Vent: Bullying and Schools!!

[JoiseyMom]

Why are kids so mean, parents clueless and adminstrators stupid??

My DS6 is in first grade. He has been teased on and off on the bus ride to school. Whenever he got teased I told him to tell the VP or his teacher or the bus driver, and he did. Well the bus driver Mr. O was amazing. I don't know what he did or how he did it, but he got this kids behaving on the bus. Unfortunately, he stopped being their bus driver 6 weeks ago, and the issues started. The new bus driver doesn't care, and just wants to drive her bus. DS says she doesn't want to listen to him.

When I got back to the house this afternoon, after picking DS up from the bus stop, DD11 tells me the VP called. OK, what happened, DS says nothing. DD said there were problems on the bus this morning. Now DS starts talking. He tells me that the kids were being mean to him. They make fun of our last name. I am like huh?? How the heck do they make fun of our last name?? Now, my DS is a sweet boy, but has social issues, we know this and are working on it. We just got his IEP in school to help him deal with his ADHD and other issues. He has trouble listening, but so badly wants to be friends with everyone and wants to help everyone. He can tend to be loud, nad that does give other kids pause. It also makes him a target for being different.

He knows about bullys and when kids are mean. He does talk to teachers to get help, which I think is great. He still wants to be friends with the bully's.

So I am talking to the VP, and he asks how the afternoon bus ride went, and I said fine, and he tells me what happened and that we need to do soemthing. I am like..hmm...to myself..we?? need to do soemthing..DS is being picked on, isn't this his job. So I am quiet and say nothing. He brings up that DS has social skills issue that when he tried to talk to him DS wouldn't be quiet, and that behavior was rude, adn the he, VP, had to get on his knees to talk to DS to get his attention. I said yes, that is DS when he gets upset, its soemthing we have been working on. Its soemthign they are workign on in school too.

He then asks if DS has headphones, I say yes. Then he asks if he has a way to listen to music on the bus. I say know, DS does not have an ipod or any mp3 player or a portable CD player (as if I would let him take them on a bus to school anyway!!). VP says, no I was thinking about an older type walkman. Hmm..should I send it in with my Brady Bunch cassettes?? (sorry..can't help myself). Then VP is quiet, since his only solution was for DS to listen to music to keep him distracted on the 30 mintues he is on a bus for a school that is 2 miles from my house.

I have to say that since the VP saw me as being uncooperative, he got a very terse tone to his voice, that raelly really po'ed me big time. But I was great, I was calm and spoke to him in a very nice tone, and said bullying is a big issue. I said as a parent, and he as an adminstrator knows how mean and cruel and nasty kids are to each other. How they know which kid is the pickable one, and how it gets worse, and how parents do nothing. I brought up DD who was teased with her best friend on the bus, adn the nightmare we had for the 3 years she was in that school. He was really quiet at this point.

I brought up how we had no issues with the previous bus driver. I brought up the 2 kids DS is with at the bus stop who are mean and cruel to him IN FRONT OF ME, and their paretns (who are oblivious). I spoke to the mom and she said, oh, I will talk to my little monster and if he doesn't listen then we will separate them on the bus. HUH?? How about I am sorry my monster is being mean to your son, and I will do my JOB as a PARENT to make him be a human being instead of a MONSTER?? But what was I expecting from a women whose DS13 with his freinds, were the ones torturing my DS and her best freind on the bus for years.

I went on to VP that no one does anything about bullying and its been going on for years. I don't know about anyone else on this thread but I was bullied as a child. My kids are being bullied, and it has to stop!! Making posters isn't good enough. The hell with the no kid left behind, how about lets be nice to each other and treat another person the way you would want to be treated!!!

By the end of the conversation, the VP had a different tone, and said he would talk to the 2 school social workers the next day to see what they could do. I was liek about time!!

I am teaching my DS to be a nice person, and to treat others like he watns to be treated, and if I see him being mean to another child I STOP IT. We talk and I try to convey that it isn't nice. Thankfully he isn't mean, but as parents we need to each our kids.

Why are they so mean and nasty to each other??? I am so worried since next year DD is gonna be in Middle School, and girls are horrible .

Sigh, thanks for the vent!!

