Venting and need help!

[hiwaygal]

OP: Do not be guilted into being okay with this.

Thanks for the psychoanalysis!

Everyone is different. I would have loved the chance to meet and spend time with my in-laws. That opportunity never happened for me.

To some, family is VERY important. OP definitely needs to talk about the importance of family with her DF. I can see there being future discussions (and maybe disagreements) on which family they spend holidays with and lots of traipsing between families for two Christmases, two Thanksgivings, etc. This is definitely something that most couples don't necessarily think about.

One or two dinners the week of the honeymoon is not going to kill anyone.

 

[SeaShelley]

Thanks for the psychoanalysis!

One or two dinners the week of the honeymoon is not going to kill anyone.

This isn't about having dinner with her future in-laws.....it's really about her expressing her feelings and her soon-to-be hubby not giving a crap. They booked a vacation to a spot that FIL doesn't sound so crazy about during the same time as their honeymoon and expects the couple to have a meal with them every day of their trip. She has every right to be upset!

I can't for the life of me understand why these people would think it's ok to plan such a trip. It's selfish, intrusive and just disrespectful. hiwaygal, you mentioned "consider the in-laws".....doesn't sound to me like they considered future DIL's feelings at all.

PinkRhombus was right on IMHO. littleangie, talk with DF again & don't hold back any tears.

 

[auralia]

i would meet them for one meal, that would be the end of it for me, but i hate my inlaws so there is that and they dont care much for me either for that matter. if i were you i'd put my foot down about this or you will regret it if your honeymoon is ruined and you will resent your husband for a long time afterward.

 

[sambycat]

does your hubby to be really want to met them once a day or is he sort of "meh" about it? because it could just be that he doesn't care either way and doesn't care if you DONT do 10,000 things with his parents. yes i think its weird and a bit intrusive and no i don't think you should do much with them, have a meal or maybe a lunch and fireworks or a show at some point in the day or evening, but otherwise do your own thing. while i think its weird and yes you should be concerned i guess over precedent setting, if the fiance isn't expecting that you WILL be doing stuff with his folks everyday, other than expressing surprise that the in laws did a 180 and suddenly HAVE to visit WDW, i'd expect that my fiance is going to want to be with me all the trip, i'd throw the in laws a bone of MY arranging and then take the high road. surely they know they are being dopes!!

 

[hiwaygal]

This isn't about having dinner with her future in-laws.....it's really about her expressing her feelings and her soon-to-be hubby not giving a crap. They booked a vacation to a spot that FIL doesn't sound so crazy about during the same time as their honeymoon and expects the couple to have a meal with them every day of their trip. She has every right to be upset!

I can't for the life of me understand why these people would think it's ok to plan such a trip. It's selfish, intrusive and just disrespectful. hiwaygal, you mentioned "consider the in-laws".....doesn't sound to me like they considered future DIL's feelings at all.

PinkRhombus was right on IMHO. littleangie, talk with DF again & don't hold back any tears.

I guess you missed the part where I said (twice) that "one or two dinners" over the week or so wouldn't be a big deal. I certainly don't think they need to share a room with the in-laws...or even meet them every single day.

There definitely should be boundaries and I alluded to that in my previous post. However, I still stand by the thought that a dinner or two isn't going to interfere with the honeymoon celebration. Simply make it clear to the in-laws that you will meet them once or twice but that you will be spending time together alone for the rest of the week.

i'd throw the in laws a bone of MY arranging and then take the high road!

I agree!

 

[Cinderella22]

Hi,
I just wanted to say that I really think you need to sit down and have a serious conversation with your DF about this.

I was engaged and suppose to be married at Disney April 1, 2008. It was cancelled six months prior. The reason was because of an overbearing future MIL. I cannot tell you how much this devestated me but after three years of intrusion (calling my credit card company pretending to be me!, coming over daily, calling 5 times a day, insisting we ask for permission to go to Disney!....I could go on) I just couldn't take it any more. He refused to create any boundaries with his mother and just didn't seem to care.

