Visitors who over stay their welcome...

[Ember]

I just had a two week holiday. My cousin flew in from overseas, for the whole thing. From the day my vacation started, to yesterday morning when I went back to work. I feel like I didn't get a vacation at all. She was clingy and needy and expensive (she didn't chip in for anything). Plus she broke a chair, ruined an expensive scarf, stained my sheets, and didn't even tidy up after herself when she left. *sigh*

Please share your stories of house guests who overstay their welcome and make me feel better!

 

[Handbag Lady]

I just had a two week holiday. My cousin flew in from overseas, for the whole thing. From the day my vacation started, to yesterday morning when I went back to work. I feel like I didn't get a vacation at all. She was clingy and needy and expensive (she didn't chip in for anything). Plus she broke a chair, ruined an expensive scarf, stained my sheets, and didn't even tidy up after herself when she left. *sigh*

Please share your stories of house guests who overstay their welcome and make me feel better!

Is this person just NOT aware of things?


I feel horrible when I read these stories. We just had a vacation and part of which (2 days in one house and 3 days in their other house) we spent with one set of friends in their two houses. When we left the beach house, I vacuumed everything and pulled sheets and helped the hosts with laundry. At the second home, I cleaned the kitchen each meal and we insisted to buy several meals out.

I STILL feel like the overstayed guest despite assurances to the contrary.

 

[eliza61]

So we had a graduation celebration for my son a couple of weeks ago. Send out invitations maybe a month prior. Well a cousin I had not seen in a good 20 years called to ask if he could come. Well this cousin had/has a lot of issues during his life which is the main reason he lost touch with the family.

Anyhoo, I said "no problem", bunch of family coming, one more wasn't going to be any problem...Well......

First, he calls maybe every day for a week straight, trying to figure out how he's going to get to the party. He's in NYC and doesn't drive (we live inSouthern NJ),

Then, on the day of the party as I am standing in line in Philly's italian market to buy crabs, he phones to ask if he could borrow 50 bucks. WTH!!! you weren't even invited and your mooching money off me?

Evidently, the man he works for had a sudden death in the family and had to leave work early and didn't pay them.

gotta love family

 

[dakcp2001]

I have a childhood friend like this and I often feel like I am fending off requests for her to come visit. She always says she wants to come see me. She does not want to come see me, she wants to stay at my house for free, use my car and gas, eat my food, and leave a mess.

I just make excuses why she can't come because she is oblivious to the fact that I have to work and meet my obligations and can't be around to host all the time.


When I lived in Orlando, this was a huge problem. People constantly wanting to stay for their Disney trip and wanting us to shuttle them around. I don't mind if you come and stay, but get a rental car and plan to get yourself around.

 

[topolino]

In Italian we have a saying: L'ospite è come il pesce, dopo tre giorni puzza.*


*A guest is like a fish. After three days it stinks!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

In Italian we have a saying: L'ospite è come il pesce, dopo tre giorni puzza.*


*A guest is like a fish. After three days it stinks!

 

[ilovejack02]

When I lived in Orlando, this was a huge problem. People constantly wanting to stay for their Disney trip and wanting us to shuttle them around. I don't mind if you come and stay, but get a rental car and plan to get yourself around.

I have a girlfriend that recently moved to Orlando, I know she wouldn't mind us popping in for a cpl of nights , but I would never ask to stay. I hate to be that big of a bother .


My inlaws are very sweet folks, but kinda bumps on a log and don't do much but take over our sofa and tv . My FIL doesn't sleep well and guest room is right across hall from master, so I hear him shuffling up and down hall all night, lack of sleep kills me . Now I will say , they do pay for us to eat out.. this trip , they wanted to eat out almost EVERY meal. I gained 5lbs and finally put my foot down and said im cooking LOL. I also have to drive the entire time they are here .. their car though and their gas. I just got tired of driving as I dragged them around to some touristy things just to get out of house.

I love to see them, but they always stay at least 8 or 9 nights OMG !!!! They just left three weeks ago and called yesterday to say they were coming for my DS9 bday in two weeks. .... I quickly said NO .. and then sugar coated it with we have several things going on with school starting and throwing DS a huge slumber party that I just knew they didn't want to spend the night with 12 boys in the house lol. I made it all better by saying I would come up there the week before DS bday to visit them.