 

[EverythingDisney]

I feel your pain. Sometimes, I don't know WHO is worse, the parents, the kids or the school officials.

 

[Rylee]

My DS, 6, was born with a rare birth defect... a "hidden" birth defect, but it's only a matter of time before his classmates find out. If and when someone teases him, I'm going to need a lawyer... because I'll be arrested for assulting a minor.

You are absolutely right... some parents are failing their children and society, by not teaching their children right from wrong.

You can not control the actions of others, so the best thing you can do for your son, is to give him the tools to deal this issue.

Also, stay on top of the school officals. Your son has the right to attend educational classes in a healthy and safe environment.

 

[Lesley Mahler]

Why are kids so mean, parents clueless and adminstrators stupid??

My DS6 is in first grade. He has been teased on and off on the bus ride to school. Whenever he got teased I told him to tell the VP or his teacher or the bus driver, and he did. Well the bus driver Mr. O was amazing. I don't know what he did or how he did it, but he got this kids behaving on the bus. Unfortunately, he stopped being their bus driver 6 weeks ago, and the issues started. The new bus driver doesn't care, and just wants to drive her bus. DS says she doesn't want to listen to him.

When I got back to the house this afternoon, after picking DS up from the bus stop, DD11 tells me the VP called. OK, what happened, DS says nothing. DD said there were problems on the bus this morning. Now DS starts talking. He tells me that the kids were being mean to him. They make fun of our last name. I am like huh?? How the heck do they make fun of our last name?? Now, my DS is a sweet boy, but has social issues, we know this and are working on it. We just got his IEP in school to help him deal with his ADHD and other issues. He has trouble listening, but so badly wants to be friends with everyone and wants to help everyone. He can tend to be loud, nad that does give other kids pause. It also makes him a target for being different.

He knows about bullys and when kids are mean. He does talk to teachers to get help, which I think is great. He still wants to be friends with the bully's.

So I am talking to the VP, and he asks how the afternoon bus ride went, and I said fine, and he tells me what happened and that we need to do soemthing. I am like..hmm...to myself..we?? need to do soemthing..DS is being picked on, isn't this his job. So I am quiet and say nothing. He brings up that DS has social skills issue that when he tried to talk to him DS wouldn't be quiet, and that behavior was rude, adn the he, VP, had to get on his knees to talk to DS to get his attention. I said yes, that is DS when he gets upset, its soemthing we have been working on. Its soemthign they are workign on in school too.

He then asks if DS has headphones, I say yes. Then he asks if he has a way to listen to music on the bus. I say know, DS does not have an ipod or any mp3 player or a portable CD player (as if I would let him take them on a bus to school anyway!!). VP says, no I was thinking about an older type walkman. Hmm..should I send it in with my Brady Bunch cassettes?? (sorry..can't help myself). Then VP is quiet, since his only solution was for DS to listen to music to keep him distracted on the 30 mintues he is on a bus for a school that is 2 miles from my house.

I have to say that since the VP saw me as being uncooperative, he got a very terse tone to his voice, that raelly really po'ed me big time. But I was great, I was calm and spoke to him in a very nice tone, and said bullying is a big issue. I said as a parent, and he as an adminstrator knows how mean and cruel and nasty kids are to each other. How they know which kid is the pickable one, and how it gets worse, and how parents do nothing. I brought up DD who was teased with her best friend on the bus, adn the nightmare we had for the 3 years she was in that school. He was really quiet at this point.

I brought up how we had no issues with the previous bus driver. I brought up the 2 kids DS is with at the bus stop who are mean and cruel to him IN FRONT OF ME, and their paretns (who are oblivious). I spoke to the mom and she said, oh, I will talk to my little monster and if he doesn't listen then we will separate them on the bus. HUH?? How about I am sorry my monster is being mean to your son, and I will do my JOB as a PARENT to make him be a human being instead of a MONSTER?? But what was I expecting from a women whose DS13 with his freinds, were the ones torturing my DS and her best freind on the bus for years.

I went on to VP that no one does anything about bullying and its been going on for years. I don't know about anyone else on this thread but I was bullied as a child. My kids are being bullied, and it has to stop!! Making posters isn't good enough. The hell with the no kid left behind, how about lets be nice to each other and treat another person the way you would want to be treated!!!

