parent 'gave' us $ for gas-- we 'gave' it back to the child and she used to for spending $. The other parent also offered the pay her park tickets but we bought them anyway since we had AP and weren't buying tickets that trip.

I don't have a problem with paying for my child to go on a trip like that especially if airfare and expensive tickets are involved.

 

[binny]

While we always try to pay for our child when invited we are always turned down. The parents of the kids we take are the same way. We wouldn't think if inviting someone without paying for everything. Do you invite guests for dinner and then charge them if they chose the steak over the chicken? Might be different costs involved but the same principle.

I dont think its the same principle at all.

Nobody changed anything here. Its a simple, Im going and if you would like to come with us youre welcome to. It will be $XXX.

It wasnt well were going, oh you want to come to? You want to stay here? Then were not paying at all.

big difference.


I can see inviting someone to watch your kids and then paying for them but I would never assume that someone offering to take my child would pay for them too. I would be embarrassed!!