Very disturbing email from a professor to my DS in college

[OceanAnnie]

Two things to say here. First, if the professor in question was straight, would it have been as big a deal? I ask, because if the answer is "no" then you are acting in a very prejudicial manner. The fact that you bring up his sexual orientation at all suggests you find it to be of importance.

I don't know any of the people involved, but I highly doubt the professor was attempting to hit on your son. For one thing, no one in their right mind would send such an invitation - if you will - by e-mail. It's too easily traced and the professor would fired and possibly charged. Secondly, we're speaking about an older generation. They use words and phrases in a different context then youth do. (My grandmother used to tell me to, "keep your pecker up!" She meant my nose.) I would assume the prof meant "cute" as in one of it's actual definitions.

cute
  /kyut/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [kyoot] Show IPA adjective, cut⋅er, cut⋅est, adverb, noun

–adjective
1. attractive, esp. in a dainty way; pleasingly pretty: a cute child; a cute little apartment.
2. affectedly or mincingly pretty or clever; precious: The child has acquired some intolerably cute mannerisms.
3. mentally keen; clever; shrewd.

–adverb
4. Informal. in a cute, charming, or amusing way; cutely: In this type of movie the boy and girl always meet cute.

–noun
5. the cutes, Informal. self-consciously cute mannerisms or appeal; affected coyness: The young actress has a bad case of the cutes.​

Maybe I'm missing something, but none of the definitions seem to imply "I want to get into bed with you."

Frankly, I think it's a disgrace that you would go up the chain of command at the university before even attempting to clarify what the intended message was suppose to be. This man could be in serious trouble because of your accusations when his intent was most likely perfectly innocent. Such actions are very irresponsible and, I find, reprehensible.

Second, at the university level parents should not be stepping in. If your son is old enough to attend university he is old enough to handle his own problems and situations that arise. Here in Canada, thanks to the Freedom of Information and Privacy Act (FOIP) a professor would not even speak to you. They couldn't even confirm your child attended the university or was in any of their classes.

I also can't believe the Dean told you the professors sexual orientation. I'm sure even in the US there are laws about this sort of thing...

Wasn't there a senator in Fla.(?) last year that did this sort of thing with pages? It was highly publicized.
(Bolding mine.)

 

[Carly_Roach]

No, my son did not. My son had a Dr.'s note for all his teachers. IF my son had emailed the prof the the prof would have the correct email and would NOT have sent it to his brother! I am really glad that none of you work at the university, they all thought it was VERY wrong and the depatment head said "this is really creepy"

The dean met with said Prof and he really had no explanation except he agreed that it was inapropriate.

Ummm...yeeaaahh. OK. So now we have the professor in question meeting with the Dean on a Saturday during the course of this thread and the professor is admitting that the email was inappropriate?

 

[crashbb]

The dean met with said Prof and he really had no explanation except he agreed that it was inapropriate.

In the hour since you first posted? If this had already happened, why not mention it when you first started posting?

 

[hinodis]

How many of you have children that have recieved an email from a teacher telling them that they are cute?

 

[Ember]

My husband works at a university and it's reasons like this he documents EVERYTHING. Should he ever be alone with a student the door is open and the meeting is audio recorded. (There is a large sign indicating this and the students are all told ahead of time.) Even after class interactions are documented in a small note book. It's disturbing and frightening to see how quickly people are willing to string someone up...

Edited to add: I have not been called "cute" in any of my university classes, but I did once have a prof tell me to look up more when speaking "because we want to see your pretty blue eyes." There was nothing creepy about it at all and I took it for the innocent compliment it was. I've also had profs compliment my new hair style or a nice outfit. Still didn't think anything of it.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

OP - I think you are doing your so a terrible injustice. In college and you are calling the dean?

Very helicopter/hovering.

 

[DisneyFan06]

This whole thing is just very strange...

Was it sent from a college/university email?

I am just confused by everything.

Your son is in college, let him deal with it. He is 18. I know your his mother but if it was my situation and my mother got in - o my!

 

[NMAmy]

I am the parent of an 18 yo female college student, and, yes, if she had received a similar email, I would have advised HER to contact the chair of the department or the dean if it made her uncomfortable. I'd be supportive and offer advice but, particularly in the initial contact, she would have been making the phone calls.

These kinds of complaints are taken very seriously and colleges prefer to deal directly with students involved. Getting secondhand information just causes more confusion. I may be paying for her tuition but she is the student and there are FERPA rules.

And the dean was way out of line discussing a professor's sexual orientation with you.

 

[hinodis]

In the hour since you first posted? If this had already happened, why not mention it when you first started posting?

I was more focused on the content of the email. Of course the dept. head met with the professor. He wanted an explaination as well.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I was more focused on the content of the email. Of course the dept. head met with the professor. He wanted an explaination as well.

Between the hours of 12:00 and 1:00 on a Saturday afternoon? Almost immediately after you called the Dean?

This doesn't add up.

 

[DisneyFan06]

And the dean was way out of line discussing a professor's sexual orientation with you.

Agreed.

 

[hinodis]

Ummm...yeeaaahh. OK. So now we have the professor in question meeting with the Dean on a Saturday during the course of this thread and the professor is admitting that the email was inappropriate?

NO they met yesterday. OH maybe you think I just made that up, yea right. Do you really think the school would just sit and wait to talk to him on Monday?????????

 

[crashbb]

When people start adding to their story to support their "side" as the majority of people on the thread disagree with them, it gives the appears that embellishments may be involved.

 

[hinodis]

Between the hours of 12:00 and 1:00 on a Saturday afternoon? Almost immediately after you called the Dean?

This doesn't add up.

This all took place yesterday morning.

 

[hinodis]

When people start adding to their story to support their "side" as the majority of people on the thread disagree with them, it gives the appears that embellishments may be involved.

Think what you want, that must be what YOU do.

 

[Liberty Belle]

How many of you have children that have recieved an email from a teacher telling them that they are cute?

My four grade teacher told me I looked "absolutely gorgeous" in my new glasses. Would that have bothered you? I loved it, as a child, but then I had a bit of a crush on him.

 

[DisneyFan06]

Do you really think the school would just sit and wait to talk to him on Monday?????????

I dont think the school will do anything. It was an email and it wasn't wrong. He didn't try (as one poster said) "to get in his pants." It was simple compliment that shouldn't have been said but was.

So, what are you going to do with your son when he has to go back to this class? Are you going with him?

 

[SKWDW]

Wow people, judge much?

If I were you hinodis, I would walk away from this thread. I wouldn't want to deal with the harshness and nastiness that has spewed forth as a result of your posts.

 

[Ember]

Wow people, judge much?

Seeing as we're talking about actions that have the possibility of ending a man's career or tarnishing his reputation, I would hope there would be some judgement involved. So far there seem to have been a lack of good judgement the whole way around...

 

[pigletgirl]

I wouldn't be overly concerned just yet. If it happens repeatedly, then your son can figure it all out. There isn't any reason why he shouldnt. Its a part of becoming an adult.