Warning About Permanent Board Sad Stories

[milwaukeemommy]

*TOO much -- sorry it's early

 

[punkin]

I am really sorry for people having trouble, BUT I would never send any money in response to an internet post, whether true or not. There are hundreds of reputable charities (with open financials) to which you could donate. If you are touched by someone's story, there are millions more suffering through similar things and a donation to a good charity will probably do more good than giving to an individual, particularly if you have no idea where your money (gifts) are going.

 

[Li Li]

Whatever you do, do not name the poster. I did this last year and received a 30 day "vacation" from the Dis for revealing a known repeat beggar! All is not fair when it comes to Dis rules, as I have experienced first hand!

Wth? Seriously? You got punished for outing a troll? I'm sorry but that is messed up. If the poster was a known and repeated troll for money, then I would think awareness of that poster's name would be a good and beneficial outing for all of us on the boards. I feel so annoyed on your behalf!

 

[EllenFrasier]

Here is how I look at those stories. If you read someone's post and you believe their story and you send them something because you feel lead to do so, then there is no harm done. You believe you are helping someone and it gives you a good feeling. If that person is actually a scam and you never find out, well then you will always believe that you helped someone.

And we all know that eventually what goes around come around.

 

[crashbb]

I know well the threads you are talking about and yes, we all need to be aware and careful.

I do want to tell you all about something that happened to me 2 nights ago on the community board though.

I read a thread about a health crisis by a poster I wasn't familiar with. She said to pm her for an address if you wanted to send cards or I was sure I read to send $. I was surprised by that and I admit a little suspicious. Then I saw a link to her trip report from 2006 or 7 and read it straight thru. All 40 something pages.

What I read about this brave young lady and her family was inspiring to me. The challenges she has faced are huge. Based on many things in the trip report, I believe this to be true. By the time I was done reading the trip report, the thread had disappeared. Then I found another thread on the disabilities community board about this and it isn't asking for money.

All I can say is I was so glad to be wrong and I am truly humbled by what I read. I'm not even sure what I'm trying to tell you all, so thanks if you made it this far. Sorry OP to go off topic some.

I read the same thread (and had the same experience). The DISabilites moderator removed the comment about donations, but, thankfully, allowed the thread itself to stay.

And yes, apparently pointing out that people are lying (like, for example, pretending to be dying of cancer) leads to points.

 

[eliza61]

Here is how I look at those stories. If you read someone's post and you believe their story and you send them something because you feel lead to do so, then there is no harm done. You believe you are helping someone and it gives you a good feeling. If that person is actually a scam and you never find out, well then you will always believe that you helped someone.

And we all know that eventually what goes around come around.

Amen and Well said
I never understand why folks here get bent out of shape with what other posters do with THEIR money. Some one post a story, another dissers says the story sounds fishy, thread goes off into a tangent and usually turns nasty by page 4. Don't get it.

It's a simple concept.

Poster puts out a sad story. You either feel moved to help them or you do not. I assume every one here is a grown adult that obtained their funds legally. If they want to pile their money in a big ole leaf pile and burn it, hooray for them. If some one felt driven to donate a doll, kudos to them.

If you feel compelled to help some one, I also assume it gives you a good feeling. Have at it. I get this argument when I give a buck or two to a homeless person. some one is always pointing out that they are going to use the money on drugs or liquor, which I always reply "so what"?

I also don't understand the habit of stalking posters and digging up century old threads, but hey that's me.

As long as it does not break any dis rule infractions and the mods are happy with it, you know what sob story away.

 

[punkin]

Amen and Well said
I never understand why folks here get bent out of shape with what other posters do with THEIR money. Some one post a story, another dissers says the story sounds fishy, thread goes off into a tangent and usually turns nasty by page 4. Don't get it.

It's a simple concept.

Poster puts out a sad story. You either feel moved to help them or you do not. I assume every one here is a grown adult that obtained their funds legally. If they want to pile their money in a big ole leaf pile and burn it, hooray for them. If some one felt driven to donate a doll, kudos to them.

