Venting - borrowed baby clothes.

[TheDizMom]

I can't think of anyone who when loaned clothes for their kids, wouldn't ask you if you wanted them back, and I totally get your frustration. I loaned my SIL several of my DD's old outfits and told her she didn't need to return anything except a few dresses that I really would like to have back, like the one she had her first official picture taken in. She took the time to put my initials on the tag so she would remember to give them back. She never did. After that I never again loaned anything out that I wanted back to keep for my kids to have for their kids. If I give it to someone, it is then theirs to do with as they please.

I think you have to leave it be because it's not worth getting into an argument with your sister over. She's family and really that always has to take precedence over anything else, and you have to sit across the dinner table at family functions and holidays. I also think that if you really want to keep them for your other sisters, they won't withstand that much use and still be in decent shape for them too. Let's face it baby clothes get more darn stains on them that you can't get out, and they just wear out. Buy your friend a few new outfits, share in her joy, and just let the rest slide.

 

[janey99]

I honestly don't havet time to boil water and cascade to clean kids' clothes. They go in the wash and dryer for me. I work and have a lot of kids. That's my life and easier is better for me.

My ten year old was born when his brother was ten. No way could he have worn the stuff his older brother wore. I know this because I recieved a box back from my sil and the stuff, even the pj's, were very outdated. I am not a snob at all. I just know that the styles were very old.

I can't imagine wanting clothes back four kids and ten years later.

Gee, my washing machine does it for me, cuz I work too! Different strokes, I guess - no time to do a load of really hot wash, but plenty of time to buy multiple new wardrobes .

Oh, and dated *PJs* - c'mon! My DS 9mos was also born when his brother was 10, and those jammy suits look just fine to me, and it's kind of neat to have seen both boys in the same outfits and "remember when."

I'm not meaning to pick on you, we just must be totally opposite people!

Jane

 

[surfergirl602]

the only thing I ever ask to be returned is maternity clothes. it's really hard to get good fashinable clothes!!! i have bins and bins of girls clothing in our attic. We have three girls, ages 8, 6, and 2. I've saved all teh stuff that wearable again and tossed the stuff that is past its prime. My DH also has cousins - 4 sisters - and their mom gives all of their outgrown stuff to us. Most of it is in really good shape and really nice brand names, so my oldest has stuff to grow into as well.

 

[KelnRon]

IMO!!!! I think it's nice you would want to give BFF your clothes but I honestly would not want clothes that are 6 years old!!! Clothes styles change and 6 years really is a big difference. I know sleepers are sleepers but having gone through 2 children I am sure there is alot of wear on them & I'm sure BFF will enjoy buying new stuff as will you shopping for her! If I gave clothes to a friend I would never expect to get them back ... that's just me though. My guess is your sister probably doesn't have the clothes anymore. I work at a children's resale shop & it is amazing to see how long people keep clothes for!!

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

It's funny this was brought up. I had an issue with my SIL when our kids were babies; they're now 12 & 11. Her ds is 6 mos. younger than mine; both 1st borns. I loaned her my maternity clothes, thinking that later I'd pass along baby clothes. She was so hard on the mat. clothes and even cut open the arm holes on the tank tops and hand-stitched (not neatly) extra slits at the arm holes. They looked awful! It's not like they were super expensive or I hand wash them but maybe she doesn't sort clothes at all before washing and put them in with jeans? They were barely recognizable.

Anyhoo, I realized right away that she is so hard on stuff and she was planning to have 2 kids back to back. OTOH, we were paying for daycare and couldn't afford 2 kids in day care at the same time so we spaced ours further apart. I knew if I would loan her my 1st son's clothes, they would go thru her 2 kids and by the time I'd get them back, would be on their 4th kid. I knew I wouldn't want them by then so I politely told her I was saving my stuff for baby #2 and I'd give them away when I'm done with them. She was a little stunned and I guess was hoping for a steady stream of free clothes but too bad. I spent a lot of money on very nice things and didn't want them destroyed.
I put liquid Tide on the stains and they usually came out. Many of their things were still in good shape when ds#2 was done with them but then no one was having babies so I sold them at a consignment shop or gave them to Goodwill.

I'm sure I was talked about in dh's family b/c my other SIL started giving her son's clothes to the other SIL. My feelings are not hurt and they have a good system.

I was given a crib by my SIL, changing table from a cousin and rocking chair from a friend. When we were done with each of these things, I offered them back to the original owner to see if they wanted them back. If they didn't, I'd find someone who could use them.
I wouldn't think to give back clothes back but then again, the things that were given to me were from people done having kids.