By the end of the conversation, the VP had a different tone, and said he would talk to the 2 school social workers the next day to see what they could do. I was liek about time!!

I am teaching my DS to be a nice person, and to treat others like he watns to be treated, and if I see him being mean to another child I STOP IT. We talk and I try to convey that it isn't nice. Thankfully he isn't mean, but as parents we need to each our kids.

Why are they so mean and nasty to each other??? I am so worried since next year DD is gonna be in Middle School, and girls are horrible .

Sigh, thanks for the vent!!

OMG, I am so happy to hear I am not the only one!!! Last school year, towards the end, my DD5 started acting up in class...talking when she was supposed to be sleeping!!! Just all of a sudden, everyday, she'd do something she knew she wasn't supposed to do, nothing horrible, but still she has to follow the rules!! About a month after this happened, I was laying in bed with DD one night while she fell asleep and she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me the kids had been teasing her b/c of her weight...telling her she was ugly and fat! OMG, my heart sank. The next day I went straight to the teacher and talked to her about it, her assistant was not in yet. That afternoon I went to pick up DD and the assistant was there, so I asked her if the teacher had told her about DD being picked on. She says no...I was upset...the whole day went by and she couldn't find the time to tell the assistant about the problem!!! About 2 weeks later, my DD comes home and tells me her stomach hurts, I asked her if she need the restroom, she said no but look and lifted up her shirt. My DD had bruises on her stomach!!! I asked her what happened and she said 2 of the boys that teases her were teasing her and when she told them to stop, they pushed her down and started kicking her in the stomach!!! OMG, I almost lost it, but I had to remain calm for DD sake. The next morning me and DH was in the Assistant Principals office and we were not happy. We wanted to know why something like this happened and no one saw it on the play ground. The Assistant Principal and the teacher (she had been called into the conference) both responded, things happen on the playground all the time and some things we just don't see. Then the assistant principal asked if I think maybe she is being picked on because she has started acting up in class? I lost it, I said no, I think it is just the opposite. My DD has never had any problems in school until about a month ago and all of a sudden she is having problems and getting in trouble, I said I think it is an obvious sign that something was wrong and no one caught on to it. I said I have been working with the teacher to get her to behave like she had all year before she started acting up, I was punishing her, talking to her and trying to figure out what was going on...and this is the thanks I get, trying to blame my DD for being picked on...this is obsurd. Then they proceed to say that it is only Pre-k and they really can't do anything to the kids. That's where DH steps in...he is pretty laid back, but don't mess with him. He is in law enforcement and he stands up and says, ok Lesley, let's go. We are going to file a police report on the school and on the kids who did this, then he turned to the assistant principal and says, and by the way, we do know that one of the kids that was involved mother works here at the school and is a teacher. Then and only then did they change their attitudes...sad, sad, sad!!!

And as far as your DS goes and the principal having to get on his knees to talk to him...if he knew anything about teaching children, you are supposed to get down on their level. My cousin is a teacher and they taught that in school, the best way to get a child's attention is to get down on their level!!! Maybe the principal should do some research on that!!!

Sorry for what is happening to you, I know it is very hard. Thanks for letting me vent too!!

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Wow, I really feel for you. Our school has zero tolerance for bullying. Every classroom has a "bully box" where anyone can drop a note in the box if they feel they have been bullied. It is dealt with immediately by the teacher and principal.
My ds11 is very calm, slightly shy and very bright. When I say he wouldn't hurt a fly, I'm not even exaggerating. Back in 3rd grade their teacher rearranged everyone's desk for a test. Everyone loved it except ds. The girl who now sat next to him did everything she could to bug him (he does have mild ADD-inattentive type) so all of this stuff really distracted and annoyed him. It wasn't a "crush" type thing either. He repeatedly asked her to stop and leave him alone which she wouldn't. What surprised him the most is that she never even noticed him prior to the seating change. He felt weird to put a girl in the bully box but finally had to.
I emailed the teacher who completely agreed that ds is soooo not an instigator and said, "sure no problem" to separate seats again. It all stopped after that and I'm not sure if the bully started up with the next kid she sat next to. In our case, the principal didn't have to get involved. Most times it's not that simple.