I love them and I love guests , but I don't love guests for more than 4 nights .

 

[Lilliputian]

We once told one of DH's friends that he could live with us when he moved to our area while he looked for a place of his own.

Well, first of all, it took forever for him to find a place that met his specifications. Then when he did rent a place, it still wasn't up to his standards. He spent thousands of dollars and a few months improving his RENTAL house before he'd move into it.

We didn't mind him being in our house too much, but he had a bunch of stuff in our garage, and I needed the space for a project, so DH asked him to take his stuff to his rental house that he was still renovating. Note that we didn't even ask HIM to leave--just the stuff he wasn't using. Well, he went to his church and told them that he'd been kicked out of our house and didn't have anywhere to live, so they let him live in the church for a few more weeks until he was done putting in hardwood floors at his rental house. Too weird. At least we didn't know anyone at his church. I can't believe he told them we kicked him out and that he was homeless. He had an invitation to stay at our house AND a place he was renting.

 

[hereyago]

I've heard the line about 3 days before and its true! The only person I have stay here is my aunt so she can visit stay with my mom while I go on vacation so she is here but I am elsewhere lol. I also don't like to stay with people I don't want to disrupt their day to day. A couple months ago my then friend wanted our other friend from high school and I hadn't seen him since then but did talk on facebook to stay with me while they were in town. Um no. Lol . If I wanted him to stay here I would ask plus I don't let guys stay here because I have add13 and it just is something I don't do.

 

[Muushka]

In Italian we have a saying: L'ospite è come il pesce, dopo tre giorni puzza.*


*A guest is like a fish. After three days it stinks!

Ah yes! I heard it as garbage (after 3 days, stinks!)

I had a friend a few months ago, ask about a visit.
She said "I promise not to stay for more than 3 days, I know about you and the smell of garbage"!

I guess I told her about that rule.....

 

[worm761]

Yep. My MIL. Stay for 3 weeks when I was due with DD. Didn't help with anything, including Thanksgiving dinner. Told me I was fat several times. Maybe because I was PAST MY DUE DATE!!!! Decided to paint my DD's room, which I do like but it would have been nice to have been consulted. Blamed me for not having DD on time and that DD was sick and had to stay in the hospital until the day before she left. Because we all know that a mother wants to be pregnant for extra time and wants to leave her brand new baby in the hospital for an extra few days hooked up to machines.

She has been so horrible since that she is no longer welcome to stay in my house. Needless to say, we have issues.

I will say that sometimes it is life that gets in the way of a good visit. DH's aunt and cousin were just here for a visit for a week. We found out two days before they came that he would be working from 10pm to 7am ONLY the week that they were here. It was just stressful and not a good visit at all. The other times that she has come have been fun filled. Next year we go to her. Cousin is getting a surprise Sweet 16 and we are part of the surprise.

 

[Art 1]

We no longer allow friends or family to stay at our home. And we don't ask to stay with them. We get a room.

 

[2disneyboys]

A biggest downside to living in the same area with both dh and mine huge extended families, is that while we don't have to deal with visiting guests, we both have some cousins that once they get here, THEY WON'T LEAVE. Seriously. One of my cousins came to my house for a 10am event. Everyone else had left by around 1pm... This cousin...umm..no, she did not leave until after 9pm! And this was with me scurrying around cleaning... She would just follow me from room to room watching me clean. Asked what I was making for dinner(told her nothing so she ordered in a pizza!). After a few hours of hinting I had to finally tell her that it was way past time for her to go! Dh has cousins the same way (and it's not that they love us that much and don't get a chance to be around us..they do it to my sister also!)
Now we either host events offsite so we all "leave" or, we just tell these cousins that hey, it's been great seeing you, but you need to leave. I no longer worry about offending someone who is being rude by overstaying!

 

[JessicaR]

I like having people visit but your company stayed way too long. Sorry you didnt get any 'me' time during your break.

 

[goofyernmost]

I have a problem, actually a big problem with staying at other peoples houses. It usually isn't a big deal to stay at another location, but when it is close family it can get emotionally uncomfortable when you say that you are staying in a hotel.

I have plenty of room here, they will say. Yes, I know you do and I really appreciate your offer but I am totally uncomfortable staying there. I feel like I have added a dimension to the environment that is out of the ordinary and burdensome.

