Vent Sister (MOH) Issues

[Lynn5700]

Okay, I have a horrible feeling that this thread may be getting a bit nasty.

Tink143 - I do not have children but I do understand your situation. When I first announced a destination wedding, my family were not pleased in the slightest. I only have my mother coming and we are paying for her dining for the week, her Disney tickets, travel insurance, overnight stay at hotel and transfers. Now neither my DF or I have much money but neither does my mom, so we are happy to pay these things to help her come. She really appreciates it and it makes me feel great that she can now be a part of this. My brother and his new wife on the other hand have chosen not to come. The excuse was they couldn't afford it. Months later they turn around and tell us they are going to WDW in May for 2 weeks (3 months before our wedding) now that made me mad
I think your family should appreciate the fact that you are going above and beyond to make them a part of your day, by paying things for them, which you do not have to do, it should be appreciated.
However just because you pay for them does not mean they will want to go. There may be other reasons she has not shared as to why she isn't willing to go. I think you really need to sit down with your sister and explain how important this is to you, that she be at your wedding. You don't want this sort of agro hanging over you while planning your wedding.

Hugs to you [/QUOTE

Thats a little rude. They tell you they can't afford it and then go 2 months before your wedding!
I would be upset too. That's just silly.

I think that everybody has good points about this thread but everybody just has to realize that everybody is going to have different views on situations.

I had a similar situation. My aunt complained to me how they can't afford it.I said thats okay you don't have to go and I understand. Then she went into saying I'm selfish, nobody id going to go(everybody but her wants to), it's ignorant to make people pay to go to your wedding,she can't afford it and wants to be there. I felt bad but I can't change my mind for one person when the rest of my family is thrilled. She is a stay at home mom and her son is now going to be 3.She stopped working when he was born but because of that they had to sell their house and now rent a house. It took her a long time to get pregnant so I understand how she wants to spend as much time with her son as possible. Although her husband is not very happy with it and is always begging her to get a job because they need money.So she has a job interview this week to work weekends at her husbands full time job. I was upset with her for calling me selfish,I was not mad because they can't afford it. Also it's because she doesn't want me to do it Disney she wants me to do it on a cruise,lol.

I asked everybody,my parents and bridal party because I know that it's going to cost them money and I really am honored that they wanted me to do this and want to be a part of it.

I know that it's frustrating but understand that there is always going to be somebody who complains. I would be upset too by what she said to you so i think that you should sit and talk to her and explain to your family that they should appreciate and thank you for helping to pay for them. That is not mandatory to do that and is not in the etiquette books to do but it is a very nice thing to do.

Good Luck with everything

 

[Maggimus]

Tink-- regardless of everyones views... I do realize that you are being generous to your sister in paying for her trip. You are going above what is expected of you and if she STILL doesnt want to come cut it off as her loss. You have given her every venue to do so-- and, you cant make someone do anything. I dont see you as being selfish-- and I really dont see this as a 'money' situation-- especially if you are paying the bill. The only reason 'money' would factor in is if her husband could not take the time off of work due to 'needing' that income as a paycheck to paycheck situation.

You are trying really hard which is a lot more than I can say for some situations ive seen. Hopefully, being it your sister, you can open up and lay the cards face up on the table.

I hope things work out-- and you yourself being a mom know what she is going through. Feel free to say anything you want to me anytime-- ill always listen!!
-Maggie

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

you know what kills me about all this....SHE COULD HAVE SAID NO to being your MOH

but she said yes & now shes giving you all this extra stress

If she couldnt of afforded it, why did she agree to be your MOH

Come on now.....when you are asked to be a MOH, you do have the option to say NO....theres no surprise as to whats expected of a MOH....she knew when she accepted MOH what was going to be asked...& that there would be $$ involved

She might have valid reasons to complain, but she should have declined MOH & explained why instead of accepting & shoving it back in your face....thats just mean....I would reconsider her MOH & ask someone who is willing to take on the task

good luck

 