Dh was bullied a lot as a kid even thru high school and gets really fired up about this topic. It's something he feels so strongly about and says if it ever gets bad for our ds's, they will have his permission to carry a baseball bat to school to defend themselves if necessary. (unfortunately for dh, it took drastic steps like this for his bullies to stop after he sent one to a hosp.) He went to Catholic school and they would do nothing at all for him. They'd tell him to "turn the other cheek" or ignore them all of which does nothing to stop a bully.

Our boys both take karate not just for self-defense but helps with self-esteem and confidence too. May sound crazy but our nephew, also 11 and almost a black belt lives in a slightly rough neighborhood (though this crap happens even in Haddonfield & Moorestown.) He started middle school this year (their town ms is grades 5-8) An 8th grader got him in a head-lock and told dn to lick his boots. Dn was easily able to kick/punch right out of it due to all of his self-defense training. The big kid never tried again. Sometimes you just have to stand up to a bully.

I'd request a meeting with your principal, your child, the bully and his mom or dad and really hash it out. I would demand that they put a stop to it immediately and remind the principal what effects this is having not just on his school work but probably affecting his desire to even go to school, not to mention lasting effects on his self-esteem. (Just ask my dh now 50.)

Every child has a right to go to school and live their life in peace.
Good luck and keep us posted if you can.

 

[jacobsmom]

Hang in there! You have to STAND UP for your child. Amazingly most of the time the parents of the bullying students stand up for their kids and the good kids parents don't--so the districts will let the bully's get away with things to make things easier. Then they don't have to deal with angry parents because the parents who SHOULD be angry stay silent. (Most of the bully's seem to be bully's because that is what their parents are). Good for you--for standing up and telling the VP what's what! I don't care how "different" your child may be--that doesn't ok another student picking on them for ANY reason.

 

[TheDizMom]

I totally understand this. I remember my brother being bullied non-stop and the kid's parents doing nothing but say, "Oh, my son wouldn't do that." Yeah, right! That's why he is currently in prison for armed robbery.

My son has been taught like yours to not be mean to others and think of their feeling. He has learned it well. So well he isn't standing up for himself when stuff like that does happen, even with his own cousins who tease him constantly and their parents do nothing. I can't even count on my own siblings to do anything. On my son's birthday his cousins were so mean they made him cry and "I" had to go talk to them. I made them look at his tear streaked face and point out that it was his birthday and yet they still had no qualms about teasing him and ruining his day for him. He was upset for hours after that. Now I realize my son is sensitive and he is a mama's boy in a lot of ways ( I admit I have babied him, but after losing our first baby I kind of couldn't help it), but still. I think his cousins enjoy teasing him because they know this about him and it's fun. Last year when my niece was regularly hitting my kids her mother said, "Oh she's only 4/5." Yes she is. I think that's old enough to know that we don't hit people when we don't get our way. We don't call people names, we don't tease. I have gotten to the point where I have told him to haul off and hit and push back. I think once he does he'll finally get them to quit. I just don't buy the let them fight it out amongst themselves theory when it involves teasing, bullying and hitting. If it's a fight over a toy that's one thing, but this is something else. I sometimes feel I am the only parent who gets that.

My son is well liked, but always on the fringe of the kids at school. He just isn't your normal boy, he's very pigeon toed on one side and regularly trips over his own foot when running so hates sports, and can only tolerate a video game for an hour or so before he gets bored out of his mind. He only plays them with his cousins and not at all otherwise. He is artistic and would rather sing or act then be on a team. So though no one dislikes him they still don't really include him in things. He never gets invited to parties like his sister and it makes him feel bad. He gets teased when he trips and falls or because he is rather uncoordinated so messes up a lot in sports at gym. Thankfully the teasing is minimal and never mean spirited but more just laughing and pointing out his lack of general athletic ability. He also likes to use big words so he is often teased because he'll use a word in the completely wrong context. It makes him sound a little dippy, and he was once told that everything he said was awkward. These hurt his feelings of course, but he tries to just ignore it. I always tell him, if something bothers him more then usual, that when a person teases someone else it is because they don't feel very good about themselves, and so to make themselves feel better, they have to make someone else feel bad. It is something that has helped him deal with the things that are said. I am thankful, that even though any teasing is wrong, what he goes through isn't so bad that he comes home as upset as your child. It breaks my heart to hear what he is going through and he isn't even my child.