I had that situation recently when I told my sister that I was heading back up to Vermont for a few day. Fortunately, my daughter intervened and reminded her that when I was getting ready to move to NC, I made a number of trips here and the only time I stayed at her house was a couple of days while they got my apartment ready and the moving van arrived. I don't want to insult anyone and make them think that I don't appreciate that they are willing to take me in, but I do not want to be in the situation of "smelling bad" in three days. Even if they didn't, and that is possible because I am a dream to live with, it is just something that I cannot do.

Funny thing is that I don't mind having people stay with me. In fact my Sister stayed with me for a week while she visited us here in NC. I guess that is what made it harder to say that I didn't want to stay with her. Oh, well...I am what I am.

 

[Mokat76]

I had a friend who stayed with me for two months. She was a night owl. I had to be at work at 7:30 a.m. It never occurred to her that having the TV on at midnight might be a problem. Then she rescued a kitten. It was a cute little thing but sick. Whatever it had my cat got and it cost me $300 in vet bills. That's 1981 dollars. A lot of money at the time. She didn't pay rent, didn't pay utilities, didn't buy food. Ugh. Not a bad person, just totally self-absorbed.

 

[avgeek81]

My mom stayed with me from last Nov to March. She wasnt too bad, we get along well and I was able to do my own thing. I still went away every other weekend like I usually do. She didnt have her own car so she would drop me off at work once a week and go grocery shopping and do errands. It was also nice because she made me lunch every day and cleaned for me

My cousin came down for 2 weeks around Thanksgiving. I told her she could come but it was a busy time at work so i couldnt take extra time off. The only thing that was bad about it was they would want to go out all the time i wasnt working and I just wanted to relax.

My friend had someone stay with her for 6 months. He ate her food ran up her utilities and never offered any money. They finally told him he had to pay them 300 a month for rent and he did for 1 month and then stopped. Her sister moved to the same town and they were supposed to rent a place together. He lasted one month and then moved back home

 

[dyna]

Then there was my married grown DD who lived 2 miles from home yet came to stay with her DH an baby for days at a time it was a weekly thing she'd be at my house 24/7 at least 3 days an nights a week. NEVER bought any food unless she an her DH went out to eat or even better got carry out an ate in front of me never offering me anything. NEVER helped with anything etc. I finally looked at her an told her to GO HOME! She was like WHY? I said because it's going to be a whole lot peaceful there than it is here.

 

[Disney Doll]

DH has one sister who, while she generally doesn't stay too long, expects that everyone will drop everything to be at her beck and call when she's here, will pick her up and drop her off at the airport, will let her use a car for the duration of her stay and will expect to stay at someone's home without offering a thing or lifting a finger....

It's been the past couple of years where she has learned that she should rent a car, since none of us have an "extra" car that she can use. When she calls about coming, she invariably says "Well, it's costing me money to be come there for flights and such". Wrong thing to say because my stock response is "Well, then stay home. Seriously, we understand that travelling can be expensive and none fo us will be offended if you can't come".

Actually, we'd all be doing the

 

[Geoff_M]

I have relatives that have a "visitor" that's been there for most of the last three years and it's causing quite a lot of tension between the husband and wife. The couple live in a university town and the "guest" is a grad student that the husband met while they work in the same department at the university. She is from Sri Lanka and in her 20's, the couple are about 70. About three years ago, the "guest" needed housing and the husband got the idea that she could come live with them. The couple has done this in the past on a couple of occasions with varying degrees of success.

Well, with the exception of a couple of trips back home, the "guest" has lived with the couple for a large majority of the last three years. One of the trips back was to get married, and the other resulted in a pregnancy. The likely "anchor baby" is due in a few months. She's here on a student visa and has no real means of self-support. She is trying to get her husband here on a work visa with no luck so far. She is largely "nocturnal" as she often spends the nights Skyping with family back home and then sleeping most of the day.

The "host" wife wants the guest out, but her husband has continued to say she is welcome. The wife also has a friend who is also Sri Lankan who has explained that the "guest" is from a cultural group within the country that have no internal qualms when it comes to knowing when hospitality or favors have been over-reached. She basically said that they are "takers" and will continue to think nothing of taking full advantage of anything offered until the givers say "You've had enough" or told "No" when more is asked.