Wanting more than a healthy baby (inspired by Bellacam's post)

[tiff211]

I know when most are asked when pregnant what they want, they say "as long as it's healthy" With my last two I wanted a boy sooooo badly, and when I found out they were girls, I admit I was a little dissappointed. I felt guilty right after feeling that dissappointment with my 3rd but this last time I didn't feel that guilt. I felt like after 3 girls, I had "earned" the right to want a little boy especially since I knew I would be getting my tubes tied afterwards. I am so happy with my 4 beautiful girls but even now when I see a cute little boy, I feel a little tug at my heartstrings. A women who's kids go to the same daycare as mine, has 3 boys and she is prego again and she wanted a girl, she is having a boy, of course. She told me she was so sad when they told her. I know exactly what she felt. Will anyone admit to being dissappointed when you found out you were having a girl/boy?

Also, why do people assume if you have all girls/all boys that you want the next one to be the opposite sex? I still get everyone asking me, are you gonna try for the boy? I say we did, SHE's right there (pointing to the baby). Does anyone just want only boys/girls?

 

[ChrisnSteph]

I admit to being a bit disappointed when I learned that one of my children was another boy and not a girl, but any disappointment or bad feelings went away the second my son was born! From experience, I really believe in not wishing for anything other than a healthy baby. You never know what sort of things can go wrong.

 

[KellyLynn]

After having 3 boys we got a suprise baby in the works, I told my husband I wanted a divorce it it was another boy, turns out he is lucky it is a girl.

HOWEVER....I was never disapointed with what sex my children are. I am having a very complicated pregnancy and really all I want is a healthy baby. I don't mind being the one that is ill but when it is your baby it is different.

With my 3 boys i had the usual complications and gallstones. they were all healthy.
With this little girl I am carrying she has a heart problem, thankfully it seems to be correcting itself. But i fould out about it the day I found out she was a girl.
Finding out the sex sort of went right out the window and concentrating on what was wrong with the baby was #1.
I am happy with all my children , It could be that I could never had had them at all.
So I will take my 3 boys ( and my suprise girl) and be thankful for them and happy they are healthy.

 

[corie161]

Also, why do people assume if you have all girls/all boys that you want the next one to be the opposite sex? I still get everyone asking me, are you gonna try for the boy? I say we did, SHE's right there (pointing to the baby). Does anyone just want only boys/girls?

Maybe for the same reason they assume that if you have a boy and a girl you are done having kids. I had a girl first, then a boy, and after that the question's basically stopped about asking if we were having another. That decision hasn't completely been made up yet, but I'm feeling the pressure to decide soon, my DD is 7 and DS is 5. I always felt in my heart I wanted 3 but after DS I didn't have the energy when he was little, now I'm not sure whether I should 'start over' or not.

 

[tiff211]

After having 3 boys we got a suprise baby in the works, I told my husband I wanted a divorce it it was another boy, turns out he is lucky it is a girl.

HOWEVER....I was never disapointed with what sex my children are. I am having a very complicated pregnancy and really all I want is a healthy baby. I don't mind being the one that is ill but when it is your baby it is different.

With my 3 boys i had the usual complications and gallstones. they were all healthy.
With this little girl I am carrying she has a heart problem, thankfully it seems to be correcting itself. But i fould out about it the day I found out she was a girl.
Finding out the sex sort of went right out the window and concentrating on what was wrong with the baby was #1.
I am happy with all my children , It could be that I could never had had them at all.
So I will take my 3 boys ( and my suprise girl) and be thankful for them and happy they are healthy.

I'm glad that your little girl's condition is correcting itself!

 

[zagafi]

Given what we went through just to become a family, no I didn't much care about gender. I have three happy, healthy little boys and wouldn't change a thing. I don't think I'm missing anything by not having a girl. (Well, that's not true. I'll get to miss PMS. LOL!)

 

[Madjock]

With my first pregnancy I really really wanted a little girl so much. I was so convinced I was having a girl, I couldn’t work out whether it was intuition or just that that was what I really wanted, I got quite concerned towards the end because I could never, no matter how hard I tried, imagine myself with a little boy. I honestly thought if they hand me a little boy I would say “nope, sorry that’s not mine! I’m having a girl!”

Luckily it didn’t come to that and I’m now the proud mother of two lovely girls. Second time around I had no inkling and really didn’t care, was pleased as punch with another girl.

That's it for us but DH does get asked a lot about whether he feels let down not having a son

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I wanted a boy, but I'm happy for my wonderful little girl. If I ever have another baby, I want another girl. I don't really want a boy now...though I'd still be happy if I got one!

 

[NMAmy]

My niece was terribly disappointed when the dr told her she was having another boy after her ultrasound. She just REALLY wanted a little girl.

Then, she was overjoyed when the baby was born and she was a little girl! She's always been a tricky one.

I kind of wanted a little boy but knew deep down that my baby was a girl so I wasn't disappointed. Of course, once I met her, I wouldn't have traded her for the world.

 

[mtemm]

As someone who had complications with both pregnancies, a healthy baby (or babies) was really what I wanted. But with our second pregnancy when we found out we were having twins, I really did hope at least one was a girl, since we already had a boy. Even though we had our u/s at 15w6d and it was still pretty early, the tech was able to tell me both of the sexes, and I was tickled that one was a girl. But after I found out, as happy as I was, I still thought to myself that I would have been fine with 3 boys. It wasn't until I had my girl that I realized that fact. That sounds weird, but its true.

