Venting and need help!

[littleangie]

So me and soon to be hubby are going to WDW in a month for our honeymoon. Well we went to spend the weekend with DF's parents this past weekend. Well his father told us that they are also going to Disney during the same time! DF said he didn't mind that they were going to be there but however i am angry. This was going to be the first trip me and DF did on our own. They want us to dine with them at least once a day. They are staying at All Star Music while me and DF are staying at Caribbean Beach. I don't really know what i should do. DF likes the idea of them going to be there, but HELLO its our honeymoon!

If you were in my situation what would you do?

 

[Cindyrellablue]

I would definitely not be a fan of this happening. It's not fair to interfere with your honeymoon and ask to be a part of it by spending a meal a day with them. That being said...

WDW is HUGE. I'd tell them that although I appreciate the invitation to visit with them, however I really want our honeymoon to remain a time for us to spend alone, away from our family and friends. And I wouldn't want to take away from their vacation either and have to burden them with working around plans we've already made for the honeymoon.... Then, I'd make sure I knew which parks they would be at for the day and plan my days somewhere else.

I'd try to do what I could with expressing my wants to have a solo honeymoon with my new husband w/o alienating my relationships with the inlaws for the rest of my life. Who knows, maybe they will feel so moved, they will change their plans! *crosses fingers*

I'm sorry that this happened to you, I really hope that it works out.

 

[WizardLarz]

NO WAY! Maybe once or twice during the whole trip. Just tell them that will be the best! DO NOT let them know your park plans or they may try hunting you down everyday. Also once you get there turn off both cell phones unless you want to contact them.

 

[usnuzuloose]

Not trying to really pry, but is this a normal thing they do? Or is this just a whim for them to want to join you? I would speak to your husband and let him know how you feel. Hope he realizes he is married to you and o=not his parents. Maybe compromise to have dinner one or two times but I would not go any further. Hope it all works out for you. Congrats by the way. Jo

 

[DisBride011]

I agree, I wouldn't let them ruin your honeymoon. Remind them that it is your honeymoon, meaning you and your husband are supposed to spend time together as a couple, not in group with family. If they still insist they are going, don't tell them your plans so they can't find you. WDW is a big place where they can be doing there own thing while you do yours, and you never see each other. If they insist you have a meal with them, don't let them do everyday, maybe a dinner or 2. I hope your honeymoon turns out nice, without the intruding inlaws. Have a great time and congrats!

 

[PinkRhombus]

Seriously? There is no way in HELL that I would allow this to go on. They just up and decided to go? To the same place? During your HONEYMOON!?!?!?! It's not like you're getting married AT Disney.

If your husband won't take care of this, who are his parents closest to, relative or friend wise? Get them to have a talk with them.

I wouldn't have one meal with them the entire time.

 

[hiwaygal]

While your honeymoon is an important time to spend together as a couple, it would be very nice to consider your in-laws and that there may not always be these opportunities again.

Plan a dinner or two with them, and that's it. As another poster said, WDW is big enough you can avoid them for most of the week, but a dinner or two is not going to ruin on your honeymoon.

Many brides (especially ones from the UK) have spent their honeymoon with extended family at Disney. They have managed and don't find it any kind of imposition.

Take this opportunity to build more of a relationship with his parents...

 

[Pooh Friend]

I'm getting married at WDW and my mom is flying down and my sister, niece and her hubby are going to be at the wedding... they are staying in Disney for four days. We did tell them we were going to be on our own, but we are having a rehearsal dinner together, spending the reception together, and we arranged to have a last night dinner together and that is all the time we will spend together. This is a very difficult decision and I feel very bad for you as you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but this is a once in a lifetime event -- your wedding! Try to be as diplomatic as you can to your inlaws, get a feel for what your fiance would like, and make the best compromise that you can as far as meal times. Good luck to you!

 

[Lorelei528]

While your honeymoon is an important time to spend together as a couple, it would be very nice to consider your in-laws and that there may not always be these opportunities again.

