Venting about Family, Its stupid but driving me nuts!

[budbeerlady]

I know this is petty on my part! I await the flames but I am so irked about this!

Easter for the past 5 years has been at M-in-L house at 6pm. She calls about 3 weeks ahead to invite all the family even though not everyone shows up. Its very casual, the guys drink beer, we eat finger food and just relax. DD does an easter egg hunt in the yard (gets a little wierd as I posted in the easter basket thread) and it is just a show up when you can and relax with family thing. Younger sister in law & husband show up if they are available. For forever sister in law & family couldnt make it. No problem, this is a show up relax type of a thing. Basket for kid dropped off earlier in the week so he still gets eggs and surprises from the bunnt.

But this year the brother in law wants their son to hang out with the family. (We usually see them on Christmas and Mothers day, honestly and they live 30 minutes away.) So they tell us sunday that easter is at their house at 5pm, can I bring a dish to pass and what might that be so they can plan. They have the meat taken care of for everyone. Dh tells them not sure if we can make it, busy day, etc. (Because we have standing plans at the mother in laws but dont want to say it that way to them.)

So sunday night I call mother -in -law to say Hey, got this call from brother in law. So mother in law calls his cell phone and conversation goes along the lines of everyone is invited to his house, would be nice to see everyone since we only get together couple times a year, yadda yadda. Dinner is at 5 at thier house, whoever makes it, but it would be nice if everyone could come. End of discussion.

They chose to show up twice a year, we get together all the time, the whole family is called and invited but they always have plans. You deciede to become involved in your family, great! We have a good time, we relax. So why do you have to go and do it only on your terms?

I dont get it, you knew you were invited, you knew the time and to just show up. Why will you only do a dinner at your home and then insist we show up. Normal people accept an invitation and show up, not make conflicking plans and expect us to do thier thing. I still havent decieded if we are going or not!

I know this is dumb, but arughhhhhh!

 

[EthansMom]

I would say, "Sorry, we already have other plans."

It's nice to know I'm not the only one with in-law issues when it comes to get-togethers.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Would this be your DH's sister and her husband?

I would just tell them what you posted here. They know that MIL has the same Easter plans each year. They choose not to be a part of it. If now, they decide they want their child to be with family, then they should just show up at MIL with child, and everyone can enjoy the evening. To purposely make conflicting plans, when they know most of you choose to be at your MIL's makes no sense, and it is as if they are in a competition to pull people away from your MIL.

Tell them if they want to spend time with family, then the family will be at MIL's.

 

[Nancy]

Just to get this straight.. this your husbands family right? His Mom and also his brother or sisters family?

 

[declansdad]

I can so relate. That has happened in our family a few times.

 

[budbeerlady]

Oh yes, the husbands wonderful brother and his wife.

I feel a cold coming on with a really, really bad headache, and the flu has gotta be going around DD's school by now! It just is so petty. And Mother in Law is more mad b/c if she doesnt go there she wont see grandson until Mothers Day. I told her they made the choice, not her and dont worry about it- keep your plans.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

Ugh - don't you just hate having to deal with in-laws. My MIL & FIL are great but they wait until the last minute to plan any holidays. After the blowout with my SIL I decided that I'm going where-ever I get asked to go first (knowing that my in-laws wait until the day before to ask). My Mom invited us over for Easter so that's where we are going. I saw MIL yesterday and talked to her on the phone later in the day and she hasn't said a thing about Easter. I know we'll get a phone call either Friday or Saturday about going over there. None of us want to put up with SIL's drama so I'm sure we won't go - besides we already have plans anyway.

 

[CEDmom]

Can't your DH call his brother and hash this out? The DB should either bring the family to mom's house or choose to stay home.

 

[azgal81]

I'm confused is there some reason your brother in law cant' go over to your mother in law's house like the rest of the family? Or is he just being a pain and insisting that he wants easter at his house this year?? If it's the second one I would just tell them you already have plans as does the rest of the family but he is more then welcome to show up this year. Maybe everyone can get together for dinner at his place for another holiday.

 

[budbeerlady]

I'm confused is there some reason your brother in law cant' go over to your mother in law's house like the rest of the family? Or is he just being a pain and insisting that he wants easter at his house this year?? If it's the second one I would just tell them you already have plans as does the rest of the family but he is more then welcome to show up this year. Maybe everyone can get together for dinner at his place for another holiday.

No real reason that they cannot make it. They were invited again this year, like the other years they chose not to come. She doesnt do family things unless they are at her house. They are invited to the following and some I am sure I will forget.

Easter
Memorial day cook out
Mothers Day
Fathers Day
4th of July cookout
Grandmas Birthday
Moms Birthday
Step dads birthday
Thanksgiving
Labor day cook out
Christmas

And a bunch of sundays that we get together and cookout/ relax.

These are standing dates, but Mother in Law calls to invite all of us anyway. They want to do easter with everyone since they never see us, but apparently not at her house with finger food. (I do have a finger I would love to give them at this point)

So we go, do egg hunt with DD and nephew. Or stay home at nigth and do something else. (Lay on the couch and feel fat for overeating at my families normal get together. I am adding that if I pulled this crap with my mom she would lay into me so bad I would want to stay home to avoid the family!)

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Ok....The question you have to ask your dh.....do you want a deeper relationship with this brother? Would he like to go and make a "connection" this Easter?

I would set aside your MIL "standing plans", since you say she doesn't go anywhere and you see her quite often.

Honestly sounds like a power struggle between mom & son. I would leave this one up to your DH, personally.

 

[disykat]

Are you sure they were invited? It sounds to me like MIL forgot to invite them and they planned something because they thought nothing was planned.

 

[disneymac]

Does one of them have agorophobia? Sounds odd - not as strange as some of the crap my SIL has pulled, but still odd...

Happy Easter!