 

[CamColt]

After having one boy, then thinking a girl would be nice, then going through about a year of infertility, no I was not the least bit disappointed in finding out I was having another boy. I was thrilled that I could have another child after thinking I never would. It really puts things in perspective.

 

[mickeyfan2]

One can always adopt the boy or girl that they could not have.

 

[tiff211]

One can always adopt the boy or girl that they could not have.

That is what I would like to do, especially since little AA boys are the ones who get adopted last. I had my tubes tied more because I didn't want to go through another pregnancy more than not wanting another child.

 

[barkley]

i'm the girl my parents "kept trying for" (i have 3 older brothers), and i truly wish my parents had not been vocal about about their desire to have a daughter both before my birth and for my entire life. my siblings and i have never been particularly close and i truly believe in the case of the middle 2 it is because they felt i was the child my parents were waiting for. i can so see their side on this-if you hear your parents saying "we're going to try again for that boy/girl" what does that make you and your subsequent same sex siblings-"the error children"?

i also am hesitant to encourage people to CHOOSE to have a large age gap between sibs. both dh and i have much older sibs (his range from almost 25 years to 11 years older, mine from 16 to 6 years older) in his case he was the only child in a blended family-and never felt he particularly fit in with either side. our sibs were either out of the house or in no way compatable for being playmates or even close to us until well into our 20's (and even now it's not the traditional sibling bond). it plays into our kid's lives as well-their youngest first cousin is in college and they have only known all of them as "grownups".

when we decided to have children we agreed that we wanted them to be within a few years of each other in age, and it mattered not to us what gender they were. although my 2 scrap and fight as any sibs do i observe in them a developing bond that i believe will remain with them their entire lives.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

i'm the girl my parents "kept trying for" (i have 3 older brothers), and i truly wish my parents had not been vocal about about their desire to have a daughter both before my birth and for my entire life. my siblings and i have never been particularly close and i truly believe in the case of the middle 2 it is because they felt i was the child my parents were waiting for. i can so see their side on this-if you hear your parents saying "we're going to try again for that boy/girl" what does that make you and your subsequent same sex siblings-"the error children"?

i also am hesitant to encourage people to CHOOSE to have a large age gap between sibs. both dh and i have much older sibs (his range from almost 25 years to 11 years older, mine from 16 to 6 years older) in his case he was the only child in a blended family-and never felt he particularly fit in with either side. our sibs were either out of the house or in no way compatable for being playmates or even close to us until well into our 20's (and even now it's not the traditional sibling bond). it plays into our kid's lives as well-their youngest first cousin is in college and they have only known all of them as "grownups".

when we decided to have children we agreed that we wanted them to be within a few years of each other in age, and it mattered not to us what gender they were. although my 2 scrap and fight as any sibs do i observe in them a developing bond that i believe will remain with them their entire lives.

My parents kept trying for a boy. They had 3 girls in a row, then my brother. There's also a large age gap. My oldest sister is 35 and my brother (the youngest) is 23. I'm 26 and my sisters (35 and 33) are my best friends now. However, I didn't get along with any of my sibs when I was growing up. My brother was very spoiled and my sisters were so much older than me.

However, my dd will most likely have a large age gap between her and a sibling (if she ever has one). She'll be 5 next month and I'm not even close to giving her a brother or sister due to circumstances.

 

[ItsonlyExperiment626]

Losing my baby after carrying her full-term because of health problems found in my fifth month of pregnacy, when I answered "I only want a healthy baby", I truly meant it. It didn't matter to me if I had all boys or girls. The heartache I went through with my lost wiped out all aching for a particular gender of my future babies.

I of course understand yearning for a girl if you had all boys so far and the opposite, but never underestimate the yearning for just wanting a healthy baby.

 

[mtblujeans]

I had 2 girls in my first marriage. I wanted a boy for a variety of reasons! When DH and I married, we took some pains in preparation to have children...a couple of them being getting off the pill for a few months before the wedding and getting a measles booster (as measles was running rampant thru the state then) and having to wait to get pregnant until 3 months after that shot.

I found there were books widely available that gave advice on how to "choose the sex of your child" and we bought one along with a basel thermometer to start keeping track of my body temps each month.

We have 2 sons and we would not have been able to do it without the book and some self-control.....

 

[kc73]

My DH & I desperately wanted boys. I couldn't find out with my 1st pregnancy what sex the baby was because I didn't want to be disappointed. When the baby was born, I didn't hear the "It's a ..." announcement through all the commotion & my husband was over standing by the baby. It took a minute or two before I knew he was a boy & couldn't have been more happy.

With our 2nd, I knew he would be our last & wanted another boy so my oldest would have someone to play with, etc. We were blessed again with another boy. Of course, their health was so much more important, but that aside, I would have been disappointed with a girl.

 

[KimR]

I have 3 girls and we are currently trying for #4. If I am fortunate enough to get pg again, I hope it is another girl (although I will be thrilled with a healthy baby either way!)

 

[coliebird]

When I had my first, I didn't care either way. I thought the whole time I was carrying her she was a boy so I was preparing for a little boy. I got a girl

This time, I knew I wanted another girl. My sister is my best friend and I wanted that for my daughter. Not that she couldn't be best friends with a brother, but there is a bond between sisters. I am having another girl and I am thrilled. Will I be disappointed if the sonogram is wrong and I have a boy? No way. I'm so happy to be having another baby. Will I be happy with 2 girls and no boys? Absolutely. I don't feel the need to have one of each, nor does my husband fortunately.