Plan a dinner or two with them, and that's it. As another poster said, WDW is big enough you can avoid them for most of the week, but a dinner or two is not going to ruin on your honeymoon.

Many brides (especially ones from the UK) have spent their honeymoon with extended family at Disney. They have managed and don't find it any kind of imposition.

Take this opportunity to build more of a relationship with his parents...

I agree. We spent the first 3+ days of our honeymoon with our families. 1 1/2 with mine and DH's stayed for 3. It was important to DH to spend some quality time with his family as they flew in from Ireland for the wedding. And I wanted to bond with them and have our families bond as well...

That being said, one meal a day is not too outrageous, but for how many days? I enjoyed spending time with our families in such a magical place (and my happy place) but that being said, it was so nice when everyone left and it was just us two...

I think you should work out some sort of compromise. Maybe one meal a day, or not even, like, meet them to watch IllumiNations one night and do a meal the next etc....

Sorry you are getting stressed out about it though! Remember it's your Disneymoon and try to let it roll off your back as much as possible (take it from a Disney bride who knows-read my TR!)

HTH!

 

[Tsplaat]

All I can say is WOW... you are truly in need of venting. I'm in shock that anyone would want to "get together" with you on your honeymoon!

 

[PrincessShea]

DF likes the idea of them going to be there...

That's really bizarre. I would have a serious chat with DF.

If you were having a Disney wedding or some type of destination wedding where everyone had to fly to some specific place, and they were there for a week or whatever, then yea, I don't think it would be unreasonable that they expect you to entertain them for a couple days since they made the sacrifice to come to your wedding.

But if you are having a regular church wedding at home and then flying out to Disney...and MIL wants to join in? ...weird.

 

[SeaShelley]

Address with your DF NOW ! This goes beyond intrusive. If this makes you angry - tell him, please. Sit down and talk about it now, don't just pretend that you're okay with it.

I know what it's like to have a MIL who doesn't respect your privacy, nor have a husband who wouldn't back me with establishing boundaries....which is why I will not be celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary this year (not to say that this was the only reason - mind you!).

I don't see this as a "special time" for the family to be together - It's your honeymoon, not just a vacation. It's selfish on the part of his parents to even consider going the same time you are, not to mention expecting you to dine with them each day!! Good grief!

Good luck to you!

 

[scottishduffy]

Alrighty, I happened to have on my honeymoon my DM, DF, Brother, and SIL. But it was *voluntary*. DH and I couldn't really afford a honeymoon and my parents offered to bring us on a European cruise they were going on. We had rooms far away from each other, took totally different excursions and only ran into each other when we wanted to. We would see each other at dinner every night to catch up but that was it.

It was a wonderful vacation and once per day was not that bad. HOWEVER, DH and I did this by our own choice. It wasn't forced upon us. My parents never demanded to see us at any time and we could have easily not taken this trip and there would have been no hurt feelings.

In your situation I would be peeved. You can't stop them from coming, but come to compromise with DH now. Sit down and have a chat with DH about how this makes you feel and come to compromise with him. Explain to him you would really like some days alone since it is your honeymoon. Maybe state it as that you would like some special (and romantic) dinner reservations. To make DH happy agree to have a couple meals with the in-laws. Also have DH tell his parents that the two of you have already made your plans in regards to touring the parks and ADR's, have DH talk to his parents about what time you may meet for a meal and what times you are not available ... His parents, his job to handle them. If you talk to them then they may blame you for being the 'controlling' wife. It is important for DH to be the one to stand up to his parents and present the united front which the two of you will now become.

 

[Brit_Jude]

Yes it is unfair that they want to spend this time with you and not let you be alone on your honeymoon. I don't know the history or how they are 'normally' so it is hard to guess what their motives are. I wonder if in some way they want to use this time to get to know you better? Or as it is Disney they don't really see it as a 'honeymoon' and just want to join in the fun? How long ago was your wedding - your post does not say. Do they know that for you this trip is your honeymoon. Maybe when it is explained to them they will understand better if you don't think they know this. Only you can know the situation.