If you feel compelled to help some one, I also assume it gives you a good feeling. Have at it. I get this argument when I give a buck or two to a homeless person. some one is always pointing out that they are going to use the money on drugs or liquor, which I always reply "so what"?

I also don't understand the habit of stalking posters and digging up century old threads, but hey that's me.

As long as it does not break any dis rule infractions and the mods are happy with it, you know what sob story away.

IME, EVERY thread turns nasty by page 5.

 

[Marionnette]

Here is how I look at those stories. If you read someone's post and you believe their story and you send them something because you feel lead to do so, then there is no harm done. You believe you are helping someone and it gives you a good feeling. If that person is actually a scam and you never find out, well then you will always believe that you helped someone.

And we all know that eventually what goes around come around.

Here's where I see the flaw in that logic.

Everyone has finite funds that they can spend on charity. When you draw from that pool of money in order to donate to an internet scammer, you reduce the amount that you would give to a legitimate charity. Someone who truly is in need goes without because someone, who didn't have a need, told a better story.

You can donate to the Red Cross, Salvation Army, Wounded Warriors, Heroes Relief Fund, the local women's shelter or church soup kitchen and you will still get that good feeling of having helped someone. It's not necessary to give money to someone on the internet in order to get a warm fuzzy feeling.

 

[eliza61]

Here's where I see the flaw in that logic.

Everyone has finite funds that they can spend on charity. When you draw from that pool of money in order to donate to an internet scammer, you reduce the amount that you would give to a legitimate charity. Someone who truly is in need goes without because someone, who didn't have a need, told a better story.

You can donate to the Red Cross, Salvation Army, Wounded Warriors, Heroes Relief Fund, the local women's shelter or church soup kitchen and you will still get that good feeling of having helped someone. It's not necessary to give money to someone on the internet in order to get a warm fuzzy feeling.

but here's the flaw with your logic. In reality its all a roll of the dice. Red cross and the Salvation Army both had scandals with misapproriation of funds. The Red Cross had a HUGE scandal after 9/11 because they collected millions of dollars in donations and then did not disperse the funds. They came under the same fire after the earthquakes in Haiti. collecting millions of dollars worth of donations, giving out less then 10%. Now I have not followed those scandals to the end but I do remember the outcry especially since some people were complaining that the red cross was charging relief workers for cups of coffee. But that's moot, my point is there is no full proof way to ensure that the money you give is doing what you want.

I'm not familiar with the other 2. Here at my job every year we have a United way fund drive and we get many folks who don't participate due to the scandals in the United Way or finding out that the majority of donations do not go to the cause but to other cost.

You're absolutely right, it stinks when you find out that some one you donated money too ran a scam. There was recently a story on tv where a women told her entire family she had stage 3 cancer and was terminal!! She sold e books describing her daily fight. I can't even begin to imagine the emotional turmoil her family was in, not to mention the funds people were dupted out of (they had fundraisers).

http://www.nj.com/gloucester-county/index.ssf/2012/09/delran_woman_accused_of_faking.html

IMO it's all a roll of the dice. all you can do is try your best to do a little research and give where you heart moves you to give.

 

[Burnedout]

I appreciate the reminder. I tend to be a soft sell, and I get a little more cynical each time I feel my contribution is given based on a lie. I'd much rather people have a heads up that there are those in life that aren't who or what they claim to be. I also don't mind when newscasts put that information out there. People were scamming the sandy victims and people who wanted to help before the water stopped rising. This isn't any different.

 

[crashbb]

Poster puts out a sad story. You either feel moved to help them or you do not. I assume every one here is a grown adult that obtained their funds legally. If they want to pile their money in a big ole leaf pile and burn it, hooray for them. If some one felt driven to donate a doll, kudos to them.

If you feel compelled to help some one, I also assume it gives you a good feeling. Have at it. I get this argument when I give a buck or two to a homeless person. some one is always pointing out that they are going to use the money on drugs or liquor, which I always reply "so what"?

Using that argument, police should never charge someone with fraud and they should never investigate "Nigerian scam" emails (or other scam emails). I mean, they people who lost money in these scams are grown adults and earned their money legally, right? If they choose to believe those committing fraud (whcih is what people writing take tales of woe are doing), that is their problem and nothing should be done to help them or warn others about it - right?