I do find that when I get clothes down from the attic for ds#2, some of ds#1's clothes are a little out of date, esp. shorts, and the elastic gets shot but most things like jeans or footy pj's are still good. Anything stained goes in the garage for dh's rags. My boys are 3 1/4 yrs apart.

To the op: let it go.

 

[Princess-in-Training]

OP here -- All mention of clothes aside (everyone is entitled to their own opinions on clothes and whether or not you should keep them/give them away/get them back/reuse them -- although I think many of you would completely make fun of me because most of my clothes are 15 years old or more!!!)

I want to address this:

People must not actually read all the posts before posting. Seriously, you totally must have missed my who post where I wrote:

"Really - I'm not going to hold this against her, or cut her out of my life, or even harbour any bad feelings. ... I will most likely never mention it again."

I totally let it go -- that's what venting is! I'm NOT gonna be mad at her forever. I'm NOT gonna even never pass anything on to her again. I'm over it! that's why I vented. Sheesh, really!!! I'm not so shallow to disown my sister over baby clothes.

And to all that actually read and paid attention that I AM OVER IT, THANK YOU!!!

 

[foszilfineder]

Conversation about venting, isn't that what message boards are all about? People have opinions. That is all. You seem to have a tendency to overreact, in general.

 

[dogluva]

Gee, my washing machine does it for me, cuz I work too! Different strokes, I guess - no time to do a load of really hot wash, but plenty of time to buy multiple new wardrobes .

Oh, and dated *PJs* - c'mon! My DS 9mos was also born when his brother was 10, and those jammy suits look just fine to me, and it's kind of neat to have seen both boys in the same outfits and "remember when."

I'm not meaning to pick on you, we just must be totally opposite people!

Jane

Yes, we are very different. I, personally, would not put clothes that my oldest son wore in 1989 on my son in 1998. I know this because I recieved boxes from my sil after her three boys were done. They were faded although not stained she did a great job with laundering, and very outdated. I guess she though I wanted them back. I did not. Yes, it was fun remembering remember when but I took lots of pictures of my kids.

I like to wash it and forget about it. So if it means buying something they need (not a "whole new wardrobe" by the way), yes, it is easier FOR ME. I also don't want your handmedowns if you want them back.

I don't feel picked on but I do find your smilies a little much. Like the eye rolls. I hope you don't really do this if someone doesn't agree with you IRL.

 

[famofsix]

OP here -- All mention of clothes aside (everyone is entitled to their own opinions on clothes and whether or not you should keep them/give them away/get them back/reuse them -- although I think many of you would completely make fun of me because most of my clothes are 15 years old or more!!!)

I want to address this:

People must not actually read all the posts before posting. Seriously, you totally must have missed my who post where I wrote:

"Really - I'm not going to hold this against her, or cut her out of my life, or even harbour any bad feelings. ... I will most likely never mention it again."

I totally let it go -- that's what venting is! I'm NOT gonna be mad at her forever. I'm NOT gonna even never pass anything on to her again. I'm over it! that's why I vented. Sheesh, really!!! I'm not so shallow to disown my sister over baby clothes.

And to all that actually read and paid attention that I AM OVER IT, THANK YOU!!!

it's the DIS and your vent took a life of it's own

 

[flannaga]

I have passed on all our baby girl and baby boy clothes on to my SIL. I made the mistake of assuming that she would offer them back or give them to my sister when her kids outgrew them.

I was shocked to find out that she sold them in a yard sale. I don't know why that bothered me, but it did. I figured out I either had to say something or let it go. I opted to just get over it since it wasn't worth upsetting SIL.

In the future, I'd just make sure I made my intentions clear before I handed anything over. That way, everybody's expectations are clear.

 

[Princess-in-Training]

Conversation about venting, isn't that what message boards are all about? People have opinions. That is all. You seem to have a tendency to overreact, in general.

Conversations, yes -- judgments? I don't think so.

No hostility implied -- I was just being emphatic in my clarification. I'm sorry if you read my post completely wrong. Were you offended? I apologize! Like I said, everyone is entitled to their opinions -- and I even (as stated before) enjoy reading people's experiences. But I did want to clarify that everythings alright -- people seem to be passing judgement about mewithout reading everything that I even wrote - so I wanted to clarify.

Is that an overreaction? Shrug. It's funny, IRL, people know me to be a very chilled out person. That's another interesting tacet of message boards -- people can completely misunderstand you and one's intent can come off quite different from what you meant.

I'm spending way too much time responding this -- I guess I am overreactive afterall!