I'm sure your situation isn't as extreme as mine was, however, I think it is still something that needs to be stopped now before it gets worse.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding and I hope you have a wonderful honeymoon!!!

 

[SeaShelley]

I guess you missed the part where I said (twice) that "one or two dinners" over the week or so wouldn't be a big deal. I certainly don't think they need to share a room with the in-laws...or even meet them every single day.

There definitely should be boundaries and I alluded to that in my previous post. However, I still stand by the thought that a dinner or two isn't going to interfere with the honeymoon celebration. Simply make it clear to the in-laws that you will meet them once or twice but that you will be spending time together alone for the rest of the week.

I agree!

No, I didn't miss that part at all. However, you apparently missed the part where I said that this wasn't about dinner, or lunch or breakfast. If the inlaws still plan to go on their Disney vacation, then a dinner or breakfast with the newlyweds is fine.

To me, the real issue is two-fold:

1) Her future inlaws assumed it would be okay to book a vacation during the same time and to the same location as the happy couple, as well as told them that they want to dine with them "at least once a day." It just seems very odd that they would plan such a vacation knowing that son & DIL were already going to be there for their HONEYMOON....Mom, Dad, cut the apron strings already!

2) When the OP expressed how upset she was about the situation, her DF didn't seem to care. Hello...young man...you are going to have wife. If you want to keep her, please listen to her concerns and work on a comfortable compromise. Don't dismiss her feelings. And don't, allow your parents to interfere in your new life.

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

OP, it is your decision. If you sit down and talk about it with your fiance, you will be able to make a couple's decision about what to do. Meals every day is RIDICULOUS IMHO and since you seem to agree, it is not an option. If your DF wants to meet up for perhaps one or two events, I would agree to it, as a compromise, but that is up to you.

I would say "I would love to, but we've made some plans for some special romantic meals for two, but I have Friday the XX available, would you like to do breakfast here? or maybe dinner and fireworks on Monday the XX?" This way it is a meet up NOT sharing your honeymoon.

Best of luck to you!

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

Oh, and when you check in, request a room far away from them, just in case they've requested adjoining rooms, that would be awkward.

 

[usnuzuloose]

I have a friend who has so much MIL drama its sad. People often over look the red flags right away. Before they were married her future MIL said I see my son getting married in my back yard. She wanted a church wedding. After 10 yrs now I hear how MIL in arranges all vacations, holidays, and anything else and never asks them. Son is still a mamas boy. So please if there have been signs prior to this make sure to talk to your DF and work it out. If he really cares for you he will take a stand and be that man you need him to be. Remember its ok to comporomise and have one or two dinners but no more. I hope everything will work out for you. JO

 

[Praying Colonel]

If my in-laws "just happened" to be where we were honeymooning and my fiancee wouldn't tell them to buzz off, I don't think I'd get married. Seriously.

IMHO, parents are one of the big issues couples have to be in agreement on or the marriage is really going to struggle. The facts that (a) the in-laws invited themselves and (b) the fiance has no problems with it are big red flags for trouble down the road.

 

[PinkRhombus]

I'd like to know how they're getting TO Disney. Are they expecting to drive down with you?

 

[Praying Colonel]

.

 

[littleangie]

Hey guys thanks for your opinion. I did sit down df and talked and we talked to his parents right now there is only 2 dinners the entire week that we are doing together.

 

[Pumbaa_]

glad you wre able to work this out. No one wants to start their marriage on a sour note and having a united front is critical to having a happy marriage

best of luck to you both!

 

[Brit_Jude]

Hey guys thanks for your opinion. I did sit down df and talked and we talked to his parents right now there is only 2 dinners the entire week that we are doing together.

I'm glad that you were able to work out a compromise in this situation and that DF and his family are working with you. I am sure it is a big weight off your shoulders and you can relax a little. Have a great wedding and enjoy the honeymood with your hubby.

Have some good quality time at the two dinners with your new in-laws. While bizare that they are going to be there my recomendation is to be gracious and make it a special and fun time for your all so that it becomes a good memory and not fraught with more stress for you.