We are lucky in our school system they have groups who meet with the kids regularly about how to treat each other properly and not bully. This year in 5th grade our kids went to a seminar for an entire day about the right and wrong way to treat people. They were told what was and wasn't teasing. My son came home and said he was surprised that some of the things they said were considered teasing. Things he hadn't really realized was doing so. He was also chosen to be a part of a group that meets with the school social worker on a regular basis to discuss what they as students can do to help others who are being teased and to stop teasing when they see it. I am thankful he isn't one to be mean to other kids and will generally step in to help someone who is being picked on. But you are right. The school and parents need to step in and do the right thing here. I would call the bus company too and talk to them about the driver. Let them know the old driver was able to put a stop to it, but that the new one won't and tell them they need to do something. We had this problem a few years ago and the bus company removed the driver who couldn't handle the situation and put one on who could. Perhaps you could suggest some of these things to your school board to see if they can start implementing some programs like this to try and get a better atmosphere in their schools before they become another top story on the 5 o'clock news. I wish you luck in getting something done and tell your son to hang in there. If nothing else he knows you are doing all you can to put a stop to what is happening to him.

 

[JoiseyMom]

WOW, thank you so much for the support. It is so frustrating that this is still happening today. I mean I was teased over 40 years ago, I was the fat girl. Still am..but I can fight my own battles now!! It's amazing now how petty female adults are! When DD was 5 we put her into private kindergarten, which was full time. I had just became a SAHM since DS had been born 6 months prior. I figured, wow..great time to make some friends with the other moms. WRONG!!! OMG they were so cliquish it made me sick! There were 1 or 2 that were ok, but the others!! I couldn't get over the gossipy attitudes they had towards each other. I mean I was like, where did these women come from??

I didn't look it, but I was probably older than most of them, besides the 5 year old and new born, I had a 17 and 16 year old at home. I live in an upper middle class area and well I am t-shirt jeans sneakers type of girl. Very laid back...easy going..and I didn't get my nails done every week, I wasn't; married to a dentist or a doctor, I didn't drive a mercedes and didn't wear diamonds and gold.

The kids were as cliquish as the moms. DD spend an entire year with these kids, and she and the others are not friends today. I found out a few years later what one of the moms was saying about me. I wish I knew which one it was cause I swear to g-d I would have keyed her car or let the air out of her tires. It was the most petty and childish thing I had ever heard. And I was also annoyed at the person that told my sil who of course told my brother who told me. Now sil moved to this town years after I did, and well lets just say she fits in perfectly .

Anyway, I never thought DD would have the issues with kids that I did. She was bright and beautiful and sweet, and not fat. But guess what, she is picked on anyway. She and her best friend. Her best friend has very high needs with school, emotionally and educationally, but DD sticks with her through thick and thin!! My DN is the same age and grade and same school as DD. She hangs with the girls that don't want to be friends with DD. DN acutally said to DD, I won't be friends with you if you stay friends with best friend. DD put her in her place. I am so proud of her. And if my DN wasn't my DN, I would NEVER let DD play with her, she is such a nasty, spoiled child.

I just wish I knew what we could do to stop this treatment of our children. I mean kids shouldn't be this mean to each other. Who cares if you are wearing jeans from Target instead of Limited!! It's been over 40 years since I have been in elementary school, and nothing has changed. It is really a sad thing for our kids and society.

I bet if you asked a room full of adults how many of them were picked on when they were kids, the majority of them would raise their hands. If there are so many more of us then them, why and how are they still out there??

 

[5 for WDW]

I just wanted to say I know what you are going through and I hope the school steps up and does the right thing!!

Our school also has a zero tolerance policy for bullying. For the most part, it is zero tolerance.