[FayeW]

you know what kills me about all this....SHE COULD HAVE SAID NO to being your MOH

but she said yes & now shes giving you all this extra stress

If she couldnt of afforded it, why did she agree to be your MOH

Come on now.....when you are asked to be a MOH, you do have the option to say NO....theres no surprise as to whats expected of a MOH....she knew when she accepted MOH what was going to be asked...& that there would be $$ involved

She might have valid reasons to complain, but she should have declined MOH & explained why instead of accepting & shoving it back in your face....thats just mean....I would reconsider her MOH & ask someone who is willing to take on the task

good luck

Sounds to me that the sister did NOT know the wedding would be in WDW
when she agreed to be MOH! The OP said: "Ever since my fiance and I have known each other we have said we would like to get married at WDW, so we figured everyone else knew." She also said that she asked her sister to be MOH the night she got engaged. So, is sounds like she assumed everyone knew they would have a WDW wedding, but since she asked her sister to be MOH the very night she got engaged, the sister probably got caught up in the excitement of the engagement, and agreed without knowing the full details! Those were disclosed last night, at the family dinner, at which point the sister, upon finding out the wedding was in Florida "had major issues with it".

 

[j_lehr]

Actually I do have a five year old, that I had while I was in college working a 40-hr. a week job, and going to school full-time. The father was fortunately for my son a loser, so I was doing that on my own as well. Have I enjoyed taking him to daycare, and paying $600 a month for the last 5 years...NO! But I did what I had to do to better my life and my child's life. I have since graduated from college, and have been teaching for 3 years, my son because of his time at his preschool can read, write, use sign language, and speak some Spanish. I know that staying home is hard work because I do it during the summer, and I know that I could not do it on a permanent basis. But my sister (moreso I think her husband) has chosen for her to stay home, and she constantly whines about how tired she is all the time, how she never has time to herself, and how she never has any money. Me neither, and I work 2 jobs, my DF works two jobs, but we manage it. I try to understand my sister, but it is very hard for me to do that when she shortchanges her children's lives - not enrolling my niece in swim team or Mother's Day Out for the summer, because she could use that money to make her new house (that they haven't even moved into yet) look nicer.

So I would appreciate it if you all wouldn't attack me, because there is nothing more difficult than being a single mom that works 40+ hours a week, goes to school taking 18 hours, and still try to spend time raising her child. So forgive me if I am not completely sympathetic to my sister who complained because I called her during her nap time, when there were days where I would work 8 hours (5 AM -1 PM), come home do homework, go back to work at 11PM until 7 AM and not sleep at all during the break!

Thank you very much! The whole point of this is I desperately want my family at my wedding, I am doing everything I can and then some to help, and my sister's only comment was "How much family time are we going to have?" I think I have the right to be upset!

I am getting married at home and honeymooning in Disney (and no one has complained yet about traveling to where we live) so I really can't relate to the wedding part. But I had my daughter when I was 17 and in high school. I finished high school and college both with honors. I worked all through both so that she could have a better life. I know how you feel about working and raising a kid and having to deal with others who made different choices they regret. I have had family/friends that were jealous because of the choices I made because they chose to take the easy way out. Stick with your choices and the hard work because in the end it is worth it. My daughter is now 14 and I still work but I would have loved to be able to stay home with her. But I am happy that I was able to give her a better life then if I had dropped out of school or chosen not to work.

My daughter and me at Epcot:

On a side note, I would have loved to get married at Disney ! ! ! There is no way my fiancee would have ever agreed though! The disneymoon was our compromise and at least at home we can get married in our church. But I would kill for Minnie and Mickey to be there. (Wonder if I could hire them to come out )

Good Luck with everything!

 

[heatherlynn444]

OP, I am so sorry you are going through this. I wanted a disney wedding but also wanted to invite 300 ppl which was not possible, so i settleed for a disneymoon. lol. I have an older sister who I love dearly, but we butt heads a LOT on things, so i understand. If you are paying for teh trip, then she cannot complain about the money it costs! that is ridiculous. I think she is just jealous b/c all teh attention is on you and that you get a disney wedding! you are doing all you can (sounds like) to help with costs, etc, and make things easy for people, and if she can't see that then give her the choice/option to back out. you don't want a grumpy ruining your day if she is going to act like that!

