was I inconsiderate??

[npmommie]

I ditched a homeschool gathering to spend the day with hubby yesterday. he got the day off and we have not been able to do any family time for a couple weeks. It was a beautiful day so we jumped at the chance.

I let the friends know first thing in the morning we wouldn't be there.

one of my homeschool mom friends is furious with me. said I was so inconsiderate and rude to not come, she made macaroni and cheese and made enough for my kids and it was rude of me not to show up after all that.\
It was going to be me and my kids, her and her kids and 3 other moms and their kids. so 5 adults and 11 kids total.

I was not supposed to bring any food item for the gathering. she offered to make this big batch of mac and cheese and we orig said we would be coming.

so my feeling is I was not inconsiderate, I didn't just not show up, and if I make mac and cheese and there are going to be 11 kids or 9 kids wouldn't be that big of a deal.

if it was reversed and she had the opportunity to do something with her spouse, I would say go have fun! I wouldn't take it personally like she did.

she felt I should have said no to hubby and gone to her house.

tell me straight dis friends, am I rude and inconsiderate?

 

[shirleyb]

You probably were inconsiderate, but I'd have probably done the same thing!

 

[npmommie]

You probably were inconsiderate, but I'd have probably done the same thing!

I am curious why it is inconsiderate?
my feeling is spouses always come first

 

[DVCLiz]

No, of course not. She's a nut if she gets that upset about mac 'n cheese.

 

[LucyStorm]

No.

 

[kwelch10377]

Was it a large gathering or just you and this other person with your kids?

 

[shirleyb]

I am curious why it is inconsiderate?
my feeling is spouses always come first

Just from the standpoint that you had already made plans with her and then you canceled at the last minute.

Like I said, I would have probably done the same thing as you, even so.

 

[LiberalPrincess]

I think that it is inconsiderate to cancel the day of because there was something you wanted to do more. Your question wasn't whether it was the right thing to do for your family, it was about whether it was inconsiderate. In my opinion, it is pretty inconsiderate to cancel on the day of an event after arrangements have been made and food has been cooked. I would probably have done exactly the same thing, but it doesn't make it less inconsiderate to the person you cancelled on.

 

[postage stamp]

Was it the most polite thing in the world to do? No.

But it's not like you egged her house either. So she has 4 extra servings of mac and cheese. her kids can eat it for lunch tomorrow. Not the end of the world.

My husband is in the military, so when a day off comes and we break plans with friends they totally get it because they know I don't get to see him all that often. It's why it doesn't seem like a big deal to me. but who knows why she feels this way.

 

[npmommie]

Was it a large gathering or just you and this other person with your kids?

large gathering. I just edited my op to add the head count.
11 kids and 5 adults including us.
9 and 4 since we didn't go.

 

[My2Cinderellas]

you gave them advance notice - life happens and things come up. could have been a sick kiddo, or family emergency or whatever. That would probably have been understood, but you had the audacity to have fun with your family on DH's unexpected day off. you did nothing wrong IMO. glad it was a great day!

 

[tlbwriter]

I am curious why it is inconsiderate?
my feeling is spouses always come first

Officially, existing plans come first.

 

[SaraJayne]

No, you were not.

My family comes first.

I would have done the exact same thing and not given her wadded panties another thought.

I have no patience for people that try to create drama where there is none (meaning the other mom, not you).

 

[design_mom]

I would say "somewhat inconsiderate," because you knew she was cooking, changed your schedule, and didn't give her enough notice to adjust the amount of food. If I was the cook, I probably would have been annoyed, but not furious.

Did your DH only find out that morning that he could have the day off, or could you have given more notice? Sometimes being "somewhat inconsiderate" is unavoidable, but it still kind of stinks for your friend.

 

[npmommie]

I think that it is inconsiderate to cancel the day of because there was something you wanted to do more. Your question wasn't whether it was the right thing to do for your family, it was about whether it was inconsiderate. In my opinion, it is pretty inconsiderate to cancel on the day of an event after arrangements have been made and food has been cooked. I would probably have done exactly the same thing, but it doesn't make it less inconsiderate to the person you cancelled on.

ok fair enough, that makes sense.

 

[ilovejack02]

Just from the standpoint that you had already made plans with her and then you canceled at the last minute.

Like I said, I would have probably done the same thing as you, even so.

It is a little rude to cancel last minute after you sent your RSVP. I can see her being a bit annoyed, but furious is really stretching it . '



I would have done the same thing though esp if DH getting time off mid week isnt something that happens often and made it up to friend ASAP.

 

[mster425]

i also think it was a little rude to cancel plans, but don't blame you for doing it. Of course spouses come first but it's not like he was sick. It can be a pain to get everyone's schedules lined up for a group gathering like that.

That said, it's very minor in the grand scheme of things and I don't think anyone should have gotten mad, let alone confronted you about it. You're just too popular!!

 

[postage stamp]

It is a little rude to cancel last minute after you sent your RSVP. I can see her being a bit annoyed, but furious is really stretching it . '



I would have done the same thing though esp if DH getting time off mid week isnt something that happens often and made it up to friend ASAP.

Yep! If it were me that got cancelled on honestly my thought process would be this:

Hrumph.

Well at least I know for sure we'll have enough food now

OHH extra mac n cheese.

I wonder if I can sneak out of bed tonight without DH knowing so I can eat the cold mac n cheese from the tupperwear right in front of the fridge and I don't have to share with anyone?

Stop day dreaming about cold mac n cheese and go clean the toilet before people call CPS on you for making your kids go in that thing!

 

[aprilgail2]

Yes- you were. I would think twice about asking you to any get togethers in the future.
I always tell my daughter that once she makes plans with a friend she can't change it just because something better comes along-its rude.

 

[kwelch10377]

I think maybe you were just a little inconsiderate given that you cancelled because better plans came along. It wasn't like you had a sick kid or an emergency. I get that you wanted to spend time with your husband, but I would have at least tried to stop by the gathering since those were existing plans.

I also would not have been furious, but a little upset.