My oldest son and a few other kids were having problems on the bus a few years ago. I talked with the bus driver. He did what he could. The other parents and I went in and talked with the Principal a few times. It stopped for awhile and then the bullies started picking on other kids. But, it still upset my son. So, we finally ended up taking my son off of the bus and we drove him and picked him up each day. He was in first grade now and is now in 5th. We still drive him. I know that option is not for everyone. Trust me, I did not want to do it because I felt like they were winning..follow me? But, we decided it was something that was going to continue here and there and the school was not handling it as well as they should. We did not want our son's day beginning and ending with that garbage, even though they had moved off him and his friends to someone else. My younger son is in 2nd grade now and would love to take the bus. He understands why we drive them though and is okay with it. Our youngest will be in Kindergarten this fall and I can't imagine having her on the bus with that nonsense...even with two older brothers on the bus. I know there are a few more parents that took the same approach we did. We all notified the school board of our concerns as well. From what I hear, things are much better on the buses since our school district bought their own buses and use our own drivers. I am just not willing to find out. I hope things are better.

Sorry to ramble. This is a sore subject for me. I personally think they should have bus monitors on all school buses. The last thing I want is a bus driver having to be distracted by kids acting up while they are driving!!

 

[JoiseyMom]

I would call the bus company too and talk to them about the driver. Let them know the old driver was able to put a stop to it, but that the new one won't and tell them they need to do something. We had this problem a few years ago and the bus company removed the driver who couldn't handle the situation and put one on who could. Perhaps you could suggest some of these things to your school board to see if they can start implementing some programs like this to try and get a better atmosphere in their schools before they become another top story on the 5 o'clock news. I wish you luck in getting something done and tell your son to hang in there. If nothing else he knows you are doing all you can to put a stop to what is happening to him.

The bus company is the school, it is all run by our board of ed, adn they are clueless and just useless. I was amazed today when I called the shcool to talk to the VP, and the tone of the voice of the secretary was just so darn nasty, I was like OMG. I work in customer service and have in some form or another for years, and if you are dealing with the public, you NEVER talk to someone in that tone.

It's funny, they talk about bullies and how bad they are and you get to draw a poster at the beginning of the year, but that's it. They are doing a program called CAP (Child Assualt Prevention), and its role playing and sounds great. DS24 GF is actually one of the staff doing the presentations. I know that's important, but lets get real. Our children are bullied on a daily basis. The odds of them being assualted are not very high.

DD is currently in a Social Skills group, and it is great with helping her deal with mean girls adn the best way to react to them. She is learning wonderful coping skills. But this is something I pay myself and through my health insurance!! I am looking into something similar for DS. They currently don't have his age category where DD is. I wish they did.

I love DS's attitude and DH and I are here to fight for them every second. Thankfully his first grade teacher is the best teacher in the world. I hope that second grade is 1/2 as good.

 

[tomthebarncat]

DH was horribly bullied in elementary school, growing up in Flint, MI. He is 43 and has developed anger management issues as a direct result of this. For over 3 years he was viscously bullied on a daily basis, by the school bully. This kid picked on several kids, and for no apparent reason. I guess he just smelled fear!! Anyway, his parents went thru the school board, police departments, Congressmen, and finally a lawyer. None of this made a difference and the parents of this menace attitude was "Your kid must have had it coming!!" Well, one day on the playground during recess, DH could take no more and picked up a rather large rock and proceeded to almost beat this kid to death. He finally stopped hitting him, when he went down and did not get up, in a pool of blood. This happened on a crowded playground and not one person tried to stop it. After everything was said and done, lawsuits filed and dropped, documentation saved the day, DH became the new savior of the playground!! He suddenly became very popular and developed social skills, and had a reputation for being some one that you did not want to mess with. DH had finally stood up for himself and it paid off. The bully did end up with scars on his head as a result of his incident, and guess what?? he really got it bad in HS and dropped out a result. He went on to become useless and was shot to death while attempting to rob a Detroit liquor store. My MIL did manage to get in the last word regarding this incident. After she read about his death in the newspaper, she sent a condolence card that read "Your kid must have had it coming! You should be so proud of the young adult he became". I would have done the same thing!! My DH is also very passionate about this topic and if we had kids they would be taking kick-boxing lessons so that if they are ever bullied they can nip it in the bud, without having to resort to bashing someone's skull in!!!