 

[PrettyInTink]

OP, I am so sorry you are going through this. People can be real jerks sometimes. I had a very similar situation that resulted in me eloping. I have regretted that ever since. Which is why I am planning a VR!
I personally think that people act this way because they are insanely jealous of you. My dh and I make more money than anyone in our families and travel to WDW and on DCL cruises frequently. We are CONSTANTLY harrased by family members who call disney stupid and just don't get why we 'waste' our money there. (what, as opposed to loaning it to everyone that asks-and believe me they ask atleast once a month).
My brother is the worst of all! I think siblings do this to us because they know that no matter what you still love them and you'll put up with it. My advice is talk to her and find out why she has such a problem with a free vacation. I think you'll find envy is the culprit.

 

[FayeW]

OP, I am so sorry you are going through this. I wanted a disney wedding but also wanted to invite 300 ppl which was not possible, so i settleed for a disneymoon. lol. I have an older sister who I love dearly, but we butt heads a LOT on things, so i understand. If you are paying for teh trip, then she cannot complain about the money it costs! that is ridiculous. I think she is just jealous b/c all teh attention is on you and that you get a disney wedding! you are doing all you can (sounds like) to help with costs, etc, and make things easy for people, and if she can't see that then give her the choice/option to back out. you don't want a grumpy ruining your day if she is going to act like that!

She's not paying for the trip! She's using DVC points to pay for accomodations. Her sister will still have to pay for airfare for 4, park tickets for 3, and food/dining plan. It is not an inconsiderable amount of money.

Granted, this seems like a perfect time to go (accomodations paid for, and 1 child free) however there is most definately a cost for her sister's family to participate in and attend the wedding.

 

[Lynn5700]

She's not paying for the trip! She's using DVC points to pay for accomodations. Her sister will still have to pay for airfare for 4, park tickets for 3, and food/dining plan. It is not an inconsiderable amount of money.

Granted, this seems like a perfect time to go (accomodations paid for, and 1 child free) however there is most definately a cost for her sister's family to participate in and attend the wedding.

Why are you so interested in this post.We allready heard your thoughts on it. Get over it.

 

[jamielynn]

I second that!

Every Bride has some level of stress and is allowed to vent.

 

[Maggimus]

Normally most brides here are very understanding and supportive. We had an issue like this once with Summer-Caitlin. I think someone might have even copied a link and told their friends and a bunch of 'mothers' from other boards started coming over (who had never posted on this board before-- which is fine-- completely okay to do so)-- but then started causing trouble and the thread ended up having to get locked. I don't understand it. But I do realize that every situation is different and that some may side with both, and that's okay-- because in a thread that asks for advice or one should expect it. But I do think its always nice to be courteous to the OP considering we don't always know whats going on behind the post. There's always more background than what we are aware of.

 

[Lynn5700]

Normally most brides here are very understanding and supportive. We had an issue like this once with Summer-Caitlin. I think someone might have even copied a link and told their friends and a bunch of 'mothers' from other boards started coming over (who had never posted on this board before-- which is fine-- completely okay to do so)-- but then started causing trouble and the thread ended up having to get locked. I don't understand it. But I do realize that every situation is different and that some may side with both, and that's okay-- because in a thread that asks for advice or one should expect it. But I do think its always nice to be courteous to the OP considering we don't always know whats going on behind the post. There's always more background than what we are aware of.

I know Maggi and I totally agree with you. This person just got to me and I couldn't keep quiet anymore because I felt like I was on theknot.com again

Sorry If I offended anybody.I like talking on here because we never have any problems like this.

 

[heatherlynn444]

She's not paying for the trip! She's using DVC points to pay for accomodations. Her sister will still have to pay for airfare for 4, park tickets for 3, and food/dining plan. It is not an inconsiderable amount of money.