 

[bethy]

As a grown adult I do get irked when someone tries to dictate what I do with my money. I own my decisions to give to whomever I want and whenever. If I give money to someone who ends up using it for nefarious purposes then I will own that, too.

However, this is a discussion board and i respect everyone's right to post what they want and it's clear that many people feel passionately about this topic.

In my humble opinion, the receiving of a gift is a secondary to the act of giving. The choice and actual act of giving is what it's all about for me, personally.

 

[horseshowmom]

My perspective is that I do want to help those in need when I'm able, but making me feel good about helping somebody is not satisfactory to me if the other person is a scammer. Just because I am glad to help somebody doesn't make it okay for them to be crooked. I want my money to go to somebody who genuinely needs it regardless of how it makes me feel.

 

[JB2K]

For those just joining-in over the past year, you really have to take the venting/personal woes posts with a grain of salt, around here...

...some examples are long-time DISers with thousands of posts to their credit, but they manage to work around the TOS by asking the BB questions about such things as "how to transfer to a PayPal account without a bank account" or wanting to know all-about the latest Black Friday deals, which always leads into something else.

Just be careful out there, this holiday season...

 

[JB2K]

Using that argument, police should never charge someone with fraud and they should never investigate "Nigerian scam" emails (or other scam emails). I mean, they people who lost money in these scams are grown adults and earned their money legally, right? If they choose to believe those committing fraud (whcih is what people writing take tales of woe are doing), that is their problem and nothing should be done to help them or warn others about it - right

I disagree.

Most of the folks who usually fall for the Nigerian scams tended to be senior citizens who only use the internet for e-mail access, and to forward jokes to their family/friends.

In other words, they had no idea scams like that were even possible...

 

[crashbb]

I disagree.

Most of the folks who usually fall for the Nigerian scams tended to be senior citizens who only use the internet for e-mail access, and to forward jokes to their family/friends.

In other words, they had no idea scams like that were even possible...

But, according to the PP I quoted, they are adults and if they choose to give out their money that way, we shouldn't be doing anything to warn them.

I am not saying that there shouldn't be fraud charges and warnings, but do think it is a natual extension of the prior posts. Many people on the DIS suspend natural caution here, thinking that nothing bad can happen on a board about Disney. Reminding them that fraud can happen here as well, is a good thing.

 

[eliza61]

Using that argument, police should never charge someone with fraud and they should never investigate "Nigerian scam" emails (or other scam emails). I mean, they people who lost money in these scams are grown adults and earned their money legally, right? If they choose to believe those committing fraud (whcih is what people writing take tales of woe are doing), that is their problem and nothing should be done to help them or warn others about it - right?

Wait, isn't the NIgerian scam the one that says you will get money back if you do XYZ? hummm not exactly a charity is it. Now the folks who post the sad stories, are they promising you some thing in return? Not snarky, I don't know.

I've never seen any post where a poster asked some one for money. I have seen post where folks have said they have fallen on hard times and usually want to vent. I've heard about the doll fiasco. did that poster ask some one to send her a doll?

I have no problem what so ever with folks warning anyone about any thing. information is good, I just don't get when folks get bent out of shape that there are these sob stories here on the dis.

 

[robinb]

'Tis the season!

I really don't think people would mind so much if they were actually helping someone who needed it. I cannot remember if it was last year or not someone gave a sob story about American Girl and turns out she was selling them on ebay.

I remember that poster too. I think it was maybe two years ago?

 

[eliza61]

'Tis the season!

I remember that poster too. I think it was maybe two years ago?

Can I ask because I don't remember post from two months ago but did the op ask for folks to send her the doll or the money for the doll?

 

[robinb]

Can I ask because I don't remember post from two months ago but did the op ask for folks to send her the doll or the money for the doll?

If I recall correctly, she posted that she couldn't afford presents from Santa and her DD wanted an AG doll so some nice DISer sent one to her. Shortly after that she started a thread asking how best to sell an AG doll. It's been a couple of years, so I'm fuzzy on the details and the threads may have been poofed.