 

[TheDizMom]

When you look at this thread is there any surprise when a group of 3rd graders get arrested for planning to assault their teacher with a knife and other assorted paraphinalia because she told them not to do something. To me it's a true indication of how far down parenting seems to have gone on the priority list of the adults in this country.

 

[kadee_29]

It's nice to know I am not the only one dealing with this.

My DD is in 4th grade this year and has problems since the beginning of the year with one kid. She is so quiet and we have taught her to be nice to everyone and be aware of others feelings like she would want them to be with hers. She won't stand up for herself at all. Well she didn't use to but she does a lot more now. Last summer she was at a birthday party and cracked her skull and had to have brain surgery. At the beginning of the school year I went in to talk to the class about what had happened and explain to them that nothing about her had changed from the year before just that she needed to be more careful about things and that she wouldn't be out on the playground or do gym with them. I bribed the kids with an ice cream party at the end of the year if they would kind of look out for her. About 98% of the class has been totally wonderful about this. There are a few who are just mean but one specific boy who is a bully. After a dr appt in October she went back to school and he asked her if he could smack her in her head yet. He has made comment after comment to her just to be mean. He has been known to hit kids (not mine) and has been in trouble almost the entire year. Well last month my DD called me from school to ask if I would come get her because she had a stomach ache. She has come down with serious stomach pains since fall because of this kid. So I asked her if she had eaten (she had), if she needed to go to the bathroom (she didn't) so I asked what happened at school. It took a few minutes but she finally told me that this boy came up to her at lunch and told her if she didn't stop eating she would be as fat as her mom soon. One, my DD is a toothpick. Two, I am overweight but not overly obese or anything. Three, this kid weighs at least 50 pounds more than my kid. This was the last straw for me. I had eating disorders through middle and high school because of a kid saying I was pudgy. I don't want my daughter dealing with the same things as me. And comments like that are exactly what starts kids (especially girls) on the downward spiral. I had been talking to the teacher all year about problems with this kid and they weren't stopping so I went to the principal. He was furious. He told DD that the next time the kid said anything to her that she was to go directly to him and that he would take care of it. Things have gotten much better since then. I talked to the teacher yesterday at conferences and we neither one think he should be rewarded with ice cream for being the way he is. So he gets to sit in another room or in the office while the rest of the class gets ice cream.


We are seriously considering changing schools for next year because I don't know if DD can deal with this kind of stress anymore. And DS is supposed to start school and I don't know if I want him going there. It is going to take a lot to get me to keep my kids there next year.

I hope everything works out for the rest of you. Thanks for letting me vent also.

 

[mommytoone]

I can sympathize with you. This year my DD7 who is in first grade, and changed schools from last year, has issues with guys, not boys. I have had an issues wih the janitor yelling at her about the placement of her tray after lunch. Come on! You can't ask her to switch her tray around. I called and talked to the principal and as far as I know she talked to him, because the issue has stopped.

I also had an issue with the bus driver that picked her up. We, him and I, had some heated arguments. One day DD got on the bus and as he was closing the door, he yelled at me. Well, she thought he yelled at her and was horrified to ride the bus. I called the transportation dept, and got results, but I was prepared to go to the superintendent of the schools. He was drivin children around and yelling at me, just uncalled for. I drive her now. Just not worth the headache to me.

The schools are here to help our children grow, and be knowledgeable people. How can they be so cruel at the same time. Our kids our told to be respectfull to adults, well I think they should be respectfull to our children as well. Not just in schools bu everywhere.

I wish you luck!! Hope this all works out for you.

 

[mommytobug]

My dd has been the victim of bullying. It is better this year and she has gotten stronger. The principal seperated the girl who was bullying. We were at a party a few weeks ago and this childs older sister was invited. When they came back to get the older sister, this child snuck back to where my dd was and then spotted me and turned quickly. Little *itch! Anyway, I heard something about Billy Wolfe yesterday and how his parents were sueing the kids, school, etc. You can google his name. The radio station said there was a myspace page for supporters, etc. This is one of the links for the story. I am saddened to think that we as parents cant unite to help this. If I found out my dd was bullying, there would be some action taken. My brother was bullied. It broke my heart so I know it broke his.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23807286/

 

[sherabby]

My second grader was bullied this year and he only reported it to a teacher when he started to feel pain...he was pushed to the ground and told to eat dirt...then he said to me, "mommy that didn't bother me but when he kicked me in the stomach that really hurt". He also punched two other boys in the eye when they tried to help my son.
Know what happened to the boy. NOTHING. His parents are going through a separation and he has anger issues. I can guarantee if my son did this to another child he would be expelled. I was also told by other parents that this kid gets away with everything.