Granted, this seems like a perfect time to go (accomodations paid for, and 1 child free) however there is most definately a cost for her sister's family to participate in and attend the wedding.

um...first of all, you are kinda rude...second of all, it seems to me that the sisters first words were "how much time do we have to spend with you" not "my kids will now have to panahndle on the streets" if money was THAT tight, then I think the sister could at least work part time from home and still raise the kids, so this leads me to beleive money is not that tight. like i said, sounds like she is jealous of teh attention OP is getting from her wedding. I would not change my plans for my sister for my wedding! my parents would even be the first to say "get over it, if you can't come, fine, but don't complain"

there are many ways to cut costs. they don't HAVE to get park tickets for every day or eat at TS restaurants, it would come out pretty darn cheap if you ask me.

 

[Maggimus]

I know Maggi and I totally agree with you. This person just got to me and I couldn't keep quiet anymore because I felt like I was on theknot.com again

Sorry If I offended anybody.I like talking on here because we never have any problems like this.

Lynn I was completely backing you AND the OP! I've seen enough of this negativity between the two threads and not a lick of niceness. Really erks me when we've had nothing but good support here on this board for a long time. Everyone is entitled to vent-

 

[PrettyInTink]

Well said!
And speaking as a DVC member that CONSTANTLY gets asked for people to 'use' our points, they aint cheap!
Faye, I am not sure if you are a DVC member or not but members not only have the initial cost of the points but also the monthly dues to pay. No way do I shell out all that money for someone else to use it! That is why the OP's sister should be thankful that she is willing to assume the cost of her lodging. And while Values and Moderates are nice, lets face it- Home away from Homes are pretty plush. I believe that siblings should make every attempt to make each others wedding days enjoyable. I didn't particularly want to attend my brothers wedding 6 days before christmas last year, but did with a smile on my face and happiness in my heart. I think OP's sister needs to suck it up and act like a grown up. She needs to either decide to go and enjoy it and be happy for her sister or stay her jealous, immature, whiny butt at home!
No one says she has to even go to the parks, its a wedding, not a vacation per se. In theory, all she has to do is fly there, stay in her FREE accomadations, feed herself, hubby, and kiddos, attend her sisters wedding with a smile on her face, and fly home. I'm sure there have been lots of FTW guests who couldn't go to the parks and just attended the wedding to be there for the people they care about. Sorry for the long post, but people who are so slf absorbed they try to control others weddings make me MAD.

 

[crzyred]

to the OP...are you and your sister close? from the sounds of it, maybe you aren't. so maybe it's a hidden blessing that she might not want to go. is she one of those people that would complain the whole time she is there about anything and everything under the sun?
siblings are a funny breed. they try so hard to "one-up" each other. they feel they have to constantly be in competition, no matter their age.
but could there also be other things going on in your sister's life that maybe she feels are being overlooked now because of this disney wedding? this may be her way of trying to get some attention back on herself. now i am in no way saying that your sister is a snotty little brat or anything. i'm just wondering if there are other things going on that maybe your sister isn't telling you.
are you going above and beyond by using DVC points...yes. would you like your sister to be there...yes, she's family, they are the ones that are supposed to support you the most.
don't get discouraged! no matter what you are going to marry your Prince Charming and have a wonderful life together.
try to find some common ground with your sister and maybe she will open up about what is really going on. good luck!

 

[Tink143]

Thanks Maggie, Heatherlynn, and the others that are totally understanding in my plight, and my need to vent.

My sister and I were very close growing up, I was MOH in her wedding, worked my butt off for her, making sure everything went smoothly for her, got up early to straighten her VERY thick hair on a HUMID rainy day in Houston, TX...not sure if everyone can relate to that, but it was back in the day before Chi Straighteners I did it all entirely with a round brush, because that's what she wanted. Threw her a lingerie shower the night before, she didn't feel a bachelorette party was appropriate for her. Hauled all of her wedding presents up to her second story apartment while they were on their honeymoon, picked them up from the airport. This is a small list of things I did, but I did them all because I love my sister, and I wanted her to be happy.

Granted the DVC points may not be money out of our pockets directly, but we did pay a huge amount of money for that loan, which we just paid off (Yeah!), but by using those points we will be unable to vacation on DVC again until 2010. That stinks for Disney Lovers such as ourselves.