As the other posters have stated I would have hubby explain that this was to be your time as a newlywed couple and that if they do come they will need to understand and respect that it will still be your time. You should agree though to meet up with them for one or two special meals. This will set the boundaries you need for your marriage and future life but also shows that you can compromise and show them that they are important to you as they are now part of your new family. As you are married there will be a lot of holidays, special events etc that will from now on involve compromise and sharing with your new extended family members and in-laws. I really hope they can appreciate that you want a honeymoon trip this time. Maybe suggest some other time when you can all take a family trip together. Be careful to make sure Hubby doesn't 'blame' you for not making this a family vacation when he talks to his parents.

 

[PinkRhombus]

While your honeymoon is an important time to spend together as a couple, it would be very nice to consider your in-laws and that there may not always be these opportunities again.

OP: Do not be guilted into being okay with this.

There is only one honeymoon. You will have PLENTY of time to see you inlaws in the future.

Honeymoons are for the couple to connect together as a couple emotionally just as much as the physical aspect, and having to consider ANY other persons wants, preferences, etc. will interfere with this.

 

[littleangie]

Thanks everyone for your help. I am angry because df dad had said that he would never go back to disney a few years ago when we went in 2008. He has know the whole time that we are going to disney for the honeymoon. Hell he even went with us to book the trip thru AAA. And paid the travel insurance. But our wedding is on June 4, 2010 and we are going to be at disney starting the 12th of June. Well DF dad just went a few weeks ago and booked his trip to WDW before he even talked to us. He just told us this weekend that they are going also. I have talked to DF about the whole situation and he said that he doesn't care. And i told him how i felt and he seems not to care. I just dont know what to do about DF and his father.

I have been thinking of cancelling our trip and book something else, but its has been my dream to go to wdw for our honeymoon ever since we last went to WDW in 2008.

I have been wanting to cry about this!

 

[CelticBelle]

I agree with most of the others. I would feel wierd having to meet up with people all the time, almost like we were vacationing together. Did they plan their trip because they knew you'd be there or was it just a coincidence?

Meeting with them for dinner once or twice isnt a big deal and may be fun for you all to get together. But once a day at WDW takes a lot of energy. You'd have to make sure you were at the same park, or take an extra hour or 2 out of the day to travel between locations. I only really eat twice a day when in at WDW because im so busy, so it does sound like a large chunk of time to me.

I hope you are able to just go and connect with your soon to be hubby! I agree with PP, you only get one honeymoon! Make it what you want to remember.

 

[Brit_Jude]

Whole new perspective on this then - I think you and DF need a long serious calm talk as this really isn't OK

 

[pixie921]

Whole new perspective on this then - I think you and DF need a long serious calm talk as this really isn't OK

I completely agree.

You really need your fiance to step up here and put your feelings ahead of his family's. Otherwise you're establishing a bad pattern that will inevitably make you miserable in the coming years.

As someone married for a long time, and also as someone whose son is dating and approaching legal marrying age scared, I have to say that looking at it from both perspectives I can't imagine how in any way his parents are thinking that this is a good move.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.

 

[*Pixiedust1438*]

Wow I am so sorry you are having to deal with this so close to your wedding. As others have stated, it would be totally different if you were getting married in Disney anyway, but for them to just decide to go down the week of your honeymoon? That is crazy! Is there some reason they couldn't go the another weekend?

And just to add, my sister had a destination wedding and we all spent time together before the wedding. The night of the wedding, we said goodbye, woke up the next morning, and went to the other side of the island to finish our vacation so they could have their honeymoon to themselves.

I would definitely be upset and definitely talk to DF and make him see your point. You don't want to start off a marriage and a relationship with his parents where you are holding back the way you really feel. That being said, you need to weigh how far you want to take it. If you are going to talk to DF and/or his parents and they are not going to budge, I might just try and make the best of it. I would not change where you are going, and I would NOT have dinner with them everyday. The most I would do would be one night together, that's it! Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.