 

[JacobsMommy11002]

DH was horribly bullied in elementary school, growing up in Flint, MI. He is 43 and has developed anger management issues as a direct result of this. For over 3 years he was viscously bullied on a daily basis, by the school bully. This kid picked on several kids, and for no apparent reason. I guess he just smelled fear!! Anyway, his parents went thru the school board, police departments, Congressmen, and finally a lawyer. None of this made a difference and the parents of this menace attitude was "Your kid must have had it coming!!" Well, one day on the playground during recess, DH could take no more and picked up a rather large rock and proceeded to almost beat this kid to death. He finally stopped hitting him, when he went down and did not get up, in a pool of blood. This happened on a crowded playground and not one person tried to stop it. After everything was said and done, lawsuits filed and dropped, documentation saved the day, DH became the new savior of the playground!! He suddenly became very popular and developed social skills, and had a reputation for being some one that you did not want to mess with. DH had finally stood up for himself and it paid off. The bully did end up with scars on his head as a result of his incident, and guess what?? he really got it bad in HS and dropped out a result. He went on to become useless and was shot to death while attempting to rob a Detroit liquor store. My MIL did manage to get in the last word regarding this incident. After she read about his death in the newspaper, she sent a condolence card that read "Your kid must have had it coming! You should be so proud of the young adult he became". I would have done the same thing!! My DH is also very passionate about this topic and if we had kids they would be taking kick-boxing lessons so that if they are ever bullied they can nip it in the bud, without having to resort to bashing someone's skull in!!!

OMG, this horrifies me. I am so sorry that your DH was bullied so badly in school, but to do that to another person that is grieving is just heartless. I would never set that example for me children.

 

[Snow_White]

My second grader was bullied this year and he only reported it to a teacher when he started to feel pain...he was pushed to the ground and told to eat dirt...then he said to me, "mommy that didn't bother me but when he kicked me in the stomach that really hurt". He also punched two other boys in the eye when they tried to help my son.
Know what happened to the boy. NOTHING. His parents are going through a separation and he has anger issues. I can guarantee if my son did this to another child he would be expelled. I was also told by other parents that this kid gets away with everything.

Can you press assault charges? As a mom, reading these stories horrifies and deeply saddens me.

 

[JonS99]

Can you press assault charges?

Yes, the normal jail sentence in most states calls for the kid to be locked up until they are 9...

 

[_queenie_]

First graders can be so cruel, seriously! When my DS17 was in first grade we had problems with his teacher. He similar issues to your (op's) DS, mild asbergers, ADD, etc. Anyway, the teacher would not address these issues (she was just very strict overall though). One day, she would not let him go to the bathroom (around 9am) because "bathroom time" was not until noon, simply asking him why he didn't go before he left the house, and that it shouldn't possibly be an emergency yet anway because it was so early. He had to go so bad that before long he just couldn't hold it anymore, and it all came out in his pants. Obviously, his classmates began to tease him saying "Look, he needs a diaper!" and "EWW! He peed himself!" and he started to ball. The teacher was watching the whole thing, and still wouldn't let the kid go to the nurse, never mind control the other children! Apparently he asked again if he could go and she said "Well, recess will be soon, you can go then." So, she made a six-year-old boy sit in soiled jeans for nearly a half an hour! After I knew what was going on (call from the nurse, who was actually quite good about the situation) I just brought him home for the day and wrote a letter. I don't know how you can let a child sit in the classroom like that, in her place I would've forced the kid to go to the nurse! This is just one of many problems we've had with school, I used to only think that everyone around me was insane, but I'm now starting to feel that I may be the insane one! Is something wrong with me?