Money is not the issue...she keeps coming up with various excuses. Oh and by the way to whoever said it so rudely. The night of the dinner was not the first any of them had heard about the Disney wedding. They have all known about it at the latest since we got engaged in November. But my sister for sure knew before that. The dinner was just to discuss details, and tell everyone that they were not going to have to worry about hotel costs.

She told me yesterday that she and her husband are excited - but again it goes back to the whole "How much Family time are we gonna HAVE to have?" It is a wedding, with only family, so ... I don't know. All the negativeness from people are really adding more stress than my sister, thank you again to all of you that are understanding, just letting me vent...basically being like a good sister...Maggie I wish I could take you up on you and Shane coming! Maybe you two could just happen by Sea Breeze Point on March 18, 2008 at 2:30 PM!

Oh yeah, all this negativity I almost forgot I booked today with Doreen for 2:30 on the 18th of March! 365 days from today! (Don't forget Leap Year March or later 2008 Brides!)

Have a fabulous day ladies!

 

[crzyred]

hmm...lets all gang up on your sister and beat some sense into her!
hugs...

 

[Maggimus]

Thanks Maggie, Heatherlynn, and the others that are totally understanding in my plight, and my need to vent.

My sister and I were very close growing up, I was MOH in her wedding, worked my butt off for her, making sure everything went smoothly for her, got up early to straighten her VERY thick hair on a HUMID rainy day in Houston, TX...not sure if everyone can relate to that, but it was back in the day before Chi Straighteners I did it all entirely with a round brush, because that's what she wanted. Threw her a lingerie shower the night before, she didn't feel a bachelorette party was appropriate for her. Hauled all of her wedding presents up to her second story apartment while they were on their honeymoon, picked them up from the airport. This is a small list of things I did, but I did them all because I love my sister, and I wanted her to be happy.

Granted the DVC points may not be money out of our pockets directly, but we did pay a huge amount of money for that loan, which we just paid off (Yeah!), but by using those points we will be unable to vacation on DVC again until 2010. That stinks for Disney Lovers such as ourselves.

Money is not the issue...she keeps coming up with various excuses. Oh and by the way to whoever said it so rudely. The night of the dinner was not the first any of them had heard about the Disney wedding. They have all known about it at the latest since we got engaged in November. But my sister for sure knew before that. The dinner was just to discuss details, and tell everyone that they were not going to have to worry about hotel costs.

She told me yesterday that she and her husband are excited - but again it goes back to the whole "How much Family time are we gonna HAVE to have?" It is a wedding, with only family, so ... I don't know. All the negativeness from people are really adding more stress than my sister, thank you again to all of you that are understanding, just letting me vent...basically being like a good sister...Maggie I wish I could take you up on you and Shane coming! Maybe you two could just happen by Sea Breeze Point on March 18, 2008 at 2:30 PM!

Oh yeah, all this negativity I almost forgot I booked today with Doreen for 2:30 on the 18th of March! 365 days from today! (Don't forget Leap Year March or later 2008 Brides!)

Have a fabulous day ladies!

Im glad that your sister seems to be coming around. Im really happy to be here for you right now ... I know how stressful my wedding planning was and I hate seeing people backed into a corner. If you ever need anything or to vent let me know-- and, ill run the March 18- SBP by Shane -- if not, just think of me there-- because I was there making my footprints on there in November-- and its a truely magical place filled with lots of love, joy, and goosebumps (which I have right now!!). Congratulations Miss Tink Love (143)

 

[JonetteA]

Just a friendly reminder that personal attacks on this forum will not be tolerated from anyone. We all have different opinions. For those of you who are not normally on this board we are a very supportive forum as most of us have had these issues. If you think back to your own wedding I am sure that you will remember some of the drama that occurred.

We only want to provide constructive advice for future brides while understanding the enormous amounts of stress that a destination wedding brings!

If this thread does not turn around, the other moderators or I will have to lock this thread. That is not something that we like to do or want to do.